nerves for no reasonn!

[sophie33]

:o Sorry NR, leaning on you all for advice again! I have to crack my nerves,they seem to be getting worse! I know a lot of you get nervous, but usually for a reason - you know major injury etc - but I haven't even fallen off since I started learning to ride properly. And in the dim and distant past I fell off a couple of times but have never been more than bruised.
So why oh why do I get so nervous?
For the last few weeks I've been having weekly lessons (which I can't afford) because I'm okay when RI is there. But now I am back to fortnightly and so have to ride in between lessons. To look on the positive side I did ride Spike in the school yesterday and did more or less keep him from crushing my knee into the fence, but I was so tense and only rode for 10 minutes.
Next Wednesday I have made my ex-OH (he owes me!) agree to come with me and talk to me while I ride (plus not let me out the gate til I've done at least 20 mins!) because I knoow that will help relax me. What I need to do is go in the school on my own aand get through the first bit where Spike isn't listening and is spooky and then get him working. I do it when RI is there, but it does take being firm and I chicken out alone! If I can do that on my own I think I'll start to enter an upward curve. But oh god why can't I just switch the nerves off! Does anyone have a button!:o

[Maddison's girl]

Its not always fear of what has happened in the past but fear of what might happen too, it is quite normal. Spike will get nervous if you feel nervous so try and relax and he will listen more. I sing, helps a great deal with nerves keeps me calm and most importantly you cant forget to breath while you are singing :D Good luck

[Chinarider]

I can sympathise :) i am just the same, fine with an instructor but pants on my own, I give up too easily.

I have got in the habit of lungeing first to help me feel in control. Also it lets my horse let off steam if he needs too . I get an idea of what mood he is in , and if he will walk, trot ,canter and halt on the end of the lunge then of course i have more control when in the saddle ;)

Set off with a plan of what you are working on , stick some poles on the ground to go over, around, through, changing rein and direction , and get your horse to really go forwards. When my horse is really working hard, he never spooks.

Good Luck :D

[sophie33]

Thanks both of you. That is exactly it CR I give up too easily. All the things that freak me out - Spike spooking in one corner, Spike not listening etc - happen when RI is there but I get past them. On my own I think they are down to my pants riding and give up! No more - I must get past this, otherwise I'm spending money and mucking out just for the fun of cuddling Spike; and he's lovely but that's ridiculous! :p
And I know my tension makes him worse.I can feel him thinking 'eek! there must be something really scary in this school, she has turned into a block of wood' :p

[Chinarider]

You can do it, just coming on here and asking for advice shows you are ready to address the problem :)

Busy Busy Busy, thats the answer ! At every letter or post in the arena halt, then try some trot to walk at each letter. just 2 steps of walk then back into trot. he will soon be so busy listening to you he wont have time to spook.

Stay in walk and trot if thats what makes you comfortable, change rein, serpentines, broken lines, he wont know what is coming next ;)

You can do it :D

[neen]

Nerves are often for "no reason", I find, so you're not alone!

Have you talked to your RI about the nerves? What works for me is to have a set of tried and tested exercises that are my "comfort zone" and that I know will get the horse listening to me. If you get you RI in on the problem, you and she can work out some of these exercises together and you can practise them together when she's there, with a view to doing them on your own when she's not.

If it helps to have someone else there for now -- then take someone with you when you can. You could try aiming to do a certain number of rides without your RI and cross them off as you do them, so your progress is visible, and not just your nerves.

I find lungeing helpful, too, and gets them into the "work" frame of mind before you start. Before I knew how to lunge, I'd do a few minutes of in-hand work before I got on, just to set the tone. For both of us, not just the pone.

As you can probably tell, I've been through this myself! I still have days when I just don't feel like getting on by myself, especially if it's late, I'm tired, and I've had a bad day at work. So now, I don't make myself get on on those bad days, I do something else with him instead; otherwise riding becomes a chore and I have too many of those in my life already :rolleyes:

Good luck with it all -- it's a stage lots of people go through, and they do come out the other end eventually.

