Big Confidence Issues!

[oumbagirl]

Hi everyone - very new to this forum, but seems an excellent way to support one another!

Anyway- tips please, I am a 50's plus lady rider who started out again after a 35 year break after a freak riding accident. All was going pretty well and was having lessons on a regular basis, but confidence swings are my bug bear at present. Have also been on some riding holidays, and even managed to canter/gallop confidently on beach!

That being said, decided to move on to loaning a horse permanently this summer time and all started really well. Horse is a beautiful 5 year old TB out of racing because he sustained bad tendon injury (is now fine after 3 months box rest and no riding 3 months). Has wonderful personality and I would say was very very quiet for a TB. Problem is me, I have been getting more and more wound up about cantering him in the school as he is quite unbalanced on one side (I thought it was his old injury) but I now think its because he's an ex racer and only every had two speeds walk/gallop.

Know I have uphill struggle, but he's such a sweety and I am sure we can both learn together. Came off the other week whilst asking him to canter on dodgy side, and this has wrecked my confidence some what. Also, my confidence issues are spilling over into leading him as he has reared a couple of times and bucked several when passing two particular horses who are always trying to barge him! To add to my tale of woe had three lessons from an RI that were a disaster as I felt she tried to push both my boy and me too far too quickly::eek: so am now looking for more understanding RI into natural horsemanship and who doesn't feel they need to prove anything to me!!!!!

Am I mad, or what can I do to lower my adrenalin levels in this situation? By the way - will not part with my horse under any circumstances even if it takes me until I am 65!!!!! oumbagirl:):)

[Virago]

Hi Oumbagirl & welcome to the wonderful world of NR. You're right, we are a helpful and supportive bunch!

I too have struggled with confidence issues, as a rider returning to horses in my 40s after a 25 year gap! I had really good results from going on a confidence-building course run by Caroline Putus - a lifelong horsewoman and NLP (neurolinguistic programming) practitioner. I have posted extensively on this forum so I won't go into the details again but you can search my posts for soem threads on it or please feel free to PM me for more info.

Caroline's website is www.enjoyriding.com

I did the course earlier this year and it really has TRANSFORMED me and my riding by giving me tools and techniques to keep me calm, relieve the symptoms of panic and stress and also help keep the horse calm as I am riding.

Good luck and have fun around the forum! :)

[coverblown]

It looks fantastic - but quite expensive....

[Cobgirl]

Hi welcome to the forum - like many others, I am in my late 50's and had a 40year break from riding! Took it up 6 months ago and now part loan a lovely cob mare. I had a bad fall prior to giving up riding all those years ago, whilst cantering in the woods. My confidence with cantering is shot at the moment as I fell off yesterday.

My RI knows my fears and I am now taking tiny baby steps with riding. I love dressage and perfecting my leg aids etc, so am concentrating on that and forgetting the canter for a loooooong while!

I think you have to find the way that suits you and not let your RI bully you into doing anything you are not comfortable with. You are paying for the lessons and riding should be fun!!

I think as we age (gracefully I might add), our memories of when we rode when younger sometimes cloud the fact that we are older and cannot perform the same feats as when we were young! Lol, I cannot ground mount anymore, cannot just jump off a horse (more like lean over and slide off!) Cannot do lots of things I once could and it is frustrating - but just being back in the saddle is the most adrenalin rush I want for the moment!!

Best of luck with your boy and finding the right RI.

[Stella2]

Hi and welcome to NR :)

The most important thing you could do IMO is find a really good, understanding instructor. Its a minefield I know. I stumbled from one poor instructor to another in the early days. when I found a really good one (I now know 4 really good ones - it seems they are like buses!) it transformed everything for me :)

No doubt there are good AIs. I know of one, but as I said to her, she teaches like an II. There will of course also be poor IIs, but fortunately I haven't met one yet. At least an II has shown a high level of commitment to teaching by studying to a higher level. I have noticed a huge qualitative difference between IIs and AIs. AIs are the most common instructors and the training to qualify as an AI really doesn't demand very much of them! Also remember that because someone can ride well, it does not mean that they can teach well and lots of instructors have unrealistically high opinions of their skills. If you can find the right person , I feel sure you will begin to feel better and your confidence can start growing.

