Rubbish lesson! Someone get me a rocking horse instead!

[Virago]

Not wanting to hijack any of the other 'Rubbish Lesson' threads on here at the moment, I had to start my own. :rolleyes: There really must be something in the air this week.

I had one of the worst lessons of my life this morning. In my defence I was dead tired and a bit stressed about some stuff going on elsewhere in my life but that's no excuse for effing it all up completely! I really felt I had made no progress and told my instructor I was giving up. I think I will buy a rocking horse instead! ;)

I have recently started in a group lesson, after 18 months of private lessons. I have a big 'thing' about riding with others in the school so the group lesson is supposed to help me with that (all of us in the group are in the same boat, by the way, coming from the comfort zone of one-to-one lessons.)

So this morning I was on a horse, Suzi, who I just can't get on with. I have done OK on her before - just OK, no better - but this morning, she was a bit more stubborn than usual, felt like a wound up spring and I just lost all my confidence in my riding. I took Suzi into the middle of the school, asked my RI to hold on to her because I was convinced she was about to take off. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and i was so embarrassed.

After the lesson, my RI had a chat with me as I was untacking Suzi. RI is brilliant at motivating me (she has seen my through many crises of confidence!) but even she couldn't make me feel better about my riding today. :(

I had plans for doing my first dressage test this year as well as learning to jump. Ha! That's all seems like a joke after today, when I couldn't even do a lesson in walk and trot without dissolving into tears.

Thank you for reading, if you have got this far. If someone can whizz me some of those good ol' NR vibes, I would be most grateful.

[Anro]

It's ok. we all go through that at some point and you CAN'T give up :eek: There's something A RI told me once focus on the things you did good and the bad things will dissapeer maybe ask next time if you can have a different horse or something? :)

(sorry I'm the worst person in the world to make people feel better)

[Tatooed Lady]

it seems that once we decide we WANT to do something, and enjoy it, we hit the inevitable brick wall, where we stop in our tracks and say "WHY am I doing this? I'm too (insert self-insult here) to (insert activity here) well! Oh, I'm so stupid! What a waste!" (etc, etc, etc)...at least that's what I've done in my life....riding motorcycles, driving truck (which I do for a living, now), riding horses...I've had crisis of confidence in each and every one. But I have to stop and think seriously on a few things, that might help you...
1) I'm still breathing and haven't killed anyone with my 'obsession'
2) I'm NOT the dumbest person to ever try this, why should *I* be the one to fail???
3) I wouldn't have started this activity if I didn't WANT to do it. Why should one bad day knock me away from my dreams??
4) A bad day at (insert activity) is still better than a GOOD day at (insert something you really hate doing, but you do it anyhow).

Take a breather of a few days or a week, then hit it again with a more positive attitude...forget the "I'm a putz", and insert "I'm GOOD" instead. ;)

[Portia]

Ah confidence. Perhaps the most elusive and fey of all creatures, she wafts in and out of our riding lives at the most unexpected of moments. As you said, you were tired and stressed with other life issues, and it sounds as if these are the causes, not your riding - that's merely the manifest.

Remember how much you've done, and how far you've come since this time last year (Caroline Putus and March 07 clinic?). You've done so well, and met so many targets, don't let this bump in the road sideline you. Everyone goes through this (and if they say they don't they're lying!) - be kind to yourself, think of the good things that happened in this and subsequent lessons, those are what's important. The 'bad' moments should be seen as learning opportunites, no more.

Chin up, big smile, get back on-board!

[cate-e-kins]

Everyone is right.. don't dwell on it, sometimes I am too nervous to ride mine at all, so now have decided if I don't want to do it I won't. Other times I get on and off I go, think like you it depends how much baggage you take onto the saddle with you...

Just keeping trying little steps, by the way can you send your RI over here to Oz she sounds perfect!!!

Cate

[cwb]

Read my blog (link in sig below) - I have had a few bad days, like when I couldn't get Stanley to move out of the corner, when Hovis went off the boil and wouldn't work for me, when I first rode Tetley and bounced about all over the place - but then there are super days when the transitions work well and everything happens right.

I think you just had a bad day which coincided with the horses bad day! Just relax and try less hard ...

[Skib]

At least you progressed far enough to be allowed a group lesson.

I do think adults learning to ride have a bad time in riding lessons generally. There are many logical contradictions which means one way or another you are bound to loose out.

We put ourselves in the hands of another adult, the expert. But we share their attention with the other students. Our relationship with both the teacher and the other students, particularly if it makes us feel helpless, interferes with our relationship to the horse. A horse needs a rider who feels competent.

As for competence, when riding in a lesson we can either show off what we can already do well. Or we learn something new, which means attempting something unfamiliar, thus probably initially making us less effective. My RI says you learn most from bad lessons.

One may have to choose between getting raised self esteem from a lesson - many riders post on NR how well they have done - or finding something you cant do, with a view to mastering that in the future. Finding you cant do something on a horse or on a particular horse, does not mean you are a bad rider or a person who should give up riding.

But it might mean that you need to give up (for a while) any competitive goal: the riding of tests? Or comparing yourself with others in the class. One of the problems with riding is that the current obsession with sport turns riding into competitive athletics. You may have cried because you were trying to cope simultaneously with disappointment in yourself and with fear of what the horse might do.
Whereas in fact you only need to deal with one thing: the horse.

