motivation needed. big style!

[Lucy J]

so a few of you will know I've had to move myself, 4 year old son and horse up from hampshire up to scotland back near family after splitting up with husband and everything has been fine. ciara has settled in very well, Justin is getting there and I've got the same job, however there was so much going on with the move and settling ciara in that i must have been on automatic pilot. now all that is left to do is unpack a few boxes (that I have been looking at for the last 3 days) empty the rest of my horse stuff out the trailer and put the finishing touches to the new house, (and hope my house in hampshire sells asap.)

however, i am losing motivation by the minute. i have lost all inclination to tidy up, cook, clean, ride, everything. i have been trying all day to sort out the house and mentally I just can't do it. so i thought perhaps I should ride out as i know that will make me feel better, but i haven't been able to bring myself to do that either so lastly i thought i should at least do some work, but I haven't been able to bring myself to make any phonecalls.

what is wrong with me? can you peeps shake me up a bit? its not like me (unless I have PMT which I don't at the moment!)


gggrrr, i now feel as if a whole day has been wasted. all i've managed to do is watch TV and surf New Rider. I turn off the TV to do some work and end up on here and vice versa. I promised little Justin the whole house would be sorted by the time i collect him from nursery and his breafast plate isn't even washed up yet :mad:

[Virago]

Phew, take it easy on yourself, LucyJ! You've had massive changes in your life recently - personal circumstances, location etc etc. It may be that you are just having a delayed reaction to all that. Perhaps a smidgeon of depression too - only you will know that - but that it completely understandable with all the upheavals. Even if things all seem to be going swimmingly, it's still CHANGE and humans react unpredictably to that sometimes, even to good changes (as I'm sure all yours will turn out to be in the long run!)

In the meantime, pop into NR for company but also perhaps just set yourself small tasks rather than just looking at the whole mountain of stuff still to do! Unpack half a dozen items or wash up that breakfast plate!;) Then take a break. It's like that saying 'How do you eat an elephant? .... a small piece at a time!'

[laura jeanne]

Give yourself permission to do NOTHING for a few days and just go visit your horse, you don't have to ride. Lovely horsey atmosphere will make you feel good and the rest can wait. It sounds like you are just overwhelmed with changes and a bit depressed. (probably not much help but I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time)

[Stella2]

Divorce is a bareavement, even when its out of a bad marriage. Trying to just get on with life and be fine wouldn't work for most people. You are entitled to go through all kinds of feelings, depression, anger, apathy. Give yourself time to breath. It will pass :)

[Bay Mare]

You're running pretty high on the 'stressful events' scale. Divorce, moving and basically upending your whole life. OF COURSE you're feeling drained and 'can't be bothered'.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. It's been a huge change for you. Take your time and above all make some 'you time' even if it's just for 15 minutes a day. Go and confide in your ned, you don't need to ride, they're great for levelling us humans and reducing our stress levels.

All the best


x

[Est]

Echo everything that's been said! You've been so busy *doing* stuff recently, and making decisions, and staying strong... no wonder you're drained now. Let the breakfast plates pile up! Ciara will enjoy a few weeks off. Do some messy finger painting with Justin, read a book, surf NR as much as you want. You DESERVE and need some down time. Who cares if the house isn't shining? Chill out, recharge your batteries, and then tackle the jobs a few at a time (I really like Virago's elephant suggestion :D ) when you feel able to get motivated. If you're worried because the house starts turning into the Twilight Zone, ask your family for a bit of practical support for a while. I bet they'd love to help if they know they're needed :)
I agree there may be a touch of depression. You could register with a new GP and have a chat with them, or try the DIY approach (sunshine, a gentle walk with Justin, St Johns Wort, a Bach flower remedy (http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm) such as olive, plenty of fruit and veg... etc).
You've coped fantastically well with all the upheaval and change, don't beat yourself up now that your body is saying, "Enough!" for a while :)

[Faerie Rider]

Hey there..please don't stress about house stuff all Justin is going to care about is that his room is sorted and that all his toys are there! Step back from the house it will still be there ...go out for lunch with a friend/family member and just chill put the last (what frankly sounds like hideous) few months behind you and do some stuff for you.

We all need time out occassionally...never feel guilty about it.

loads of love hugs and best wishes to you

FR
x

[capalldubh]

Hi there,

Think I missed you this evening - I just glanced at the car and assumed you were in the field, but when I got into the field there was no sign (unless you were walking down the other side of the trees while we were walking up).