When you identify the instructor, maybe don't work on canter at all until you have had at least a few lessons and feel that all three of you are on the same page. The right person will also probably be happy to get on board your horse and assess the canter so she/he can be better informed when teaching you.

You could put up a thread asking people to recommend IIs in your area and also look on the BHS website. When you have some in mind, it is usually considered quite acceptable to ask if you can go along and watch a lesson and that will help you decide if they are for you and your boy.

[oumbagirl]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for replying so quickly. Just to let you know I am going on a 5 day Intelligent Horsemanship Course near Cirencester tomorrow run by Nicole Golding and Adam Goodfellow who are certified Monty Roberts trainers, and also do some Mary Wanless stuff which I don't know much about.

Its quite expensive, but if they can diagnose perhaps where my balance needs to improve, and work with me on that as well as my confidence issues I will be well pleased and it will have been worth both the journey and the money. Will let you folks know about the course next week when I get back.

Got on Dipper for the first time in a long while this morning, especially nerve racking (no one for support). He was a really sweety because it was so cold here and as you know TB's do not like to shiver. Anyway had 15 minutes in the school with him just walking and trotting. Did me a world of good! and my confidence levels soard - well at least for an hour afterward!!!!

Anyway cobgirl - understand exactly where you are coming from re canter work and we can support each other in this I am sure.

Bye for now. Will post again Monday when I return from course. Oumbagirl.

[Stella2]

That all sounds great, good luck :)

[NicP]

Hi,

PM me to let me know where you are in Cambs as my RI is lovely and I would recommend her to anyone. I have only owned my horse since May but she has made a huge difference to how we are getting on since I've had lessons.

[Cobgirl]

Enjoy your course, sounds great. Look forward to your report next week.

[alyrosie]

Oh Oumbagirl the nerves are a killer arent they, cant really offer any advice cos i am in the same boat with an ex p2p winner i got 2 weeks ago. He is calm and kind but i cant bring myself to do anymore than a walk and few strides in trot. I really want to canter but fear is stopping me. I keep reading your post and replies with interest to see if anyone has any good ideas. I will be gettin an RI out soon to help but in the meantime am just gonna carry on with the basics cos its good bonding time for us both. Good luck with it all and keep us posted. One day we will both be cantering off into the sunset!!!

[Trewsers]

Hello there! I think you need to stop putting pressure on yourself to canter - and any riding instructor too - find one who wants to understand you need to progress maybe a little slower. There is nowt worse than doing something too soon!!! Glad you have clicked with this horse - you've got the right attitude - you're like me and OH (we're a bit older to be returning to riding - both 38) OH has a tb that gave him a bit of a run around at first!!
Wishing you lots of good luck anyway, and look forward to hearing your progress!!!

[Kittycat]

Hello and welcome to NR.:)

I haven't got any advice as such, apart from to say don't feel you have to push yourself to canter if you are nervous. Perhaps someone else can school him in canter for you for a while? That may take some of the pressure off you and help balance him?

Good luck, and I hope you enjoy your course. Don't forget to tell us all about it!:)

[icegirl]

I too, await hearing about your course with interest. I read a book by these two and it was the first book I read about NH, causing me to do more research and change the way I did lots of things.
I agree with everyone else about doing things within your own comfort zone for the mo.
Lots of people dont understand fear because they have never felt it and they dont always make good RIs. Its a tough balance, encouraging someone to try new things but not pushing too hard, so that their confidence increases as they GRADUALLY attempt more.
I found that enlisting the support of sympathetic but more confident riders as hacking buddies was also really invaluable.

[NoviceNic]

Sadly tis a fact with us oldies that confidence comes and goes. :rolleyes: Get yourself some trusted support. My coblet and I are living proof that confidence comes back with a bang..both on the ground and in the saddle :D

pm for support anytime you like. ;)

[Trixie]

I have problems with confidence too and it can be really soul-destroying when you don't reach the goals you set yourself, even just within one riding session.

