Confidence issues = novice

Discussion in 'Confidence Club' started by shockblue, May 26, 2011.

  1. shockblue

    shockblue New Member

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    Recently I have been quite open about my nerves. I think it's the only way I can deal with them by acknowledging them and just taking everyday (most of them I have an inner argument with myself about selling and giving up) as it comes good and bad. I find giving my self a plan helps.

    Maya is 5 this year. She's hardly done anything! People often question this and I just tell them simply it's my nerves. They then assume that I'm a novice and proceed to give me advice or ask what Maya is doing to make me nervous.

    She is a lovely pony and she doesn't do anything in particular that scares me. She is better to handle and is turning into a real partner. I'm very proud of her. I just come to a complete mind block when the saddle goes on!

    I just get frustrated when people assume I don't know what I'm doing :( I've had horses all my life, I'm a great rider and a great handler. I've put a lot of time into training and preparing her all her life.

    Does anyone else find that people just assume you are a novice rider when you say to them you are struggling with nerves?
     
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  2. Vicki100

    Vicki100 Active Member

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    Can totally emphisise with you, when i was really nervous with riding Finn i used to get the whole 'do this' 'do that' 'do you need help' its really annoying when you dont even ask for it.

    And when i was on the 'lead rien' with OH holding us people used to look at us and think i was a total beginner, where infact ive ridden for 10+ years and know exactly what im doing.

    At the end of the day just ignore other people, you clearly know what your doing and there is absolutly no rush at the end of the day. Maya has got plenty of years to come for riding.

    I think the way your doing things is much better, she will be a much better riding horse in the future for all the ground work your putting in! :biggrin:

    Just hold your head high and ignore any prats who try and treat you like a beginner.

    I think its great you can openly talk about your nerves etc, thats somthing not alot of people can do inc me! I hate admitting im nervous :wub:
     
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  3. notpoodle

    notpoodle Well-Known Member

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    yep *sigh*

    ive been arond horses for just nder 25 years, have loaned and shared for years and owned for 8 years .... but because I can be nervous around some horses (not neccessarily my own!), people assume I dont know what i'm doing and i end up getting advice from 12 year olds!
     
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  4. JustJas

    JustJas New Member

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    I have ridden for nearly 40 years now. Until I hit mid 30s I had no nerves... am I back to being a novice? Ride as you feel happy them you will want to push the limits. Ignore others as many are desperate to put in their two-penneth to sound superior.

    I now admit to nerves too but do not make excuses for what I do. I will go home from a hack if things are not right. Jas is a very on her toes arab. I know the signs of keep riding through and she will settle compared to if I do not go home she will be in the free-ads.

    Enjoy what you do... at your pace.
     
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  5. Fi.

    Fi. New Member

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    Love this post :smile: Good common sense! Can identify about the mid 30s, though I think it was nearer 40 for me! Go with your instincts!
     
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  6. shockblue

    shockblue New Member

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    You all sound as though you know exactly what I mean. People keep asking my mum how long ago I started riding or if this is my first horse.

    We've had numerous horses over the years as a family!! I used to ride my old retired boy with just a string round his neck doing turn on the quarters, half pass and travers at the walk. Hack out on my own for miles on my own with reins at the buckle.

    I step on the mounting block and maya lines herself up for me, swinging her quarters into place, inviting me on. How many folk can say they can do that?
     
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  7. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to sound like I'm arguing, but perhaps people genuinely want to help?! I know years ago when I was the yard numpty, loads of people kept trying to help me, and you know, even if some of their advice wasn't the best, I was quite glad of it. Not saying you are ungrateful or anything like that but when I was bothered by nerves etc people were just trying to encourage me. I remember a nice lady offering to come for a hack with me, she wasn't doing it for any other reason than to help. Sorry if I've offended you people struggling with nerves, my reply really isn't meant that way, just looking at it from other people's point of view.
     
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  8. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

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    Whoops! just wanted to add, not saying you are the yard numpty (that is just my way of describing the way I was when I was and still am I might add! full of nerves and worrying about hacking etc etc).
     
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  9. shockblue

    shockblue New Member

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    The people that I'm talking about aren't the ones who understand that i'm nervous they are the ones who just think I don't know what I'm doing! That's why I keep telling everyone its just nerves not the horse! Lol!

    I gladly accept help (my mum leads me and I often grab the YO to come and stand in the school as back up if I need it)
     
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  10. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins Well-Known Member

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    Oh yes, people give me well meaning but unwanted advice all the time!

    I have been doing some ground work with Bailey with the aim of improving his manners and my confidence around him. I was leading him into the school (wearing my hat and trusted body protector) and we were walking a couple of strides, halting and then walking again. One of the 17 year old know it alls shouted across the yard in a very essex accent 'Don't let him take the p*** out of you' and then proceeded to chase him into the school whilst barking instructions at me on how to get him in (i.e smack him). I couldn't be bothered to get into a conversation with her as my riding time is very precious so I just laughed it off. I think that people see me in my BP and think that I am a total novice and haven't got a clue.
     
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  11. notpoodle

    notpoodle Well-Known Member

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    Trewsers - helping when needed is fine and appreciated (by me, anyway!). dishing out unwanted and misguided advice or snatching my pony away saying 'I WILL HOLD THAT FOR YOU' isnt :frown: (although I do enjoy watching these people get dragged across the yard by my ponehs who do not appreciate being manhandled AND are a heck of a lot stronger than they look!!) .
     
