Not being able to bond with a horse?

[rusk]

I inherited my friend's horse when she died last year. I really wasn't sure if it was a good idea but felt duty bound to do it for her. He isn't my kind of horse at all, too small, too light, too much of a handful really. And the worst part, I didn't really trust him. My horses are good to handle and anyone can look after them without fear of being kicked bitten or pushed about. This one is different.
All year I have tried to get on better with him, bringing him in so that we spent more time together. However, now I have put him out on loan, I just could not like him at all and I feel quite guilty. He has a good home though and one to one attention now which is maybe what he needs. In a way I felt he was being horrible to me because he always expected to see my friend with me.
Has anyone else felt there is a horse they just could not get on with no matter what?

[Tots N Dots]

Yes!
I bought a lovely horse off a friend some time back, I just couldnt jell with her her at all :o I am used to youngsters and/or rescue horses, I think that as she had no issues to work on I couldnt build trust with her? it was a mutual thing, I had a hell of a time with her, she went back to her previous owner for a few weeks and apart from one day as she came into season she was an angel, the moment she was back with me she kicked off again, this time infront of previous owner who I feel was a bit shocked, but what she saw of her behaviour I was dealing with on a daily basis most of the time.
she was fine with everyone else it was just me? a real personality clash!

[Ms Kitty]

There is a horse at my yard that I just can't bring myself to ride. I have ridden her once because I had no choice and I wanted to see if I can get past this feeling, she went fine, she is in no way a difficult or unpleasant horse to ride, she is not the prettiest you've ever seen but not ugly either, and she is completely normal to handle on the ground, doesn't try to kick or bite.

But I just can't. I go "eugh" the moment I see her. I don't want to be anywhere near her, touch her or anything. I know I am being really unfair to her, and I know it sounds really childish to act this way, but I just really can't stand her.. :o

Nina x

[*toHorse&Away*]

Yes, I mean its only natural you won't get along with every horse like we don't get along with all people, they all have their personalities!
You did your best and if the horse now has a good home on a loan, then everything has worked out for the best.
There is one at my yard that just don't get along with, don't know why, just can't put my finger on it and I move heven and earth not to have to ride him.

[Trewsers]

Yep - I don't always gel with other people's horses, on a yard I used to be on there was a couple of horses that I just couldn't take to. Don't feel bad about putting the horse out on loan - I'm sure it is happy enough!

[Frances]

Definitely know what you are saying.

I used to run a riding school/trekking centre with Wally. We would buy ponies/horses for the school and there were some I could work with, but did not particularly like, trust or would keep if they were not working. No fault of theirs, I just did not get on with them.

There were some, on the other hand, that I loved to bits, some that took a few years to actually grow on me. It was funny, there was one mare who I used to lead folk on, I never particular bonded with her until I noticed after a few years that she was a good person, trustworthy and I quietly realised I admired her. Never one to set the world on fire, she put up with alot from less empathic folk. I never rode her just led her and tacked her up and we began to develop a private language and understanding. Now I like her alot!

Some you do and some you don't. Some grow on you secretly and then it all comes together and some it never does.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Take a step back and try and work out what is not working and whether it is fixable or not.

Good luck
Fx

[Ctfarmgirl]

That's what I'm going threw with my son's horse. She's a green horse that tries her hardest to learn with my son. (he's seven) But there's no connection between her and I. My hubby says I'm crazy, but if I'm going to ride with the confedence that I need shouldn't I have a bond with the horse? Needless to say I don't ride her much. At least now I know it's not just me :)

[ShariN]

Yes,, there has been a few times over the years where the personally has clashed.
The best thing to do is find that horse an home and a person that goes well with it. Nothing to feel gulity about.

[Mushy]

I was working at an SJ yard in Holland, I had 23 horses to look after, i had few that were my favourites that i bonded with really well, most i got on with fine and had no trouble with at all. But there was one particular mare that i hated the first time i laid my eyes on her. She was beautiful chestnut just the kind of horse i would have. But something about her gave me the creeps everytime i went near her and the feeling turned out to be mutual when i went to clean her stable out the first time. First she bit me, when i turned her out she tried running over me and when i lunged her she turned over and kicked me in the stomach. She was an angel to another groom in the yard, and i have no idea why we disliked eachother so much :o
Guess its one of those things.

[NoviceNic]

I bought my first horse off my friend. I struggled with her for 9 months. I really didnt cope at all well and decided to sell her for her own good in the end.:o

[gone24now]

I had purchased a mare a few months ago. I spent hours hanging out with her, talking to her, grooming her, treats for her, hours and hours....but the connection and bond never came. I never completely trusted her, however I pushed on thinking that it would happen. Me riding her became less and less, it was never relaxing wondering if she would rear or buck or bolt. Funny thing about it is when I started looking into the many previous owners of the horse, they replied that her attitude and unwillingness to give into bonding with her owners was a constant problem. I was soooo frustrated thinking of all the hours I put into something that was never going to happen. My gelding now, we bonded very quickly about the third day I had him. It was an amazing feeling and I love him so much. If it ain't there, it aint' there and don't feel guilty at all, you did what was best for you and the horse, and I'm pretty sure that is all that your friend would have wanted anyways! :)

[Wally]

I think you have done right by the horse and your friend by putting her to a home who do get on with her.

Well done, you cannot like every horse, it just ain't going to happen.