Help with a girl that is terrified of horses!

[winterbalto]

I hope someone has some advice for me cause I have never encountered this before. I am giving this girl lessons and basic care instruction with my horse (Buddy). The girl is 18 and madly in love with horses but is a bag of nerves around them. She is so tense that when I first met her I became nervous and couldn't understand what her problem was. Then when I asked her to lead the horse she was like "Ummm, no". I couldn't understand but then she said that she was scared that the horse would trample her.

It doesn't end there. She can't pick out the back hooves and if Buddy goes to her to lick her she jumps. If shes brushing him and he turns to look at her she starts getting nervous and I tell her that he's just watching. He is so still and half the time is practically falling asleep but she is still scared.

In the saddle she is no better. The first day I made a mistake and said that we should walk on trail with me on the ground. We started walking out on trail and he pulled his head over to the side to get some grass. I was about to tell her to use some leg but instead she said "Oh my god! Get me off!" I asked if she was serious and she was so I got Buddy's reins and she jumped off.

We just had day three together and right now she can brush him down ok and pick his front hooves. She can comb his hair but I can tell she is weary doing anything around his legs. She can lead him ok and she lunged him a couple times but has that "submissive, I'm scared" attitude. She walks him alright in the arena without freaking out but I can't make her trot (even though she has trotted before in lessons). I even tried holding on to the reins and trotting the slowest trot ever with her but then she just says stop after a couple strides.

She brought her friend with who has been on horses only a few times and never really trotted. I put her on Buddy and with me hanging on to the reins I trotted him to get her to learn how to post. She wasn't scared and was able to see the diagonal. I though seeing her friend might help but it didn't.

So anyways, I would just give up with someone like this but she loves horses more than anything and has all the intentions of trying but then when she gets in the situation she freaks. It's past all rational thought. I've never dealt with a fear so extreme before and could really use some advice.

[RustyMary]

I'd say take it really slowly. There's no hurry to get her to trot or do anything else she is frightened of - just let her keep doing the things she is OK with and let her build up confidence slowly. I started riding age 44 and before that I'd never been so close to such big animals, and it took me a good while to be confident around them on the ground, though I was never really scared in the saddle. Gradually I learned that the horses I was working with were unlikely to kick me if I walked round behind them, and probably wouldn't rear up if I led them back to the stable - but it took time. I'd say maybe 10 lessons before I would pick his feet, and MUCH longer than that before I was really OK around horse's legs - and even now, 2 years later, there are some horses at the stables I won't walk round the back of. And I've never lunged a horse and would be frightened to do so, TBH. I think if you've been around horses for a long time it can be difficult to remember that they are extremely intimidating if you are not used to them! Just take it extremely slowly, there is no reason why she has to rush any of these skills - for example, does she really need to pick feet out at this stage? Of course she needs to eventually, but at the moment couldn't someone else do that and let her gain confidence doing something she's more comfortable with? Does it matter if she doesn't trot for a year, as long as her confidence in walk and around horses generally has progressed in that time? It's lovely that Buddy sounds so patient - I'm sure she will build up confidence with him behaving like that! If you look at it from her point of view, she has already made huge strides forward in only 3 lessons!

[sophie33]

Agree completely with RustyMary take it slow. At first I was very nervous of horses on the ground - despite loving them - after all they are very big! I look back and laugh now because I'd be worried a horse was going to kick - when in fact it was dozing and resting a foot! Maybe it would also help to chat to her about horse behaviour so she can start to recognise when she genuinely needs to be cautious.

[Skib]

I agree with Rusty Mary.
Take it slowly and expect nothing.
I was raised to be scared f horses' feet. I had to book a lesson to show me how to lift them and pick out feet - but I'd already been riding for several months.

Even leading, a new rider has to be taught. I was taught using Kelly Marks' and exercises through poles. What is learned is not how to lead through poles, but how easy it is to control the movement of a horse.

But I'll put something else into the equation. From my own experience as an elderly woman beginner, there was a tendency to take good care of me. To be self reliant, one really needs to function on one's own as an adult.

So suppose she doesnt want to lead the horse in case she might be trampled. Sensible, yes? My first step might be to show her how to lead the horse two steps forward. Halt the horse. Then four steps forward. Halt the horse. Keeping the horse out of your own space.
Then let her do the same exercise.
Then do the same but at halt, ask for back up.
Make sure she can lead, halt and back up in walk.
Then tell her you are going to go away a little distance and allow her to do it on her own, giving the control and cues to the horse all on her own.

