confidence issues (long one sorry)

[jacs205]

right I've been following threads and notice that whenever I post I always go on about how cr*p I am and I really am, I am terrified at the thought of anything though once I'm in a lesson and being told what to do I do it (badly). When I went for my lesson yesterday one of the guys got my usual horsey tacked up and brought her out for me and i climbed on board then my instructor came out and said that I was supposed to be on another horse instead but we'd stick with the usual since I was on her already. Now I'm terrified, the other horsey is a big, big boy, one of their jumpers and I know I have him next lesson and even though I haven't ridden him I've been told he is a lovely smooth horse and he always gives me cuddles when I give him polo mints but just this idea of a proper jumpy horse is enough to make me scared whereas little daughter was there today on a course jumping without stirrups etc and thinking nothing of it. Why am I so scared, what can I do about it, I am useless, I've been going to private lessons weekly for months now and I still haven't even had a canter. I love horses but went to see another members horse (:Dyou know who you are!!!) and she offered me a shot on her gorgeous horsey after my daughter had a go and I chickened out straight away. What can I do to get more confident, really any help at all will be great, I can't afford more lessons so that isn't an option and I'm not like this in any other aspect of my life, please help me get a grip and become a better rider

[Jenny2502]

I know how u feel and its not easy. chin up and keep going, forget what others are doing and have your own targets. What do you want to achieve, make a set of goals.
in 6 months i want to be able to .........................?
Ive set some targets for myself and im remotivating from a gap because of uni.
Pm me if you want.

[go max!]

Another technique you could try is visualisation, which a lot of top athletes use:D

Set aside some time when you wont be interrupted (probably not easy if you have a little daughter, but essential for this!). Find a quiet place, and imagine yourself arriving at the yard, in as much detail as you can. Carry on through your usual routine, getting tacked up, mounted......and then take it forwards, so you see yourself on this lovely new horse, cantering happily round the arena. Again, the more detail you can see it in, the more effective the technique is. Finally see yourself taking him back to his stable, and feeling happy, and other people saying how well you did.

Repeat this as often as you can....then go try it for real!!
It sounds a bit silly, but honestly it works.

[Joyscarer]

One question:

Have you confided in your riding instructor? :)

[jacs205]

Another technique you could try is visualisation, which a lot of top athletes use:D

Set aside some time when you wont be interrupted (probably not easy if you have a little daughter, but essential for this!). Find a quiet place, and imagine yourself arriving at the yard, in as much detail as you can. Carry on through your usual routine, getting tacked up, mounted......and then take it forwards, so you see yourself on this lovely new horse, cantering happily round the arena. Again, the more detail you can see it in, the more effective the technique is. Finally see yourself taking him back to his stable, and feeling happy, and other people saying how well you did.

Repeat this as often as you can....then go try it for real!!
It sounds a bit silly, but honestly it works.

hey all, thanks for suggestions, I will try the visualisation and setting goals thing. My first goal is that I'd like to be able to canter, will ask my instructor what a reasonable time frame is for it. I have spoken to the instructor and she reckons I just need more time in the saddle but I haven't actually said I'd like to be able to do x y or z so perhaps its about time I did though I realise they probably have a way that they work through things, in a certain order? I picked my daughter up from mini camp at the riding school today and spoke to the RS owner to sort out my next lesson and she wants me to go forward for a city and guilds in stable management so that may help because of the increase in time spent around the horses, has anyone done one of these?

