Crisis of confidence......

[Monty]

I've been looking for a horse for the last 12 months, and as a lot of you know, got it wrong twice. I'm now losing confidence. I suddenly feel very old at 45, and my disability suddenly seems so much more of an issue...in fact I'm beginning to feel, not so much nervous, as useless. Like I will have forgotten everything I ever knew. Like I'm too old for it all, and that everyone around me thinks I should be hanging up my boots for good.

Sometimes wonder whether they're right or not. Sigh!!:rolleyes:

[Sammii]

You have a lot of experience Monty, and you know it. Experience in the way of visual images/understanding will never be forgotten. It's upsetting that you're losing faith, I really hope that there is something good just around the corner... :)

[KAB]

Your not alone - I feel exactly like that. But if the truth be known, you are a very talented lady, you just need reminding of this now and again!

If you want to see what useless is, come and spend a day with me - you will go away feeling great! Its hard to believe I used to ride so well as a child and enter show jumping comps. I did....honest......reallly.....i did! :)

Chin up sweet - I think age does play on our mind a lot doesnt it. But why should we allow it! xxx

[jazzybear]

Aww Monty, big hugs!!

Of course you shouldnt be giving it all up! If you do you will just miss it!

I think most people go through confidence issues, you just need to try to stick with it. The right horse is out there for you, just waiting for you to find it!!

Good luck and keep your chin up xx

[shandy84]

Monty I saw those pictures of your gorgeous girl at her show that you posted, so okay although it's taking a while to find the right horse they do exist somewhere and the proof you are good is in your determination in doing well with your little girl, you've been through so much don't give up.

Also just a note to KAB you ARE a good horsewoman :)

I had a different crisis of confidence recently I am only just starting to get out of it, little did I know that I felt so blue when I was lacking in confidence now i'm starting to feel better, it just takes the right horse or pony to make you realise it :)

[*Sez*]

Hi Monty :D
I empathise completely and understand where you're coming from. After a hypnic jerk falling asleep four weeks ago (who's stupid idea was it for the human body to leap around as it fell asleep?? :rolleyes:) I seem to have redone the damage caused two years ago when I fell down the stairs at work. As it is winter, my joints are more fragile anyway and my pain levels are increased, so with my back being an additional swine, I am feeling very sorry for myself, and guilty that others are having to do EVERYTHING regarding Salsa for me. I've always found certain aspects of his care "difficult" but recently, I have suddenly found a new word in my vocabulary... "impossible".
So I have also been feeling old (aged 23 :o), and worthless and have thought about selling Salsa on to a home that will be more "capable" and I will stop being such a burden on everyone else.

However, I know how much pleasure I get out of just being at the stables, whether I feel up to a ride or not. You've had a rough time of it with your horse-search, and I wish I could point you in the direction of that perfect four-legged friend who will boost your confidence. Your opinions, and well thought out posts are extremely valuable to other members, and you are a very experienced and trusted adviser for a lot of us.

It sounds as though you maybe need to take some pressure off yourself and your horse-hunt, but I doubt you will hang up your boots for good ;). Horses get into the blood, and if you take a bit of time for yourself to relax and unwind, I'm sure you will find yourself back round to horses again before long.

I really wish I could make things better for you, Monty.
Big (((((HUG)))). You are far from useless.

[Lgd]

Think the dark wet Welsh nights are getting to you :D

It has been such an up and down journey, with quite a lot of downs, that it is more than reasonable for you to feel that way. From a physical POV I know how much I creak at the seams and I don't have a fraction of your issues. Having had a few downs this year with horse injuries I know how quickly you get out of the groove. I didn't ride a test from March until August and was miffed at how quickly I had lost my 'ring-craft' skills when I started out again. What amazed me was how nervous I felt about getting back out in front of the judges and I usually save the nerves for very big occasions. Only really felt things starting to come together on our trip out to Osbaldeston at the beginning of this month.

