i done it again...

[cc rider]

:mad:
i could have ridden today but i chickened out again :confused: :confused: why do i do it?
i have posted a little about my ongoing confidence issues and it has been going well lately but...
my lovely cob lizzie is an ex riding school horse. she and i bonded and i fell in love and i bought her a year ago so i have had a lot to learn. i also had a very bad accident 18 moths ago in america. the first fall i ever had and i nearly died. i have struggled since then to learn to ride again (or should i say properly!?) and have been crippled by fear on and off.
lizzie is as bombproof as they get but lately she has become a little stroppy and difficult. not badly so at all and by no means dangerous but to me she may as well be!
i have tried hypnotherapy and a very successful caroline putus nlp course but this week it has all fallen apart and i havent been able to ride and i dont know why. all because lizzie was a little difficult last week and i had to use a few tricks to get her to chill out and move. she is grumpy and lazy someties and does her planting of feet and wont move or else she decides when and where she wants to go in a fast walk and i have a small battle of wills to get her to do as requested.
the week before in the school she was very naughty and tried everything to get out of work! we ended up trotting in a 10 metre circle because she decided one corner of the school as so scarey she couldnt go there.
i wonder if i am asking too much of her and she can feel i am not as relaxed as i should be so she takes advantage. my RI says she is just trying to get out of doing any work.
i really get lots out of lessons and i learn a lot about lizzie too. i know she tries to evade work, so schooling..half an hour a week or sometimes once a fortnight, is all we do. my riding is vastly improved afterwards and lizzie is always more in tune with me and listening afterwards.
but riding often becomes a real issue of fear and i feel i have to really force myself to do it so i find any excuse not to. but when i do ride its usually fantastic even when she 'plays up' then i have a real sense of achievement and joy and cant wait for the next time. in the time between riding i seem to focus on the bad bits and it then becomes an expectation that all will go wrong.
perhaps i am just below par this week and being hard on myself. i just wish i could be happy go lucky again and just get on and do it, like i did when i first learnt to ride 2 years ago. i feel this week i am wasting my time and wasting lizzie by not riding.
my riding is dependant on going out with others i feel comfortable with but i really wish i could hack out alone as i dont ride as much as i think i should sometimes. it would be wonderful to tack up in the early morning and just amble off accross the road into the woods and enjoy my time alone with my horse but i am too fearful and lizzie has a habit of refusing to do anything if she isnt ridden with confidence. i dont want to set us up for failure and set my confidence back too far.
i know i am not alone feeling like this. perhaps i am just looking for reassurance and feeling sorry for myself.
does anyone else feel the same? i never used to think of myself as a scaredy cat but it seems the older i get the more scared i am!

[sancho]

Hi there. I have just returned to riding after a 18 month break following an accident where I fractured my shoulder.

I too have a mare with confidence issues and thought for a long time that it was a pairing made in hell and that I should sell her!

However, after NLP I have turned a corner and have started to love riding again. I will never be able to ride my mare out on her own as she doesnt have the confidence but I am lucky in the fact that I have my daughter and a friend at least to ride out with.

Dont give up or be too hard on yourself. I know you said you only do arena work once a week but maybe you are expecting too much of yourself and you maybe need to just enjoy riding/ being around your horse without setting yourself goals etc just yet.

I know it isnt the same as riding out on your own but could you walk her out in-hand a few times and build up confidence that way?

On your hacks just love being out on her and put needing to go out alone 'away' for a few months. It will take you (and me) time to fully regain our confidence and I think its so easy to lose the enjoyment of horses by setting yourself up too much to achieve, in what can be a short space of time.

I am just hacking, working up to cantering up over the hills with the wind in my hair, without the need for valium before hand!!! ;) :p

Im even going on a 48hr 'holiday' with friends and horses later in the year and altho it will be on the XC course, I have not set myself any goals to jump!!
If I end up flatwork schooling but enjoying myself without feeling the urge to jump anything, then thats just fine. :o

Its nice to know there are other 'nervous nellies' out there eh? :)

I hope that helps!

