losing confidence

[Tonto]

i've been having lessons for a few months and thought i was doing really well; halting, walking, trotting(sitting and rising), canter and small jumps. i've loved every minute of it:) and found that lessons have become a real highlight of my week (as well as an extremely good stress buster). i've been keen to be challenged and pretty confident in the saddle. however a couple of weeks ago my ri put me on a hunter(tb cross) and it has really scared me:eek:. with the rs horses i usually ride i've been told to keep the reins short; on this horse i did the same and it just got faster:eek:. it feels like riding on water and i feel i have no control whatsoever. the horse has been out on a hunt twice a week (although this is the last week) and i don't think anyone else is riding him in the school.
i asked my ri how to stop him and she said to pull back on both reins(although shortening the reins makes him go faster so this was a bit scary), which i did when he started cantering (i have never experienced gallop but this felt like a very fast canter and i was worried about the corners as the usual rs horses rarely stay in canter around the corners and when they do it's not so fast) around the school without me meaning to ask him to, and he did stop but i was out of the saddle bracing myself against my heels and using all my strength. he also 'bounced' around for a bit before eventually stopping (although i could feel the energy just waiting to go off again). my ri says this horse is a schoolmaster and will really bring me on but i feel like i have no understanding of him and a bit useless really. immediately after this lesson i felt elated but over the next couple of days the feeling of not being in control and not knowing how to guide this horse was overwhelming and i just felt scared. the next couple of times at the school i was on the rs horses and was fine. i read about one rein stop and emergency dismount thinking the knowledge may help me stay calm. then i had another lesson on the hunter who i managed to keep in walk and trot(although a few times when i felt him quicken i turned him to the wall and back up towards the ri. when i did this he seemed to step backwards, flick his chin(if that makes sense) and prance energetically. by the end of the lesson i couldn't wait to get off and felt upset for a few days.
i went on one of the familiar rs horses today and felt nervous even though i really trust this horse. i did trot, halt, trot, canter around and she was really responsive and lovely but i did feel a bit nervous.
i know that i can't get on the hunter again even though the ri says he will be easier now as the hunts are over and he will be used more in the school. i just feel upset. sorry for the serious post.

[nelsonsmum]

I think everyone has a crisis of confidence at some point, especially when they are still learning. I am a mature novice myself and have found confidence my major issue. All I can say is to talk to your RI and explain how you feel, maybe ask to go on the RS horses until you feel more secure. Sorry if this is not helpful but it is what I would do. I am sure there are loads of people on here with some sound advice too.:o

[JOJOBA]

You need to talk to your RI and tell her that you dont feel you are ready for this horse. To be honest he sounds like quite a big step up from what you were riding before.

Dont worry, your confidence will come back, but Id nip this in the bud now personally by sticking with the horses I feel safe on for a while.

xxx

[fjordlady]

Confidence is hard to gain and easily lost :).

Explain how you feel to the RI and be firm. If this horse has you questioning yourself with the usual RS horses it cannot be a good thing. Obviously your RI feels you have improved and is wanting to up the anti but this maybe stretching you too far at the moment.

Go back a couple of steps and consolidate then maybe you will be ready to try again with him - by then hunting season will be well and truly over and hopefully others will be using him in the school making him an easier ride for you :D

[Method_Acting]

Riding is meant to be fun, and it doesn't sound like you were having much fun..! Especially when you're paying to learn to ride you should be enjoying yourself.

Your RI obviously trusts that you are 'good' enough to ride the faster, less ploddy horses, which is great and you should be proud :) But it isn't worth losing your confidence over.

After a few months riding I had never cantered, and certainly never jumped! So it sounds like you've progressed a lot in such a short amount of time. Make it clear to your RI you want to ride a different horse and you don't feel ready for the hunter yet.

When you've had more time in the saddle you might want to face bigger challenges and ride horses like him, but there's no rush.

I rode an ex-racer in a lesson a few months ago and he took off with me more than once. My RI ended up making me get off and it did shake my confidence a bit. I've ridden him twice again in the last week and since I've improved I could control him even when he tried it on, and actually enjoyed riding him :) so you could give yourself something to aim for if it would help!

Good luck

x

[ejk6@msn.com]

Hi
I loose my confidence on a very regular basis and I have been riding time riding for a long. Once you love to ride it is difficult NOT to ride and things like this can become very emotional! I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you.
I would tell your RI that you do not want this horse again until you feel that YOU would like to ride it. After all you are paying for this.

Good look and enjoy your riding

[Tonto]

thanks for the advice:)i won't be riding for the next couple of weeks so i think i'll mull it over and posssibly try a different school after that

[LindaAd]

It's very easy to lose your confidence if you feel a horse is too much for you. This horse does sound like a handful, and it takes a long time to learn to slow down a forward-going horse without hanging on to his head and making him fuss or go faster. I've seen a really steady RS horse go faster and faster because the rider was hanging onto her head and leaning forward.

You don't say if these were private or group lessons, but I think you should certainly talk it through with the RI and not ride the horse again except in a private lesson when you can be helped to handle him, and maybe not even then if you still find the idea of him scarey.

