Help my confidence is zero

[ginageorge]

Hi everyone iam a 48yr old lady whos confidence is zero can you give me some advice please peeps.I own a reg fell gelding called Beauty reg name(Waverhead Model 111) he was unbroken 11yr old in 2006 when i bought him (long story) i will tell you all about him in another thread.Anyway a friend of mine has done a lot of work with him and he has turned out really well considering and really quiet but my nerves are stopping me from riding him yet i have been out on him with friends and he was as good as gold,but i was so nervous i dont know what it is but i have got it in my head that the horse is going to take off with me not just Beauty but any horse ive never had this happen so i dont know why i feel like this ive never being a confident rider and always being nervous but as ive got older ive got to the point where im afraid to even try to ride i know i could be having so much fun and missing out on so much but the fear i feel when i think about riding is terrible and the thought of ever cantering petrifies me but Beauty bless him has done nothing wrong im getting to the stage now where im thinking should i sell him to someone that will ride him heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

[Skye08]

i was like you at 16 ! I wasnt fearless like most teenagers im a fretter and a worrier so you can imagine the two combined when faced with an unbroken 8 yr old (because thats all my parents could afford) and he was bad mannered too! So i used to get my dad to lead him when i rode him i used to feel sick at the thought of riding him when i was quite capable but it was all in my mind... How we overcome was i bonded with him and learnt to trust him, and i think trust has a big difference in it aswell as a good instructor.

You can do it! I believe you can, you just have to have a little faith in yourself and you can acheive anything good luck! xxx

[gypsy*syrah]

Find an understanding Instructor. They will work through your fears, helping you to trust yourself.

I've been through it myself. I am very lucky in that I have an RI who tailored her instruction around me and the fears I had. I shocked her the other day with asking her to teach me to jump :rolleyes:

Believe in yourself, don't force yourself to do things before you are ready. Do things at your pace, try not to fixate on something for instance cantering - it isn't the end of the world if you don't canter ;)

I hope it works out for you.

[puzzles]

Moi aussie!

I am 16, but used to be so gung-ho. Now my dreadful lack of self confidence, plus past experiences, mean that when riding out on a hack (especially alone - good god!!), on a new horse, in open spaces, at speed, on fizzy horses ... I feel out of control, balance and insecure and HATE it! My instructor hasn't helped really (she used to pick on me and is very gung-ho and "get on with it", unsympathetic, herself - though this has improved).

Any 'confidence' I do muster is fragile and futile ... good luck hun, you are certainly not alone.

:-)

x

[Skippys Mum]

Find an understanding Instructor. They will work through your fears, helping you to trust yourself.

I've been through it myself. I am very lucky in that I have an RI who tailored her instruction around me and the fears I had. I shocked her the other day with asking her to teach me to jump :rolleyes:

Believe in yourself, don't force yourself to do things before you are ready. Do things at your pace, try not to fixate on something for instance cantering - it isn't the end of the world if you don't canter ;)

I hope it works out for you.

Ditto...

Just remember to look at what you have achieved so far though. You've had the sense to get help and you've taken an unbroken 11 year old and turned him into a quiet well behaved horse. Well done you so far:)

[sancho]

There are loads of us on here stillworking through our fears and confidence issues!

Definately agree with whats been said so far and do things slowly, dont put presure on yourself. Riding is about enjoyment!

I didnt ride for 18 months! I had a session of NLP which worked bucketloads for me but I also had a ton of support aswell from my friend and daughter.

Go to my pledge to be confidence thread in this section (sorry shameless plug!)and take your first step to moving forward and enjoying your riding - you can do it.:)

[janet hakeney]

A great start would be to buy and read a book called 'Great Lies We live By' by Stephanie Burns. I know it has helped a lot of people with confidence problems around horses and riding.

[jinglejoys]

Echo the Stephanie Burns book also "Move Closer Stay Longer" by her.
Don't worry most of us have been in the same place as you.I'm backing a 15hh mule (Formally known as "Mad Malaga" before parelli,now "Just Malaga")
I lost my nerve in the 60,s and thanks to a patient schoolmistress of a hinny started riding again for a few years till I retired her after the F&M outbreak,it still took me a year of walking her in hand before I got on her for the first time.
I too have riding issues with Malaga because I did not want to be the first person on his back.I knew he'd buck....not badly but I knew he would. did not want to be bucked off due to my inexperiance and teach him that he could unseat his rider...it was all in my mind.However after four years of owning him and nobody would do him for me and the trainer I eventually found got even less far than I did,and Malaga slowley turning into Mad Malaga I ended up having to DIY.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y190/jinglejoys/Iwanttomakeanobjection.jpg
Thanks to one lesson with a local Parelli group I have turned M.M. into Just Malaga and I'm now on his back,have moved his feet and am now on the pushing passenger lesson. Due to the order "If you don't feel safe don't get on..If you feel unsafe get off and work out the problem on the ground" I am going at my own speed not at everyone elses.
Does your boy "give to pressure" and have you practised the "one rein stop" and "emergancy dismount"? Doing this might help you relax more.
Also start in a small round pen and practise then go out into a larger paddock and practise,then extend it too a larger area......you've got the picture:D

[JOJOBA]

I know what you mean exactly - Im the same! Ive always had low confidence but my last horse destroyed what I had left :p.

It comes slowly, with time. Get on him, walk ten strides, get off.
The next day get to the end of the drive. And so on.