After that (it may take some days) teach her how to turn the horse, walking outside the horse.
When she can do this so it becomes boring, teach her how to make the horse move across sideways (necessary when grooming).

All learning needs to be broken down into very small specific chunks, to give the student a feeling of success when the manage each step?
The same goes for grooming a horse. In the UK for instance a horse would be tied up outside for grooming by a beginner.

Give her little bits of leading to do, unsupervised. She'll make mistakes but she needs to work this stuff out on her own.

As the groundwork and control from the ground gets boring, take the opportunity to explain how the horses feet move in walk and then in trot. When she feels ready to ride, in walk, allow her to feel each of her seatbones dip inturn as the horse's hind leg moves. Get her to tell you what the horse's hind legs are doing. And to count the steps. This may seem very easy, but you can then explain to her that exactly the same happens in trot.
She should breath easy and feel same dip down, first on one side and then the other. Lead her and let her try it for a few steps only. Dont ask so much that she ever becomes scared or unbalanced.

When my OH started riding, it needed two people just to make sure he didnt fall off in walk. How hopeless people seem at the beginning is not a good predicter of how they will turn out in the end.
Nor is their slow progress any reflection on you as a teacher. He is cantering now - and sure it may have taken a year, but he never had any worry because it all went so slowly and unfussed.

I think it is great that you are helping this young woman and wish you the very best.

[Grinyer224]

I'm still scared of horses (a bit). I have had one lesson and when i was at a stables for work experience i stayed with the ponies.
Ask around if she can spend sum time with the smaller horses/ponies to build her confidence,
on my first lesson (last week) i was gonna be put on a 16.1hh but im scared of heights and she gladly but me on a 14.2hh and now my confidence is going up quicker than i ever thought it would.

[winterbalto]

Thanks for everyone's advice.

I think for now I'm going to focus on groundwork and walking only. I'll keep what you had in mind Skib. I'll have her weave through cones and go over poles and tarps. Anything else anyone can recommend for walk only exercises that's interesting?


Grinyer - I don't think size matters with this girl. It's about not knowing the animal. If she never met the horse she is terrified of it but she seems to get better and better with sticking to one and building trust with him. It's happening slowly with my horse.

[Joyscarer]

I think people fear what they don't understand.

So I would concentrate on teaching her the finer points of how horses behave and communicate so she finds them more predictable and easier to read. :)

[LaurenEff]

Would she be scared of round the worlds at walk/halt. What about no stirrups etc. Just differnt activities?

[winterbalto]

Lauren - I think I will try around the world next time around. Actually she was able to get on Buddy bareback with me walking along side of her.

[Samantha1980]

I would agree with taking it slow and not pushing her. Also remember to praise her even for the smallest thing.
I also agree with what Joyscarer said. I would spend some time horse watching with her. I often stand watching the horses when loose in the field. You could explain to her whats going on.

[~*sugarlump*~]

let her do things in her own time but at the same time keep it controlled so she is making some progress no matter how little.
just let her watch the horses in the field. let her do it by herself sometimes so she can work it out for herself, then maybe just put one in the school and watch the horse on the fence, if horse comes over make a fuss of the horse, dont concentrate too much on her behaviour as you cant let her find comfort from being afraid, just chat to her and put her at ease

ETA: i dont mean to sound harsh, and you shouldnt push her till shes scared out of her wits, but if she knows that as soon as she wants to she can just stop whatever shes doing then she wont make much progress, she does need to some to it in her own time but at the same time she needs to know that she can make progress if she puts effort in

[montys helper]

when i got my horse 7 years ago my mate said no would would she ever get on him lol
well 2years ago just after her mum died it was her birthday and as i knew she loved horses but was scared of them i paid for her and me to go on a hack up on the moors, i told them she was scared so they put her on the slowest thing poss, well 2yrs down the line, iv tought her to ride and she been riding out with me on one of my horses for the past year, she even looks after them for me when i go away.
oh she has been on my horse.
the mane thing she had to learn above all was to trust me cos if she didnt trust me she wouldnt trust my horses. when the trust was there thats when she got on better with the horses. good luck and dont rush things

[Tatooed Lady]

I bought a book a month or two back, unfortunately it's in my work truck, but it's about overcoming fear of horses. It's WONDERFUL. It describes all sorts of fears, from the fears caused by actual incidents/accidents to fears of perceived dangers...there's one case that sounds like your student, that was terrified of horses, but wanted to ride. Everything was started VERY slowly. As in, started by being in a stable, picking poo, throwing hay, giving fresh water, etc. All the sorts of things that can be done without any direct contact with horses. I think the next step was to be around someone grooming a horse, which then progressed to giving the horse scratches on the neck and head, giving treats...then to doing SOME of the grooming, one of the last grooming bits was the hooves, for obvious reason.
The point was that by starting off at the edge of the fear bubble, and by getting comfortable at that level, the person was able to move closer to horses at her own speed. She had time to watch and learn what they're about from a safe distance, while still "working with them". Once the comfort threshold's been crossed and the person gets nervous, they can step back into the comfort zone. Only progress forward when she WANTS to go forward, it's all by the schedule of the fearful person.