[sophie33]

Good suggestions on confiding in your RI and visualisation. I just want to add that you do need to give yourself time. I am also a very nervous rider but over the passage of time (lots of time - years:o ) I've gradually got better. In particular I stopped worrying about being slow to learn things, putting off cantering etc, and just accepted that I would do things at my pace and who cares what anyone else thinks. My nerves still come and go, but if I don't want to canter in a lesson I just say so. On the other hand I often do want to now. (Although a RI who I've got to know and pushes my boundaries a little bit is a good thing as long as they accept when I really don't want to do it!)
Oh and I think what has helped me most is spending time with horses. I don't know if you rode as a child, but I never did, and would tend to start thinking of the horse I was riding as a great big animal that wanted to kill me :p. However, having sharing a horse really changed that - I learned to see that my share pony was a baby and needed me to look after him the way you do a child - firm but fair! Now I tend to think of all horses like that and it definitely helps. If they spook I try to think 'silly there is nothing to be frightened of' instead of 'eek what are you trying to do to me!'. I know a share probably isn't practical or right for you at this stage - but could you go to your RS early and help tack up, groom etc, cos it might help.
Sorry I've written a book!

[nicolaj]

Good idea to speak to you RI, and don't worry about what others are doing and thinking you should be doing the same.

Children tend to have very few hang-ups!

Have some goals which will help you move on, again talk to your RI. If you can as well, try to ride a couple of different horses, it will help build your confidence.

The suggestion of the horse qualification is great. The more you spend time on the ground handlling horses the more confident you will get in the saddle.

Good luck.:)

PS don't always put yourself down, when you have had a lesson consider what went well and focus on that rather than what you haven't done. Think about how long you have been riding and what you have achieved in that time.

[BlackBess]

Please don't keep putting yourself down, I'm sure you're a better rider than you actually think:) I know how hard it can be when you have confidence issues but please don't compare yourself to anyone - you're riding because you have a love of horses and want to be a better rider so don't put pressure on yourself and remind yourself why you wanted to start riding in the first place. Be proud of yourself that you've taken action, you've spoken to your RI and the stable management course would be an excellent idea. I did the Horse Ownership course a few years ago and it did help, although I have a peanut brain and forgot most of it until recently. Please don't worry about the big horse for your next lesson, your RI must think that you are capable of riding him and he could be fantastic for you. As others have said, set some goals, work on developing your seat, sitting trot, trotting without stirrups and then cantering just as an example. Is it possible that you could go for a short trek, just to give yourself a break from the RS environment? Good luck, you will get through this as you've already taken the first steps.

[Hullabaloo]

Rule no 1 - don't look at what children are doing. They are young, supple, without fear, still bounce well and show us up at every turn :D

Rule no 2 - don't keep putting yourself down. If you keep telling yourself you're rubbish then you will believe it. Instead of thinking about what you haven't done, what about what you have achieved. A few months isn't long to be having lessons so think about what you CAN do now, rather than what you can't do YET.

What do you want to get out of your riding - if its to have fun and you enjoy your lesson then you have achieved something, no matter what you do or how well you ride.

I've been riding for years and still have days when I feel I can't ride and am really rubbish but have learned to put them to the back of my mind and start afresh next time instead of beating myself up about them.

Lecture over (sorry) - I just hate to see people put themselves down the way you have. Think positively and take things is small steps and I'm sure confidence will come.

I'm sure you'll be fine on the new horse too - he sounds lovely. Good luck1

[Miriam]

Firstly dont pressurise yourself. It took me years to get the confidence with canter work. It's not easy to push ourselves out of our comfort zone so make sure you do it slowly and when your ready for it.

Don't let the height put you off as the bigger they are usually the less hasstle you have :p Been there and said i dont want to ride somthing as its big and someone fell off it. However did ride the horse in question (him and his partner were used as carriage horses for Black Velvet Gown by Catherine Cookson) and after that i wanted him every week. Was gutted when he was sold.

[Bob's mum]

Check out this website, it's written by a rider/owner for riders/owners with confidence issues. I have read her stuff in horse mags and the website is very good too. :D

http://www.fizzcoachingclinic.com/

[Suze369]

Jacs

Firstly well done for keeping up with the riding even though you feel nervous. That takes a lot of courage to keep going like that. :)

As you can see from the support here, you are not alone and we all have times when we feel the same as you, it just varies from person to person.

