This evening I agreed with my instructor that we would have a 'confidence giving' ride around the cross country course. I rode my old favourite semi-retired cob who used to be very safe and sane! He hasn't done cross country for a couple of years and was very excited. When he gets excited he likes to buck and spin, which he did a couple of times but I coped ok. About 45 mins into the lesson (after we had done the water, and a few other fantastic jumps), we went into the woods. We jumped this ditch and then had 3 strides until we jumped a small log. My horse jumped the ditch and then refused the log. We were then stuck between the two jumps. I tried to get him to jump the log, he refused again and with a buck, a spin and a drop of the shoulder, he dumped me on the floor and galloped off! My instructor made me get on from the ground (not a pretty sight) and we tried again. He refused, bucked and span again but this time I stayed on. He carted me back to the other horses and stood and pawed the ground and was generally very wound up. Someone else fell off at the same jump and my instructor called it quits and we walked back. So, where do I go from here? I feel a failure because the horse who I trusted most in the world threw me off and I feel like I have lost my trust in him. He used to do this lots in his younger days and he is so quick, you don't realise what is happening until it has happened. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to be scared, but at the same time I do want to suceed and I do want to ride outdoors. He was just excited but I couldn't control him and I should have. Should I give up this cross country lark and stay in the arena, or should I try again and risk the spinning and bucking? Why are horses so difficult?