My boys willy

[pet-rescueuk]

My gelding fjord loves to show his willy, obviously very proud of it. Now, I know one should be cleaning a willy and his is quite erm, flaky. How does one go about cleaning a willy safely - safe for him and safe for me? Do I use any products? And, what if willy isn't actually out on the day I pluck up the courage to clean his willy - can't wait to hear how I rectify this. :eek:


Wendy :D

[palmerlover52]

Now floating about somewhere is the legendary Mrs Hand article ;) I'll try to find it, if someone doesn't beat me to it!

Ive heard a good squirt of baby oil when he's hanging low can help as well.

[jaydevon]

you can now get baby oil in a spray bottle, a couple of squirts is normally enough, and it will then clean itsself.

[palmerlover52]

Here we go ;)

The Story from Ms Hand herself


Step 1) Check to make sure there are no prospective boyfriends, elderly neighbours, or Brownie troops with a line of sight to the proceedings. Though of course they're probably going to show up unexpectedly ANYWAY once you're in the middle of things. Prepare a good explanation.

2) Trim your fingernails short. Assemble horse, hose, and your sense of humor (plus, ideally, Excalibur cleanser and perhaps thin rubber gloves).

3) Use hose (or damp sponge) to get the sheath and its inhabitant wet. Uh, that is, do this in a *civilized* fashion with due warning to the horse; he is apt to take offense if an icy-cold hose blasts unexpectedly into his personal regions

4) Now introduce your horse to Ms Hand . What I find safest is to stand facing the horse's head, with my shoulder and hip snugly against the horse's thigh and hip so that if he makes any suspicious move such as raising his leg, I can feel it right away and am in any case pressed so close that all he can do is shove, not really kick.

The horse should be held by an assistant or by your free hand, NOT tied fast to a post or to crossties. He may shift around a good bit if he's not happy with Ms Hand's antics, but don't be put off by that; as long as you are patient and gradual, and stick close to his side, he'll get over it.

Remember that it would be most unladylike of you to simply make a direct grab for your horse's Part. Give the horse a clue about what's on the program. Rest your hand against his belly, and then slide it back till you are entering The Home of the Actual Private Part. When you reach this first region of your destination, lube him up good with Excalibur or whatever you're using.

If the outer part of his sheath is really grungy you will feel little clods and nubblies of smegma peeling off as you grope around in there. Patiently and gently expedite their removal.

5) Thus far, you have probably only been in the outer part of the sheath. The Part Itself, you'll have noticed, is strangely absent. That's because it has retired shyly to its inner chambers. Roll up them thar sleeves and follow in after it

6) As you and Ms Hand wend your way deeper into the sheath, you will encounter what feels like a small portal that opens up into a chamber beyond. Being attentive to your horse's reaction, invite yourself in . You are now in the inner sanctum of The Actual Private Part. It's hiding in there towards the back, trying to pretend it isn't there. Say hi and wave to it .

No, really, work your finger back and forth around the sides of it. If the horse won't drop, this is your only shot at removing whatever dried smegma is clinging to the surface of the Part itself. So, gently explore around it, pulling out whatever crusty topsoil you find there. Use more water and more Excalibur if necessary to loosen attached gunk.

7) When Ms Hand and the Actual Private Part have gotten to know each other pretty well, and the Part feels squeaky clean all around, there remains only one task: checking for, and removing, the bean. The bean is a pale, kidney-shaped accumulation of smegma in a small pouch just inside the urethra. Not all horses accumulate a bean, but IME the majority do, even if they have no visible external smegma.

So: the equine urethra is fairly large diameter, and indeed will permit you to very gently insinuate one of your slimmer fingers inside the urethral opening. Do so, and explore upwards for what will feel like a lump or "pea" buried no more than, I dunno, perhaps 3/4" in from the opening. If you do encounter a bean, gently and sympathetically persuade it out with your finger.