One thing which sort of helps me is - if the horse DOES take off.... chances are I will just manage to get it back under control and carry on. And then the next time it wouldnt be so scary. It wouldnt be lots of fun, but riders are a lot stickier than you realise ;)

xxx

[rubysmum]

please dont be offended or take thsi info in anything except the spirit it is meant - you might want to have a look at Cognitive Brief therapy - CBT - which helps people stuck in unhelpful mind sets - you can get it on the NHS but probably not for equine anxiety but there are good private practisioners about & because its solution focused [you dont spend 5 yrs reliving yr childhood a la Woody Allan] its comparotiovely cheap

[Willywilddog]

Hi Rubysmum et al

I too lost my confidence following a few bad falls from "quiet" horses. These falls were more due to bad luck, rather than the fault of either the horse or myself. I was lucky enough to find a standardbred mare who tended to be a bit lazy, and this helped a lot as I had to keep riding or she would just stop dead for no reason.
Riding with a person you trust can also be a huge help to your confidence, but maybe having a ride on a more experienced horse for the first couple of rides will help, as you being uncertain on your green pony wont help either you or your horse. Have you a friend with a quiet horse you can ride whilst your friend rides with you on your pony?
Lack of confidence can be a right pain to get around on your own, but battle on, as you are obviously keen.

[Belle Rider]

Hi everyone iam a 48yr old lady whos confidence is zero can you give me some advice please peeps.I own a reg fell gelding called Beauty reg name(Waverhead Model 111) he was unbroken 11yr old in 2006 when i bought him (long story) i will tell you all about him in another thread.Anyway a friend of mine has done a lot of work with him and he has turned out really well considering and really quiet but my nerves are stopping me from riding him yet i have been out on him with friends and he was as good as gold,but i was so nervous i dont know what it is but i have got it in my head that the horse is going to take off with me not just Beauty but any horse ive never had this happen so i dont know why i feel like this ive never being a confident rider and always being nervous but as ive got older ive got to the point where im afraid to even try to ride i know i could be having so much fun and missing out on so much but the fear i feel when i think about riding is terrible and the thought of ever cantering petrifies me but Beauty bless him has done nothing wrong im getting to the stage now where im thinking should i sell him to someone that will ride him heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

Glad to hear I'm not the only one riding a reg fell gelding on here! :)Mine is called Sambo, he belongs to a friend who's glad to have me ride him for her and I've had a couple of shots now and am still pretty nervous. I'm still a learner as far as riding is concerned but Sambo's owner assures me he's a really calm, placid pony. He's just 7 but hasn't had much schooling. He was broken when he was 4 then 3 months later his owner bought him and she's ridden him but not a great deal so he's been kind of wasted. His canter needs 'refined' it's a bit unbalanced and he can't collect it. He also doesn't jump, but on the whole he's a good honest pony and really sweet. The first time I got on him I didn't know what to expect but he was really calm and maybe a bit lazy cos he'd just been ridden. Also both times it's been extremely windy and even in the end there was a heavy hail shower but he wasn't in the least bothered by the weather. :D
Second time I rode him was a different story, he was pretty fresh because he hadn't been ridden for a few days and I suppose this is what I'm going to have to get used to. At the moment i'm quite happy to stay at walk and trot but he really wanted to canter and I had to keep slowing him down.
The plan is i'll be hacking out with him once a week - on my own!! :eek:At the moment I'm not even confident enough to canter on him in an enclosed field with his owner watching - let alone go on my own with him in the big wide world. Apparently he's bombproof in traffic but can spook at things like plastic bags, etc and he's likely to be fairly 'sparky' when I ride him anyway cos it's just me riding him mostly cos his owner doesn't have much time. Sorry for the long post but I'm so glad to meet someone who's in a similar situation to me!!!:D :o

[Beebop]

Have you worked through in your mind why you are so nervous, has a horse taken off with you or have you seen someone run away with? As already suggested a good instructor is a start and riding in an enclosed space may help. Have you tried Rescue Remedy for your anxiety, it really does make a difference.

Start slowly, get someone to lead you, if you find this scary start by just sitting on him and getting off again, don't forget to breathe whilst you're doing this. Take it slowly and move on when you are ready. There is also the tapping technique, I think it's Jo Cooper who trains this way? A lot of people have had huge success using her methods. I do hope you can conquer your fears, it comes across strongly in your post that you so want to and that's a good start.

[ginageorge]

Thanks everyone for your advice iam going to take one step at a time and it does help that Beauty trusts me i have being told that once a fell bonds with its owner they will do anything for them and it is true of a lot of fell ponies in that they are wary of strangers and dont take to kindly to other people except their owner doing things with them its certainly true of Beauty.Hi Belle rider nice to hear you ride a fell too i think they are great.Beebop i have bought some rescue remedy today i have heard a lot of people say how good it is so i will give it a go

[Cobgirl]

Hey, I would think that EVERY RIDER has his or her fair share of lack of confidence and nervousness from time to time. I came back last year after a 40 year break and my confidence has been rock bottom. I kept saying to my friend, 'gonna call it a day' and now she just smiles at me when I say it, cos I know I don't really mean it!

I am taking things at my own pace. I watch people in the arena riding fizzy horses and jumping 4 foot fences and there's me, petrified of cantering in an arena (can manage it, just about out hacking, lol), but I have found some things I am really good at so I do them to death!! Some people might hate circles and serpentines, but I LOVE them, and will happily do them for hours on end. The key is to find what you are good at and stick at it.

Hey all you over 40 lovers of circles and serpentines, UNITE!