Confidence will come back with time - I've seen the mental hurdles M has had to go through to get back competing and doing well. All she needed was the right horse and someone patting her on the back soothingly or applying a foot to her backside at the right times :D

[Stella2]

Ditto LGD. I have had huge confidence issues and before finding my mare Flora, I too felt useless and like maybe I should give up. Finding the right horse makes a huge difference - easier said than done I know, but she/he is out there for you :) In addition to the right horse, time and only allowing positive, supportive people around you and your horse is the remainder of the recipe! Then you can go forward at a pace that feels comfortable. After that, one one day like me, you will be doing the things you fear you may never do again :)

[Trewsers]

You're not too old and don't hang up yer boots!!!!! There's no hope for me if you give up at 45!!!! (I'm not that far behind at 38!!!) I don't know about your disability - (forgive me - I am sometimes behind with NR members full stories). Anyway, sending lots of encouraging vibes your way!!!! I think its just the beginning of winter getting us all down.......

[Gill]

Oh Monty it's the time of year, everything seems impossible in these dark short days. You sound so down but think how much worse you could feel without horses in your life.
Everyone thinks like this at some time, especially when everything aches and you feel very crickety, I feel that way today.
I hope the right horse comes along for you before too long.
Gill x

[chev]

Get those pics of Relma going so nicely for you out and look at them again :D

You're a better rider than me... you certainly shouldn't hang up those boots!

[Wally]

Monty stoppit! behave! Keep on going, and don't you dare hang anything up!

[Kady A]

Monty I've come close to it too ... I'm fast approaching 44 and have barely ridden for the last 2 years due to my cancer treatment and then last year's yucky colostomy. Thankfully one of our giddy young 18 year old liveries MADE me get on her 17.2 belgian warmblood the week before last ... oh my god how good it felt. I was scared I had lost the bug that made me ride in the first place ... I haven't! In fact I got off the horse and wept ... sad old beggar that I am.

I thought everyone had written me off (like I'd written myself off) and who'd have thought a confident teenager would have given me the boost I needed?

So from one 40 something to another ... don't give up!

Kathy and Stel xxx

[Bobbin]

What happened to Charlie????

[Bay Mare]

What Wally said :D

and also some (((((BIG HUGS))))) because it sounds like you need them right now xxx

[chev]

What happened to Charlie????

Charlie turned out to need an awful lot of energetic work, which Monty couldn't manage. He also turned out to have a love of jumping which meant he would jump, whether asked to or not, and pay very little attention to who was on his back at that moment. This culminated in him jumping out of the manege, at which point Monty found him a home who could manage him and he is now a very happy little horse. He was a special horse, but not one Monty could cope with, sadly. None of this was obvious at the time Monty took him on.

You can imagine how this must have made Monty feel. :(

[Palomino Mare]

monty i dont think you got your horse choice wrong at all. as we all know, buying is not easy and its not your fault in teh slightest that things didnt work out - at least you had the sense to see it wanst going to work quickly and didnt try to persevre and delay the agony.

riding with a disability takes more skill and alot more patience and for this i take my hat off to you

[oumbagirl]

Monty - I don't know what your disability is, or your background as to why your past two horses didn't work out. I don't need to.

What I can say is don't give up because your psychological 'disability' ie your confidence crisis and self doubt will grow. Self doubt is an insidious 'creeper' and strangles our positivity before we know it. Good news is once you are aware of this 'thief' you can kick it into touch before too much damage is done.

It sounds to me like you are a special lady just waiting to give your special horse soooo much. Like always, we have to wait for that 'special' horse to appear. It will in time, and you must be ready to be your horse's rock... No more talk of giving up:):):) Rocks are steady and enduring, you sound like a pretty enduring kind, given all the responses above. Best best wishes for the future. Oumbagirl.

[ponylover88]

...

[Monty]

I don't come from a horsey family, so you are just that to me! Feel better just reading this. You never know.....I may just find something..eventually!!

[NoviceNic]

I truly believe there is a horse out for evreyone. Just stick to your tick list of wants. Your perfect ponio is out there somewhere. ;)

[Alle]

No way should you give up! :) Everyone goes through confidence issues at various times and for not always obvious reasons either. Reading about your journey over the past few years has been truely inspiring for me. You can't give up! :D

Besides, horse hunting is never easy. It sounds like it should be fun, but somehow often is not. You'll find your horse.