Anyhow, I read, re-read and highlighted sections that applied to me...and just by what I learned from that book, I was able to get a bit better grip on MY fears and concerns.

BEST of luck with your student, and may she progress safely and quickly into a horse-crazed RIDER! :D

[ameliajane]

As someone who tends to get nervous about lots of things, I'd say let her take it very slowly. If something scares her, break the task down into smaller steps, take her back to a step that she feels comfortable with and let her slowly build up again. At the same time, I've found a bit of gentle pushing and being left to do simple things alone and being allowed to learn by making (safe) mistakes, in the way Skib and Sugarlump suggest, is helpful too.
It's very kind of you to have the patience and generosity to help this girl.

[beakysian]

I think people fear what they don't understand.

So I would concentrate on teaching her the finer points of how horses behave and communicate so she finds them more predictable and easier to read. :)

Second this - I adore horses but having little experience of them I'm not sure what their postures and behaviours mean yet so err on the side of caution. With a steady horse like Buddy who will be patient with her I would boost her understanding of this behaviour so she becomes more comfortable around him.

[horseygal90]

Echo Joyscarer - Maybe get her to read a NH book that talks about horse body language so that she can learn for herself when a horse is being threatening and when they're just being curious?

Has she had a previous bad experience with horses? One of the girls in my old school class was terrified of horses because she'd been bitten quite badly by a cantankerous old school pony when she was little. I find it quite understandable to be scared by horses = They're big animals, and flighty ones at that! Good luck :)

[blacklabrador]

I hope someone has some advice for me cause I have never encountered this before. I am giving this girl lessons and basic care instruction with my horse (Buddy). The girl is 18 and madly in love with horses but is a bag of nerves around them. She is so tense that when I first met her I became nervous and couldn't understand what her problem was. Then when I asked her to lead the horse she was like "Ummm, no". I couldn't understand but then she said that she was scared that the horse would trample her.

It doesn't end there. She can't pick out the back hooves and if Buddy goes to her to lick her she jumps. If shes brushing him and he turns to look at her she starts getting nervous and I tell her that he's just watching. He is so still and half the time is practically falling asleep but she is still scared.

In the saddle she is no better. The first day I made a mistake and said that we should walk on trail with me on the ground. We started walking out on trail and he pulled his head over to the side to get some grass. I was about to tell her to use some leg but instead she said "Oh my god! Get me off!" I asked if she was serious and she was so I got Buddy's reins and she jumped off.

We just had day three together and right now she can brush him down ok and pick his front hooves. She can comb his hair but I can tell she is weary doing anything around his legs. She can lead him ok and she lunged him a couple times but has that "submissive, I'm scared" attitude. She walks him alright in the arena without freaking out but I can't make her trot (even though she has trotted before in lessons). I even tried holding on to the reins and trotting the slowest trot ever with her but then she just says stop after a couple strides.

She brought her friend with who has been on horses only a few times and never really trotted. I put her on Buddy and with me hanging on to the reins I trotted him to get her to learn how to post. She wasn't scared and was able to see the diagonal. I though seeing her friend might help but it didn't.

So anyways, I would just give up with someone like this but she loves horses more than anything and has all the intentions of trying but then when she gets in the situation she freaks. It's past all rational thought. I've never dealt with a fear so extreme before and could really use some advice.

My mum's got a horse called Buddy, I'm allergic to rabbits (I've recently found out) but other than that I don't have a clue what u could do. sorry:confused:

[robbitybob]

Hi, I have just read Stephanie Burns book Move closer stay longer and found it very helpful as a nervous rider.

You and Buddy are doing a great job and I would just reinforce the baby steps and celebrating progress however small.

I also agree with the comment about pushing the boundry just enough to break through them rather than rescuing immediately.

Rescue remedy helped me to get back on after a bad fall. Worth a try as it certainly wont hurt.

[katefarmer]

Some great ideas there from Skib! Other thoughts.....

