Confidence crisis

[alyrosie]

I have no idea whats going on with me but lately i have lost all confidence in my riding ability. I have gone from hacking out and schooling alone to being a nervous wreck. Cant put my finger on whats going on but its really starting to get me down. Oscar obviously picks up that i am a crumbling wreck and he starts messing around and that in turn makes me more nervous. The other day i got off after only being on a few mins cos having panic attack and burst into tears. Luckily there were others up the yard and they helped me get myself together. Just wondering who else has gone through these irrational confidence crashes and how you got out of them??? I have found an instructor so am gonna have lessons again as hopefully this will help and I keep having a quick ride, force myself too through the nerves when i can. Its just really getting me down now and i really need to get ontop of it cos i love my boy and want to enjoy every minute i spend with him.
Thanks x (from me and oscar who wants his normal mummy back!!!)

[nelle]

Yes me too!

I haven't had a fall and there's nothing I can put my finger on but over the last few weeks I've been getting more and more uptight. I had a lesson last night and was so tense. RI said that since Christmas I seem to have lost it totally and have gone from doing really well to well ... being really crap (she didn't say that but I know that's what she means).

I'm really bad - or should that be good - at focussing on the negative, running through the worse case scenario's and basically getting worried about things before they've even happened, this is applicable to a lot of things in my life not just my riding. This has led to a tense nervous rider (me) and a tense nervous pony!

I've never not ridden because of my nerves but I do tend to plod around in a half hearted trot and don't tend to push myself out of my boundaries. Saying that I popped a cross pole last week in trot so sometimes I do feel a bit brave! Whereas during my lessons RI pushes me to get my pony going forward, that's when I seem to panic and loose my position and feel out of control.

For the first time ever I broke down in my lesson and had a cry. I'm just so frustrated and cross with myself. Tonight I've had a swig of rescue remedy and got on with it, probably wasn't going as forward as RI would like but funnily enough I do feel the rescue remedy has helped me.

I have decided though that I can ride and I will get through this. I need to do it for me and I need to do it for Sonny.

[spamchops]

I had this happen to me too, no nasty accident, confidence just ebbed away, in fact it would have been better if it had a cause like a nasty fall - it would have made sense. It was after I had my second horse and I suddenly could not see the point in riding in circles in the school, it seemed pointless and I lost the willpower to make the horse do anything as I couldn't see the point myself. I got very nervy and sick at the thought of getting on. I don't have a horse any more but have sporadic patches of lessons and when being taught I am fine, also if I had to get on someone elses horse and iron it out I would be fine. It's just doing it for me that no longer works... :confused: Sorry, no answers for you, but at least you aren't alone!

[yph]

ALWAYS!!!! for me it is normally a reflection of what is going on in my life elsewhere, even if Im not aware it.. have a think ... work, relationships, self esteem, what is happening around you - it is surprising how our horses mirror our emotions and sometimes know before we do something is up! its taken me a long time to realise this but if my riding confidence starts to suffer it is always an indicator that something else is wrong and I havent realised, eg. work is getting to me.

[NoviceNic]

Happens to all of us one way or another. And sadly for some of us they go away and then return another time. :rolleyes:

Now who has got that Nervous Nellie badge?? Give it back :p

[vivi]

Could you afford a few sessions with a hypnotherapist. It will make a huge difference and save you battling with this alone.

[graciemoo]

You've just NOT got to think of the 'what if's' and the 'what could happen's' - just get on him and go back to basics. Even when there are people around to help you, things like round the world exercise can show you that there is no need to be nervous. I always find riding without stirups secures confidence as you can do it without them, so of course you can do it with them!!
I had a break from riding for 8 years, and Oct 07 I had ONE refresher lesson before getting on the horse I now have on loan. - she was fresh, strong, and hadn't been properly worked for 3/4 years - all day before I rode her, my stomach was in knotts!! - but I got on walked and trotted round for 15 mins, then the next time I just tried really simple things, like no stirups while walking, lots of transitions, changing reins, figures of 8 etc etc, basic schooling - it really showed me I could still do it, and most of it was in walk!!! I didn't canter on the horse until after Xmas....!!
Trust your horse - he will look after you, after all, you look after him... :)

graciemoo (http://www.graciemoo.co.uk) x

[Skib]

Time of year?
We are at our lowest - colds, no energy, it is wet.
Horses are perking up with Spring and the gusty wind.
Bad combination.
It will probably pass.

