Problem with confidence

[Chantal]

I seem to be suffering with differing levels of confidence, depending on which horse I'm riding. I don't have my own - I ride a variety of horses in my weekly private lessons. I had a nasty fall last summer and lost confidence. When I started riding again, I was given a horse to ride who is lovely, safe and easy. After a few weeks on him, I was swapped onto another, who proceeded to do a bucking bronco impression, then another the week after who continually spooked in one corner of the school. Confidence was in tatters again, so I was given the easy horse for a few weeks until last week, when I was given another horse, who tanked off as soon as I walked her out of her stable!

The result of all this is that I have confidence on the easy horse (walk, trot, canter, halt-canter transitions, small jumps etc.) but none on any other horse (not that they're difficult rides - the other horse is 'easy' because I'm so used to him) - I feel out of control and panicky and wind up blocking or agitating the horse. I really want to progress but can't seem to apply any practical riding skills to help me feel more in control. I've tried half-halts and plenty of transitions, but I seem to be so wound up that the horse picks this up and misbehaves! Does anyone have any tips?! Sorry to be so longwinded!

[Mehitabel]

have you tried rescue remedy? i haven't used them myself, but i've heard good things about it from a few people who have. it's been recommended for things like exam/competition nerves, so it might help you.
if i were your instructor, i'd forget about getting you back on the horses you're nervous about for a while. i'd keep you on the horses you're happy on, and do a lot of work on balance and control - work without reins, stirrups, lateral work etc, and do some hacking out to get you used to coping in different situations. this kind of thing gives you the confidence that you can stay on if the horse spooks. i'd then see about getting you on a different horse that you don't have any negative associations with, and take it from there, sticking to exercises you know you can do easily before working up to the "problem" horses.
can you suggest this kind of thing to your instructor? have a chat to her/him and explain your worries. hope this helps, and good luck.

[Chantal]

Thanks for your reply Es. I have tried Rescue Remedy - I found it didn't do much for me unfortunately. I've done lots of work without reins and stirrups, so I do have quite a deep seat. When horses spook / tank off / buck etc. I don't come off (although I bet I will next time now I've said that!) because my balance is pretty good. My instructor says when it happens I do everything right - relax, sit up tall and wait for the horse to come back to me. It's more of a mental thing for me I think. For example, if the horse starts speeding up (even in walk) when I haven't asked for it or taking interest in something outside the manege I begin to get worried, thinking the horse is about to spook. i just wish I felt more in control! My instructor has been great and never forces me into anything I'm not comfortable with - I just feel like such a wuss!

[Katie_85]

You're not being a wuss at all! That's pretty common sense stuff; horse speeds up or is not focusing on you-mayb there's a problem. It's good that you are paying attention to your horse! Do you like riding horses that are going to buck and spook? I don't personally. I stick to my favorite schoolmaster who will do anything for you if you tell her correctly. Why not stick to that horse that you feel confident with if that's what you like. :)

[kedwards]

If you're sure you can't gain confidence on other horses or feel that they are truly unsafe, then you shoud stick to your schoolmaster. If, on the other hand, you can reasonably say that the other horses are within your skillset, than it might be a good idea to pick one and try to get comfortable with him. Even if it means going back to slower work for awhile.

I've often been surprised by how attached I've become to certain horses with whom I was initially uncomfortable. Having a slight (but manageable) challenge at first, can eventually do a lot to improve your riding and lift your confidence. The key is, it has to be a little challenging but not downright petrifying. If you're so scared that you're going to leave every lesson feeling like a failure, than it won't help. But, if you trust your instructor, she thinks you can handle it, and you manage just fine; give it a go for a little while and see what happens. You may surprise yourself and find that the horse become putty in your hands after a few lessons. What a boost of confidence that will be!

[RachelT]

Hey Chantal, you sound exactly like me!:D

(See my post in the Enlightened Equitation thread...)

I can be perfectly rational where other people's riding is concerned, so...

1. You're not a wuss. I would prefer you to be concerned and focusing on what the horse is saying to you rather than carrying on regardless. People like us (when we eventually overcome our mental barriers) make great riders because we've spent so long focusing on every little movement sideways/backwards and feeling every little tense-up in the horse's back that we become very aware of what the horse is telling us. There IS a positive side!

2. You're not alone. I know plenty of people like us!

3. It's hard to find an instructor who is sympathetic - the wrong treatment can make you worse. I am lucky now, in that I have found a wonderful place with great instructors. They tell me that they have taught much more nervous people than me - I no longer feel like an idiot! My last instructor bullied me and insulted me, telling me I was damaging her horses. Hardly. Make sure you're at the right place for you - you're paying, after all! It sounds as though you're at a good place though.