[MrDCBags]

Check out www.positivelyriding.com

[sophie33]

Oh you are all so lovely and helpful. I agree in general with not making yourself ride every time neen, but at the moment I'd end up not riding alone at all. I have to crack this, I think it is one of those leap forward or fall back times (if you know what I mean). I have talked to my poor RI loads (poor woman) she is very helpful, and also suggests lots of transitions, but now I have to do this myself...
Unfortunately I still haven't learned to lunge, cos I know that would help. Thing is Spike is only four. He genuinely gets nervous and spooks, but I think he has also just discovered the idea of playing up for fun. Almost every time in the school he starts and canters off at some point, usually at the start when I haven't got his attention yet, and often when he spots another horse. His owner says he has been doing it out on hacks too.Now there is no malice in it and he always stops at the end of the school, I have to 'just' get on take charge and all will be well! :p Wish me luck for Wednesday I am going to be assertive and positive! After all the fact I haven't fallen off in two years must mean I'm not totally useless! :o
And thanks MCBags, will look at link tonight.

[neen]

I went through a really crippling loss of confidence at the end of last year, Sophie33, and I know how frustrating it is. I attacked it on two fronts in the end -- one was learning to control my own nerves (hypnotherapy helped here -- especially useful if you get a hypnotherapist who knows about horses. PM me if you want the details of the one I used) and the other was rebuilding my relationship with my loan pony so I learned to trust him again. Lungeing and loose schooling have helped a great deal with that and we're now coming on in leaps and bounds with our groundwork too.

My confidence came flooding back when I went to visit my NR buddy a few weeks ago and found myself galloping across a meadow on a strange horse, calmly reflecting on why I would have been too nervous to do the same on my loan pony. I came up with lots of GOOD reasons*, actually, as we sped along, some of which I'd never thought of before but which I really noticed when they weren't there. And now that I've recognised them, I'm picking them off, one by one. I found taking myself out of the situation I usually ride in really gave me a clearer view on it and helped me understand some of the things that, though they may not have caused the fear, certainly fed it.

*In case you're wondering what sort of things I noticed -- one was that where I usually ride, there are lots of obstacles. So you have to steer, and the quicker you go, the better your steering has to be. Riding across the meadows, it didn't matter if I went off course. Here (http://s83.photobucket.com/albums/j305/ninblak/?action=view&current=gallollopin.flv)'s a video -- I'm the one on the left, way off course, losing the race and not caring; at home, I'd have slammed into a tree! Obviously I can't change the landscape where I live -- but I can work on my steering ;)

[Roheryn]

Sophie33, you remind me of me. I really do sympathize with what you're going through.
Just today, I went to the barn and rode for a few minutes while a couple of people were around (not with me, but at least on the property in case something happened--I won't ride if no one's around). When they left, I got off and did some other things while waiting for an expected friend. When friend came, we rode together in the school. I was 10 times more relaxed and comfortable. We talked as we rode, and I did a lot of trotting (for me). I wouldn't trot before when no one was near the school.
I love having someone ride with me, or just hang out while I ride (if they've already ridden, are waiting to ride, aren't riding that day, etc.). I'm much more relaxed and feel a lot safer when there's someone there for me. I started taking lessons partly just to have someone there. Now I can't afford lessons, and I really miss the trainer's presence. Sometimes I push myself and get to feeling more comfortable; other times I push myself and it seems to do no good. But I am getting more confident, and more comfortable, riding alone. It has taken a long time, but I can tell I'm getting better.
Stick with it, Sophie33!

Neen--I'm glad you posted. I've been suspecting for awhile that if I went to another barn for a sample lesson I might not be as nervous in a new place on a new horse as I so often am where I usually ride. I think I've built up a "thing" in my head about being nervous and I can't shake it off. Maybe when I have money for a sample lesson I will go for one.

[sophie33]

Thanks Roheryn, it does sound like we are similar! I still haven't cracked it at all, but I am also trying to give myself time - if I work myself up that I 'must get over this now' I make it worse! I had a lunge lesson last week; not easy actually :o but I am trying it again at the start of my lesson tomororw. Feel like if I can get lunging and can do it before riding - things will start to get easier

[Rips]

Totally understand - I'm at the stage where I'm thinking of going to either a sports psychologist or a hypnotist! :p I just have nerves for no reason, not about riding in general, but riding in competition. Its twice as bad, I have no nerves about doing anything at home/hacking/strange yards etc I've not fallen off in months (and the last time I fell off was when mare got caught in a gate... so I really wanted to get off at the time!!)