It must be really difficult to be a RI: there's such a delicate balance between challenging people enough and putting them in a situation where they'll lose confidence. Every learner rider is different, and some of them (like me) are different from lesson to lesson. But even the best RI isn't infallible, and your confidence is precious, so you have to do what you feel is right.


PS I've just had another look at your original post, and it doesn't look as if your RI was much use in helping you to deal with this horse. So maybe your idea of trying another school is the best one.

[Tonto]

thanks linda
i think i've just lost faith in my ri even though i'm sure she was doing what she thought was best (and may well have been for someone else).perhaps at a different rs they may have horses somewhere on the continuum between the two extremes i've encountered so far. i quite fancy doing some saturday afternoon treks now that spring is here:)

[kiwigirl]

Goodness are you me ?? Your post echos completly what happened to me a few weeks ago. My RI put me on a forward going TB as a progression and like you I ended up in an out of control canter whizzing round the corners (actually probably did worse that you as ended up grabbing the pommel and being shouted at by my RI to lean back!) Anyway compelted the lesson at walk and trot only and left feeling semi pleased that I survived on him with no falls. One bonus was he was easy to to get going and would soften on the bit really well.
Anyway I angsted for a week over wether to ride him or not again and the majority of people I asked said I should but deep down I did not feel ready for that again so I did ring and ask not to be put on him for the next lesson. And like you even when I went back to my regular RS horse I was a bag of nerves so the whole experience did shake me. So I reckon I am just not ready for that next step or a complete wimp:o

[Belle Rider]

You're not a wimp kiwigirl and you've every right to be nervous, tonto. It is pretty scary to be on a horse and going faster than you would like. I've had that happen a few times and it completely affected me. Nothing major happened apart from falling off at canter, but the RI had to hop on and get the horse to calm down. First time this happened was because the horse was spooky on a windy day and wanting to get back to his field and avoid work, and the other time the mare was in pain because of a back problem they didn't find out about til later! But for ages after that I was really nervous of even trotting and especially on edge if it was even a little bit breezy! I still hate it if the horse spooks because of the wind. I never know what to do!!

Today I went on a hack with my mum and sister at the RS my mum goes to. Anyway I was put on a lovely 16.hh horse that competes at three-day-eventing and it was very forward going. The weather was horrible - wind, rain and even hail at first, and two of the horses were desperate to go fast (mine and the RI's!!). But we had to hold them back to walk because if we let them go the RI didn't think we'd be able to control them!! :eek: I was fine with that tbh cos i've never been on anything bigger than 15/15.2hh and this one seemed rather highly strung. The RI said she never puts novices on him because he needs someone who can sit quietly and hold him back if need be (which he really needed today). Still we survived and all got back in one piece and now i'm wishing we'd had a little trot cos I could have done with the experience! But then again maybe not. It was rather windy and they were rather spooky. If he decided to take off with me i'd have ended up on a heap on the ground!! :D :o

[Cobgirl]

Oh gosh it must be in the air! On Thursday last I was planning on riding my part loan mare out, but it was windy and the girl I was supposed to ride with turned up late. Good job, I walked her in hand down the lane and suddenly a huge gust blew up, the horses in the field started to gallop alongside the fence and my horse tried to go with them! I had to really hold her back and wrenched my arm doing so.

Now I am even more spooked about going out on a hack. She is very responsive and does calm down with the right aids, but the more I think about how she is when it is a bit windy or she is feeling fizzy, the less I want to hack out. She is fine in the arena, although she does stop and look sometimes if she hears something she's not sure of. But out, she is a different kettle of fish - not dangerous, just fizzy and forward going.

I guess we have to listen to our own fears and react accordingly. I think I will stay with the arena for the time being!

[Tonto]

i'm sure i'm not ready for that step as well kiwigirl; i'm still in the dark as to how a rider is meant to keep a horse like that from getting faster.
belle rider i think you did well to keep the horse in walk; i'm starting to think the most important skill is learning to slow the horse down. i think up until now everything i learnt has been based on keeping a horse going and i never had to think about stopping:confused:
cobgirl i think you're right to take it at your own pace; at least you know the right aids and she is responsive to them:)

[BlackBess]

I lose my confidence all the time! I used to ride the same horse week in, week out because I felt really comfortable with him and was terrified of riding another horse. Then a couple of months ago, I decided to give another horse a go. She's very forward going and extremely difficult to stop doing canter. At first, I was scared stiff and thought oh my god what have I done. She was going round and round, getting faster and faster and I felt like I was riding the wall of death. But my RI had anticipated it and whatever she did got the horse to stop. I've got a habit of tipping forward when I'm scared and I still haven't got my brain to register that this to a horse means accelerate. The next time I rode her, my RI told me to relax, breathe out and sit deeper in the saddle and to my surprise it worked - she responded and slowed down straight away. I don't progress anywhere near as fast as the others in my group and I am always taking 2 steps backwards if I feel uncomfortable with something. I agree with the other's advice in talking to your RI, if you ride this horse again, perhaps you could just canter on the long side to get your confidence back, but your RI must explain what you should do to get this horse to stop, like half halts, sitting deeper. Otherwise, find yourself another RI - riding is supposed to relief stress, not cause it. Wishing you all the very best.