Remember all the good things you are achieving each time you ride and each success you have. Your RS owner obviously thinks you have what it takes if she is encouraging you in studying with horses, your lack of confidence is obviously not an issue when you are around horses per se. :D

Best of luck, if all else fails the odd dose of rescue remedy can help irrational fear.

x

[Fizzy's mum]

Hi there,

I confess I am "canter-phobic"... new word, hoping to get in in the Dictionary! My other half had his first lesson and cantered at the end. Its just not fair. However, I have recently told my RI I just want to be put on a lunge rein and cantered! I have had lessons on a lunge before and did some cantereing, its brilliant not having to worry about "steering" and just focusing on the movement and getting into the swing of it.

I now have my own horse and although I have had him for 3 months, have never cantered on him! So either this week or next week, I am going to break down this ridiculous barrier I have built up in my own mind.

What I am trying to say is, you will get there in the end, but its more important to go at your own speed. I also got a self-hypnosis CD that was good, although seemed to send me to sleep most of the time! Maybe some of it sunk in when I was asleep!

Little steps and dont be pressured! Thats what I say to myself!

Good luck,

Lucy

[jacs205]

thanks guys, you are all wonderful and I really appreciate all the advice.

Do you know some of this really sank in today and yesterday, before Christmas I hadn't been on a horse since I was a very small girl and you're all right, I am doing it and I love it; I love riding, love the bits I get spot on and love sharing polos and having cuddles with all the RS horses. I will, will, will concentrate on these things and let the rest come in its own good time, I nearly choked the first time the RI told me to get rid of the stirrups for a while in a lesson but I can sit in trot without them now so I must be making progress. Thank you all:)

(I'm going to go for the city and guilds thing too if it will fit in with the job, everything is easy to fit in just now because of the school holidays but when all the lesson planning and marking starts up again time will be precious again)

[Skippys Mum]

I've been having all sorts of confidence issues. With the help of confident hacking cd's, bottles and bottles of rescue remedy and a helpful instructor, I'm finally getting there. This despite the fact that I've owned my own horses for over 20 years and used to do eventing and jumping:o.

With me, a big part of my problem was that Arnie is really a bit too small for me and I felt unbalanced (changing horse is not an option, this is family:)). Fortunately, he is finally starting to fill out and I am more comfortable.

For me at least, bigger is waaaaay better so go on and have a wee shot of the other horse. Dont be pressured to do anything other than walking or a bit of trotting but just enjoy!

And remember - you are sooo not alone. I'm not even at your stage yet and I've been doing this all my adult life:)

[jacs205]

I've been having all sorts of confidence issues. With the help of confident hacking cd's, bottles and bottles of rescue remedy and a helpful instructor, I'm finally getting there. This despite the fact that I've owned my own horses for over 20 years and used to do eventing and jumping:o.

With me, a big part of my problem was that Arnie is really a bit too small for me and I felt unbalanced (changing horse is not an option, this is family:)). Fortunately, he is finally starting to fill out and I am more comfortable.

For me at least, bigger is waaaaay better so go on and have a wee shot of the other horse. Dont be pressured to do anything other than walking or a bit of trotting but just enjoy!

And remember - you are sooo not alone. I'm not even at your stage yet and I've been doing this all my adult life:)

thank you Skippys mum:) I probably do need to just try lots of different horses, I loved my trek on the little exmoors but shouldn't write off big guys

[coverblown]

You have lots of great advice on here, I'd just like to echo the person who said that you are doing so so well continuing when you are nervous, sorry missed your username:o. I know lots of people who gave up at that point - and I'm sure you do too.

I have been riding for nearly nine years and am now 52, started riding alongside an 8 year old daughter. At first I was better than her. But now she's light years beyond me. And most of that is due to my grotty lack of confidence - couldnt jump, kept falling off (all my own confidence issues to blame - nothing else). Eventually fell off during dressage lesson and broke my back.

But I love it - and went back. I decided that confidence issues were not going to stop me loving this activity (at my level its not really sport!) and have done 2 dressage compys since - rosettes (low places) in both but I am dead chuffed!!