I just fall apart when it comes to competitions :o I thought I was getting over it, then I took a break for awhile and now I'm worse then ever.

Tell me when you find the answer!!

[Roheryn]

I've just thought of something else that's been helping me a lot. Sometimes (like the other day) I will ride a little, then get off and take a break, and then get back on and ride some more. It seems that if I take some time, and shift my focus from "gotta ride, gotta ride now, gotta accomplish something" and watch friends ride, or just spend a little time "talking" with my horse, then suddenly I really feel eager and ready to get back up on the horse and ride.
I don't know why this is, unless it's shifting focus for a bit and relaxing when I do that, but it works. I might get off and watch someone ride, or walk back into the barn and get a drink of water, or just visit with my horse. No one is pushing me to get on and do anything, so suddenly my mind just says OK, now--and I get on and am all relaxed.
Can you try that, Sophie33?

[D&D]

i do feel for you i suffer badly with nerves, not in the saddle but before i get in the saddle lol and i mean bad nerves, and ive never had a major fall, all what if's .................. and when someone says relax what is the worst that can happen ....i can answer lots of things :rolleyes:

got to go cos of work, will find this thread tommorow x

[sophie33]

Thanks both of you. Have just ordered a book off the internet 'riding with confidence' does anyone know if it is any good? That is a good idea Roheryn about taking a break and trying again. Next time I am at the yard on a weekend I will try that (not so easy when I am rushing in the evenings). You are all very kind, it is good to know I am not alone. I'm sure this isn't true but everyone at my yard seems so experienced and fearless! In normal life I am confident and quite loud - but at the yard I start to feel like a timid little mouse!

[NoviceNic]

I am going through the same thing myself Sophie and I have owned Mr Reliable yet Strong for 3 yrs this August.:o I had 3 weeks off ridden work awaiting a new saddle and building his muscles up. I fretted all night before I knew I was getting on. Captain was a total star. :D Plus the change of yard and wondering about all the what if's there. :o Then I push the boat out and either decide to kill my nerves or cry and book myself in for a Show on Sunday. Our first one this year. Quietly excited Captain and I have been cantering and jumping this week.:D Today he has lost a shoe and it looks as though all the pushing myself through my nerves has been a waste.:mad:

When does Horse Ownership and Riding become easier.?????:rolleyes:

[HorseyMum#1]

Sophie, I know others have already said this to you too but I too get nervous and I still say find a song that means a lot to you and relates to Spike and sing your heart out - it will settle your nerves and take his mind off your nerves too. My favourite song is "Raise Me Up" by Westlife and Kenny loves it.

Good luck :) :) :)

[Trewsers]

Now then, thats odd, cos I used to be the opposite, I was nervous as billio whenever I used to have a lesson (not had one for ages). Yet I am fine so long as I am left to my own devices in the school!!! Hacking out, I have yet to go alone - one of these days Storm will happily trot up the lane and over the hills - (then I'll wake up and fall out of bed with a bump!!!!!). Have you tried Rescue Remedy or anything like? Some folk swear by it. Ooh yes, and singing too - that helps, makes you breathe...........

[Roheryn]

We sang when we rode last night, Elgar and some hymns (good trotting music and gives you confidence as well as making you breathe). Now I think about it, anything with a rock 'n' roll beat would be good trotting music too. We weren't always singing in the same key, but I don't think the horses cared! I am looking forward to the day when I can sing the Household Cavalry's Regimental Canters ... when I get confident enough to canter, that is.

[loopyh]

Can't offer any advise i'm afraid but I do know exactly how you feel and have the same problem.

[D&D]

did you do your sj'ing NN i booked in for next monday and next thurs, first one also since last year and that went really well - bar typically the last two comps - so that playing on my mind and i been a woss so far this season :rolleyes:


sophie i seem to be a bit of chancer, (push things to the limits) but i suffer terribly with nerves. when i hackin, i pretend to be my RI that works :) and i really focus on relaxing everything

may try and pretend to be my RI for my sj'ing next week (although she would be horrified to hear this if she witnessed my impersonation lol)