This may require a little patience from BOTH Ms Hand AND the horse, but the horse will be happier and healthier once it's accomplished. In the rare event that the bean is too enormous for your finger to coax out, you might try what I did (in desperation) last month on the orange horse: Wrap thumb and index finger around the end of the Part and squeeze firmly to extrude the bean. Much to my surprise it worked and orange horse did NOT kill me for doing it and he does not seem to have suffered any permanent damage as a result ;-> I have never in my life seen another bean that enormous, though.

Now all that's left to do is make a graceful exit and rinse the area very thoroughly in apology for the liberties you've taken . A hose will be MUCH easier to use here than just a sponge and bucket, IME. Make sure to direct the water into the Part's inner retreat too, not merely the outer part of the sheath. This may require you to enfold the end of the hose in your hand and guide it up there personally.

9) Ta-**, you are done! Say, "Good horse" and feed him lots of carrots. Watch him make funny faces at the way your hands smell. Hmm. Well, perhaps there is ONE more step...

10) The only thing I know of that is at all effective in removing the lovely fragrance of smegma from your hands (fingernails arms elbows and wherever else it's gotten) is Excalibur. Even then, if you didn't use gloves you may find you've got an unusual personal perfume for a while. So, word to the wise, do NOT clean your horse's sheath just before an important job interview or first date
and of course, there is that one FINAL step...

11) Figure out how to explain all this to your mother (or the kid from next door, or the meter reader, or whoever else you've just realized has been standing in the barn doorway speechlessly watching the entire process.)

Now you can go and have a go...;)

[rianne21]

:D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAhahaahahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahahahahahhahhahahahaahahahaha hahahaahhahahahahahahahaahahhahahahaahhahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahaha haahahaha

Oh my god i am in hysterics this is fab!!!! brill explanation and fantastic "names" given oh dear, tears of laughter!! :p

[pet-rescueuk]

:D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAhahaahahahahaahahahahahhahahahahahahhahhahahahahahhahhahahahaahahahaha hahahaahhahahahahahahahaahahhahahahaahhahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahaha haahahaha

Oh my god i am in hysterics this is fab!!!! brill explanation and fantastic "names" given oh dear, tears of laughter!! :p


That has made me laugh too, out loud in fact! lol

Squirting a bit of baby oil sounds soooooo much easier though. :D


Wendy

[NoviceNic]

I love the Mr Hand story, makes me roll everytime I read it. :D

Baby oil and gloves are indeed much easier, and less smelly. :eek:

[Skippys Mum]

Mine lift their legs up for the hose to be inserted:).

My friend merely has to "tickle" her boy and it drops down for cleaning (not entirely sure how she taught this one:eek:)

A generous helping of udder cream does the same job - just watch the baby oil, it can cause a slight reaction

[pet-rescueuk]

A friend of mine mentioned sudacrem?

[joshes mum]

A squirt of baby oil gets it squeaky clean.:D

[jaydevon]

the thing is with applying anything by hand, the .. crusty bits have to stick to some where, gloves or not. its gross!

[tasha]

Personally, I'd leave well alone - there's a delicate balance of bacteria up there and if you are not careful you can do more harm than good.

But saying that I have only ever had mares and have never had to do such hideous things!!!

[dansmum]

Well I cant get near my lads :rolleyes:so he gets it done yearly when he is sedated to have his teeth done:)

[Trundlecat]

My last chap was a gloves & pick it off type but this one apparently is shy & won't present so I've been told (by his previous genital hygene servant) to "just get the hosepipe up there" :eek: Not looking forward to it but there are worse jobs........ none spring to mind but I'm sure there are.

[Denbenj]

I dont go near my horses, never have done.

I will peer at it sometimes... long as all looks well I leave well alone.

I dont think they are designed to be ' sqeaky clean' anyway, aslong as my horse is passing water fine, and can easily ' let out for fresh air' and no odd swellings etc etc... I am happy.

[jaydevon]

My last chap was a gloves & pick it off type but this one apparently is shy & won't present so I've been told (by his previous genital hygene servant) to "just get the hosepipe up there" :eek: Not looking forward to it but there are worse jobs........ none spring to mind but I'm sure there are.


im not sure weather to yuk or ouch! if your worried, just squirt the ... how to put this... (please note all jd being tactful)......squirt babyoil on the,........... sheath/entrance, when affending beast comes out, the baby oil will .. latch on??? if you get my point!