4. Although it's good to stick with the horse you feel confident on, if you're anything like me, you know you want to challenge yourself - and that means having a change every now and then. I have adopted the "feel the fear and do it anyway" approach in the past - grit your teeth and be positive.

5. If you feel yourself getting worried, stop. Don't get off, but go back to walk until you have got those nerves under control. A tense trot is no good. A relaxed walk is miles better.

6. BREATHE! Sing to yourself if you like. You may feel stupid, but it really helps!

7. Don't be afraid to go back a level. I find that riding with people who are less experienced than me somehow boosts my confidence. Almost as though I have to look out for them! :p


You sound SO like me - I also stay on (touch wood!) when things happen - it's afterwards my legs turn to jelly!:p I make things happen by tensing up. I actually want to sort out my major positional problem, which is that I tip forward due to my nerves. Once that's sorted, I'll be much less likely to make the horse do all the things I'm worried about!

Also, I find it harder now I haven't got a horse of my own. When you have, you can just ride out at a leisurely walk if you want to. When you focus everything into a lesson a week, it plays on your mind when it doesn't go right.

Last thing - try not thinking. (Much easier said than done!) You sound like you are quite an instinctive rider, in that when things happen, you can cope. When you think logically about this, you've really got no reason to worry. And the fact that it's you tensing up that will probably have made those horses get worried and buck/spook in the first place should tell you that all this is avoidable!

Only logic goes out of the window once you get into that saddle, doesn't it?!

Keep going - you WILL get there, and the fact you made that posting means you want to achieve your goal. There are lots of us trying to do the same thing!

Rachel

:D

[Debutante]

Rachel,

What an enormous amount of wisdom you packed into your last post!
I felt like you (and Chantal) were describing me to a T (with my riding confidence problems). ThatÕs why I love this forum. There are so many people just like me and so many with a wealth of experience to help us all along.
I had a REALLY crummy lesson on Saturday so IÕm more than happy to put your suggestions into practice. :(

Thanks Ladies!

Debutante
;)

[saddlesore]

you seem to have gotten some very good advice on this thread, i'll just add my thoughts. my instructor makes me ride a different horse often with the feeling that no 2 horses are the same and just because i can do 1 thing on 1 horse does not mean i can do it on another. i think it makes for a better horse person to know what you are capable of doing regardless of the horse you are on. sometimes it takes a little time to get used to the different horses and how they will respond but i think it is a valuable way to see how good a rider you actually are.:D :D :D

[Mare-e]

Am very sympathetic to your situation because have had the same issues myself. Just the thought of a new horse or one I had not ridden for a while would set my nerves to jumping. Something that help a lot now is that I ask about what kind of issues an unfamiliar horse has, before I have my lesson. That way I am able to eliminate the fear of the unknown and that feeling of being out of control.

Example: I have been riding the same trusty school horse for the last 6-8 lessons. This week my teacher commented on how lucky we have been in his being available each week, but mentioned another horse that we will probably try out in the near future. I asked what kind of issues he has. She said he has a lovely cantor (which is what I am just starting on) but tends to be a bit stubborn until you show him who is boss, and then is a perfect gentleman. Hearing that, I feel ready to be properly assertive when we meet instead of fearing what this unknown beast is going to do with me. I'll also make sure I have time to groom him before tacking up so we can get to know each other a bit. Maybe something similar will help you as well. Best of luck.

[Chantal]

Thank you everyone for great advice. It's good to know I'm not the only person who suffers with this! I realise sticking with my schoolmaster is one way of coping with it, but I feel my riding would not progress if I did this, hence in my lesson this evening, I'll be riding another horse (I'm nervous already!). I'll let you know how it goes!

[Dizzy]

I hope your lesson went well. Personally I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. Riding strange horses (ones we're not used too) , is always a challenging, horses are individuals, and what works with one doesn't always work with another - I know the basic aids are the same, but the horses understanding and reaction can vary soooo much.

I know in a riding school environment its difficult, but if you could ask your instructor for 5 minutes warming up time, so you can school round and get used to each other before the lesson begins it can be a great help.

You have said that when things go wrong, your instructor has said your reaction is good, you remain relaxed, sit up straight and wait for the horse to come back to you. I agree with the sit up straight and relax, but I personally would ask the horse to listen to me, maybe push him onto a circle, through into a serpentine or figure of eight, so instead of him deciding to listen when he's ready, you've said 'hey I'm in charge, listen now!'. Alot of the time unless they are genuinely frightened, distraction and positive riding, will reassure them and encourage them to trust and obey your guidance.

Going by your post, you are balanced and relaxed, you just need to bite the bullet and believe in yourself :D

Lesley

[Chantal]

My lesson last night went really well! I rode a horse I'm not terribly familiar with, nothing bad happened - he listened to me and we ended on a really good canter! So thank you everyone for such good advice.