[Gasbag]

Hi there,
I'm 39 and I've just bought 'my' first pony last week for my 40th later this year. We, as a family, had ponies for 5/6 years until 18 months ago when my daughters decided that they had other intersts more important so we sold them on. I have ridden them in the past but they were much to forward going for me and any nerve I had was shattered when each time I went out hacking I would end up dismounting and walking home (i would get thefeeling that they were going to bolt with me as I had often seen them do to my daughters).
My new pony Tilly was bought as a confidence giver and so far is living up to this title - but I am not in any hurry to push myself into anything I'm not ready for. Mt daughter is riding her beautifully and by going on foot and watching her cope with everyday obsticles such as cars, lorries, windy weather etc. I get the chance to observe her reactions from afar. This is giving me confidence when I ride her home knowing that she wont spook around every corner.
This doesn't mean that I am getting over my nervousness, i think that this will take time and trust on both mine and Tillys part but she is a lovable character and has quite a funny way that has me laughing loadz.
Nerves are a weird thing - on the ground I can conquer anything but from 14.2 in the air..........Don't give in.

[lisae]

I am a 51 yr old lady who has been working through confidence issues myself and almost gave it all up just a few months ago. However my husband put water into the barn so i wouldn't have to worry about bucketing in winter and it got me thinking that I would hate to give up my filly! She is green broke to ride and I keep circling over and over about the fact she is only coming 6 and I am "old".

So I made a conscious decision to stick with her, and get her more training if need be, and to "pretend" that I do not have a crisis of confidence! So much of this is that I somehow decided that because I am in my 50's I am not capable of staying loose and handling a fall - but where it that coming from?

She has done nothing to suggest that she will bolt, buck or misbehave, so why am I mistrusting her without a reason?

I have also lined up a sharer who is a college student who misses riding, she is going to come out and ride Mara too! Sunday noon I meet with a new trainer in the local boarding barn to see if she will be suitable for bringing Mara along. My plan is to have Mara in regular work and so she will be happy to see me - I just want to walk around the arena! (I am boarding her come April so we can beat the mud season.)

I think so much is what you believe, I am trying to put an optimistic slant on the future instead of worrying - until something negative ACTUALLY happens, why not think positive? ;)

[ConfidenceCoach]

Hi everyone iam a 48yr old lady whos confidence is zero can you give me some advice please peeps.I own a reg fell gelding called Beauty reg name(Waverhead Model 111) he was unbroken 11yr old in 2006 when i bought him (long story) i will tell you all about him in another thread.Anyway a friend of mine has done a lot of work with him and he has turned out really well considering and really quiet but my nerves are stopping me from riding him yet i have been out on him with friends and he was as good as gold,but i was so nervous i dont know what it is but i have got it in my head that the horse is going to take off with me not just Beauty but any horse ive never had this happen so i dont know why i feel like this ive never being a confident rider and always being nervous but as ive got older ive got to the point where im afraid to even try to ride i know i could be having so much fun and missing out on so much but the fear i feel when i think about riding is terrible and the thought of ever cantering petrifies me but Beauty bless him has done nothing wrong im getting to the stage now where im thinking should i sell him to someone that will ride him heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

You have developed a strategy to scare yourself. The reason for this, especially as we get older, is that we develop filters as to how we experence the world. Your answer is in your post. 'I get it into my head' ... YOU.. If YOU have learnt this strategy, then you can unlearn it, and whats more can learn a new strategy... Because its your head , and with the right guidance you can work through what YOU are doing to yourself. I dont know where you live, but if you want to send me a eamil, I will send you an eBook I give people on our Fear to Confidence workshops. Read through it, and if you are nearby, or want to phone me, I can put you in touch with one of our confidence coaches. Or come and see me, if we can hook up on my travels etc.. martin@theequestriantherapyteam.com It's worth a try before giving up and selling Beauty.. ? Kind rgds Martin :)

[old_woman]

I can put you in touch with one of our confidence coaches.

Martin, that wouldn't be one of the “Confidence Coaches” who has bought a one or two day course sold by you, while wearing one of your performance consultant or other hats, would it? WOULD IT?

"If you want to become skilled as a Confidence Coach, call me for the next 2 day confidence coach course... Confidence Coach Instructor Course Practitioner Level ...No previous qualifications or experience are required ... £275.00 ...to specialise as a Confidence Coach."

Or perhaps it would be someone who has done your “Confidence4me” coaching course (same price)– again of two days - during which time the student/purchaser "learns" Fast Mental Reprogramming.

There again, maybe it will be a Bouncebackability coach who would be recommended – when I click on the “Become a Bouncebackability Coach” link, it seems that reading your e-book for a fiver should do the trick. A bargain - read a book, be a coach! Is that what you did, Martin? Or is that an unfair question?

Oddly, on your equestrian site you appear to offer the same course as earlier described over a mere one day for considerably less - again I quote:

"Confidence Coach Instructor Course
Practitioner Level
This one-day course is a very exciting “must have” training skill ...As a result of this course you, the confidence coach, will be able ...This one day experiential course ... No previous qualifications or experience are required...The cost of this course is £95.00..."

Ah well, you clearly have one thing right - you don't labour under the misguided but common belief that riders are rich toffs.

All these marketing sites are the same but different colours and it gets boring after a while. I am sure there are more out there.

What ARE you trying to sell, Martin?

Other than snake-oil in a confusing variety of differently-shaped and coloured bottles, that is?