[BeachRiding]

I dont go near my horses, never have done.

I will peer at it sometimes... long as all looks well I leave well alone.

I dont think they are designed to be ' sqeaky clean' anyway, aslong as my horse is passing water fine, and can easily ' let out for fresh air' and no odd swellings etc etc... I am happy.
What about the bean though? :)

[tas1608]

I have been wondering about this too, he looks ok just now, great explanation though, but why did none of my horsey friends mention this BEFORE I bought my gelding :eek:.
I think I may give the baby oil a try first. :o

[chickyd444]

I dont go near my horses, never have done.

I will peer at it sometimes... long as all looks well I leave well alone.

I dont think they are designed to be ' sqeaky clean' anyway, aslong as my horse is passing water fine, and can easily ' let out for fresh air' and no odd swellings etc etc... I am happy.

i have exactly the same ethic - if it aint broke , dont break it ;) :

[marli@missi]

:D lol. What a good question, which I aswell was unsure of, what a explainations, my me chuckle and I AGREE will give baby oil ago :)

[lolahutt]

So glad I have a mare. I part loan a gelding but the owner can deal with that side of things:cool:

[coss]

I dont go near my horses, never have done.

I will peer at it sometimes... long as all looks well I leave well alone.

I dont think they are designed to be ' sqeaky clean' anyway, aslong as my horse is passing water fine, and can easily ' let out for fresh air' and no odd swellings etc etc... I am happy.

i don't know anyone in person that does :confused: unless the horse looks to be having trouble passing fluid (in which case i'd be calling the vet) When we bought Harry we asked the current RI if she did anything with the geldings, her response was that the one time she'd tried to clean her gelding was the one time she had problems, infections etc. Best leave well alone... thats what i've done

[capalldubh]

If you don't fancy getting Ms Hand on the job, there is an alternative approach (very alternative, judging by most people's reactions :D). If you clicker train your gelding, he will often visibly demonstrate his delight at getting things right and earning treats ;)

When everything is happily dangling, it is a small step from there to approach what is dangling, and accustom horse to having flaky bits picked off (an occasional click will keep it where you want it...). I have never had to investigate inside as everything is out in the open. I just go with picking off anything that looks as if it might cause a problem. Never found a bean yet but horse is quite happy for me to have the occasional search for one :o

[newforest]

someone did mention to me ages ago only clean the parts you can see, as in the hanging out in the draft parts. it is true that there is bacteria up there which acts as a protection. you can over clean. so i only check what flops out.

i do have a riggy chap and i've got the feeling that ms hand going for a rumage will well excite a certain pony:eek:

or is that another thread!!!:D

[Trundlecat]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).

[stroppymare]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).

Sorry, nothing constructive to add - I only interfere when things look quite bad - but I can't stop chortling at that one!

[chickyd444]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).

LMAO *slaps desk, with the tears* :D

[Jen_e_Jen]

Jack likes to show off too,lol. I only clean it in the spring, and i use Excalibur sheathe cleaner. He's a little pervert, so no problems getting him to drop. I clean the outside of his penis and the outer pocket of his sheathe, then check for a bean(haven't had one yet). He lets me put the hose up there as long as it's only a few inches. I just tie him up and watch his rear legs to make sure he doesn't kick. It is pretty icky, lots of debris comes out of the pocket. I was taught that geldings don't drop all the way like a stud does, so the natural cleaning isn't as effective. Even studs here are checked for beans.

[chickyd444]

im inclined to think - if you start cleaning it , then youve to keep cleaning it regular - id rather be out riding ;) jasoers never had any probs and i never clean inside :o

[kturner]

Mine loves the cold hose in there on a really hot day, always do it as part of his bath and he is used to me picking off any flakes I see. Must admit, first time was under sedation when he had his wolf tooth out as a baby, so I suppose his subconsious remembers mum learning and he is ok with it.

