missing my horse

[johnb]

How do other NRs get over the death of there horse


Johnb

[marsden]

Hi John

Its never an easy thing to go through and to be honest there's no quick fix. It takes alot of time. I lost my horse in 2001 and i still think about him everyday.
Sorry not to have got this wonderful idea that can help you get over it, but time does help.

[johnb]

Thanks nikki
I lost my two mares last year one in feb 27 and my other in Nov.
and just find it hard to come to terms with it sometimes

Johnb

[marsden]

hi John

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I couldn't imagine losing two in the same year. When i lost Gigilo i got my 'new' horse in the summer and she was great, i loved her to bits but it still hurt when i thought about Gigilo. Every time i thought about him it was his last minutes.
Then about a year later i got Murphy. He was nothing like Gigilo, he was only 5 years old and was a blank canvas. But somehow he got me over Gig. Instead of looking back and seeing the dark moment i remember all the happy times, him going banana's in the field when i took the youngsters in first, or when we use to go jumping. And now i look back and think, i was the last person to give him his tea, put his rug on and put him out in the field. I was the last person for alot of things.
Losing a horse or any pet is like losing someone and honestly there is no easy way to get over it. Just try and think about the good times you had together and i promise it will get easier!

[Peanut]

It's so very painful when we lose those we love whether they be animal or human. The only thing I can say to help is that it gets easier with time - you never get over the loss, but after a while it does hurt less. Time is the greatest healer.

My heart goes out to you John - hang on in there. :)

[johnb]

I agree you have to look forward and think of the good times we had, but just sometimes you miss them so much its hard to get them out of your thoughts
thanks again for your reply

Johnb

[johnb]

I think why its all come back to me like this is , it was a year ago yesterday that I lost my first one she is buired in her field at the back of my house last night I put some flowers on her grave and you start the guilt thing could I have done more for her etc etc you always blame yourself for what has happened just felt I had to get it out in the open

Johnb

[Peanut]

I'm sure that's why you are feeling particularly raw today John. I'm sure you did everything you possibly could for her at the time and you must comfort yourself with that knowledge. Don't tear yourself apart, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to as it is clear that you loved her very much.

[teabiscuit]

you're making me cry john :o

i know, it makes you feel useless doesn't it?

i lost my mare 3 years last october, i know in my head i did everything i could, but in my heart there is always a "what if"

we all know how much your horses mean to you, i can truely say that i know that you did everything you could for them

x

[johnb]

There's nothing quite like the love of a mare,thats for sure peanut

Johnb

[Bobbin]

Oh John, you poor thing

Try and remember the good times and hope that one day that aching in your heart will subside.

This is why I take so many photo's as tomorrow she could be gone.

[johnb]

Hi teabiscuit
long time since we talk sorry didnt mean to upset anyone just had all this Grieve built up in side me since last night i just wanted to let it out

johnb

[tracyward]

My heart goes out to you, a horse at our stables is being put to sleep as we speak, I can't stop crying over her. She's an old girl in her early thirties, she's had a brilliant life. But it's so hard saying that final good bye, which I had to do yesterday. Even though she's not mine you still build up that attachment with them and it hurts.

Thinking of you.

[teabiscuit]

john i'm always sat crying at the things people put up on NR, don't you worry about me

it makes me glad that there are people out there like you, who's horses mean the world to them as mine do to me
xx
ps its lovely to hear from you again, though so sad

[johnb]

teabiscuit it was a tough year last year as you know not only did Im lose bethan in feb but also lost fraye in nov to peritonitis so I have found it hard to come on here and talk about horses like I use to life just seems to be crap at the moment.

hi bobin hope all is well with you

johnb

[Bobbin]

I'm still here Bobbin along with me girly John.

DD told me about you loosing your other horse when it happened. The gods owe you some good luck my friend.