[jinglejoys]

If you don't feel safe on his back get off and work him on the ground until you do feel happy about getting on.
I was taught by the old school of " Get back on"...I lost my nerves completely and it took me 35years to get on an equine again.I'm now having to back my boy Malaga by myself and because of the "If you don't feel safe don't.........." advice I'm now quite relaxed about it.:)

[alyrosie]

Its good to know i am not alone!!! I actually managed to ride for 5few mins today. Ok, so was only twice round the school and i was being led, but tis progress!!!

Yph, I think you are right about it being other things, work has been pretty crappy lately and have been feeling very stressed. Hopefully now work settling i will be more my usual self.

Vivi, it crossed my mind about hypnotherapy but have no experience with it. Will look into it a bit more and see if there is anyone round here who is good / can afford!!

Anyway, at least steps have been made in right direction and i know that i can do it i will carry on. Be a brave and happy hacker again!!!!!

[shane]

I know the feeling well, bought myself a 14.2 last June he is green (was used on a farm for rounding up sheep) and I am not that confident but have had loads of lessons and ridden on and off for years. I am going to ride today and I am worring already. I do some groung work first just walk and halt then some ridden work only walk and trot then a quick hack around where I live.
Worried about meeting other horse's as not sure how he will behave and not ridden out with anyone yet! but after the ride I feel great. During the ride like others I chat or sing (poor pony):)

[BlackBess]

Hi, I know exactly how you feel as I'm going through the exact same thing. At the moment, my riding is so bad I am considering giving up completely. A couple of lessons ago, I broke down in tears and didn't stop crying the whole night. I've got no idea what's happened to me but I'm getting worse and worse. It might have something to do with that I am absolutely torn over whether to buy my first horse or not. I've found the one I want, but I'm not sure whether I have the ability to ride her.

I have considered hypnotherapy, I've been using it to try and lose weight and it seems to be working. I can't afford sessions so I've brought a hypnotherapy cd for riders, there are some available, so maybe you could try that. The only advice I can give really is that you are not alone, and try to break it down into really small steps so you see anything good as a major achievement. If you have a good trot with Oscar, or some great transition work and end on a positive note, however small it is. Wishing you all the very best.

[Skib]

At the moment, my riding is so bad I am considering giving up completely.

RI said that since Christmas I seem to have lost it totally

lost all confidence in my riding ability.

Who said your riding is so bad? How do you know? Is it the teaching situation?

I once did a BHS Stable management course at a local BHS riding school and the teacher remarked on our low self esteem as riders. She asked what was going on at the school and in our lessons?

I wonder whether lowering the self confidence of women adult riders may be something that just inevitably happens in most adult riding lessons?

I wrote a riding diary for March for a research project. It was my best month riding ever (true) but reading it through I was very depressed. Due to staff holiday plus train cancellations over Easter, I had hacked out with four different RI escorts.
Of the three new to me, each corrected me and gave me helpful instructions on three different topics. Two of them who dont know me made no attempt to assess my level and taught me at a level far below the level I actually am. None of them once praised my riding.

It is very rare for adults to be repeatedly corrected, reprimanded, patronised, and steered in different directions as I was by other adults. Not good for anyone's self respect.

I have recently (by contrast) moved to another RS where everything is put in the positive. And the first positive was that I decided to present myself in a positive light.
It seems to me that anyone who feels their riding is useless should do the same: sit down and make a list of all the things they can do on a horse or with a horse. You will surprise yourself.

In my case I then had to say clearly what it was that I couldnt yet do but I wanted to learn to do. Something specific which gave the RI (and me) a target.
Having a future target doesnt mean you are currently a bad rider. I dont really understand what a "bad" rider is. Or "riding ability"?

There isnt a teacher in the world who can reassure you you can ride. It is something you have to do for yourself. Worse still, I believe that if one looks to a riding teacher for "help" and puts her in the therapist role long term, that leaves one perpetually helpless and in need of care, vulnerable both as the student and the rider.