[Back2Black]

I just had to mention the word baby oil and my cob tried crossed his legs lol

[Louby*eko]

That did make me laugh! I must admit I only tend to lend-a-hand when It looks like it needs it, a most unsavory business!
however, once apon a time, I made quite a reasonable income (I was about 14) cleaning willies for about 3 quid a go (my husband loves it when my friends tell that story at dinner parties!) quite exploitative looking back.
I do believe that geldings do occasionally need it as they dont get the 'natural' clean up,if you know what I mean, but would only interfere once or twice a year.

[mindymoo]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).


OMG, how funny....:D

[allinyourrows]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).

*cries with laughter*

[pet-rescueuk]

Excalibur sheath cleaner has been mentioned a few times. Where in the UK do you buy this?

I will be attempting to clean my boys dingle dangle at the weekend. :D He has lots of flaky bits on his long part, so maybe I could start with picking them off - I take it they'll come of easy and not make him bleed or anything?

[Jen_e_Jen]

I've never had Jack bleed, it's like peeling their chestnuts. I just slowly pick off any flaky bits. I am not sure where you can buy it in the UK, but I've been told that you can use Ivory liquid soap too. It's very gentle, so won't cause irritation. I've never used it though.

[Zayna]

The pony I groom LOVES his sheath being done, he shudders with laughter as I rummage around with an oily glove. :D

His dingle dangle is a bit dry and crusty though, that really can't feel nice. He slithers it back in when you touch that bit, so I might give it a baby oil spray... I use that on his sheath and he hasn't had a reaction.

[Liz1949]

KY jelly or a similar non-spemicidal water-based personal lubricant is the best thing to use.

It's just a bit confronting the first time you go into the chemist and ask for a GIANT tube of KY, though ...

Best is to go to an agricultural store and buy a litre of sterile lambing lubriant.

[capalldubh]

Excalibur sheath cleaner has been mentioned a few times. Where in the UK do you buy this?

I will be attempting to clean my boys dingle dangle at the weekend. He has lots of flaky bits on his long part, so maybe I could start with picking them off - I take it they'll come of easy and not make him bleed or anything?


I've never seen it here. I use Aloe Vera gel (and warm it up a bit in my hands first :D). I have seen raw bits from picking off crusts, so always use the gel first now to soften them.

[Denbenj]

i don't know anyone in person that does :confused:

oh believe me I do !!... as a matter of routine.:cool:, also wiping bottoms twice daily with baby wipes

[alanalovesfinn]

i dont touch Finns, it looks clean and its self cleaning anyway. if it got yucky then i would clean it though :D i'd probably give the baby oil a go first

[Pinta]

...

[Zayna]

oh believe me I do !!... as a matter of routine.:cool:, also wiping bottoms twice daily with baby wipes

Me too. Specially pink bum bums...

[xloopylozzax]

we dont clean them there, never had to we just leave it alone.

i think its just an extra job that doesnt need doing unless there is a problem.

[Zayna]

we dont clean them there, never had to we just leave it alone.

i think its just an extra job that doesnt need doing unless there is a problem.

I think that once they're clean, they stay clean. It's old smelly gunk I can't stand, it stinks and it can't feel nice with all that clart stuck to it.

[Camyds]

we dont clean them there, never had to we just leave it alone.

i think its just an extra job that doesnt need doing unless there is a problem.


Yip, you soon know if it doesent look rite and in need of a clean, and if it gets to that stage then summit else may be wrong. However, if you are worried bout not doing it (even tho it dont need doing) then, as others have said, a squirt of baby oil or better still, some sudocrem round the "tip" so that when it goes up and down, it sorts its self out:p

[xloopylozzax]

i arent worried about doing it (far from it, i dont mind doing the mucky jobs and having a poke round if neccesary) i just dont think there are many (if any) horses that genuinely need it doing.

we used to have stallions at stud (before my dad became ill) and the mares and them would be swabbed at the beginning of the season (mares always done, them just done before covering season to be sure they hadnt picked anything up) and even then they werent 'cleaned'.

they sort it themselves how many people have you seen wandering round with baby oil and rubber gloves cleaning wild horses bits!?

