Perhaps it's time to quit :(

Discussion in 'Confidence Club' started by Saz89, May 23, 2011.

  1. Saz89

    Saz89 New Member

    Hello all hope everyone is well, I am feeling really really down right now I don't know if it's just riding or other stuff going on in my life thats dragging me down, I ve had Bertie 8 months now and we were doing ok but these last few weeks I seem to have lost all confidence. I feel like I'm not good enough to get his schooling up to scratch and although he is perfect in the school after our accident out hacking (he spooked and went down on me) the thought terrifies me. I feel like such a bad horse owner coz I don't feel confident enough to jump or hack out on my own. I feel like I get no support from anyone (only 2 part liverys on our yard of which I am one!) yo is an instructor and lovely but is always too busy to teach!
    I feel so alone, way out of my depth and wasting a fantastic horse! I could cry all I want to do is be able to ride and enjoy it!
    Sorry for the selfish moan..
    Sarah
  2. diplomaticandtactful

    diplomaticandtactful Well-Known Member

    everyone feels like this from time to time, try to think of the things that are good, where you feel you are ok, and then just work on the other bits.

    chill, don't be so hard on yourself.
  3. ponymagic

    ponymagic Member

    Having suffered confidence issues myself, I completely understand where you are coming from- you are not alone in feeling like this (and NOT moaning!) The turning point for me was going back to having lessons. You say that your YO is too busy- could you ask around for a good, sympathetic instructor locally?

    Also, be kind to yourself and take off the pressure. Your horse is there for you to enjoy, and you need to do what you feel comfortable with. If that means taking a break from the things you find scary, no matter- your horse won't mind. As long as you are meeting his care needs and enjoying time with him, the riding is an extra bonus.

    Good luck, and keep us posted x
  4. sjp1

    sjp1 Well-Known Member

    I think you need to move yards. Find a yard that is more DIY - the chances are that the people who are there morning and evening, winter and summer, are the ones that are more the happy hackers who will be happy to help you out and go out with you.

    If you have had a fall, hacking out by yourself is the last thing you need.
  5. Joyscarer

    Joyscarer New Member

    It's awful when you're in the middle of a crisis of confidence at it seems there is no way through and difficult to get any sort of perspective.

    My thoughts are to concentrate on what you enjoy and if you need extra help then look wider afield as there are plenty of instructors out there for you to call and get an idea of whom might suit.

    There are so many of us who are, or have been, in the same boat. I won't pretend it's easy or that there is a quick fix. It will be an ongoing process but I fir one see no reason for me to be the same rider as I was years ago. I'm happy to do what I want to do and raise two fingers to anyone who may disagree!

    Try thinking about what you are confident with. It's all too easy to get bogged down in the negatives otherwise. When you're ready to tackle your issues then do so a little at a time.
    Last edited: May 23, 2011
  6. natural horse

    natural horse New Member

    You are not on your own with having confidence issues and most people have one at some point in their riding. Don`t beat yourself up about it but just do things you feel comfortable with for now. Your horse will enjoy your company whether he is ridden or not. At some point you will have what I call a `brave` day, when you feel a bit more confident. Use this to tack him up and ride a short distance out of the yard. Even if it is only for five strides it is an achievement. You will find you can gradually build up on this. On each ride go just a bit further (as far as you feel safe) and then turnaround and come back. This DOES work. After my young horse bolted down a busy main road with me this is the method I used to build up both of our confidence issues. There is absolutely no rush to do things and you take just as long as it takes. With confidence issues there is no quick fix but you WILL overcome them. Good luck.
  7. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins Well-Known Member

    I suffer from serious knocks to my confidence, for no apparent reason really. I just have to make myself get on with it and then before I know it my confidence will have returned.

    Personally I like to be on a busy yard with lots of people to help - just in case. Perhaps you need to think about moving somewhere else which offers you more support.
  8. Saz89

    Saz89 New Member

    Thanks everyone for your replies. I have found another instructor a lady who teaches a friend s hpefully she can come and help us. Moving yards really isn't an option as I need part livery and there isnt many yards round here that do that, also the idea of being somewhere really busy I really wouldn't like. I'm just going to focus on what we can do and see hoow we get on.
    Thanks everyone,
    Sarah x
  9. Mr Ed

    Mr Ed New Member

    Totally sympathise with confidence issues (been there myself). In my experience regular lessons, with a good confidence building instructor is vital.... was going to suggest you found another RI, then I read your final post.

    That sounds like a positive step forwards. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes is two steps forward, one step back. You'll get there, just remember any tiny steps are good :biggrin:
  10. Flipo's Mum

    Flipo's Mum Heavy owner of a Heavy

    I'm sure your horse doesn't think he's being wasted. He doesn't think about the stuff he's missing out on. Maybe he's quite happy just munching grass, having a groom, speaking to his mates:giggle:.
    Do you think you've exhausted all possibilities for overcoming this problem with your horse? Only then would I think about selling. You may be having confidence wibbles about your ability to improve enough to do your horse justice. But what is that justice? Is it just about enjoying the relationship you have? If it is then I'm sure you're already there without you even getting in the saddle.
    I think an RI is an excellant idea. And so is just doing what you can for a while. Don't load the pressure on yourself for stuff you can't do yet.

    As a bit of an analogy - I used to worry so much that I couldn't get my horse to hold his hooves up long enough to get them trimmed by the farrier. The worry ate me up inside, that he was going to get ill, he'd be in pain, people would think I was neglecting him. It got me absolutely nowhere. It took someone just saying to me - 'if you can't get them trimmed, you can't get them trimmed, don't worry about it. Your horse will survive, just take him out on the road and he'll self trim a bit in the meantime. Just get on with what you can do.' (and that was someone on here!) I really think we sometimes get overwhelmed with what feels like a mountain we've got to climb to become the ideal horse owner. Horses are very forgiving creatures.

