Heartbreaking decision

[Trixie]

I have had to make the decision to give up the horse I share with my yard-owner and I'm devastated. I wasn't very happy for the last few months, but when I came back from holiday it was awful. I felt like a complete outsider and I was very uncomfortable.

I hadn't seen Phoenix for three weeks and was so looking forward to having a cuddle with him, but I ended up leaving in tears after just an hour. I spent the weekend thinking about how things have changed recently and decided I really didn't want to have to cope with that sort of atmosphere. There's no point in being unhappy at the yard and it was rubbing off on Phoenix.

I adore Phoenix sooooo much and when I went up on the Monday to give a month's notice I had a horrible time. After an hour and three quarters of hanging about with no-one talking to me I gave my notice by text message since that seemed the only option. Then I went down the field to him. It was awful. I'll never love another horse the way I love Phoenix. He was my best friend, my baby, my big, black, smelly, bolshy cob with a heart of pure gold. When I left he was standing at the gate ignoring his fieldmates and staring at me:(:(:( It's the worst and most horrible decision I've had to make, but it's for the best (for reasons that I really can't go into in detail)

I need a few NR hugs just to help me get over this.

[curlycal]

Sending {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} to you

Hope things are better soon

Cal x

[fairlady]

I know you say you cannot go into much detail, but surely you can give an inkling as to why you have had to make such a difficult and hard decision.

You say there is an atmosphere so I can only presume you have fallen out with somebody at the yard or there is a little 'click' that you have not been part of that is making you feel like an outsider, and therefore miserable.

This is what I really hate about 'the horsey world' (although to be honest its not just the horsey world). Why is there always a 'small' minority that trys to make life uncomfortable for the majority. Its just a form of BULLYING.

I am so sorry that you feel this is the only way to 'deal' with whatever is happening, either to you directly, or around you, but cannot really make any other comments or offer any other advice because you do not feel that you can say what is happening.

My thoughts are with you, I am so sorry that you are feeling so low and miserable at the moment:)

[Afellpony]

I'm sorry you had to give your horse up but what happened that you had to?

[frazz_starlight]

So sorry to hear your news.
It's a shame he was shared with the yard owner, other wise you could have moved yards.
I had the same problem, and with me being a teenager it was just pure b****yness, so i moved my horse.
Sorry again, just remember the happy times :)
xXx

[cazrider]

Difficult decision, but I'm sure you made it for the best of reasons. Hope you feel better soon.

[rubysmum]

so sorry to hear yr news - big hugs as requested -sometimes as one door closes another oneopens - hope something good happens soon:)

[NicP]

Really sorry to hear you've had to make this decision - clearly not one you made lightly.

Hope you are feeling better really soon.

[Trio]

oh you poor thing, i know what its like - although i got on briliantly with my the lady i shared the horse with i always felt like an outsider at the yard as well as i didn't have my own horse and there seems to be a bit of a stigma attched to sharing for some reason.
Is it really worth giving up the share for this reason if you love the horse and how do you get on with the owner?
Sending hugs to you- there are some lovely yards out there with really nice people and i'm always ultra friendly now to anyone new whether they own, loan or share after experiencing this.

[Sammii]

I went through a similiar sort of thing recently. Such and such happened and I was contemplating finishing my loan with Red and just getting off that yard as quick as I could. I went down to see Red the next day, and I couldn't do it. Even if me and Red were my only friends down there, it was enough to make me realise they're not worth losing the one best thing that's ever happened to me over.

I do think you're very brave for walking away though, I hope everything works out for you :)

[Trixie]

I can't realy go into details cos another livery at the yard comes on to this board and I don't want to put her in an awkward position. It's not really fair to her. One thing I can say is that this person is NOT any part of the problem and I believe she may have gone through the same thing last year.

What I can say is that, as a side issue to the other problems, I was only allowed to ride my share horse in a lesson given by his owner, a lesson that I paid for. If I had to cancel a lesson, that meant no riding for me.

I was never the most confident rider and my horse was very green. I did oodles of groundwork with him and got him pretty obedient. I trained him to lead without tanking off, I hacked him out (not far), I schooled him, I groomed him and had such a strong bond.

Last summer he was managing walk, trot and canter in the school, with only a few slight problems (such as two circuits - with a change of rein - in buck!).

I got very ill last autumn and only got back to riding in the spring of this year. That was when I was told to only ride him in lessons. I admit I was nervous in that lesson, but with other clients looking on and one interfering and giving me instructions which contradicted the person giving the lesson, I'm surprised that I persevered until the end.

When the yard owner contacted me about having given notice she said she had been thinking along those lines and that I was getting more and more nervous. I can't say I agree with that.

I just felt very like an outsider. People actually running to hide when I arrived, having my horse called away from me while I was grooming him loose, being blanked when I said hello, or getting a hello back then not another word. If I didn't say hello first, nothing would be said. It all sounds like very small, petty things, but it had been going on for months and it wore me down. I thought it would be different after my holiday, but it was worse when I came back.

With things as bad as that it wasn't fair on my horse. I wouldn't want to go to the yard very often given how I felt and he would be left alone. I couldn't do that to him. He deserves someone steady to care for him and spoil him and love him.

Anyway, that's as detailed as I can manage. I've had to leave out some of the most hurtful things. However, I can say that this person who was "too nervous" to ride outside of a lesson has started riding a 17hh Grade A showjumper, started training two three year old semi-wild ponies, begun reschooling a 16.2 ID/TB cross with an attitude problem and has just taken delivery of a gorgeous palomino mare all of her very own and ridden her bareback on the day she was delivered. All are kept at a friend's place, some are hers, and I can do what I want when I want without worrying about other people.

I'm still struggling to come to terms with giving up Phoenix - the most wonderful horse I will ever know.

[NicP]

Those aren't 'small and petty' things, they are horrible and I would have got really upset too. I am sorry you went through that and think you did well to last as long as you did.

I know you will miss Phoenix but am glad you have some others to ride, including one of your own! And kept with a friend who can help and support you and share the experiences. That is good news.

Let us know how you get on with the new brood and post some pics if you have any.

[Mary Poppins]

I know just how you feel. I used to share a horse and although I adored the horse I just didn't fit in the the owner or her friends. They were never nasty as such - they just hardly ever spoke to me and made me feel so left out. I was pretty nervous at the time and all I got was snide comments which made me feel really useless and stuplid. I really wanted the share to work out so stuck it out for 8 months but I used to dread any of them being there when I was. If I was alone it was great, but my stomach used to turn into butterflies when one of their cars turned up.

As events turned out, the horse just wasn't suitable for me and after I lost control of him at a show both the owner and myself wanted to end the arrangment. I got a couple of fantastic horses to loan at the same yard, made some great friends and never looked back.

I hope that you find something more suitable with nicer people!

[fairlady]

You will never forget Phoenix, and why would you want to. The problem was not with him. Remember the happy times with him and not the people from the yard who sound like they were the ones giving you doubts about your abilities in the first place instead of encouraging you:)

Unfortunately, you come across these types of people in all walks of life and sometimes it is easier to walk than stand your ground:) Its not giving in to them, sometimes it is difficult to find the 'extra energy' needed to deal with.

I wish you the very best of luck with your new venture with someone who sounds like a true friend. She/He obviously has the confidence in you to deal with the horses. Remember Phoenix always and what that horse taught you, cos they all teach us something, move on and enjoy:)

[RustyMary]

What a shame you have had to give him up for such stupid and unfair reasons. I agree with NicP - they are not petty at all, that kind of behaviour is enough to wear anyone down. Good luck with your new situation ((((hugs))))