[cc rider]

thank you sancho for your kind and helpful words. i think maybe you are right and i expect too much of myself. a friend reminded me today how far i have come with lizzie and i am proud of all i have accomplished.
there is strength in knowing i am not the only nervous nellie too!:D

[cc rider]

thank you sancho for your kind and helpful words. i think maybe you are right and i expect too much of myself. a friend reminded me today how far i have come with lizzie and i am proud of all i have accomplished.
there is strength in knowing i am not the only nervous nellie too!:D
i did an nlp course and really thought i had turned a corner too until this week. perhaps its just a case of one step forward and three back. it will even out sooner or later.

[sancho]

There's loads of us 'NN's on this forum!! Maybe we should have our own section??!! :D

Honestly tho, dont give up and try to concentrate on all the positive you've done. :)

[Imp]

Total respect and empathy towards you hun :)

I've not had a riding accident, I've been inured in a car crash (and was hit by a car as a child) and had ended up using my horse as a 'hanger' for my fear of being injured as people accepted it.

Long story short; I'm a long way from being confident but had NLP/Hypnotherapy a week ago and have ridden twice since, would have been more but for the awful weather :D I had a conversation on here (PM) with Sancho and that made me feel so much better too. I am a control freak and found NLP challenged me into accepting some rather bizarre behaviours during the session, once I'd let go I found it very helpful and the feeling grew somehow in the ensuing days. You have to have a very open mind.

Best of luck hun and remember, one step at a time, your horse doesn't give a fig about work if you don't want to do it so don't worry about wasting her, she'll keep for when you're ready :D

Lynda x x

[Mary Poppins]

I love horses but am the most nervous rider in the world. I have had a lovely mare on the loan for the last 4 years who I am able to hack out on but I still only stay in walk and refuse to ride with anyone who is not 100% in control of their horse. The scariest thing that she has ever done is a little spook which involved 2 side steps yet I still can't bring myself to hack anywhere than my 'safe' routes. This all stems from a bolting incident 16 years ago which I haven't got over (that makes me feel so old).

When me nerves were at their worst I would have to force myself to ride - and I always enjoyed it once I had got going. Keep at it and take little steps at a time. There are lots of people of NR who really do understand how you feel. Non horsey people would ask why we do it? It is some kind of obsession which keeps us going I think.

[*toHorse&Away*]

I can so sympathise. Its not a nice feeling.
Why not just take it easy and not bully yourself.
If you put too much pressure on yourself it may affect your confidence in the longer term.

[NicP]

Yes, focus on the positives and don't beat yourself up over the negatives.

My NN fear is jumping. I used to have no problem as a kid but then did a lot of years just hacking and now get really uptight about even the smallest of jumps on the most reliable of RS horses.

It is frustrating as logically I know I can do it and I haven't had a bad fall to put me off but emotionally I go into panic mode.

I've only had Cody a month and he needs work on his schooling (is fine hacking thankfully) and hasn't done much jumping but I am hoping that in time we can both start with trotting poles and work up from there.

[cc rider]

you guys are great. i feel like a really moaning minnie as well as a nervous nellie!!!!
its funny, the faster i go the happier and more relaxed i feel. i get nervous in walk as if waiting for something to go wrong! thats why lessons are a pain for me because all we do is walk and trot focussing on my position etc. out on a hack i just love trotting and cantering. i suppose its because in my mind thats the worst it can get going fast if you see what i am getting at?! and there is less for lizzie to get spooky about maybe cos she is up and moving and i have nothing else to think about.
after my accident i was rally scared of canter and just couldnt do it but then i found how to and i just love it and as i can get lizzie to canter now and keep it up i am always happy to canter!
tues i was to ride with another nn who is worse than me and usually i get all confident and brave so she is more relaxed but i just was paralyseed with fear.
ahh well just a glitch and i am sure friday's hack out will be excellent and then lizzie will be knackered for her lesson sat morning!! ha ha ha!
thanks to everyone who replied as i feel much better now!:D

[cc rider]

well........nervous nellie??? NOT TODAY!!!!!!!
i went out with three others today and we had a great time. lizzie was the most forward going she has ever been and we cantered so much my legs are aching!!! she was the only mare and she insists boys must be behind so her manners were a little bad...she barged through then once so she could be in the front! but we all know each other and horses well so it wasnt a problem.
looks like her fitness level is up lots as she manages to keep up most of the time. when i rode her at the riding school she was very hard work, difficukt to keep in anything other than walk.
i was nervous to begin with as i always am but once we settled into walk and i realised she was up for some fun it was great. perhaps i still mistake excitement for nerves?
i cannot thank you all enough for the helpful words.
she was so relaxed and happy and listening to me i didnt have to use my schooling whip much at all. she did everything i asked when i asked bless her.
now if i can just carry all the good thoughts over with me tomorrow in the school for my lesson!!!