Take care

xx

[johnb]

Tracy I know that you get this bond even if there not yours bethan was 16 and Fraye was 14

johnb

[johnb]

Bobbin how is DD its been a few weeks now since I talked to her

johnb

[fitz]

So sorry to hear that Johnb. I lost Werner on February 9th. I sometimes feel guilty, I sometimes feel bitter and angry, sometimes I just feel sad... and sometimes I dont think about him at all. Its been a weird experience. Life goes on regardless and I guess it is important to fill it with other things that make you happy. My dog is in surgery at the moment to mend a broken leg, so he is upmost in my mind right now.
cyberhugs to you...

[johnb]

I sometimes feel guilty, I sometimes feel bitter and angry, sometimes I just feel sad... and sometimes I dont think about them at all. Its been a weird experience. Life goes on regardless

Fits that sums up how I feel

johnb

[NoviceNic]

Johnb - Try and remember the good days....Have you got another horse in your life now? Would you consider getting another?? I think a lot of people find channeling their sorrow by finding relief from other horses or hobbies. Sorry if I am not making much sense...:o

[johnb]

NoviceNic I have three other horses still got little Ruby and two new black cobs
bethan was my first horse
Alice

http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j293/johnb-bucket/alice029.jpg
Flo

[NoviceNic]

Oh Johnb. How gorgeous is your new balck cob....Tell me all about him/her?? I am a sucker for cobs.:rolleyes: :D

I remember a while back you posted about Flo? How could you deprive us of updates and piccies Johnb.....*winks*

[JOJOBA]

I dont think we ever get over it - I still have a good cry over the loss of my horse, in fact I did so just a few days ago. My horse died of a suspected heart attack in early July. I bought a new one because I just cant imagine being horseless, and he's gone horribly wrong and turned into a bit of a nightmare, so that didnt help!
What actually set me off this week was tidying my room up and realising that I have HUNDREDS of pictures of my old horse framed around my room, and none at all of my new one. So I found a frame and put a picture of my new horse in it and put it on my chest of drawers, only to be filled with a sense of 'replacing' my old one (1 picture of new boy lost amongst about 50 of old horse!), and crying my eyes out!
People said that one day I would be able to 'think of him and smile', and I can, which makes it feel a hundred times worse and then makes me cry - because Ive realised that it's only since he died that Ive realised how brilliant he actually was - I dont think we appreciate our horses enough at the time! Im trying very hard to appreciate my new horse but he doesnt make it easy :rolleyes:.

But I suppose it's like a relationship - breaking up is awful, but if you never get into another relationship you'll miss out on so much. I feel for you, I will be awful on the anniversary of my horse's death, time flies in some ways - I cant believe it's been so long, and in other ways it feels like ages - there's lots of things I cant remember about him anymore.

I do sometimes wonder what I could have done - should I have kept him in because the weather was bad, was he older than I thought, did I bring him back to fitness too fast after his injury, blah blah blah round and round! I chose not to have a post mortem done, I'll never know, I'll never know where he came from or how old he was or what happened to him before I had him, so I'll just have to deal with not knowing. In the end we just do our best and there's nothing else we can do. Any anger I have is reserved for his previous owners for weakening him :mad:, but it's not a burning hatred or anything. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever have as good a relationship with another horse, perhaps I'll just have a different one. Non-horsey people dont really understand ;).

The worst part of horse ownership *sniff*.

And on a slightly more upbeat note - your black cob looks a little like my old horse and is just the type I want :). Im not breaking the mould next time (this time I refused to even look at any black horses because they were too similar to my last one), Im going back to that type. She's gorgeous!

xxx

[johnb]

her name is Alice she is a 12yr Irish cob who is 100% bom proof and this is Flo she is 16.2HH 5yr old cob that I Rescued


http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j293/johnb-bucket/johnbsandflo014.jpg

johnb

[teabiscuit]

i remember you rescuing her- well done for that(oh dear i'm off crying again-useless i am)

she is stunning, absloutely breathtaking

has she got shire in her breeding?