[Willywilddog]

I have to share old-woman's cynicism regarding "confidence coaching" and other such courses. How can you re-program your being by simply spending a small fortune and/or reading a book? If I truly believed it was so simple, I'd be in it like a shot.
My confidence was just fine until fairly recently (last couple of years), but, following a couple of fairly serious falls, the confidence has taken a beating. This is especially sole destroying given the amount of riding I have done, from polocrosse to mustering (all day, every day, 6 weeks at a time) and a bit of casual breaking.
I now have a really green Clydie x who I am determined to turn into a really great riding and harness horse. I'm still quite of all his reactions, but I am managing to bluff us both into believing that all is ok :D.
Having my more than capable 15yo riding with me is great (but a complete reversal of roles)
Long live older riders!

[Stella2]

I have to share old-woman's cynicism regarding "confidence coaching" and other such courses. How can you re-program your being by simply spending a small fortune and/or reading a book? If I truly believed it was so simple, I'd be in it like a shot.
Absolutely, but many people want so much to believe its that easy that they are very easy to exploit aren't they? :rolleyes: There are methods that can rapidly reduce very specific anxiety. Thought Field Therapy (TFT) and Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) are odd and on the face of it, seem like they shouldn't work, but they often produce very good results. The problem is that there are short courses available in such methods and people with no background or other useful training in psychological intervention, do them and then sell themselves as therapists. They then try to treat the specific anxiety (e.g. the horse might bolt) without being able to take account of the context of the anxiety for the individual. The same problems can be had with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). All of these approaches can be very helpful when used by a well trained professional, but at best can be a waste of money (often a fair bit of money) and at worst can cause more problems for the person, when used by someone who is not adequately trained and doesn't really know what they are doing.

Some of the people that have only done short courses say that there is no need to keep treatment of anxiety (and all sorts of other problems) to those who have trained and professionally qualified. They argue that just limits who can get over their problems, but the properly qualified professional has the depth of knowledge to be aware of when a problem is simple or more complex and of when various approaches are appropriate or not.

One person who I would recommend is Jo Cooper http://www.jo-cooper.com/ She is a properly qualified NLP practitioner and trainer and she specialises in using TFT combined with NLP for anxiety and lack of confidence in riders. She rides herself and always considers which, if any bits of the problem might be skill or situation based (i.e. are you anxious partly because you are not safe) rather than only psychological.

[ConfidenceCoach]

yeah, try other people like Jo Cooper, I wasnt try to sell you anything, just trying to help...By all means go to someone that one of your collegues recommends, I'll refrain from offering any kind of help for the time being,.. The book would explain a little about how it works, and it does work effectively and quickly. Kind rgds...Martin..:):)

[old_woman]

How can you re-program your being by simply spending a small fortune and/or reading a book?

... and, even worse, how can you let SOMEONE ELSE - someone who has just bought a day's "course" - attempt to reprogram it?

I cringe at the idea of random people with "no previous qualifications or experience" being let loose on the psyche of vulnerable, even needy women and girls, after buying a one-day "course" - with no ethical or other responsibilities incumbent upon them - and no CRB checks, either.

[HAYLEY GITTOES]

I lost my confidence to about 12 months ago to the point where I was never going to get on a horse again but with many panicks and patience my confidence is SLOWLY coming back.

If you do want to ride then just keep going slowly on steady short hacks / schooling sessions and you will get your confidence.

[old_woman]

ah, Martin. Good morning.

I see you have refrained from commenting on my query about the level of professional education and and training of the Confidence Coaches you were recommending to the OP.

Is a one day course or a two day course the most usual purchase before becoming one of your registered Confidence Coaches?

Frankly I am surprised that a person who has reached the level you have reached in martial arts would resort to the type of marketing which you are using.

However, as my late mother used to say "there's nowt so strange as folk and they all have their own reasons".

[ConfidenceCoach]

Morning Old Woman (I do feel a little rude referring to you as an old woman but anyway ;)) Am refusing to get drawn into an arguement full stop. This post is about the Ginageorge and her confidence levels. It doesnt matter what I say in my defence, you will come back with something else, I will let the NR people who are coming on the course let you know what they feel about me once they have met me. The point is there are tools & techniques out there, and as Stella rightly pointed out Jo Cooper is a practitioner of them. So its not about me, its the fact that there IS HELP OUT THERE WHICH IS QUICK AND EFFECTIVE. At least I am doing something to make it more available... and whats more bringing it to more people's attention.. I am trying to make a difference. The fact that you dont like the way I am doing it, is fine, thats your point of view and I respect you for that. But there are a lot of people on here who have confidence issues, so can we get an agreement out there regardless of what you feel about me... THERE ARE TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES OUT THERE THAT HELP PEOPLE OVERCOME FEARS FROM FALLS ETC WHICH WORK QUICKLY AND EFFECTIVELY. :D:D i dont own these tools and neither does Jo Cooper or any other practitioner, it is always better to go to a practitioner you can trust, and who fills you with confidence. LOL I certainly know it will not be me now thanks to these two, but regardless, there are plenty of others, so focus on getting one of them to help. Rgds Martin:)

[TechSupport]

Changing your thought processes is something that can be done quickly and easily. I'm sure you have all seen the likes of Derren Brown and Paul McKenna do weird and wonderful things using both NLP and Hypnotherapy.

Anyone who is well trained in NLP such as Jo Cooper or ConfidenceCoach can enable you to make these changes quickly, effectively, and have lasting results. After all, developing a fear can happen in an instant, curing it can take a little longer than an instant but is usually quick, effective, and long lasting.