As I read your account, you were allotted a more difficult horse and you felt (good to feel by the way) that it might take off with you.
So big question: have you ever been run off with by a horse, either out hacking or in a school?
If the horse does run off with you, what do you think might happen? Might you fall off?
If you want to slow or stop a horse that is going fast, do you know how to do this?
And if the horse doesn't respond, do you know other things to try?

If the horse just feels like it is going to make off, but hasn't done so yet, do you know how to prevent that, how to calm the horse and take over the decision making yourself?

In the panic of a lesson, particularly a group lesson, it is not possible to be logical and think out these things. When you get home though the problem can be reduced to riding questions. One can make a shopping list of things one needs to learn to do.

And I don't think you were stupid to turn into the centre either. I don't ride any horse that I think I cant get to listen to me and I cant stop from moving. It is a priceless gift to know when the horse you have been allocated is beyond you. Or to realise that on a particular day you are not feeling well enough to handle the problems.

I do though warn about telling teachers you are going to give up. What can the teacher say that has any meaning? What would you have done if the teacher had agreed with you?
Seriously, there are some of us on NR who have had bullying teachers say we are not fit to ride. Or been warned by doctors. We have been turned down by teachers. We have never sought nor received a word of praise on NR. We ride in defiance of other people and to please ourselves.
There are very few people who cannot learn to ride a horse with care and sensitivity if they are so minded.

[Mistertron]

awww i hope you are feeling better now. As others have said you have these phases of crap lessons which just makes great lessons even better!! my last lesson wasnt so good - i was trying to do canter to halt and didnt manage it once! you go away thinking you havent learnt anything.

i admire you for doing group lessons - ive been having lessons for about 15 months but stuck to private lessons as im not confident enough to join a group.

Stick with it!:)

[madoose]

We've all been there!! Confidence builds with experience and practise and of course, a horse that suits you. We don't all get the best out of every horse, certain types suit certain people. Don't let anyone push you into doing anything you don't want to do, but be open to trying new things otherwise your confidence will never build. Positive mental attitude - you can do it...think of all the positives, not the negatives. Horses are loving and fun - sometimes we all forget that. x

[laura jeanne]

Skib, what a wonderful thoughtful answer you wrote! I agree with everything and I hope Virago takes it to heart.

Virago, have a peek at Raingodz post on leaving his RS (not the point of the post) - to see how he went back after a couple of years to ride a horse he had found very difficult at first.

I am very rarely in a bad mood or have a headache, etc., but when I do, I might as well not waste my time in a riding lesson.

[ejk6@msn.com]

Having read all of the replies I hope that you realise how common your experience is. I have often had a little weep after and sometimes during riding my pony and I know many that do (some will own up and others won't)

You may ask yourself 'Why do we all bother then?' If you come up with an answer please let me know!

Like one of the other people who have replied I sometimes just have some time off. When I do I start to miss it and soon go back.

Horses are like people in some ways, you can't get on with them all. If you don't get on with one then don't ride it until you feel you want to (if ever). At my yard there are horses that I would not ride and very little would convince me to try! There is no shame in that.

If it makes you feel better I watched a group lesson at a local (and very good), school the other week and three very good riders had to get off and change their horses as they were quite lively!!!!

It is happening everywhere and Winter tends to fizz horses up, even riding school plods sometimes.

Don't give up put it down to a bad lesson and ask to be put on another horse next time and see how you feel then.

Good luck

[Bay Mare]

If I've got the right RS and, therefore, the right Suzi you're not the only one. She seems to be a horse that people either get on with or don't with very little middle ground.

We're all better with some horses than others so don't despair, just see if you can ride a different horse, they've got plenty :D

I think that it's been one of 'those' weekends so blame it on fate or the universe ;) I'm sure that you'll be fine in your next lesson xxx

[cazrider]

Sorry to hear this Viago. I think Sennie and Kouch can help.... come and play whenever you want. You are not a rubbish rider. And never forget, you do this to enjoy yourself.

[annareeves0]

I can so sympathise with crises of confidence - i had considered myself a mature, capable, independant woman until i bought my first horse about 5 weeks ago and its been a complete rollercoaster since. I was all excited that I managed to walk Rosie along the road to the entrance of my RS ( only 15mins down the road) so arranged for us to go tomorrow and have a look round for Rosies benefit with a view to having a lesson on her there next week and all of a sudden Im terrifed! I cant do this, what do i know about horses, Im a crap rider, she'll run off with me, Ill show myself up in front of all the horsey people, i wont be able to cross the road with her etc etc and Im only going for a look!
I run my own business, have teenage children (if you can handle that you can do anything!) etc etc and Im terrified of walking a horse up the road. For goodness sake!
The point is I know the day before things went great and I was buzzing, Rosie was the best horse in the world, 3 hours in the field wasnt nearly enough.... So today I have to focus on the stuff I love and remember that while I have to accept that some days she will be a bit more spooky and less attentive, she will have to accept that some days i ride rubbish and we will just have to get used to each other.
We cant be perfect every day (but I can damn well try!)

[wild child]

sounds like suzi was being excited by the others,,,the last lesson with others i had they cut me off several times speeding around me ,,,,,,making my horse protest :),,,,it takes time and maby a more laid back horse with others.Suzi could be just taking advantage of the fact of it being new out of your comfirt zone,,,,i wouldnt worry as one of my old instructors yelled at me once in canada " you get back on and show the horse whos boss never mind the rest of the world the lessons are for you .