I've learned that I have more chance of doing what I want to do if I approach every single ride with the attitude that I'm just going to work on my horse's walk. It lets me know what sort of mood she's in. Then a little voice in my head says "Go on, you wus, you know you want to trot" and off I go. Some days the little voice then says "Go on wus, you know you want to canter" and I'm happy with just ten strides of canter. Other days it just feels right and I do a whole circuit of the school or more.

I let my horse and my inner voice dictate what I feel able to do. If I feel very nervous about doing something, I don't push myself - doing it and failing because you're too tense and the horse senses it does more to damage your confidence than not doing it and wishing you had.

On this basis, I've been able to canter a school horse the first time on and I only made the decision to go for it as I approached my transition point. I've also been able to deal with spooks bareback (something I wouldn't ever haave tried to do). With a saddle, I now say "Spooks? So what?" when I'm on my own horse. Having said that, the spooks are tiny, but still, they're spooks.

I actually tried this mare out on the spur of the moment and I hadn't ridden properly for about 6 months. I amazed myself, but that's because I told myself I didn't "need" to do it - I took the pressure off. When you do that, you calm down, the adrenalin levels drop and you end up thinking more sensibly . You can be surprised at the change in you when you do that. I found this out by chickening out on my own, with no outside pressure to get on and do it.

So, take the pressure off yourself, concentrate on what you're comfy with and don't think you're wasting your time. I'm a great believer in the benefits of good, forward walk and trot work, especially walk.

[oumbagirl]

Hi everyone, just an update as now back from course and thawing out nicely. Was intensive 4.5 days with individual lessons morning and afternoon and then observing and group participation whilst other three individuals had their lessons so it was a type of extended 'clinic' environment. Course was good, although I think is probably better in the summer when weather more clement so to speak as there is a lot of standing around or sitting on the side of the school (concrete wall is very cold even with comfy cushions!!!).

Was able to concentrate to seat practice to establish balance and this involved three intensive lunge sessions with lots of exercises both in walk and trot. Have learnt that my body is just not that supple any more, and when trying the right hand to horses left hip and doing kickdowns or scissor kicks it was nigh impossible to keep my torso twisted to the degree that I could rebalance! It was great fun though and I do think I have improved although it will need working on.

Also did a lot of ground work which has upped my confidence, and have learned how to long-line although again its all about practice but I have been given a tool that will help me to supple Dipper from the ground which is useful.

Returned to stables/Dipper morning to have a ride and just did 10 mins mounted walk and trot, and then walked out with him on the lead rope down the lane as he has not been out for a while.

What you are all saying was reinforced on the clinic, in that keep adrenaline levels down, be consistent, and don't p*** the horse off by doing too much - "always leave him & you wanting more"! so did that this morning - and fulfilled realistic goals.

Pretty much a sucessful clinic - can provide details should anyone want.

p.s. has anybody ever ridden in the 'Tyne' Riding muck boots and how did you get on? have a pair of their yard boots but you can't ride in those as they are not safe for mounted work so I thought perhaps I could combine yard/riding with their specifically designed riding boots. Any feedback really appreciated. Oumbagirl

[icegirl]

Glad the course went well.
I dont have the boots you describe but something a bit similar by Mountain Horse which are good for yard work and riding.

[eml]

I would get in touch with the 'Ex Racers club' or ROR.

Ex racers are normally outside the experience of most teachers and you need someone who understands then and their previous training. One sidedness is a common problem, learn to push him off your inside leg while asking for canter.

Generally these are quick thinking horses who need you to understand their issues and work with them.

Trying not to start a war but natural horsemanship techniques seldom work with them as they have a history of handling by experienced people and are generally happier with a dominant 'mum' type partnership than most NH people accept

[oumbagirl]

Thanks everyone for your helpful suggestions and advice. Will let the forum know progress from time to time. Hope to become a regular member and be supportive for everyone else too. Cheers - and good riding everybody!!! Oumbagirl...

[sancho]

Another 'older' rider with confidence issues here!!

NLP worked for me and Im back riding now.

Good luck, there's always alot of support on here.