[Tanyajayne]

Don't you dare give up.

There is someone out there for all of us and when the right horse finds you it will be worth the wait.

As soon as Bry is better you'll have to come and ride her, infact I insist on it.:)

[blues mum]

monty
joined this forum while you had charlie, and and sympathise with your problems.
dont give up,
winter weather gets us all down,
and almost all of us have suffered losses of confidence or faith in our selves.
the right horse is out there for you, and when you find it your bond will be all the stronger for your journey you have had to get there.
chin up

[gemkat]

As I have not read any of your previous thread.. not sure what the issues were - but i would imagine pretty horrendous to put you off like that
We all have moments like this and maybe give yourself a break and come back to it when you are emotionally ready?:confused::confused:
Were the horses you had real problem cases?:confused:

Don't give up though, the best things in life are the ones which are hardest to get!!! No pain no gain

Hugs to you. Liz:):):p

[nutty]

hi there just to say stick with it you will get there it just needs time i lost it 20years ago but have now got it back dont give up.what kind of horse are you looking for i my be able to help you nutty

[H & Bailey]

monty you are far from useless !!!!you have tons of advice and experience which you have shared with lots of us!

maybe if you stop 'looking' for a horse the right one will find you,im sure everyone on here is keeping an eye and ear out for you anyway;)The horse I actively wanted and bought didnt work out and we didnt click but lindy and bailey both sort of found me and as you know bailey is my baby and If I had been 'looking to buy ' a horse on paper he probably wouldnt have been in my checklist, but now i wouldnt part with him:D

[allthegearnoidea]

Dont be downhearted, i have had a bad experience too, misold an unsuitable horse.But everything happens for a reason if i had, had an easy horse i wouldnt of learnt anything.Because of him i have studied parrelli,enlightened euitation, clicker training, classical riding, r.w.y.m, centered riding,and foundout all about reiki, shiatsu, animal psychology, anatomy i could go on forever.I still suffer from a lack of confidence, after all if i was any good i would have been able to sort the horse out, but i am just getting my head around it, and moving forward ( which was more than my horse did).
Having the experience even though it was not what you wanted will have taught you loads, now how does the song go, wwwwhat dont kill you can only make you stronger!:D

[happy highlande]

Monty - you have probably forgotten more than a lot of riders ever knew - and still know more than them!

We all have bad times - especially at this time of year - and especially at 45 (and 46 and 47 and 48).

There will be a horse out there for you - don't give up (well maybe give up til the spring (lol))

Meanwhile - good luck - and hang on in there!

[Drummer & Eli]

Good luck in finding a horse and with confidence, blimin tough sometimes

Heard someone once say, if horse riding was easy everyone would do it x

What sort of horse would you like??

[Afellpony]

Monty you mustn't give up. You'll find a horse sometime sooooon that'll be right for you. I too have a disability and I picked an unbroken 3yo Fell gelding. Anyway had him broken in professionally. He was ok but rather nervous and jumpy (understandably). Now I've had him 3 years he's great.
You will find the right horse and yes, there is one out there waiting for you.
:D

[CER1389]

It's so frustrating, I know of the perfect horse for you. He was a livery for my old riding stables. The livery put him up for sale...and the RS snaped him up :( He would have been perfect. Whether the RS would sell him now for the right price I don't know. Feel free to PM me if you're interested, I have pictures of him and contact details for the RS.

Saying that, it does show that your perfect horse is around, and if I know of one then I'm sure people will know of others...

