moaning about a horse and owner.

[lamprellsarah]

I have a friend, which yes i do like but is starting to drive me quiete nuts, she seems to be taking liberties.

her friend has a cob which basically over a year has not been ridden much and been allowed to become unruly. no one else will ride it (except me) its now scared too many people, its very strong, mini rears, naps and whirls around. its not at all fun! they are constantly ringing me up, i get a txt every day to ride it, i have my own horse that obviously comes 1st and i find it hard to ride her enough in the winter, and i work full time.

my friend doesn't work and she seems to think that i can be on call all the time. she asks me to get feed, constantly asking me to pop around, asks for lifts. She asks me to come and ride, then rings up 30 mins before and asks me to pick her up and then take her here and there before we go. then asks me to go right out of my way to drop her off, and i am doing her the favour with riding the thing!

sorry had to have a winge, do you think she is taking the mick??????
i am thinking i am going to have to put my foot down and say no more.

[puzzles]

i know the feeling!
she is taking advannage of you, but she isn't going to know unless you tell her.
expalin nicely but assertively that you (er,) enjoy helping her out at times, but you are finding it difficult to find the time to fit in work and your horse, never mind another one.
She needs to accept that you have to say 'no' at times, but make it clear that you are still willing to help ehr when you can (that is if you actually still want to.)

good luck!
x

[DeirdreBarlow]

It's really easy to get yourself taken advantage of.
Afew years ago I offered to help one of my friend's children with her french. She'd been really struggling and had her mock exams coming up, so I was happy to assist.
It started with her being dropped off at my house for an hour, once a week, for the 3 weeks leading upto her exams.
Then, after her mocks were over, I somehow ended up continuing the arrangement into (and through) her whole GCSE year too!

The tricky thing was, I don't believe her Mother intended to "use" me. She's just a very busy woman, who had a lot on her plate at the time.
I wouldn't condone her assumptions that I was ok to continue the tutoring - there was a definate lack of consideration on her part. But she was mid-divorce, with a 2 yr old daughter to care for, so I can see how her thoughts would be clouded by selfishness (even unconciously so).

She's since more than made up for it :) . So I can hardly complain.

But my point is, I think you have to ascertain whether this friend is being insincere, or whether she's just in a pickle and not thinking straight.
Because the answer to that question will undoubtedly affect the actions you should take.

I'd also question why you're allowing her to give you these orders?
Horrid as confrontation can be, you only have yourself to blame if you haven't dropped some weighty hints yet!

[Joyscarer]

I tend to get others asking a lot of me which I then subsiquently moan about when it all gets too much. But thinking about it, I like being in a position to help people and like the fact that people feel they can ask. Having said that it all goes a bit awry because my face and body language say 'yes, I'm happy to help' but I can't draw the line where I need to so it gets a bit much and I become all stressy and het up. :o

It could just be that you like me are prone to happilly saying yes and never giving out any minor signals that it is getting beyond what you want to do. :)

I liked the way that puzzles worded it. You could say that your circumstances have changed and that whilst you are happy to help when you can you won't be able to do as much as you have been.