It might help to ask her about what it is she loves about horses, and what her dream picture of herself with a horse would be. Then you can start making little steps towards that goal. Maybe she just wants to be around them and touch them, and isn't too bothered about riding. Perhaps she has a dream of cantering over the fields on a horse. Try to find out what HER goals are, then make a strategy that will help her achieve them.

If she wants to ride, teach her the one rein stop, and get her to practise, and practise and practise it, so she knows she can stop the horse and shut off the power at any time she likes. This helps build security enormously. If she doesn't want to ride, as Skib said, teach her to make space between herself and the horse, so she is safe and can establish personal space.

Obviously, take it slowly, but also, let her dictate the plan and forget any ideas you may have of how lessons should progress. Don't expect continuous progress - her nerves will almost certainly be better on some days than others. Some days it may be an achievement if she gets on at all. Other days she'll be up for something new.

YOu don't need to go faster, you can work on more refinement in walk, and don't forget you can go in all sorts of walk, and back up, too! Use mazes and poles to keep her focused - that helps ward off panics, and be ready to help her along if she freezes up.

If and when she freezes, try to get her to do at least one more thing before getting off - even if it's just take a couple of steps forwards or back. It's a bit the same as finishing on a good note with the horse - if she starts storing up what she considers "failures" - ie getting off when she's scared, she'll get demotivated. Try to make sure every session ends on a triumph, however small, and let her know how well she's doing and that you realize how difficult it is for her.

It's easy to get on and ride when you're not afraid. We're not the brave ones - she is. She's facing her demons and conquering them every time she comes to you. Let her know you respect and admire her courage and determination. Those are qualities she definitely has, but probably doesn't realize it!

[jinglejoys]

Absolutley agree with Kate:)

[-x-laurrie-x-]

With small nervous children in lessons I usually get them to do all sorts of halt exercises,
like: touch the ears, lean back with your head on their bum, touch your toes, round the world, half scissors, standing up in stirupps with arms out like an aeroplane... of course, this might be a little patronising for an 18 year old but once they realise they havent fallen doing all that crazy, unbalancing stuff a nice gentle walk often seems like the easy option.

good luck with her, with someone so nervous any progress will be twice as rewarding :)

[Ella-little]

When i first learnt to ride, i was a bundle of nerves. I was so scared to pick out the hooves and stuff, but i was even more scared of my instructor so i did it with shaking hands and didn't really gain any confidence.
When i was 15/16, and i had lost some confidence after many refusals from the pony i was riding, i decided to cut back and just do gently riding.
I was hacking out with a friend and i was on a 14.3 arab mare who was 4 years old and a nutter, but completely bombproof. My friend was on her 15hh skewbald cob who was safe as houses and had never spooked at anything in his life.
We were heading down the bridle path when a cyclist in a reflective jacket shot past us. Clipping the back of her cobs leg. The cob reared, bucked and shot off into the hedge throwing my friend of against a fence and galloping towards the road. The arab i was on was jogging and getting nervous but i decided that i needed to grab the horse before he got to the main road and galloped down the path cutting off the cob. I then had to get my friend back up, call my friends mum and we all got back safely. My friend broke her ankle when she hit the fence behind the hedge.
I don't even remember being scared, just knowing that i needed to stop her horse and help her. For about a month i was pretty confident, and whenever i rode her arab i didn't even give it a second thought when she shied at her own tail or popped a little playful buck in at a canter.
I guess that you will just have to wait for her to gain her confidence in her own time. I still have moments where i freak and i've been riding a long time.
I wouldn't suggest you fall off and break your ankle but working on everything slowly and setting simple goals.

[Becky_Sy]

I don't understand how you can love horses but be so scared of them. Slight nerves are understandable when your new around them but being as scared as she is... Has she seen some horrible accident involving a horse or something?
It doesn't sound like she's helping you to help her very much either and you have given up your time to help her learn. I suppose I would say what lots of people have already said, take it very slow with her and show her that horses aren't to be feared and that usually they are a pleasure to be around and that most of their behaviour is for a reason. I guess it will take her a long time to be confident around horses but I bet it will be rewarding for you to see her improve, knowing that it was with your help. I know you posted your first message quite a while ago, so how is it going with this girl at the moment?

[sjmcc]

all this is so odd she must be driveing you mad i take my hat off to you because she takes 1 step forward n 3 back i just think your either horsey or not if you have that deep rooted fear then in time she has no chance of owning her own you cant just drop the reines n run off and i realy dont think its all for her what will happen when she sees something lets say someone doing the rodeo n lets face it its happend to most of us utill she got over her fear of brushing n picking feet out sorry but shed be going no further till then it would be one task over come at a time a big well done to you for not throwing the towel in for her people like you dont come along every day