Some here seem to be a little confused about what NLP is and how it works. NLP is not psychology, otherwise therapy with NLP would take 20 sessions at £150 a go. NLP came about from modelling behaviour. Even the most un-confident person will have one thing they feel they are confident about. Put really simply, it is possible to model what they do in situation "A" to feel confident and apply the same process to situation "B". Unless genuinely confronted with a dangerous situation, we actually scare ourselves, by the inner dialogue we use, the pictures we make in our head, etc. These processes can be changed as it IS your head. Sometimes you can do it yourself, sometimes you need help to change them.

the techniques do sometimes require practise for a short time, but quickly becomes an unconscious process and happen automatically.

With regards to what is taught on 1 day confidence course, firstly, it is not an NLP practitioners course. Attendees are trained to use a small amount of the whole tool box of NLP, Sports Psychology, etc. Think of it like an apprentice in a garage, it would only take a few hours to teach someone how to use spanners and a torque wrench, after that I would trust him to tighten a bolt. wouldn't you? I wouldn't however allow him to do a full engine stripdown and rebuild.

What attendees are taught is the tools necessary to install confidence in themselves and others, no more, no less. Psychologists may like you to walk across the hot coals of every day life, we would rather you walked around them.

Shrouding the mind and thought process in mysticism does nothing but alienate a viable option for some who have real problems. Just because it is not your particular discipline or field does not make it any less valid. CC could have harped on about the thousands of cases where psychologists has caused more harm than good and cost people thousands for the privellage but he hasn't and I wont.

[Ginger Thing]

i dont know what it is but i have got it in my head that the horse is going to take off with me - ive never had this happen so i dont know why i feel like this

You have developed a strategy to scare yourself. Your answer is in your post. 'I get it into my head' ... YOU.. If YOU have learnt this strategy, then you can unlearn it, and whats more can learn a new strategy... Because its your head , and with the right guidance you can work through what YOU are doing to yourself.

I have had exactly the same problem for the last 2-3 years - scared to hack out, cantering on a hack was definitely out of the question! Neither of my horses had done anything to cause this either, it was just a 'what if?' in my head. I contacted a hypnotherapist/EFT practitioner who said she could help me, and to be honest, even that was enough to start me off on the road ro recovery - I never did go to see her.

I knew it was ME causing the problem with the negative thoughts, and that if my mind was that powerful, it could change the negative thoughts to positive ones. I have worked really, really hard over the last couple of years and gradually, building on tiny little successes, step by step, I have regained my confidence - to the extent that I did a 13.5 mile fun ride last Saturday, cantered most of it and even had a gallop! That would have been unthinkable this time last year.

I came to the conclusion I was scared of being out of control (rather than falling off etc), but have realised my horse is well schooled, obedient and responsive and will actually listen to me, I just had to have faith in myself. The first time I had a fast canter on him and managed to bring him back to me, then push him on again was the most amazing feeling - I had control, and there was no fear!:D

There is hope for you, I have been in tears on horseback many times, and walked back from a hack leading my horse when I got scared by a spook, so I know what you're going through.

Don't give up - being positive is everything. Good luck, and sorry for the long post!

[Cobgirl]

I have had exactly the same problem for the last 2-3 years - scared to hack out, cantering on a hack was definitely out of the question! Neither of my horses had done anything to cause this either, it was just a 'what if?' in my head. I contacted a hypnotherapist/EFT practitioner who said she could help me, and to be honest, even that was enough to start me off on the road ro recovery - I never did go to see her.

I knew it was ME causing the problem with the negative thoughts, and that if my mind was that powerful, it could change the negative thoughts to positive ones. I have worked really, really hard over the last couple of years and gradually, building on tiny little successes, step by step, I have regained my confidence - to the extent that I did a 13.5 mile fun ride last Saturday, cantered most of it and even had a gallop! That would have been unthinkable this time last year.

I came to the conclusion I was scared of being out of control (rather than falling off etc), but have realised my horse is well schooled, obedient and responsive and will actually listen to me, I just had to have faith in myself. The first time I had a fast canter on him and managed to bring him back to me, then push him on again was the most amazing feeling - I had control, and there was no fear!:D

There is hope for you, I have been in tears on horseback many times, and walked back from a hack leading my horse when I got scared by a spook, so I know what you're going through.

Don't give up - being positive is everything. Good luck, and sorry for the long post!

Oh wow, a big pat on the back for you! It can be done with patience and picking away at it, bit by bit.

I have a confidence problem as well, but it is getting better, slowly and that is the way I want to go. I take life slower nowadays, enjoying the little achievement rather than the big ones. It is a satisfying feeling as well!

I am a qualified grief and bereavement counsellor and I have lots of strategies for other people:D but it's a bit different when it comes to myself, would you believe! But I have learned that it's best when you are older, to stick with what you can do and perfect that. Then move on to something new, if you feel confident and able, but never push yourself beyond what you are comfortable with, that is when the problems begin:D

A year ago, I would never have had the confidence to collect a horse from the field, tack up and go for a short ride, or take myself into the arena on my own and work out a little lesson, then go and have a short walk down the lane, with traffic coming and going. It is getting better and I am proud that I have been able to achieve this on my own.

[old_woman]

Martin, I am merely trying to get an answer to my question

Are your Confidence Coaches who you recommended could help the OP, people who have purchased your one and two day "practitioner" courses?

No arguments - just a "yes" or a "no".

And why you should feel rude calling me old_woman when that is the name I have personally chosen to use, I do not know. Old is synonymous with desirable characteristics in many societies outside north-western Europe.


