Firm but gentle - am I being too soft?

[Em 1]

I keep being told by instructors that I am not firm enough with the horses I ride. I've tried asking what they mean but don't really understand their answers except that they don't mean that I should bully the horse which puts my mind at rest! However, I still don't really understand the difference between being in harmony with the horse and being too soft with the horse. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I should be doing and how? Thanks!

[tarkia]

My instructor always tells me I need to be more firm with the horse I ride but I don't see what I'm doing wrong, she is always telling me to use more leg when I don't think I need to then when I do the horse will just go faster then she tells me off!
Half-Halt also helps.

[kedwards]

Riding is a real lesson in assertiveness training, isn't it?

When you are riding, you are playing a leadership role. You are the boss, but you don't want to be the kind of boss that you wouldn't want to work for. On the other hand, if you lack conviction and you seem tentative ... I think horses can sense it. I don't know whether that conviction is something that can be taught, but I certainly believe it is something that develops as a rider works out a relationship with the horse.

[virtuallyhorses]

I use a video camera to tape my rides every few months - they're horrible things and you see every fault in technicolour!! All the things your instructor tells you, suddenly crystalise in front of you.

I've always had a problem with contact - being worried about being a clod learner who yanks and worries at a horse's mouth I have gone the opposite route. Fairy fingers and flapping reins - even when I can feel a connection with my horse I get told to have a firmer contact with the outside rein.

In the most recent one I suddenly saw how I wasn't doing my horse any favours my having this weak, pathetic 'contact', I could see him constantly seeking the rein (he has a lovely soft mouth) and finding this silly flapping thing which provided no support for him at all - ok its not quite that bad, but that's how horrific seeing yourself on film can be :eek:

Getting my position under control through a great teacher - so now I can actually 'play' with my horse and we finally feel like we're moving in harmony - has been a big part of it. Now I am balanced, I feel more confident of working on my connection and communication through the reins.

In your case it sounds like the instructor is looking at things like whether your horse is tracking up or not - and quite possibly you're also suffering from 'fairy fingers' - so when you apply some leg your horse squirts out the front. If you have or know anyone with a camera (they're not too expensive these days perhaps you could get one) I'd highly recommend them as a training aid - depressing as they can be when you see the results :o ;) :D

[FreedomStar]

it seems like you're afraid of hurting the horse, correct? Let me tell you this: you won't get anywhere being too soft and no contact. You need soft hands, yes, but that doesn't mean having no contact at all. Domestic horses expect to feel contact on their mouth, and they look to you for directions, instructions. When you have no contact, they get confused, and they don't know what to do. So you need contact, and you can't be afraid. If you're too hard, they horse will tell you by probably yanking his head up.

[scout4361]

I've had the horse pulling his head down and don't know whether he is asking me to give with my hands and lessen the contact or what??? I'm always riding someone different and it seems like some use firmer contact than others or am I wrong???

[Nickie]

If the horse is pulling down - it could be one of two things

1) he's trying to find the contact - in which case your hands are too soft

2) your contact could be too tight and he is trying to get you to give some rein

- the tell tale way to work out which is how short are your reins - too short and they must me tight!

All horses have differing contacts - some prefer harder, some softer - only the horse will tell you - thats just one of the things that you learn throughout your riding career. :p

Nic

[Dizzy]

The most important thing to keep in your mind is that the horse should go forward from your legs, you ride into your contact.

Its very difficult to offer advise when you can't see whats happening, as the answer is always a combination of aids. But alot problems do originate from the riders lack of understanding of the aids, and not enough leg.

I know that sounds awfully patronising, but I don't mean it that way.

A good instructor will teach you how to be effective with your legs and seat, so that you can can move the horse forward and influence its stride with your seat, and encourage/ask him into your contact.

Regardless of the horse, there is a circle of aids - legs, seat, hand - but every horse is indiviual, so its how you apply the aids that counts.

If the horse is pulling down on the bit, I'd relax the contact and push on with my legs, but use my movement, posture and seat to dictate the stride and balance, but at the same time sponge the rien asking the horse to pick up my hand.

Em 1 maybe if you posted your worries and your instructors replies, someone may be able to talk you through them.

Lesley

[Em 1]

Thanks for all your replies everyone. It is not so much a problem with my contact more my overall style of riding. I do sometimes let the outside rein get a bit loose but I tend correct it very quickly. I think you are right Kedwards, it's more to do with assertiveness than anything else. I have got videos of myself riding but it's still not really clear to me what I'm doing wrong. You certainly don't sound patronising Dizzy, if anything I think you've hit the nail on the head! When I am confident in my riding I am much more assertive, for example, if my horse will not make a transition I will persist until he listens to me. However, for more complicated things like stopping the horse from falling in or out I am worried that I'm the one at fault so don't feel I can boss the horse when all he's doing is what I have (mistakenly) asked for. I only seem to be too soft when I lack conviction in my riding, just as you said Kedwards. However, how do I gain conviction?! I tend not to be quick enough or firm enough particularly with my legs. In many ways I'm just too slow to stop the horse from getting away with it!

Sorry this is rather muddled I hope someone understands what I'm talking about!

[Dizzy]

I know this is catch 22, but this is where you need to make your instructor explain to you exactly what you should do, and most importantly why.

To have conviction, we must understand whats going wrong and why, and most importantly why we do what we do to correct it. If you know what I mean;)

With falling in/out, its the horses shoulders that need correcting, I know is very tempting to move the quarters/back legs, but by doing that we stop the horse from going truely forward.

If we visualise a horse on right hand circle, we drop slightly more weight into the our right stirrup and slightly advance the right hip, our right hand sponges asking for the bend, lower right leg asks for the bend, left hand supports and is also sponged to control speed, lower left leg is impulsion, but can also be used to stop the quarters swinging out.

But its our upper legs/thighs that is a huge influence on the horse. Horses normally fall in, because of weak thigh contact, as his inside hind steps under, nudge with your inside upper leg and brush with your lower leg, but keep a firm but elastic contact on the outside rien, and support the outside shoulder with your upper left leg, and use your lower leg for impulsion.

Imagine that the horse is a river flowing in between your legs and hands, and think of moulding the flow of energy into the direction you want to travel.

Sit up tall, with your upper body, open your shoulders. Open your hips, and drop your knees as low you as can, so that your inner thighs are in contact with horse all of the time.

As I said before, all horses are different, though the aids stand firm, the way you apply them from horse to horse can vary. You really must nail your instructor into explaining things clearly to you.

Lesley

[kedwards]

There probably isn't an easy answer, Em. When you're working on something more complicated, like you said, it's hard to get that confidence until you start seeing results. But, if it's complicated for the horse too, a little of that confidence sure helps to convince him that you really mean it. I would guess that if your instructor is saying that you are being too timid, she thinks you are doing the right thing (in other words, it's not that you aren't asking correctly initially), just not being firm in your follow up.

[Tina J]

I am a great fan of lessons on the lunge, if you can find an instructor with a good lunge schoolmaster. You can concentrate just on your seat to begin with, then can add going up and down the paces and controlling bend with your seat and legs - all without worrying about the reins. When you are confident in your seat and can allow and restrict conciously with your pelvis, then everything else follows much more easily. Even after riding for 35+ years, I still go and have the odd lesson on the lunge every few months, as a check on what I am doing. You never stop learning with horses, and I always pick up something from having a lesson.

I think that you have the right attitude to your riding though. You are asking "what am I doing" rather than trying to get after the horses you ride and chivvy them up. Good luck.