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  12. JustJas

    JustJas New Member

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    I am in awe at that. I wish Jas would stand by a mounting block... we faffed for ages to use a block luckily I can finally get on her from the ground as my knee is more supple.
     
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  13. JustJas

    JustJas New Member

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    I find the people who could help most are the least likely to as they know how irritating the KIAs are. Ask for advice from those who you respect.
     
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  14. Cortrasna

    Cortrasna Grumpy old nag

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    Totally empathise with this - have been around and owned horses for nearly 60 years - and yes I am a total nervous wreck unless I am on Dolly. Even JJ who has turned out to be a good sort, but forward going, still makes my mouth grow dry sometimes when Im on him!:redface:

    I've done most everything with horses, including working abroad with them when I was a young slip of a thing - but I also get treated by some people as I dont know my arse from my elbow horse wise because I admit to my riding fears! They then proceed to perceive me as a novice, I am most definetly not a novice, just a nervous old biddy trying desperately to continue with my passion for horses and riding them, although I know I will never be the rider I once was.:redface:

    One young friend was quite miffed when I went to see and buy Dolly by myself, told a mutual friend she was worried I would make a mistake without her their to guide me - wonder how she thinks I've managed for the last half a century!:giggle:
     
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  15. sjp1

    sjp1 Well-Known Member

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    I think the problem is that mostly people don't admit to their fears. Which is why there are an awful lot of horses that are just never ridden - personally, I expect they are in every yard up and down the country. And if people are happy not riding, that is fine as well.

    I recently have been nervous riding, but have done my level best to do something about it. I am lucky in that my BF is quite understanding. She, luckily for her, has an extremely ploddy cob. Mine is not a psychopath, and years ago, I would willingly get on anything and everything.

    I think the key thing is, as you get older, you understand what really can happen. If you have a dope on a rope then the chances are, they have never scared you, and never are likely too.

    I think knowledge is the key. If you are able to, and realise that you have the capability to defuse a situation, then it isn't half as scarey. I realise now that for years when I was younger, I rode by the seat of my pants. If a horse needed sorting out, I was happy to do it.

    More recently, I have started doing a bit of NH. To be able to get a horse to back up, yield its forequarters and hindquarters and so on is an exceptionally powerful tool (in my humble opinion)
     
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  16. fairlady

    fairlady New Member

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    I think you have hit the nail on the head with the line 'as you get older' lol.

    Lots of people I know who have ridden for YEARS seem to suddenly hit a
    nervous stage, perhaps as you get older the 'reality' of what a bad fall
    could mean and time off work does affect the way you view Riding.

    If you have Kids/Hubby reliant on you or a Mortgage to pay etc., you see more 'dangers'.

    I have days where I am not so confident, days where I can be 'over confident' and days where I get it RIGHT and do what I want remaining
    'aware' of the dangers:smoke::giggle:

    I think you just have to go with the way you are feeling 'today' and not worry too much about tomorrow and s*d what anyone else
    thinks anyway unless you have asked for their help or advice x
     
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    Last edited: May 29, 2011
  17. ashesnlp

    ashesnlp New Member

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    The most important thing for you is to work out what you value most in your horse and your riding. Spend some time getting what are your number one, two and three values. Works well with a supportive friend.
    What is needed to achieve the number one value? What do you need to change?
    In my case, I was being taken off with jumping. After a crunching fall, I went through the give up, etc. Instead I looked at what was most important in riding. It turned out to be control. I changed Rileys bit and have never looked back - we are both so happy!

    These are just some of the NLP techniques you can use

    Hope you get there!

    Ken
     
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  18. Flipo's Mum

    Flipo's Mum Heavy owner of a Heavy

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    I can see Trewsers point and do wonder if there's something in the fact that having lost confidence, we are quite sensitive to being criticised and end up interpreting well meant advice as being from someone who perceives us as novice. Basically what I'm saying is that I think sometimes we think people see us as stupid and novice only because we are feeling vulnerable in this unnerving situation.
    Also, let's face it, the horse world is full of know it alls. Rubbing their hands together at the thought of sorting out another person's problems and stroking their ego as a result.
    For me, despite being a horse owner for more than ten years (albeit with a big gap between) I will always consider myself novice. Confident or not, I have a self esteem issue that makes people think they know more than me. They can impart their knowledge if they want, I'm happy to receive, process and pick out what I want to use myself.

    I would say my frustration with people trying to help, is their tendency to think the best way to overcome nerves is to totally overface you and drop you in at the deep end with a very tough love approach. Cheers but I'm beating myself up enough, I push myself enough. I need control and the thought of someone forcing me to do something just irritates.
    Sorry for the ramble! Hope you can show them what you know SB - did these people know you before you had these feelings?

    Oh also, I know there are alot of really nice helpful people in the horse world, don't want to seem like I'm moaning about it lol!
     
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  19. shockblue

    shockblue New Member

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    I guess advise makes me feel that they think Maya is being wrong or naughty and that she needs sorting out.

    It's also the comments like is this your first horse? When did you start riding? Etc that really get me down.

    Advise is all well and good when it's helpful and intended nicely from a knowledgable person.
     
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  20. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

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    Too true - I wouldn't appreciate that kind of "help" either: Snatching of said pony away would really bug me!!!
     
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