Morning Old Woman (I do feel a little rude referring to you as an old woman but anyway ;)) Am refusing to get drawn into an arguement full stop. This post is about the Ginageorge and her confidence levels. It doesnt matter what I say in my defence, you will come back with something else, I will let the NR people who are coming on the course let you know what they feel about me once they have met me. The point is there are tools & techniques out there, and as Stella rightly pointed out Jo Cooper is a practitioner of them. So its not about me, its the fact that there IS HELP OUT THERE WHICH IS QUICK AND EFFECTIVE. At least I am doing something to make it more available... and whats more bringing it to more people's attention.. I am trying to make a difference. The fact that you dont like the way I am doing it, is fine, thats your point of view and I respect you for that. But there are a lot of people on here who have confidence issues, so can we get an agreement out there regardless of what you feel about me... THERE ARE TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES OUT THERE THAT HELP PEOPLE OVERCOME FEARS FROM FALLS ETC WHICH WORK QUICKLY AND EFFECTIVELY. :D:D i dont own these tools and neither does Jo Cooper or any other practitioner, it is always better to go to a practitioner you can trust, and who fills you with confidence. LOL I certainly know it will not be me now thanks to these two, but regardless, there are plenty of others, so focus on getting one of them to help. Rgds Martin:)

[rusk]

This is a very interesting post!
However, I feel there is only one person who can help in a confidence issue and that is yourself!! It is probably all in the mind and a bit of a mental shake works wonders.To be honest, if you are that frightened you are not going to have fun, are you? I have had lots of times like this and worked through it eventually. You HAVE to be really positive and only do what you feel safe doing. For instance, don't go on hacks if you're scared.....simple!
Get lots of lessons with your horse, different types and maybe different teachers too. Have them on inside arenas and then maybe outside ones.
Pad yourself up with back protector, hat and anything else to soften the blow and say to yourself 'well, if I fall I fall!' Once you have actually fallen, it never seems quite so bad and I am sure your horse won't run away with you in a controlled area and if he does, what does it matter? It's amazing how your body can cope with unexpected things happening but your mind can't!!!!
GOOD LUCK :)

p.s.
I own a mad horse who used to terrify me and I am no spring chicken either but a determined wee soul.

[ConfidenceCoach]

Hi, yes they are. I will call you wise woman then ;)
They are confidence coaching workshops, not NLP courses (although they do contain elements of NLP). The time spent passing on these specific tools (aimed at RI's wanting to integrate them with their own skills and people wanting to overcome fears and become more confident), is the same you would on any NLP practitioners course. Richard Bandler's and Paul mckenna's complete Practitioners course is only 6 days. Ths courses I run contains elements of coaching, NLP, and understanding personality. The TFT that Stella mentioned is a 2 day course through Richard Bandler's organisation here in the UK. For those confused about what NLP is, have a look at

http://www.nlpisnottherapy.com/

And to experience NLP now go to:-

http://www.paulmckenna.com/file/32/professional-training.html

and look at the tab on the left 'What you can exerience live'
We will be loading some video clips on our site soon, of sessions so you can see how it works with equestrians for yourself...
Rgds Martin :)

[fjordlady]

ginageorge many, many people feel like you or have done at some point.

I have been feeling frustrated by my 'what if' state of mind which has been present since returning to riding last year.

At a recent social event I was chatting to a professional race horse trainer who had also been a jockey. I asked him had he experienced nerves and confidence issues and he readily admitted he had and still does. He just said what we all know to be true 'its a state of mind'.

Now you have experienced your horses reactions to different situations on the ground and know her to be sensible I would advise you to ride her all the time not others. This is something I had to do recently with my new horse also called Tilly.

Intially my husband tried her and cousin but from then on I have been riding her. My cousin wanted to be the first to hack her out as she is very forward going. She wanted to test her for me knowing my very low confidence but I refused. It would have been very easy for me to accept her offer and to be honest I wanted to but the little voice of reason inside me told me ultimately it would be riding her day to day. Also, I know that by accepting her offer it would further deplete my confidence because I would be thinking; was she well behaved because she is a better rider or more confident? Would I be able to handle her?

Tilly was great. Yes, she was forward going but sensible and I got a real sense of achievement.

Take each step slowly and just look to ride out in walk and trot to begin. It may help if you have someone who has a sensible mount to ride out with.

You are not alone there are lots of us about but ultimately we all know that riding is between us and our mount.

Good luck.

[Wally]

You want to employ my OH when feeling a bit nervous.

Once when practicing through some trees HDT style with the pair of big horses, a friend who was out for the ride started looking a bit nervous, OH turned to her with a big grin, and said "Don't worry, the worst that can possibly happen is we can all die horribly" ....but that can happen from the second you are born! ;) ;)

[sotanimals]

Hi everyone iam a 48yr old lady whos confidence is zero can you give me some advice please peeps.I own a reg fell gelding called Beauty reg name(Waverhead Model 111) he was unbroken 11yr old in 2006 when i bought him (long story) i will tell you all about him in another thread.Anyway a friend of mine has done a lot of work with him and he has turned out really well considering and really quiet but my nerves are stopping me from riding him yet i have been out on him with friends and he was as good as gold,but i was so nervous i dont know what it is but i have got it in my head that the horse is going to take off with me not just Beauty but any horse ive never had this happen so i dont know why i feel like this ive never being a confident rider and always being nervous but as ive got older ive got to the point where im afraid to even try to ride i know i could be having so much fun and missing out on so much but the fear i feel when i think about riding is terrible and the thought of ever cantering petrifies me but Beauty bless him has done nothing wrong im getting to the stage now where im thinking should i sell him to someone that will ride him heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

Hey, resently i fell off when my horse spooked at two inches of water. she leapt into a tree. i cracked my helmet into it, and fell onto a fallen tree. I ride western and love horses, i got on again and rode the rest of the way through the ride. I really got banged up, and scared. But between homeschool and horses i always chose to duck outside, and hang on our geldings neck as my parents asked me math stuff. I'd trust my life to horses.