[Cobgirl]

Hey you are NOT alone, there are hundreds of riders out there who lose their confidence from time to time. I am one of them as well but it will not beat me.

I part loan and came back to riding last year after a huge break of 40 years. My confidence is up and down but since Christmas it has been more down than anything. I have a bad back so cannot ride that well for too long, but today I was determined to ride down the lane confidently then come back. Got on, got half way down and my part loan girlie started to puff and pant as she passed a 'bush' that seems to spook her. She stopped dead, would not move panting and snorting, so I got off. I know that people will say that I should have stayed on, but I couldn't and if I had and she had spun or done something quick, then I do not have the confidence to just push her on through the strop.

I am only riding for half an hour a week, I WANT my confidence back, so have decided to have some private lessons to try and find out what has gone wrong.

You must do what is right for you, but if you love riding as I do, then you will find that strategy to cope.

[clarabella_78]

I've been riding for about 2 years following about 10 out of the saddle. I used to be so confident, and now I'm a nervous wreck! If my horse is at all edgy or stroppy I get off. I feel safer on the ground, and once I've ledhim for a bit and he's calmed down, I hop bacl on and off we go. Don't feel that getting off is giving up - you need to feel safe. If you're scared = horse is scared, and that only makes things worse. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going on a hack and doing nothing but walk and enjoy the scenery. One day, on one of those hacks, you might decide to try a little trot, then another day you'll try a little canter. Then, the next day you might not feel like it. You don't have to answer to anyone, only do what you want and don't feel like you are missing out. Riding is meant to be fun!
Good luck x

[Cobgirl]

I've been riding for about 2 years following about 10 out of the saddle. I used to be so confident, and now I'm a nervous wreck! If my horse is at all edgy or stroppy I get off. I feel safer on the ground, and once I've ledhim for a bit and he's calmed down, I hop bacl on and off we go. Don't feel that getting off is giving up - you need to feel safe. If you're scared = horse is scared, and that only makes things worse. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going on a hack and doing nothing but walk and enjoy the scenery. One day, on one of those hacks, you might decide to try a little trot, then another day you'll try a little canter. Then, the next day you might not feel like it. You don't have to answer to anyone, only do what you want and don't feel like you are missing out. Riding is meant to be fun!
Good luck x

Thanks, trouble is I had an 'incident' in the woods before Christmas and that has led to the situation today. In the arena she is fine but I cannot do much at present as I have sciatica and can only lightly ride for about half an hour, this really has not helped. Can't use leg aids as my legs feel so weak, plus putting her through exercises like loops, figures etc, leaves me shattered!

I try to do things at my own pace - but I felt a loser today when I dismounted, felt as if I had no confidence at all:eek: Like you, I was once a very confident rider, but nowadays.....:D

[alyrosie]

I have decided to try some hypnotherapy to help turn the confidence switch back on in my brain!! Rang round a few ppl today and spoke to one lady who sounded lovely. I explained my problem and she said she will definately be able to help. Booked appt for tomorrow evening. I will be back in the saddle with confidence again if it kills me!! Will let u know how it goes. Keep all your fingers crossed at 6.30pm tomorrow!!

[LindaAd]

None of them once praised my riding.

It is very rare for adults to be repeatedly corrected, reprimanded, patronised, and steered in different directions as I was by other adults. Not good for anyone's self respect.

<snip>

There isnt a teacher in the world who can reassure you you can ride. It is something you have to do for yourself. Worse still, I believe that if one looks to a riding teacher for "help" and puts her in the therapist role long term, that leaves one perpetually helpless and in need of care, vulnerable both as the student and the rider.


I don't know exactly what Skib means by 'praise', but if they didn't ever say "well done!" or "that's better" they are a waste of time.

I've told the story before about a lesson I had at a new school, on a nice willing little cob ... And I found I was getting more and more depressed, to the point of wanting to climb off and go home, when I suddently realised: she had never once said "well done", or "that's right". Just more and more instructions, with no acknowledgement of what I was doing. Once I realised what was wrong, I felt better, and I commented on it after the lesson. But I never went back there, so I don't know if my comments had any effect ...

