Angry at myself

Discussion in 'Confidence Club' started by Horsekisses, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member

    I'm not riding my horses right now because I've gained weight. I struggle with this everyday but don't make myself lose the weight. I am older rider and struggling with fear of riding and all the what ifs. I'm starting to wonder if this fear is why I'm gaining weight, so I have excuse not to ride. I have four horses that I love and need to ride. I'm driving myself crazy.
  2. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

    Have you had horses a long time or are you new to it like myself as an older rider? I think when we come to horses later in life there are a lot of what if's......
    Sorry you are feeling negative about it all. I can only advise you to try and lose the weight gradually, once you actually start losing it then you'll (hopefully) feel more motivated to ride. Whether you are using it as an excuse or not, I don't know, but doing nothing about it will only make you feel worse. Try cutting down on your food intake (but sensibly of course!) and see what happens. Even just losing a few pounds can make you feel so much better. Have you considered joining a weight-loss program?
  3. Claire1605

    Claire1605 Active Member

    Agree with Trewsers.

    Once you start to lose a few pounds it will spur you on to lose more. It does with me.

    I am trying to lose weight at the moment by cutting out on the bad things i.e. crisps, cheese, too much wine!

    i have lost a few pounds and can feel my clothes are a tad looser. OH also commented that he had noticed too. So now I feel more determined to carry on.

    With the fear side of things do you have a RI or someone experienced to help you out?

    A horsey person standing either in the school or next to you on a hack is a great confidence booster.
  4. domane

    domane Well-Known Member

    Welcome to NR... there are lots of us here who are struggling with our weight, or struggling to find the confidence AND even both so you'll find some great support here.

    I lost my confidence with my ex-TB... nothing he did, it all came from within me (I'm 48) and I now have a Clydie X who's actually more nervy and spooky than the TB was but initially I felt safer. Then... on the third hack, Jack tripped and I pitched onto his neck, smacked my nose/upper lip and sprained my wrist. So now when I ride him I'm terrified that he's going to trip over again.....*sigh* I have to keep him in an active, bouncy walk because when he schleps along at an amble he forgets to pick his feet up.....
  5. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member


    Thank you for the replies. I just joined hkoping that having a place that I can admit my fear will help. I don't want to tell my riding friends, I'm making excuses not to ride with them. The last time I rode, a month ago, my horse started running up the steep inclines and bucking.g. when I would try to slow him down he threw his head and jigged around. On the third hill he bucked I stayed on but hill was slick and he started falling sideways, we were in a worn trench so the ground was close and I thought was good time to exit. I didn't get hurt but was first time I've hit ground other than horse laying down with me once. I think this happened due to saddle fit, I have gotten new saddle but not gotten back on.
  6. proudmummy

    proudmummy New Member

    I agree with Trewsers about age and "what if's". I rode when I was much younger and I fell off many times but it never deterred me. I'm 35 now and taking lessons but my anxiety is ruining my enjoyment. I feel as if I'm waiting for something to happen rather than just taking everything as it comes and making the most of my time. I'm having a private lesson tomorrow in an attempt to boost my confidence. xxx
  7. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member


    I've thought about taking lessons to make myself get back on and help my confidence. I also keep trying to talk myself into saddling up and riding in my arena or around my pasture. The weather here has been awfully hot and windy. I can't handle 100 degree weather very good. I know the longer I go not riding my horses the harder it is going to be to get back on.:happy:
  8. popularfurball

    popularfurball Learning all the time

    But it's about little steps that build up to make bigger steps... Have a nosy at some of the diaries on here and even keep tour own? It's helpful when you lose sight of how far you've come and your down about stuff to look back :)
  9. tazzy-anne

    tazzy-anne New Member

    dont know what my excuse is then... i am only (only - lol!) 28, and have the biggest motivation in the world - my baby horse is away being 'started/broken-in' and i know i should be much lighter for him. that motivation got me to lose 2 stone on the lighter life program in 6 weeks, then i couldnt cope with it any longer so stopped, ive since put halof a stone back on and i have the 2 days clinic next weekend where i have to shamefully ride my beautiful newly started horse. i'm gutted that im not the slinky cowgirl i wanted to be, and terrified of horsey people saying i shouldnt be riding such a young horse at my weight, and kids in the street shouting im too fat for my horse. but i have no answers - im on my hols drinking myself into oblivion to try to forget about it/console myself. but that is just empty calories so im going to be even worse off!

    hope you find an answer - if you do, let me know please!

    eta welcome to NR :)
  10. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member


    Oh tazzy, I can so relate to that. I'm 55 and this morning I weighed 231 pounds. Couple months ago I weighed 218, I don't know how much a stone is. I have been drinking too much ad an escape. I have two three year olds that I don't ride myself due to my weight. The two I do ride (when riding) are 7 and 8 year olds.
  11. crinklesb

    crinklesb New Member

    First of all, stop being angry at yourself.

    Believe me I spent many many months doing that and it really got me nowhere. I am a bit of a perfectionist and the fact that I had lost my confidence and ended up dreading even a short plod around the block drove me mad. I struggled on for a long time telling myself just to get on with it, stop being pathetic, you're such a shit rider, basically thinking something was wrong with and everyone around me knew it too.

    It was through speaking about my problems on this forum that suddenly I understood and realised that everything I was doing was wrong and I was so self critical of myself it had become very damaging. The truth is there was no one else criticising me, just me.