Take it easy - I think you're doing an amazing job of setting in, and the organisation required to get you, Justin, Ciara and all your stuff up here plus juggling work was really impressive! I think you probably put all your effort into getting everything sorted, but squished down all the emotional stuff that would have interfered with that. So when everything is now sorted out and should be running smoothly, the things that you didn't have time to deal with get a chance to catch up with you.

How about a spa treatment? I can recommend a nice one in Glasgow :) I always find a long grooming session is relaxing too, just making some time to just hang out in the field (after my horse annoys you for about 5 minutes he gets bored and goes off on his own, promise ;) ). Keeps me and K sane (well, partly sane as you may have observed...)

[Lucyad]

OK, I can possibly help with the ride thing - I have all tomorrow night off (DD on sleepover) and all Thursday afternoon off!!! Fancy doing the big moor ride?????

On everything else, give yourself a break!!! I am an exhausted headless chicken and I have my OH to help, havent just moved to the other end of the country, and dont have the resposiblity of working for myself. Give yourself some time to get back into the swing of things, and accept any help that is offered (and ask for some more).

And should you want to meet up for a drink and a general moan about how there is too much to do and no time to do it, I would be up for it any time!

[domane]

Sounds to me like you have a form of depression. You have been running on auto-pilot for the past few weeks and now that the dust is settling and there really isn't a lot more to worry about (apart from selling the house) it sounds like it is finally sinking in that your marriage is over and you have relocated lock, stock and barrell. You've been so busy organising everyone else that you forgot about yourself and your own feelings and it sounds like they are just starting to catch up with you. Please don't let this go on for too long. Visit your GP and talk... get some counselling if you need or even some .... dare I say it.... happy tablets, If your GP feels they would benefit you, to tide you over through a very difficult period in your life.

In the meantime, we are all still here to chat to as well. It will pass and you will feel better able to cope.

Hang in there

(((hugs)))
xxxx,

[coverblown]

oh poor you - after all your organising and everything, it gets really well sorted and now you feel rotten.

Get the rest you deserve - I can't be bothered often means that I need to sleep or calm my head down for a while: and you have hung in there for months now, not just the split up, but all the reorganising, and did you really want to come back to bonnie scotland?

Hopefully you will feel better after a few days, but if you don't then go and see your (presumably new) GP. It could be a mild depression, and he or she can help!!

[NoviceNic]

I just want to give you a huge hug.:) You are going through a very difficult time in your life. It is exhausting and you will feel less motivated. My advise to you would be to keep housework to a bare minimum. It will still be there the next day. ;) Time for you time I think. Go and have a cuddle with your horse. Groom her and give her a bath. Essential me time.:D

[NicP]

I agree with what the others have said - you have been through a huge amount and with the responsibility for your son and your horse, you have done so well to cope. Don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do or you will feel even worse.

Accept that it is fine to feel like this, do what you feel able to and it will get better.

[RustyMary]

((((hugs)))) from Slovenia. Like everyone says, just give yourself a break! You've been amazing coping with all of that over the past few months, of course there's going to be a reaction. So what if the house isn't completely sorted yet? Give yourself a good couple of weeks of doing not very much at all. I'd say you probably don't need to go rushing off to the doctor yet though, only if you're still feeling like this in 3-4 weeks time - your reaction sounds utterly normal to me. How many changes do you want in a short time!

Look after yourself, only do what is absolutely necessary, put no pressure on for a while and I think you'll find that you'll start to bounce back quite soon. If you're feeling stronger one day, fine - if the next you feel awful again, that's fine too, just do what you feel you can cope with on any one day. It's NOT wasted time, it's recovery time, and you are well entitled to some of that!

[*toHorse&Away*]

Who says you have to be doing everything all the time?
It sounds like you have been through an awful lot. I mean two major life events, the split and the cultural change of a move...you wouldn't be human if you just sailed through it.
You are beating yourself up for wasting day (or so) flitting between trying to make yourself do something you are really not in the mood to and NR for a bit of normality probably.
Things will get back on an even keel as new routines get sorted.
Just take each each day at it comes.
Sounds like you have a lot of friends AND you are near your family. :)
As long as you guys have food on the table and clothes on your back to heck with the rest of it ay?

[Mary Poppins]

I think that you have done fantastically well to get your family settled in Scotland in such a short time. It seems that you have put your son and horse before yourself and now that they are settled it is time to concentrate on yourself. Give yourself credit for what you have achieved.

To move forward practically try to set yourself small tasks - instead of saying that you need to sort the whole house out, just set a goal of tidying the kitchen. By setting small aims you won't feel as if you have failed if you don't achieve your big goal. Also make sure that you give yourself some 'you' time and recognise that you have had a difficult time. It may be just starting to sink in now and perhaps talking through your feelings with a close friend might help you to deal with them and move forward.