[Monty]

Thank you for your replies. I actually feel better now after reading them all. I may have some good news by Christmas. Everyone, including me, has to be patient! :rolleyes:

[Bay Mare]

Fingers crossed for some good news then :D

[icegirl]

Monty, you sound very nice and I look forward to hearing the next chapter of your story. Best of luck.:)

[Troi]

I've been searching for a horse I could feel confident on too about 12-13 years. and also felt like giving up, I now have 2 field ornaments ( love em to bits but too scared to ride em:D:D) and I've just bought a 5yold. Daft twit that I am but here's hoping, so far so good. Please don't give up having Tulipe has given me hope and something to look forward too. :)

[Tatooed Lady]

We all at one time or another wonder what we're doing and what RIGHT we've got to do it! I've had the same feeling several times...it's not that we have doubts, but it's what we allow the doubting to do to us. If we can work past them to succeed, we'll be more confident than ever. But that doesn't mean there's a time limit. Sometimes we just need a break to sit back and do other things. There's no shame, either way. It's just juggling and re-focusing on the things that are important to us.
Best of luck, be patient, good things will come, all that rot. ;)
Oh, and be VERY careful if you're not looking and a horse falls into your lap! That WILL leave a mark! :eek:

[ShariN]

Don't you dare give up!
It takes time to find just the right horse.. keep looking and never give up!!!

You all know what I have been going through the last couple of years..so won't bore you again with it.
I know what you are going through and I refuse to give up. Slow down a bit maybe but not give up.

I figure things are meant to happen when the time is right and it will for you..give it time.
<HUGS>

[Nik-n-Kia]

Dont give up Monty!!!!

We would miss hearing about your exploits and you have lots to offer the right horse!!!!

Dont let the lack of enthusiasm around you get you down!!!

We are all here for you!!!! :):D

Good Luck with the horse hunting :D

Nikki xxxxx

[Myboyjack]

My first post... Ive just joined and I feel better all ready after reading your this thread, Monty, I hope it works out for you.:)

[cvb]

I don't come from a horsey family, so you are just that to me! Feel better just reading this. You never know.....I may just find something..eventually!!

Monty - and as a family you know we will all support you whatever the decision is. None of us can ever really understand what is like for you... we can try, and we may get a glimpse.

All of us want you to be ok. If wishes were horses... you'd probably have a whole herd of them on your doorstep !

[Ashfield]

Hi Monty,

As a long time lurker here I've read all your threads.
I feel that there is a horse out there for you. Don't give up . I've just got back into riding after 20 years out of the saddle and there is nothing like the connection between horse and rider when its right.
You will get there.And when you do it will be worth every minute of hardship you have gone through.
hang in there, there is a warm velvety muzzle in you future

[HorseyMum#1]

Monty, I am quite new to Newrider and dont log on as often as I would like, so I dont know your history with riding but all I CAN say is "YOU ARE ONLY AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL" I bet when you are on a horse you only feel about "20 years young!!".
Of course you will eventually find the right horse for you and it will be beautiful. Just be patient - it will come to you...

[Lora]

Don't lose hope.. I know several people keep looking at horses every weekend and feeling horrible. She's not being unjustly picky, she's just being wise about finding what's right for her. I suspect this to be true for you. You obviously know junk from gem or you'd have bought the first 4 legger you met. :)

45 is young, I'm just behind you at 40 and we've got so much learned and to give yet. **Big hug** it's a wicked bad case of doldrums I hope.. keep going though!

[Monty]

Thank you everybody. I feel lots better in the horsey department now, depite having had a vicious flu bug, and a dental abscess for the last two weeks!!!:rolleyes:

My velvetty muzzle (well...not LITERALLY mine you understand!!!) may well be closer than initially thought. Had hoped to have given you a report by now, but the aforementioned ailments immediately prior to the festive season have held things up in rather a big way!! Never mind, (she sniffles into her tissues:rolleyes:) onwards and upwards !!!(approximately 14.2hh upwards, I hope!!! :D)

Thank you everybody for being there when I needed your support. Hope I have good news for you soon.:);)

[colettybetty]

Wow, I hope so Monty.Goodness knows how difficult it is to find the right horse. Impatiently waiting for good news........

[Afellpony]

No, dont give up hope. I'm 55 with a disability and still ride. Difficult sometimes but my pony seems to know so he's pretty good most of the time. It's getting off that's the hardest part.

[2Curious]

Good luck in your search. The right one will come along