    The advice I was given was only do what you are 110% comfortable doing. Whether you go to ride or just to spend time with your horses plan what you are going to do first and be very realistic about those plans. That might just be spending time with your horses grooming and pampering them. Or maybe you could do some groundwork or lunging, that way your horses are getting exercise and its great to bond with them. As for riding, well only do it when you really really want to get on again. Until then take off the pressure completely. That way everytime you go and see your horses you will go home happy, confident and pleased with what you have achieved. All of these happy positive experiences will build up over time and before you know it you will be looking forward to going out riding again. I promise!

    I think us horse riders can be a funny bunch, from a young age we go to lessons and to pony club and its all about jumping on your pony and just going for it. Galloping faster, jumping higher and generally being fearless. If someone is a bit scared they don't admit it, if someone is unhappy to do something they tend to push themselves anyway often with terrible results and many people especially from the 'old school' see fear and nervousness as a weakness. Peer pressure and the thought that everyone else is a better rider, has a better horse, is always confident, never gets nervous, is skinnier than you etc etc is very common and some yards can be quite bitchy. What you might find though is that if you can summon up the courage to talk about your fears I bet there will be many others who have felt the same way at some point....and the rest have as well they just won't admit it!

    As for the weight loss, join a slimming group, get the motivation from others.....and the fear of the wekely weigh in of course!. It always works for me and keeps me on the straight and narrow a lot longer thanif I do it myself.

    Good luck, be strong and let us know how it goes xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  12. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member


    I'm glad that I found this forum. I think it helps to express my fears and know others have had similar issues. I usually try not to express negative stuff, but think I need to acknowledge and get it out. Thanks for the replies, it helps to know how others handle fear.
  13. crinklesb

    crinklesb New Member

    I completely understand, I am the same. I find it very hard to show a weakness and want everything to be perfect. The thing is you can write whatever you want on here. No one will judge you, it will really help you and you will also in turn help other people.

    Keep posting xxxxxx
  14. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

    Glad that you feel you can open up about it on here, sometimes it isn't easy to admit or talk about it with other horse-people in "real-life". Much easier to voice concerns by writing them down? (Well, it helped me anyways). There are quite a few of us on here that have had a bit of a confidence journey, so you're not alone!
  15. Lobelia Overhill

    Lobelia Overhill New Member

    A stone is 14lbs. I'm a "mature" rider/horse owner and I struggle with my weight as well, I probably (haven't dare stand on the scales) weigh around the same as you do, and I often come up with an excuse as to why I can't ride (my sciatica might be bad, I can have adverse reactions to my diabetes meds, I didn't get much sleep last night, or I did my back in hauling my mother up when she fell out of bed - they are all genuine reasons why I don't ride!)

    I'm not going to ride today because I'm in a "fat mood" I've had a cold for the last two weeks and haven't had any exercise, so for me that means I've gained at least 7lbs (more likely 10lbs).

    I have been doing aerobics to tone myself up (which is working!) so I can excuse some of the weight as muscle tone (well I convince myself that it is!) and with better muscle tone comes better balance when riding, so I don't feel so bad about riding!

    Don't be too hard on yourself, nobody's perfect! ((hugs))
  16. Auqeam

    Auqeam New Member

    Hi and welcome to NR :)

    I can relate to your post a lot as I definately 'use' food as an outlet for my fears/worries. Don't be too hard on yourself, take small steps and just try to do a bit towards losing weight everyday, whether it's eat a bit less or move a bit more.
    I think about the what if's all the time, it's the main reason I gave up riding for a year and am only just getting back into it. Go easy on yourself, is there anyone you can ask to stick around for a while when you ride? This always makes me feel more confident on board.
  17. Cortrasna

    Cortrasna Grumpy old nag

    Hi and welcome to NR. Think you will find there are a lot of us on here who have been through the same confidence issues and understand totally what you are going through. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!:biggrin:

    I think the biggest help for me was having a foot soldier walk out with me in the early days with my horse JJ - and when I progressed on to doing stuff with him on my own, I took very tiny steps forward each time I rode him - both figuratively and in reality! Have to say that even now, 2 years on, I am not totally confident on him, but think that is more to do with him being a strong young forward going cob and me being a knackered old lady!:redface: But having now got myself a lovely steady mare I am a much more confident rider. Is there one amongst your horses that you feel safer riding? Might be worth sticking to that one until your confidence comes back more?

    Can't help on the weight issue - I am very, very lucky to be one of those people who dont really tend to put on much weight. However, I am a smoker, and can only imagine that struggling to lose weight is as difficult and daunting as it is for me trying to stop smoking. Hope you get to your target weight soon and rebuild your confidence.:smile:
  18. Horsekisses

    Horsekisses New Member


    It is so hot here right now that I don't have to worry about riding. I usually ride my 8 year old gelding, he is a pretty unflapable trail horse but he's a crabby boy and the one that bucked with me. My 9 year old mare needs a little more confidence on the trail. She is not bad but jumped 10 feet sideways with me one time, not sure how I stayed on. She is a big girl, her size kind of intimidates me. She should be fine to ride around home on. I've been reading about making a spiritual connection with horses and am trying that with my crabby boy. I've tried lots of groundwork to gain his trust and respect. He is great at the groundwork and doesn't threaten to bite if I have a training stick in hand. I so want to fix this horse and it has been frustrating. He is better, but I still don't trust him. All my other horses are so loving.

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