[StormBidder]

i had to lol

[tas1608]

Do you lot really all use baby oil? See I'll not use anything on horsey donglers that I wouldn't put on my own fandango IYKWIM. Always think if it'd irritate me it'd irritate Mr Mega's bits too & baby oil would really irritate me...... would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).[/QUOTE]

HAHA excellent Trundlecat, I have tears streaming down my face, my 9 year old daughter thinks I've gone mad.

[Tatooed Lady]

The problem with equating domesticated geldings and wild stallions is that in the wild, you don't HAVE geldings. It's something we do to them, and it changes the horse's ability to keep itself clean...sooo....we're responsible for taking care of them....if it needs be done, be like Nike and "Just do it". ;)

[Camyds]

i was agreeing with you loopylozzax:p

i arent worried about doing it (far from it, i dont mind doing the mucky jobs and having a poke round if neccesary) i just dont think there are many (if any) horses that genuinely need it doing.


they sort it themselves how many people have you seen wandering round with baby oil and rubber gloves cleaning wild horses bits!?

[Henrietta1]

Personally, I'd leave well alone - there's a delicate balance of bacteria up there and if you are not careful you can do more harm than good.

But saying that I have only ever had mares and have never had to do such hideous things!!!
(Please note: I am NOT giving advice here)

I was actually advised by my vet not to do the willy cleaning thing. My gelding was very shirty about anyone getting up there and it took two of us - one to hold him down while the other did the deed and even then it was quite a hair-raisng experience. The vet said she didn't do hers for the same reason.

Her advice was to leave well alone unless
a) there was a smell
b) there was a discharge
or
c) he had trouble urinating

[Kittycat]

Ace drops his just with a tickle on his belly (quite a talent I have!:p) and it always gets yellow crusty bits on it (gross). I don't use anything particular to clean it, I just use a very wet towel and gently 'stroke' it to clean the bits off. (I prefer to do this without an audience!)

If you use baby oil and he drops it in the field, does he not run the risk of getting dust and dirt sticking to the oil and going back inside again?

[vikkig]

my horses is cleaned regulary however i have to admit not by me, one of the 13 year old girls on the yard who has lovely long thin hands cleans his, she charges £3 and i think that is very reasonable.

Mac's gets cleaned because is gets a bit smelly and he starts sitting on the ground like a dog trying to itch it.

[pet-rescueuk]

Well I didn't clean Indiens willy as such, but I did pick off all the bits on it, which he seemed quite pleased about. :D

[Zayna]

My sister's gelding had a great big lump of black grease hanging out of his last night. :eek:

He's a recent purchase and there was quite a bit of build up in there when she first got him, I've been softening it with baby oil and his tadger's still a bit flaky but it must be loosening up now, I give it a sneaky squirt with baby oil spray when it appears. :cool:

[xloopylozzax]

have you seen how many views this topic has had.

pervs :D:p

[pet-rescueuk]

have you seen how many views this topic has had.

pervs :D:p

LOL funny. It's something some people want to know about but don't know how to phrase the question/s. :D Or, they really are pervs. *wink*

[LittleChel]

Lol very interesting topic!

Differing viewpoints as ever... :rolleyes:

My sister does her gelding's but I don't know of anyone else who does (then again it's not something you shout about) and as I may be getting a gelding soon (had a mare before) is something I have been slightly concerned about doing "right" or even whether I should be doing at all!

Well done everyone for talking about it - people do need to know :D

[pony princess]

i have always left my boys' private parts well alone! :D

[tandp]

Fantastic, thank god for mares!!!:D:D:D

[annareeves0]

would make for some damned good fun sliding down banisters though but would have to be careful on the brakes when driving (leather upholstery.... I'd end up through the windscreen).This literally made me laugh out loud!
one of the 13 year old girls on the yard who has lovely long thin hands cleans his, she charges £3 and i think that is very reasonable.
This also made me laugh - some 13 yr olds are incredibly naive but some are obviously much more down to earth and prepared to charge for their lack of inhibition around male parts!!