[Wally]

I'd trust my life to horses

Some I would and some I most certainly would NOT! I trust our stallion far , far more than some certain mares I could mention.

[helenpleasance]

Had that problem with my friends arab for a year. Took bachs rescue remedy before I went riding. While tacking her up (which she hates and lets you know) I imaged my fear as a swirling vortex whizzing around my tummy, (nutty I know but it worked for me) then I tried to slow the vortex right down and reverse it. I got calmer straight away. If I got scared out on a ride (she is spooky) I started reciting nursery rhymes. Got my mind off of it. Now she can do stupid things and I just laugh. She is a lovely pony and would never bolt off with you but it took me a year of this before I was able to just ride with out nerves. Persevere, maybe try one of the things that worked with me. Give it time.

[BabyBear]

You want to employ my OH when feeling a bit nervous.

Once when practicing through some trees HDT style with the pair of big horses, a friend who was out for the ride started looking a bit nervous, OH turned to her with a big grin, and said "Don't worry, the worst that can possibly happen is we can all die horribly" ....but that can happen from the second you are born! ;) ;)

Love this approach!!

I did and to some extent still do have confidence issues when hacking but I have found through facing my fears that generally, the things that you are worried about happening either never happen or are never as bad as you think.

I was hacking out at my old yard with 2 other riders when a noise spooked the 2 horses in front , 1 of whom subsequently, spun, dismounted its rider and bolted. My horse didn't spook at the noise but when he saw the other horse bolting he thought - "well I'll just follow him then.!

Despite my fear of such a incident, I some how remained relatively calm and brought my boy back to walk - not by hauling on his mouth as I'd have though but by just talking to him calmly and half haulting.

If you'd told me before hand that this would have happened I would have never hacked out again - but the thought of it is always worse that the actually incident itself - if that makes any sense?:)

[old_woman]

I said

Martin, I am merely trying to get an answer to my question

Are your Confidence Coaches who you recommended could help the OP, people who have purchased your one and two day "practitioner" courses?

No arguments - just a "yes" or a "no".

Hi, yes they are. blah blah blah blah ...


Goodness, you slipped your answer in clothed in a lot of waffle, didn't you? I did specifically ask for just a yes or no answer, not an essay.

Never mind. Now that we have settled that your registered and recommended Confidence Coaches are people who have purchased a one or two day course from you, and we know from your many websites that you specifically state no qualifications or previous experience are required before a person purchases one of these courses, can I assume that at least you ensure CRB checks are carried out before you recommend or register a person as a Confidence Coach? After all, they will be dealing with clients who are self-evidently vulnerable by nature of the problem for which they are seeking help.

Once more, I would appreciate a simple yes or no answer from you and not an essay.

[Stella2]

can I assume that at least you ensure CRB checks are carried out before you recommend or register a person as a Confidence Coach? After all, they will be dealing with clients who are self-evidently vulnerable by nature of the problem for which they are seeking help.

Once more, I would appreciate a simple yes or no answer from you and not an essay.[/SIZE] We won't hold our breath for that though eh?

[ConfidenceCoach]

Yes

[Willywilddog]

Have been following this thread with interest, and after sorting through it all, came to the conclusion that some of us lacking in confidence are lucky enough to be able to work through it on our own (or with help from friends), but others, with more deeply seated fears, need help from professionals if they are ever going to enjoy their riding.
I don't think anyone under-rates the value of the professionals out there, but we beg to question the value (and safety) of advise from someone who has only read a book, watched a movie or done a "comprehensive" 1 or 2 day course. The human brain is a bit more complex than that.
A point that seems to have been missed is the initial cause/s of the fear. Is it only "what if", or is it that on a previous ride "this" happened (even if on another horse). Eg: I was riding a friend's horse and he went down with me, and, after a lot of drama getting from the paddock (about 5km from the house), to meet the ambulance (a further 20km), and spending 2 days in hospital, my confidence was shattered. In spite of it all being a complete accident (the horse had stumbled in a goanna hole on the track), it was ages before I'd canter with my own horses without being afraid of going down again.
Maybe advancing years and the certain knowledge of our mortality plays a part. As well as the fact that the ground gets harder as we get older :).

[old_woman]

Yes

Thank you.

[old_woman]

I don't think anyone under-rates the value of the professionals out there, but we beg to question the value (and safety) of advise from someone who has only read a book, watched a movie or done a "comprehensive" 1 or 2 day course. The human brain is a bit more complex than that.


Well said, Willywilddog.

What happens when the client does not find the wished-for solution with the one-day coach? Can the one-day coach recognise problems that go beyond their limited training?

[ConfidenceCoach]

If the interventions do not work effectively in a short period of time, then that is indicative that their are deeper problems. But if, as in the vast majority of cases, the tools used do work, the clients experience a noticable change quickly. The RI's that have incorporated these tools within their own existing skills, have found them very effective.

[old_woman]

If the interventions do not work effectively in a short period of time, then that is indicative that their are deeper problems.

How many interventions would be attempted before your coach recognises the limits of their ability, and how is the one-day-course coach advised to deal with indications of deeper problems?

[AengusOg]

Has anyone ever tried Homeopathy as a route to helping with these problems?