[*toHorse&Away*]

So pleased to hear how well you got on. That sounds brilliant fun.
Its way esier to be critical schooling thats why its called schooling I supposed but there is nothing like a lovely canter to get your spirits up!

Hooray!:D

[cc rider]

another day of NO LONGER A NERVOUS NELLIE!!!!!!
excellent lesson. we focussed on getting lizzie to stop arguing with me and actually doing what is asked politely and without fuss all in walk and always thinking about my seat.
i was nervous beforehand and so i thought maybe go back to realy basic stuff by standing and being calm before i even got on because sometimes lizzie will fight me right from the start of the lesson and i find it a battle.
we got on and i settle and breathe and get comfortable and get my legs in a good position.
my RI is very pleased with my progress and she says she can see the change in my leg muscles already. she didnt correct me through the rest of the lesson either.
she thinks lizzie is an intellegent horse and after years of getting away with whatever she could now i need to focus on getting her to listen to me and we can become a good team. i was very happy to hear this as i never thought lizzie was stupid, just stubborn and used to getting her own way with begginers and poor riders in the riding school. she is hard work and i am always so happy when i have got it right and lizzie and i work together. i know she enjoys her work when i do get it right and i look forward to the day when it isnt a battle any longer!
i want to be an intellegent kind and gentle rider who uses calm methods and balance to ride effectively. not just plod along yanking lizzie all over the place.
lizzie did her usual trying not to stay on track around the school but she did listen and soften and only towards the end was she calling to her field mates and getting restless. but i handled it all well and she finished on a very good note by walking on and stopping in the middle when and where i asked.
the whole lesson was so calm and collected and easy for once and i really enjoyed it. it was a good contrast to the looning at full tilt around the woods yesterday, and i didnt ride round with my stomach in my mouth wanting it all to end soon!
i notice after a good lesson or ride these days lizzie is far more 'respectful' (for want of a better word) on the ground. she responds to my body language and stops trying to boss me about and accepts my direction. she is more cuddly and affectionate and i really feel we have an even deeper connection.
perhaps this is because i have owned her for just over a year now and for the last 6 months have been a constant in her life seeing her twice a day every day ever since i moved to the new yard and am on full DIY. i have to say it feels like magic and makes me smile. i think we have a real bond between us and i feel i am loved. soppy i know but i feel really lucky and priviledged to be able to have this kind of rapport with my horse or any horse/animal for that matter.
i got a puppy a month ago and i am sure lizzie is jealous when i bring him to the yard!? she looks at me differently and puts her nose in the air and stands stiffly. sometimes she completely ignores me and wont let me stroke her if frank the puppy is with me!
i wonder if it would be possible to learn a little bit of dressage with lizzie even at her 'old age'and mine!!?:D it might be fun trying?
p.s. sorry for such a long post but i have to tell someone and i can be a bit of a horsey bore!!

[Ctfarmgirl]

I ride a horse at lessons that sounds alot like your horse Lizzie. My RI found that if she used that horse more during the week he was less likely to try any of his usuall stunts. ie, not working, not trotting, trying to walk you back to the barn. Luckily his pace is slower than dirt so it's not as bad as it sounds.
knock on wood I haven't fallen off yet, so I don't know what you are going threw there. I guess I would try and remember why you started riding, and try to build that bond again with Lizzie. I hope that you can over come this, it sounds like you really enjoyed your self before.

[Virago]

:) :) :) :) :) :) !!

So happy things are going well for you, cc. You've been through a lot and deserve all the horsey fun in the world now!

Things are going superbly for me too! Bless Caroline for her NLP magic! ;)

[sancho]

Woo Hoo! well done!!!:D :D

[cc rider]

hee hee. thanks!:D bless caroline and her NLP magic indeed!