But ultimately the only one who can reassure you about your riding is the horse. If you ask a horse to do something simple, and it does it, then you can ride. If you ask it to do something more complicated, and you can go along with it and not block it, then you can ride better .... It's not an absolute can / can't thing. The curious thing is that most of people's 'not being able to ride' seems to be about something else. Hardly anyone ever says 'I asked the horse for a turn on the forehand and he woudn't do it - I'm a rubbish rider'; they say 'What are the aids for a turn on the forehand?' Maybe it's because we've invested so much time and money and energy in our horses that we feel every minute with them has to be wonderful .... Maybe we're just projecting a whole lot of other stuff onto our horses, and maybe our instructors too ... I really don't know.

[jinglejoys]

Well done Cobgirl! You didn't feel safe so you got off:) That's the first step especially if you can learn to cope with the fact.
If you can't ride for long how about doing more games on the ground to help yours and your horses confidence:)
I'm finding it fun working out things for Malaga to do when we are just out walking the local paths.As I'm only just backing him and not riding unless in the field we do the in hand walks as a fun thing for when he's been good in class:D

[tracyward]

Hi there, I'm up and down more times than a yo-yo. If it's not one thing it something else. I really understand what you're going through. It can be something and nothing thats starts it all :eek:. What i do is have a good friend of mine work with me, she's so good with me, makes me do things i don't really have the confidence to do, but some how i get through it and I feel great. :):):D:D

You're already on the road to recovery by admitting the problem is there. Having an instructor will help, talk to her/him, explain what you're feeling at every stage and things will start getting so much better. You are not the only one going through this and we are all here to help you at any time.

Hang on in there flower and let us know how you get on. :)

[nelle]

I have decided to try some hypnotherapy to help turn the confidence switch back on in my brain!! Rang round a few ppl today and spoke to one lady who sounded lovely. I explained my problem and she said she will definately be able to help. Booked appt for tomorrow evening. I will be back in the saddle with confidence again if it kills me!! Will let u know how it goes. Keep all your fingers crossed at 6.30pm tomorrow!!

How did it go?

[alyrosie]

Well i had my first session of hypnotherapy on friday. Was a strange feeling. Got very emotional a couple of times which the hypnotherapist said wasa good thing. She made me think back to the first horse i rode and the good feelings i had with him and gave a me a trigger of holding thumb and index finger together while thought of him. She then linked that trigger to good memories and feelings of Oscar. Thinking behind it being that when i get scared or panic i can use the trigger to make me feel better. Unfortunately i havent had a chance to see if it has worked yet!! Oscar wouldnt even let himself be caught on sat and on sun i had the killer hangover from hell and couldnt leave the house!! (Wine is evil), and today i worked from 7-7 so not had a chance to put it to the test. All being well, will be wednesday that i get back on. I go for another session next week. She reckons it will take about 4 to get beast effect, but will keep u updated.
Thanks everyone for your support, u have all been a great help xxx

[Shakes]

I had the same problem and i worked with the basics for a while

[Libbyo]

Happens to all of us one way or another. And sadly for some of us they go away and then return another time. :rolleyes:

Now who has got that Nervous Nellie badge?? Give it back :p

Nic. You know its MINE, all mine.

[tinyted]

i'm now on tiny ponies after a 17:2 disaster...came back to riding after 27 years thought i needed a big monster cos i'm so tall....what rot....he tried to kill me nerves shot to pieces panic attacks, shaking with what can only be described as sheer terror, tears sleepless nights feeling an utter failure Blah blah blah!
bachs flower good just that those bottles seam so small for the amount of fear i have....confident rider hypnosis cd was very good helped with my breathing cos i kept forgetting to breathe which in turn makes you tense and rise out of the saddle making pony think oh dear must go faster.
i have an incredibly patient and understanding hubs which was a great help.
you can get off and on as much as you like its your safety that matters and if youre not feeling sound of mind then get off walk a little and get back on.
the best thing i ever did for myself is just to admit i'm scared and that those feelings may never leave me but i have a love of my pones that keeps me giving it a go.....i've come on in leaps and bounds though not literally,i will only ever walk down hill on a horse no matter how small the hill..but hey if other riders don't like it then tough go ride with someone else.
i still quake at the thought of getting on but once on i'm a happy bunny and do what i want.
BABY STEPS BABY STEPS BABY STEPS.....and feel no shame in that if thats what it takes to ride.
i'm prattling on again...but lack of confidence is something i feel i know very well and i was surrounded by the "oh just get back on " brigade
BIG hug to all fellow sufferers it's ok to be scared xx