I find it a great help with life. :D

Just a thought. :)

[Sumitra]

Well I have a Highland who can be very spooky.He spins and shoots off a fewsteps then stops.I have never fallen off and we ride in a safe area but still I got very nervous.I am still working through it.Things that have helped. Kelly Marks book perfect confidence. It gives you such a belly laugh (very helpful) and loads of good advice. A truly sympathetic and helpful instructor. Mine used to ridemy pony for the first few minutes of each lesson when things were really bad so I could see that he was o.k really.Don't put yourself under any pressure. I tried the Ride every time even if its only for acouple of minutes. Made things worse for me so did loads of ground work, lunging, long reining, grazing in hand, anything and only rode on lesson day.Bigest no no? An unsympathetic instructor. No matter how experienced, knowledeable etc if they are unsympathetic they are no good toyou! Good luck.

[Bertie]

Ginageorge - take a deep breath and take the advice that everyone has given you on here, it's good advice.

* Find a good sympathetic instructor that will understand both yours and your horses needs.
* Work on your ridden relationship in an enclosed safe environment, like a school.
* try being lunged at first or even led from the ground by someone you trust.

Do NOT let others force you into doing something your not comfortable with, I'm easily bullied or pressurised into doing stuff and to be honest find it works well for me but my mare petrified me when we hacked out and I was nearly in tears when I used to leave the yard alone but I allowed myself to be forced and almost embarrassed into hacking alone and it was a STUPID thing to do. Now the pair of us have bond which is amazing and we can cope with anything together but it was downright dangerous at the time and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Good luck, take things slowly and take people on heres advice, they know what there talking about ;) and keep us updated :)

[ginageorge]

I have got a RI coming out in the morning to help me with Beauty so iam keeping my fingers crossed she will beable to sort him out for me and then start giving me lessons.She is supposed to be really good a friend of mine has being having a lesson with her every week for a while now and she has gained so much confidence.My friend used to be very nervous not quite as bad as iam,but she now hacks out on her own and jumps things she would never have done before having lessons so iam really hoping that things will work out for me,iam 50 next year (not that old i know)but i have decided that i dont want to go through the rest of my life not being able to ride because of having no confidence i know iam missing out on so much because of being scared.

[AengusOg]

Go ginageorge :)........in your own time, of course.

[AengusOg]

Wonder what happened to ConfidenceCoach and his tech support? :D:p

[Minski&Kai]

Another option for you, when you are ready, might be to ride her in the school and the take her out for a very, very short hack 5-10 mins just to cool her off, then very gradually when you are feeling comfortable decrease the time spent for the schooling part of the ride and increase the hacking part.

[rattysgirl]

I know EXACTLY how you feel Ginageorge!! I have that same film playing in my head about my horse bolting in terror! I had a very bad freak accident with my previous share a few years ago; the fear had become so real after this that I just couldn't bring myself to trust him anymore, which in turned created more problems (he was a part-bred Arab... too intelligent and sensitive for his own good). I have switched horses now after months of trying (must I say with *some* success). My new share is now a bombproof schoolmaster who is proving himself to be an absolute dream! Sometimes a new horse is just what the doctor's ordered. If this isn't enough, try hypnotherapy and invest in a few lessons with a good and sympathetic instructor! Good luck!!

[ginageorge]

Well Beauty and i had our first lesson this morning it went really well.My RI said we will have to start right at the beginning and treat Beauty as a youngster even though he is 13 next month.She said it will probably take a while but she is confident he will turn out fine i was prepared for this because of Beauty never being backed as a youngster and only ever being used as a serving stallion untill he was gelded shortly before me buying him.What my RI taught us this morning Beauty seems to have learnt it very quick iam really pleased with him,so fingers crossed Beauty and i will be well on our way this time next year and my confidence will no longer be zero.

[AengusOg]

Well Beauty and i had our first lesson this morning it went really well.My RI said we will have to start right at the beginning and treat Beauty as a youngster even though he is 13 next month.She said it will probably take a while but she is confident he will turn out fine i was prepared for this because of Beauty never being backed as a youngster and only ever being used as a serving stallion untill he was gelded shortly before me buying him.What my RI taught us this morning Beauty seems to have learnt it very quick iam really pleased with him,so fingers crossed Beauty and i will be well on our way this time next year and my confidence will no longer be zero.

:):):)

[old_woman]

Wonder what happened to ConfidenceCoach and his tech support? :D:p

I've been wondering that for a while, too.

Weren't there free sessions on offer, and promises that clients would report back after the coaching session?

[Joyscarer]

I think there was a thread started by someone who had been and thought it was good but I can't for the life of me remember who :confused:

[TechSupport]

Wonder what happened to ConfidenceCoach and his tech support? :D:p
:rolleyes:

We are still around, doing what we do, for those that want it. :D

PS: Why the moderators found it necessary to remove this reply previously I have no idea. It is polite and is a direct answer to a not so direct question. Regular members seem to post alot worse in various threads and get away with it do they not?. There are and never have been links to any other site on my profile and it is not advertising anything.

Could a mod please explain what was wrong with the original post as, as far as I can see, it broke no forum rules whatsoever.

pps: Anyhow, Ginageorge, hope it all works out for you. Everyone can, and should, have access to confidence whenever they choose, all you need to do is find your "strategy".

All the best

Techsupport

[TechSupport]

I think there was a thread started by someone who had been and thought it was good but I can't for the life of me remember who :confused:

Thread is here

http://www.newrider.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141907 (http://www.newrider.com/forum/showthread.php?t=141907)

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer or deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt