Making the decision

[dcp]

I am having to make the very difficult choice to put my horse down and I would like to hear from other owners who have found themselves in the same position or if anyone would just like to offer their advice

My 15 yr old horse is not in agony but his quality of life is not what it was. I do not have the time and certainly not the money to keep him. I would offer him out on loan but he requires a little extra care and I don't think anyone would be willing to spend the time or the money on a little horse they cannot ride.

It breaks my heart to go to the field and see him bored and I know he is bored. I really wouldn't trust anyone to look after him as well as I have and I feel I would rather see him pts than in someone else's care and me constantly worrying over him. Am I being selfish?

Has anyone ever had to make the choice to have their horse pts when they are not in any obvious agony? It would be so much easier if he was then I wouldn't have this choice.

Thanks

[eventerbabe]

Lauren, great to see you back but so sad that it's under these circumstances :(

No, i don't think for a moment you are being selfish. Some horses don't suit being field ornaments, and i think charlie is one of them from what you have said now and before. loaning these days is so perilous, even with contracts etc. horses still go missing. even selling on a site like project horses, a home is never really guarenteed for life.

I think you are so incredibly brave to be thinking and talking about this. can you remind me of charlies problems, and what sort of treatment/care he needs?

lots of hugs hun

[Soot]

((hugs))

I think you should contact Tuscan Dream, as she has recently been through a similar decision. It might help you to talk through things with someone who's only just been in the same place. I'm sure she would be happy to talk ...

For me it was "easy" because Rambo was 26 and his illness was very sudden and very obvious (complete degeneration of an eyeball), surgery was not an option. It was still the hardest decision I ever had to make, but the look in his (remaining) eye told me it the only thing to do.

[Clava]

Have you tried the Veteran Society, someone may take him as a companion, but if you really feel that you are the only one who can care for him and that is not possible then having him pts isthe only answer. A very sad and difficult choice and you have my deepest sympathy. My neice has abandoned her old mare with me and she is now 28yr....sadly I think she has had enough come this winter.

[Bob's mum]

It's the hardest decision of all to make but you know in your heart when you need to do it. Just listen to that little voice inside because the message it sends out is made out of your love and concern for your dear horse.

I completely understand how you feel as I had to make exactly that decision myself this morning for my dog who was 12 years old and like your horse not desperately ill but who's quality of life was sorely compromised. Yes, it hurt's like hell but remember you are making the decision based on how your horse feels not how upset you will feel.

Be brave. xx

[dcp]

Hello nice to hear from you again and thanks.

Well he has suspensory ligamint desmitis and had an op in Jan 07, followed by physio, ground work and riding. After a while he started to nap badly. Although his legs had been sorted it just made it more apparent that his greatest problem was his back. So we tried it - special saddles, rest... The vets I worked for suggested I put him down last August and I almost did. However I kept him through the winter and thought about what to do.

After some more chats with the vets and me coming round to the idea I feel a bit more at ease with the decision. He is allergic to hay and straw so requires more expensive alternatives. I now work 30 miles away and would be struggling to see to him in winter (stabled) and with the cost of fuel I do not have the money.

You are right about him not being able to stand out in the field. Charlie likes attention and if you go down after not seeing him for a few days he actually turns his back on you and goes in a huff.

[Big Ears]

you say you don't have the time and money to make his life better - could you not improve things or is it you would like to have a riding horse and he isn't able to be ridden anymore.

i don't know his background/problems - i agree with not passing on a horse to an uncertain future, but if he is not really that bad, are there things that could be done to give him a future and make his life more interesting.

being devil's advocate.

[eventerbabe]

i remember you mentioning trying a reactor panel saddle? just a thought but would you ever consider gifting charlie to somewhere like the ILPH? i don't know what their policy is on who they'll take horses from, but we had a friend who emmigrated and gifted hers to the ILPH. at least then he'd be carefully monitored. Has anything specific with his back been diagnosed?

[gordysgirl]

you say you don't have the time and money to make his life better - could you not improve things or is it you would like to have a riding horse and he isn't able to be ridden anymore.

i don't know his background/problems - i agree with not passing on a horse to an uncertain future, but if he is not really that bad, are there things that could be done to give him a future and make his life more interesting.

being devil's advocate.

Ditto.

I don't want to sound like I am being unsympathetic & I understand you don't feel you can trust others with him but it sounds like the decision is being made more for you than him.
I know of several people who have taken on retired horses who have some special needs as companions who have been excellently cared for until there time was really up.
Maybe it is worth looking more into retirement homes, companion homes etc.

Obviously he is your horse & ultimatley you will know when the time is right for him & I am only looking at it from one post.

:)

[dcp]

He has a fused vertibrae (sp) and one of them looks pretty rounded. His confirmation is awful also, poor soul. It's a long journey to the ILPH and I know they do a loan scheme but who would he end up with? He could be in the same position as he is now.

Things could change for Charlie but it requires me to make huge sacrifices. I could spend all my sparetime with him and be completely tied to him at the weekend. Then be left feeling frustrated and unhappy that I am not making him happy and he still looks boared or causes a complete fuss when I bring him in.

Thing is my work life is far away and I am thinking of moving closer because money is so tight. I really do not want to move Charlie again and uproot him I don't think it's fair. Then my social life (being selfish again) but it's in the city where all my friends and my partner are. the only thing I have in the town that I live in is Charlie everything and everyone else is far away.

I just know that I will think to myself I should've done more and that I am being totally selfish. When I got him I made a vow to give him everything he needed and now I feel I'm letting him down.

[dcp]

Gordysgirl I do understand what you mean but have to say:
For the past three and a half years my horse has come first before everything. I have ended relationships so I could spend more time with him, I've broke my back looking after him. He's the last thing I think of before going to sleep, the only thing I think of when I hear the rain hammering against the window. In all the time I've had him I know I've done my best. But then it comes to this and I do wonder whether my reasons are based on him or me. I am so confused! I just feel tired and useless

[gordysgirl]

He has a fused vertibrae (sp) and one of them looks pretty rounded. His confirmation is awful also, poor soul. It's a long journey to the ILPH and I know they do a loan scheme but who would he end up with? He could be in the same position as he is now.

Things could change for Charlie but it requires me to make huge sacrifices. I could spend all my sparetime with him and be completely tied to him at the weekend. Then be left feeling frustrated and unhappy that I am not making him happy and he still looks boared or causes a complete fuss when I bring him in.

Thing is my work life is far away and I am thinking of moving closer because money is so tight. I really do not want to move Charlie again and uproot him I don't think it's fair. Then my social life (being selfish again) but it's in the city where all my friends and my partner are. the only thing I have in the town that I live in is Charlie everything and everyone else is far away.

I just know that I will think to myself I should've done more and that I am being totally selfish. When I got him I made a vow to give him everything he needed and now I feel I'm letting him down.

The ILPH would be very careful about the home he went to.
Other than obviously not being able to work & the problems you have mentioned, is he exactly miserable? Is there still a spark in his eyes? Honestly?

This is my opinion, and one which I don't mind if you ignore, but if my horse was to be retired then he would mean as much to me, and I would still walk to the ends of the earth to keep him happy & well. If as a last resort, putting his welfare first i.e i thought the spark had gone & he was truly miserable I would obviously pts but I would never do that as a result of my own feelings.

[gordysgirl]

Gordysgirl I do understand what you mean but have to say:
For the past three and a half years my horse has come first before everything. I have ended relationships so I could spend more time with him, I've broke my back looking after him. He's the last thing I think of before going to sleep, the only thing I think of when I hear the rain hammering against the window. In all the time I've had him I know I've done my best. But then it comes to this and I do wonder whether my reasons are based on him or me. I am so confused! I just feel tired and useless

Sorry cross posted...I don't want to imply that you don't care or love your horse...clearly you do as otherwise you wouldn't be thinking these thoughts!

And I'm sure you aren't useless..like you say you have always done your best for him.

[dcp]

Moving from the city to the country has really changed me and my thinking. Whereas before I would of given everything up for my horse and I mean everything, now I am much more practical. You have to draw a line, there is only so much you can do for an animal. I was advised to put charlie down based on the fact I couldn't ride him. I chose not to but now I am struggling to provide the right level of care for him and I really do see no sparkle in his but eye but of course I wonder if that can be brought back. I know some people who have given up on a horse for less and like I say and as does my vet I think he struggles being left out in the field, he isn't a happy companion.

I think I will always have doubts around my decision and question the reasons why I am doing this. Thanks to everyone for replying and giving me your views. I guess I am trying to justify it to myself.

[xloopylozzax]

i think you know which is the right decision and only you can make it because you are the one who can see him and how he has changed (for the worse from your post).

dont be afraid, he wont know either way it is kinder for you to do this then to umm and ahh about keeping him and not truely enjoy it, he will pick up on that.

nobody should judge you whatever you choose, chin up if you need to talk them pm me ;)

[kestrel]

Hey, dcp
In a similar situation with my old mare. The spark is slowly going out of her eyes, but she seems comfortable at the moment so i am just keeping a close eye on her. I'm sure that your boy will let you know when he's had enough.
It's the hardest decision ever, wondering what's the right thing to do.
You have thought a lot about his welfare. You just have to listen to your instinct.

[Bobbin]

Hey Lauren,

I was wondering how you were just the other day and how Charlie was doing. I know how hard you have struggled with Charlie and what health issues he faces. I don't blame you for not wanting to pass him on to anyone else, I feel very similar about Bryony.

You need to do what you believe is right and I for one would never judge you for that, I think you have done so much for him and ultimatly, Charlie has some big problems and you cannot be tied to them forever.

Take care you!!

[Baffled2]

Hi there, I don't know you, but I do empathise, after all, all us horse owners are likely to find ourselves in a similar situation at one time or another!

From what you have said you will make your decision based on what is best for you and your horse. I wish you all the best in what is obviously a very difficult time for you - my only advice would be to go with your nstincts - most of the time they are right!