[poohsmate]

hi john
we said hello last nov just after you lost your horse and i lost my old lad.. i miss him like i would never of believed you could miss an animal.. i think it helps me, knowing he is buried in the field and i say hello to him every morning when i turn the rest out..
im feeling particulary sad at the moment as buried my mum this week:eek:

[johnb]

poohsmate I am so sorry to hear about your mum it must be this time of year cos all I hear of is sadness but like you I say good night to them every night when I bring my other horses in are we sad or what

johnb

[JOJOBA]

i think it helps me, knowing he is buried in the field and i say hello to him every morning when i turn the rest out..
I wish I could have buried my horse but we arent allowed here :(. Actually though, the first thing that made me smile after he died was when his ashes were delivered - I had visions of a little box which I could scatter in his field, but what turned up was actually a huge crate that I could barely lift, sealed shut with his name engraved on it :eek:. I had no idea what to do with it! YO started laughing too and gave me a hug, she has her horses cremated when they pass away too and she said she has a few of those huge boxes sitting in her house now and she doesnt know what to do with them either! I ended up buying a nice chest and putting it inside, along with his headcollar and a huge chunk of his tail that was cut off for an operation he had. It's behind me now. It now also has some photos in it, a horseshoe and other bits and pieces. Im sure people will be very freaked out at uiniversity when I drag all that up with me (but I wouldnt dream of leaving it behind). I agree it's nice to have something physical (a grave, a field, a great big box!) to visit for a sense of closeness.

Sorry to hear your news Poohsmate.

xxx

[johnb]

JOJOBA thanks for your reply and non horsey would not understand the loss of horse whos been with you through thick and thin

johnb

[johnb]

teabiscuit I dont now what breeding she has got, but shes not very hairy and the coat is fine for a cob
glad you like her she is so powerful to ride its like floating

johnb

[NoviceNic]

Johnb, Poohsmate and Jojoba - Tears are not a good thing when you are at work.....Everyone is asking me what is wrong? Of course I am not supposed to be sat on nR whilst at work...So coming up with lame excuse about stress...:( ;)

[johnb]

The biggest Regret I have I didnt get any pics of me riding bethan but hears a pic of her so you can see why I miss her so much


http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j293/johnb-bucket/BethanAgoodhorsemancanhearhishorset.jpg

[teabiscuit]

she is a beautiful gorgeous girl...
you can see the sweetness in her face :o

[The Flying Irishman]

I lost at a much loved home bred filly when she was two, heart breaking but yes life does go on, now I have a gelding rising two and I am totally paranoid about him, guess the paranoia will settle when he's rising three and over the "bogey age".

Keep your memories of your girls in your heart but do try to move on, having also lost both of my parents I can most honestly say life does go on:)

Kath x

[eventerbabe]

How do other NRs get over the death of there horse


everyone copes i their own different ways. i cried, and cried, and cried. I still cry even today after having lost bonnie 7 months ago. but it's more happy tears these days. You do eventually get to the stage when you can talk about them and look back and smile. I've stopped dwelling on what *might* have happened had i got to her earlier, had we taken the risk to get her to edinburgh vets school, but that just doesn't help anyone. She'll always hold a special place in my heart as she was my first pony and we had her for the majority of her life. No horse will ever take that place. We bought kestral quite soon after as we needed a companion for tobs. At the time it broke my heart but it's helped my mum come to terms with her own grief no end. Kestral is like a new 'chapter' in our horsey life, we never forget bonnie but we've kestral to focus on now. I seem to remember posting on NR at the time when i bought kestral that he'd be my mum's horse and i'd have no emotional involvement. Now, i can't believe i wrote that, i absolutely adore the little man and i'm 100% positive bonnie would have loved him too!!

take care of yourself john.

[johnb]

Kath how awful for you I am Usually ok with it just the first anniversary and last night I put a dozen red roses on her grave and it all came flooding back

johnb

[johnb]

eventerbabe thanks for that you have to cope the best you can at the time

Johnb

[NoviceNic]

Ow John she was so preettty....

[Iron Maiden]

Oh dear am welling up now...