And on Sunday - I am doing my first jumping comp - at 21" since I had my accident. I am nervous - but that is not going to blight my life any longer.

Best of luck with it - and sorry for taking so much space in the response.

A. xxx

[jacs205]

You have lots of great advice on here, I'd just like to echo the person who said that you are doing so so well continuing when you are nervous, sorry missed your username:o. I know lots of people who gave up at that point - and I'm sure you do too.

I have been riding for nearly nine years and am now 52, started riding alongside an 8 year old daughter. At first I was better than her. But now she's light years beyond me. And most of that is due to my grotty lack of confidence - couldnt jump, kept falling off (all my own confidence issues to blame - nothing else). Eventually fell off during dressage lesson and broke my back.

But I love it - and went back. I decided that confidence issues were not going to stop me loving this activity (at my level its not really sport!) and have done 2 dressage compys since - rosettes (low places) in both but I am dead chuffed!!

And on Sunday - I am doing my first jumping comp - at 21" since I had my accident. I am nervous - but that is not going to blight my life any longer.

Best of luck with it - and sorry for taking so much space in the response.

A. xxx

thanks Pepsi you have really overcome some serious stuff, I haven't even had a fall yet and you are bouncing back from a big injury wow. I really do think all the advice I've had is fantastic and that just lots more time spent around horses will help. All the very best for your jumping competition I hope you have a great day jumping looks fantastic, maybe one day I'll have a wee go too

[Suzanne2]

Another thing that might help is if you get someone to video you riding in a lesson and then you can watch it to analyse what your RI is correcting you on and to see that you are actually much better than you think you are. I bet you'll get a nice surprise. Good luck and enjoy it!

[jacs205]

Another thing that might help is if you get someone to video you riding in a lesson and then you can watch it to analyse what your RI is correcting you on and to see that you are actually much better than you think you are. I bet you'll get a nice surprise. Good luck and enjoy it!

oh thats a good idea, it woudl be good to see it from another perspective than on the saddle. last lesson I had times when I thought I was riding on the right diagonal and then RI said I wasn't so that would be really handy to see. I admit that I was surprised a couple of weeks ago, my eldest daughter came to watch and took a couple of pictures of me on my mobile phone and although they aren't great quality I did kind of look like a rider, my position didn't look as lop sided and rubbish as I thought

[Nookster]

For me personally confidence can be dented so easily sadly and some times we try to protect what we have and not doing things we haven't done before is one of those ways of protecting it.

Baby steps is whats always worked for me. thats all i could advise. Feel comfotable in one situation and then take a small step to your next goal.

Lifes sadly full of what ifs. Try not to think of what ifs my OH always says. Lifes to short.

[tas1608]

I know exactly where you are coming from, I was an absolute nervous wreck whenever I was within kicking or biting distance from any horse/pony, even tiny shetlands :o, I started of sharing but that didn't work out as I was terrified of the "what ifs", I really was frightened not just a bit nervous, downing Rescue Remedy on my way to see pony, couldn't speak for nerves etc, even though at work I deal confidently with people from all walks of life and professionals from therapists/psychologists to doctors at the top of their game, and work on a 1-1 basis with the most challenging children in my area.

So I decided enough was enough for goodness sake, I adore all things horsey and always have since being a kid, I have read lots and lots of books on horse behaviour, training of the horse, keeping horses naturally etc, then took things 1 baby step at a time, BUT the most important thing I have changed is my way of thinking, I always knew that horses were prey animals but didn't think of them like that when I was around them, I thought of them as monsters trying to kill me, I believe this has helped me the most, friends have noticed the change, if I can get confidence I know anyone can, so you just keep taking things at the pace you are comfortable with, go and do the City & Guild course and try to think more positively and one day you will get there,
Sorry it's been long, but I know what it feels like and wish you all the best you will get there, I wish you well and keep thinking positively. :)