[simons-mum]

Sometimes I find if I get stressed or anxious about something else thats going on , I regress back to unconfidence in my riding. I find if I have a really bad day wearing myself out before riding means by that stage I can't really be bothered with being unconfident and I've made myself do all the other things with the end goal of actually tacking up and getting on and if I don't I'll have done all the other chores for nothing ;) Tidying the muck pile, pulling up every tiny weed by hand, lunging another pony plaiting manes and tails (or attempting to in my case!) as much pointless horse related stuff that I can think of :rolleyes: I just keep going and don't allow myself to stop unless I'm tacking up (if pony is in a particularly funny mood I wont get on in the end though, just in case! This is the only thing that would stop me though.)

[ConfidenceCoach]

Hi,
We developed the ability to experience fear for a reason, it is there to help us survive dangerous situations, and this ability was developed a long time ago. Problem being we have developed as a species quicker than our bodies have had chance to catch up. So fear is sometimes misunderstood because we do not get taught in schools how to deal with it. There are often other feelings associated to feeling afraid such as guilt, anxiety about confronting a fearful situation, and embarrassment. This leads us to either avoid these situations or focus on the wrong things and perform badly. Because we developed these reactions early in mankind’s evolution, we often run these programs subconsciously. When a rider enters a competition or attempts something new there will always be a physiological effect of a release of chemicals. Some of these chemicals are useful, they will help to focus the mind and aid the performance of the rider. The problem arises when the rider’s body is suddenly flooded with these chemicals too quickly and then the reptilian part of the brain takes over, and reacts in flight or fight. The feelings associated with this ‘Adrenal Dump’ and the behaviours it triggers are exactly the same as if we were being chased by some frightening predator. Not useful when you are in a learning situation, or when you require fine motor skills. This happens because the stress chemicals released cause the body to drive the blood to the major muscles and in doing so limit the amount of blood flow to the brain. The rider simply lacks the ability to think, the brain does not function as it normally would; other than just for a few very basic things to give it the ability to escape. We also attach feelings and store these experiences as a painful memory. We are in effect an evolutionary experiment to see if the pre frontal cortex is useful as a survival tool; the cortex is our body’s equivalent to a flight simulator; living over situations that may or may not occur in the future; so that we can develop appropriate responses. It got us off the Savanahs and into Shopping Centres.
We in effect see into the future, in fact intelligence is even measured by our ability to do this, e.g. what comes next in this sequence of numbers etc. You have learnt a strategy which because it has a lot of emotion attached to it, is triggered easily and dominantly; I expect as soon as you start to think about riding, you begin to imagine worse case scenarios?
When riders experience a negative emotional event, they do what we have been doing since birth, we continually learn to associate experiences to triggers in our environment. We learn quickly (contrary to what is commonly thought), and when we know, we know! How many times have you put your hand on a hot stove just to make sure? When a rider falls of a horse or has an experience that triggers an adrenal dump, they store that memory. It is also stored away with all the same feelings they felt at the time. This memory is then brought back to conscious thought when whatever they anchored the experience to, comes into contact with the rider again.
The good news is that memories do not exist, apart from in our heads, so if we raise our awareness to the way we think; we can then set about changing the programs we run. We in effect, relearn and as was mentioned before, it is better if we learn quickly. Imagine a sheet of metal, if we bend it, it snaps back to its original shape. Get the same piece of metal and bend it quickly over the side of a workbench, and you will never get it back into its original shape.
It has changed forever, and Fast Mental Reprogramming techniques from NLP do this with memories. It alters how we experience them, by first uncovering the process the rider goes through; then making the client remember in a different way. It is not that you are an unconfident person; you are just running the unconfident program you have learnt. With a bit of help you can learn an appropriate response, and degrade the effect of any negative memories.
People recover when they diassociate from the negative memories. You will still be able to run that program if you want, but it will be a matter of choice. So why pick the painful program, you wouldnt would you?.. Lots of people do get past this situation you have found yourself in. Its just a case of learning the right strategy to do so. Best wishes... :)