I found JS dead in his field on 9 June last year. I didn't just cry, I howled! The YO's daughter was fab, she must have been soaked by the time I'd finished. The thing that kept me going was P, I'd only had her for 2 days & she was there, kicking 7 shades out of the stable door going 'oi come on, who are you, where am I, stop behaving strangely & ATTEND TO ME NOW!!'. She's a big lady with an even bigger personality and when I was up on the yard, I was so busy running round after her I had very little time to myself to get reflective & upset. When I got home I was mopey as hell but my OH was brilliant, as were the people I work with - the girl I sit next to used to have horses & cried for days when her pony died so she could really empathise. The only thing that's guaranteed to set me off now is looking at the special bound photobook of my life with JS that my OH put together as a Christmas present. He also got one of his huge shoes silver plated and it's hanging up in the lounge above the telly. I don't need a reminder of JS though, my memories of him are so vivid and so happy I think they will stay with me forever.

Big hugs to you johnb - and eveyone else who has posted here. Lets be glad that we were part of our wonderful horse's lives & try to focus on the happy memories, rather than the sadness of loss.

[claire0781]

Your stories are all so touching, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out.

As of yet, I have never lost a horse that I have been attached to, but I dread the day when my baby goes to the giant paddock in the sky. I have however, lost quite a few two-legged friends, and unfortunately the saying is true, time is the best healer.

Johnb, anniversaries and special days are normally the hardest to deal with when facing situations like this, but please don't bottle it up - as Bt used to say 'It's good to talk' and they were right. I think I can speak for all NR members when I say that we're all here for you and anyone else going through this and want to support you in anyway we can.

Finally, someone said this to me a few years back and its always stuck with me;

'Memories stay with you forever, but time has a clever way of editing out the bits you'd rather not remember'

I took that as in a few years time, you'll be able to look back, remember the bond you both shared, but won't remember the pain and tears from losing her.

xxx

[claire0781]

me again - I'm not sure i'm going to be able to stop crying now.....

[johnb]

claire and all who have replied to this thread thanks for your kind words and help at this sad time

Johnb

[nicolaj]

Hi John I'm really sorry for your loss. What a dreadful year, though you don't want me reminding you.

I've never lost a horsey friend, but grief is a funny thing. I lost my father September 2005, and for a couple of weeks was wobbly etc, but just got on with things, threw myself into work, riding, life etc, and then come June/July last year one of those big demolition balls came along and just walloped me from nowhere. It has taken me a long time to get over that period.

As others have said, I just bottled it all up, so in a way it is good to feel these feelings and let them out and share, as you aren't alone.

On a lighter note, your horses are just wonderful, I love those black shiny coats. I'm now off to dab my eyes!

Take care.

[johnb]

nicolaj hi
Thanks for the kind words
it funny reallyI think its hit me more now than it did when it happened I must have been in shock at the time and just when I started to get back to being myself Fraye died so its been a long hard road and now some how I just need to get on with my life and my other horses

Johnb

[colettybetty]

Thank you John for posting this thread. The loss of a much loved horse is devastating, I lost my 10 year old mare a year ago and my OH says part of me died with her. She was fun, sassy and loved life and since she went that sense of fun went with her.
I was widowed 6 years ago and everyone was so sympathetic, when my horse died, no one mentioned it and that was hard.She was my soul mate and my future was planned around her with the cottage and land I was going to buy so she and our others could pop their heads over the kitchen door in the mornings .
I grieved for my husband hard for a year, then picked myself up and got on with life.A year after losing my horse I am still filled with a profound sense of loss and the sheer unfairness of it all.It is not physically painful now and my memories are warm and sweet , every day I had her,I loved her completely and that knowledge has helped alot.I am so grateful for having had her in my life.
To have known her was a gift and a thousand times better than never having known her at all.
John, I hope the rawness of your double loss subsides soon and gives way to a mellowness when you can think of the special bonds you were lucky enough to experience. You have a big heart and the horses in your life are very fortunate.

[johnb]

colettybetty
What you have just said is oh so true and non horsey dont understand that a horse is so much more than a pet its a way of life its one of your family it lets you sit on her back and ride its a privlage that they let us do that

Johnb