Under Pressure

[mistysmum]

Ok - I'm 53, gave up riding about 8 years ago after a bad fall - bad landing really and not the horses fault but confidence shattered.
My friend is trying to convince me to start back again - her RS has a lovely safe horse I can ride - she says.
One half of me wants to so much
The other half is so scared - will I fall, will I like it, will I be ok, etc etc.
Meanwhile I feel under pressure to say yes.
Anyone else had this kind of dilemma?
I don't want to lose a friend of may years by telling her to go away, leave me alone and stop going on about it. Allbeit for the best I'm sure
;)MM

[Joyscarer]

Hi MM :)

If you want to get back to riding then do. If you don't then you need to say to your friend that it just isn't for you anymore.

There is no way on earth you are going to lose a good friend by not wanting to return to riding.

However, and I may be completely wrong about this, it sounds to me like there is a vestage of 'want' in your post.

If this is a case is wanting to but being scared, you are perfectly entitled to feel scared. Would it help you to pop into this RS unannounced. Get a feel for the place, have a word with the staff and be very clear about your previous experience and exactly how you feel.

You don't have to be big and brave and not share. By sharing you will give whoever is taking your lesson a chance to understand who you are and tailor make your first time to your needs ;)

Maybe see about getting a 1/2 hour private lesson without your friend and just see how you feel about being back in the saddle again.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to but if you do want to there are many things you can do to make this the best experience posible :D

[Virago]

Hi Mistysmum and welcome to NR. :)

I too lost my confidence a few years ago after a bad fall. I am now in my mid-40s and I returned to riding a couple of years ago because MORE than half of me desperately wanted the company of horses again! I love riding more than ever now. (By the way, doing an NLP course for nervous riders helped my confidence enormously! Here's the website: www.enjoyriding.com
PM me if you want to know more about that!)

It sounds like you do want to give it another shot but need to do so in your own time.

Could you perhaps watch your friend ride and see how you feel? Perhaps spend some time with horses on the ground (grooming a quiet horse etc) to get used to the again. Maybe sit on a horse and be led around for a few minutes - you may find once you actually have a horse between your legs again, you will KNOW if riding is for you once again.

Good luck whatever you decide. Keep us posted! :)

[mistysmum]

thank you both so much. Yes, you're probably right that underneath I want to do it. But, but, but - such a small word such a big word!
I never thought about the private lesson - what I might do, and it is the opposite of what you suggested, is go alone one of the days my friend is safely at work and discuss a private lesson with the RS. That way I'll know if I'm happy enough to go forward. Seems a bit sneaky but would take the pressure off. I just need to build up the confidence to actually go and buy a pair of cheap jods two sizes larger than my old ones
;)MM

[orbvalley]

HI, What if you took your friend out of the equation for a moment and explore how you actually feel. Perhaps then (if you haven't already concluded that its not for you) you could go along to a RS on your own, as Joyscarer suggested, to dip your toe in without feeling a whole pile of pressure from other peoples expectations.

If you do conclude that its not for you I would be surprised that a friendship could fail because of it?

Lastly, I think you have secretly already made your decision as you've signed up to NR and now you've got the bug:eek::D;)

[Stella2]

Hi, I too had a nasty accident 4 years ago (I'm 'rising' 49!). I sold the horse I had it on (he was too young and too much for me). I was very scared after that. I was never a confident rider, but what confidence I had felt shattered by what happened. I Really wanted to ride though even though I hated it at the time (what is it that gets under our skin?). Anyway, I bought my mare and I forced myself through the tough times of anxiety and ocassionally panic! I'm very glad I did and I have a lovely relationship with my horse, but I manage the risks of riding by sticking to dressage.

I can't tell from your post if you want to ride or not. What I do know is that you should only do it, if you really want to do it, not because your friend wants you to do it. Remember, if you decide to go ahead, you can just do the bits you want to do. Any bits you don't enjoy, you don't have to do. Especially at our sort of age, this is supposed to be fun :)

[orbvalley]

So sorry, the time I took to type up my reply you'd written the same thing yourself!:o

[Stella2]

So sorry, the time I took to type up my reply you'd written the same thing yourself!:oI deliberated over mine too long. It sounds like you now have a good plan :)

[mistysmum]

no worries - I think it's just taking that first step - I've been on and around horses for as long as I can remember and it is like they get under your skin.
I think it's really nice you all take the time to respond. Thanks ;)MM

[Cobgirl]

There are lots of us on here who were/are scared after falls/confidence crisis. I came back last year after a 40 year break. I am now almost 58 years of age, had a fall a few months back after losing my balance during canter. I rode as a youngster for 9 years but circumstances dictated that I couldn't ride until a few years ago. I am so HAPPY that I have returned. Finding it hard to sort my confidence out, but it is coming back, slowly.

I think as time ticks by, we need to live now and do the things that make us happy and contented. Take it slowly and at your own level. I don't jump anymore, just do some light dressage and hack, but you know what, it makes me glad I am alive!

Best of luck in whatever you do.

[LaurenEff]

For one may i just say; You should NOT be pressured into anything, you go back to riding at your own call.

[georgie1]

Hi Mistymum

Just take it at your own pace, find a RS and a RI that you have trust in and take it really slowly. Your confidence will go up & down but if you think there is a little bit of you that wants to try then go for it.

Your friend should be a friend whatever you decide but do it on your terms and maybe without her so you are not pressured into doing something your not comfortable with.

A private lesson sounds like a good plan.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide and look forward to hearing about it.

Gx

[coverblown]

Please do not feel pressured into doing it, you made the decision to stop and if you start again it needs to be your decision.

Perhaps a different RS, perhaps when friend is not around.

I bet if you do give it a go you'll be back at it realy quickly. I am like that whenever I return to swimming (thats frequent! and then I frequently stop again...)

However for me riding is different. I didnt start till 43 (now 51) and feel like I could not stop - despite serious injury.

But do make sure its your decision. And hopefully you will love it again when and if you do come back.