    Take him out for walks in-hand. It taught me loads about how my horse reacts to stuff, how he spooks, and cemented our trust in one another. Now I'm trying to transfer that into the saddle. Good luck with the lessons, you may find a good RI will help you see what you're already good at - and what you can improve on. It'll feel so much more manageable when someone else is helping out.
  11. pepsimaxrock

    pepsimaxrock New Member

    oh great idea to get another RI - someone who will point out what you already do well and give you some indicators to improve, that will help your confidence no end....

    good luck - and dont give up..... i am sure you will do brilliantly xxx
  12. CMP

    CMP Active Member

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed right now but we have all been there. If you are feeling nervous and are lacking confidence, I dont think you should try hacking alone (unless you suddenly feel the urge one day). I think you need to take a step back and finding a new RI is a great start for you.

    I also think you would benefit from being on a larger yard with more support. I understand that there are not many yards in your area but I think you should seriously consider diy.

    I kept Caymen on part livery when I got him and a few days full livery. I found it exhausting as he had limited turnout and I was forever travelling back and forward to him. I am now on diy farm and it has been great. However, I had to move from my previous yard and I had nowhere to go but it has worked out very well. He is out 24/7 now but when I moved there, he was turned out for me in the morning and I would bring in in the evenings. Everyone is very helpful and we all help each other. I dont go up every day and I never have done and this is why I would not have considered diy previously. Now, I would always prefer to be diy.

    I hope you are feeeling more positive soon x
  13. Saz89

    Saz89 New Member

    Once again thanks for all the replies, I'm feeling a little better this morning. I'm awaiting a call back from new instructor to see when she can come. Again on the suggestion of moving yards we shall have to see what happens may be moving to another town in the near future so hopefully will have more choice in yards.
    Thanks again
    Sarah
  14. Claire1605

    Claire1605 Active Member

    You have my sympathy I know exactly how you are feeling.

    After Victory reared up and went over and rolled on me last year I have suffered confidence issues also.

    It is always in the back of my mind even when schooling as he does have his spooks and rather than jumping to the side or whizzing off he prefers to lose his self preservation and rock back and forth and up and down head in the air threatening to rear.

    I am managing to still school him and am really pushing myself to do so and I know I am very capable but still feel like jelly most of the time.

    I haven't taken him out up the field since he reared as I have lost trust in him when being ridden. On the ground I am fine.

    It's a shame you don't really have anyone to help you out. Even someone horsey just standing in the school whilst you ride can be a great help.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to think positively (I know it's hard). I try to blank out the bad bits and just send him forward when he plays up or spooks and try to be in charge but we are only human after all.

    Could you not find another RI who can find the time to spend with you?

    Good luck x

    ETA: sorry just seen the new RI bit LOL.
  15. Wally

    Wally Well-Known Member

    Jumping is over rated and hacking out on your own is boring, Schooling???? humbug- so, why do you feel you need to do either;) :D Cheer up chuck, you don't have to feel you need to aspire to anyone else, as long as the horse is happy and healthy, and you are enjoying yourself, who cares if the horse can stay in an outline on the correct bend on the correct leg?

    Go out and start enjoying yourself.
  16. Trewsers

    Trewsers Well-Known Member

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    Definitely sounds like you need somebody to boost your confidence - hope the thing works out with the new instructor.
    And Wally's advice of course! Definitely true.
  17. Luna Corona

    Luna Corona New Member

    Yes, I agree with Wally, too! And your post isn't a selfish moan, it's a wee cry for help which we are all entitled to have once in a while. That's why we're on a forum with lots of other like-minded folks who can give us a bit of support, advice and ideas to try out for ourselves.

    I'd just like to say that if your horse spooked and fell with you, it's likely he is feeling a bit lacking in confidence himself. Why not do some groundwork exercises with him in the school? A bit of join-up (Monty Roberts' style) or some clicker training (I've just bought a book on this to keep my gang entertained!) or just a bit of loose schooling with a couple of low cross-poles up round the edges of the school and get your lad in the mood for popping over without a rider. Is there no one at your livery that your friends with to give you a hand if need be?
  18. Claire1605

    Claire1605 Active Member

    Oh and I don't jump or hack out anymore just school but there's more to life and as Wally says as long as your horse is happy and healthy then that's good enough!
  19. Pencilbeckett

    Pencilbeckett New Member

    A yard move sounds good. You gain your confidence from others when you have people to hack with. Or if you dont want to move can you find a local DIY yard and ask if anyone wants to go out. Good luck sorry your feeling so bad.
  20. Wally

    Wally Well-Known Member

    I have adopted Fákur since the riding/trekking closed. (he has terminal sweet itch so has to stey here) Ljósfaxi is retired, he's in his late 20's. He was fantastic, if a bit crackers. That horse could perform any standard dressage move, plus some higher ones, PLUS do them in trot and tölt.
    Fákur is the worst! :eek:. Through my lack of schooling. He piggy paces, he's stiff, he HATES going out on his own, he cannot trot, not without hours and hours of schooling. His canter is disunited.....unless we work on it every day. Tölt comes and goes with the wind. I get the pee taken out of me (which I think is very rude) by Icelandic riders and non Icelandic riders alike

    Do I give two hoots? nope he's never dropped me and never tried. He's happy with me sitting up there buckle end and I am happy at up there buckle end. It's all about being happy together. IF I were to show him I'd have to put 12 months of schooling in every day without fail, he's really good when in work every day. I don;t have time, and he prefers pottering to schooling.
    This is what we do
    [​IMG]
    Last edited: May 27, 2011

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