Frustration

[Sue Watson]

After a number of false starts and four different saddles I began lessons again with Sue C yesterday. Unfortunately I have a very visual memory and in my mind I glide around the arena, give Pip the lightest of aids and off he goes into the most perfect shoulder-in or whatever. Sadly in practice it all goes rather pear-shaped. I bobble about, give ineffective aids, overcorrect, Pip bends around like a wiggley snake without a clue about what is being asked of him. Most riders actually ride better than they think they do in their minds eye, I have sort of the reverse - I can't seem to get my body to what I want it to do. I know what is being asked of me and I know what my weight, legs, shoulders SHOULD be doing, but when I start to move on the horse it all starts to fall apart. After so many years of 'dressage' lessons I really feel I should be so much further ahead, but I am having come to terms with the fact that either the lessons I had previously were very poor or, and this is the big worry, I am a hopeless case and am never going to be a rider.

[horsemad]

Oh dear Sue, you sound just like me! I know exactly what you mean about being able to visualise what you are supposed to do when riding....I do that, and I can imagine how it would feel to have your legs wrapped around the horse, to have a light 'elastic' contact, to be at one with the horse....

.....and then I get on my horse and my legs flap about, I bounce in the saddle, I can't get my horse to go forward......very very frustrating!!

But don't despair - I'm sure you are not a 'hopeless case' at all! Don't be so hard on yourself - I'm sure you ride better than you think you do. At least you know what you are trying to achieve - ok, you may not yet have a perfect position (who has??!), but at least you know what you are aiming for. Just think of all those riders out there who get on a horse, kick, and haul on the reins without thinking what they are doing. At least you are aiming for perfection - hopefully you'll get there someday (and if you do - can you give me a few tips??!;) )

[cvb]

from what I've hear about Sue C on this board, she should be able to help you ! :D

But some other thoughts...

We are always told to set 'inspiring goals' but they also have to be 'real' (The classic SMART goal - Specific, Measurable, Actionable/Achievable, Realistic, Time-bounded)

I know you are talking visualisation not goals - but maybe your vision is TOO perfect and so you are having problems relating back into reality ? Maybe if you visualised your best ride on Pip ever, and aimed for that as a first step ?

Or maybe when you are riding, you are trying so hard that the vision is slipping away in the face of all the 'task' orientated things - i.e. you are using the wrong side of your brain ? Then you might find that slowing everything down and starting with really simple stuff (walk, halt, turn ) and then just building up slowly but keeping the image ??

One of the Alexander Technique points is about what they call 'end gaining'. Often we have so much invested (emotionally) in the end result that this is all we focus on. Forgetting about the "means whereby" i.e. the HOW we are going to achieve the result. Is your visualisation about the result ? Might it help to have more of 'how' in the visualisation ?

Might sound a bit wishy washy - but I guess I'm thinking along the lines of the difference between "My legs are wrapped around the horse" and "I am relaxed and loose in my joints - so I can move with the horse in harmony". Sorry if its not a good example - I have a blinder of a headache (2nd day of it :( )

[Sue Carnell]

Hi Sue,

You didn't begin lessons again, you had one lesson! Give me a chance. :D

The hardest people to teach are those who have already had loads of lessons. It's hard to throw away the baggage you bring with you from those lessons and start with a clean slate. I should know, that were me! Heather used to get very frustrated with me, not because she thought I was a terrible rider, but because I wanted to be the best and yesterday. Today wasn't early enough and, truth be known, best wouldn't have good enough either. However much I improved, I always looked on the dark side and to what was wrong, never what was right. She would often tell me off about it, still does.

My worst problem I think is that when things do start to go wrong for me, I really annoy myself by adding stuff from before that didn't work then either and making it all even worse than it is. If I stop and do less, it always seems to work better.

I'm sure you know your main problem? You try too hard. How many of us fall into that trap! Still, keep the visualisation, you'll get there. :)

Sue Carnell
sue@eclipse.co.uk

[Kerry's Partner]

Trying too hard - now there's a familiar phrase. I think I do better when I just go do it not caring about the quality - it sounds like an awful approach and I don't often achieve that level of nonchalance but I think it helps me anyway.

[Kerry's Partner]

btw cvb I'm actually one of those people who love the small-step challenges and achievements towards my vision - I would hate to miss out on their experience. BUT I still get frustrated like Sue does.

Can't imagine myself assigning SMART stuff to my riding and I'd hate it if SC did. I have enough of that at work and I feel SMART lacks some of the touchy/feely stuff I enjoy so much when riding.

[Sue Watson]

Its rather spooky to have my character analysed so accurately by you all. Yes, I am an end gainer, I went for a unmounted weekend with Mary Wanless once and she spotted that immediately. Its not that I am unwilling to put in the hours, god knows I've doggedly stuck at it without much gain for long enough but the frustration of the brain not being able to get the body to do what I think I am telling it to do is infuriating. I also think that because I have been riding for so long that I ought to be further down the line than I am and it is painful to have to unlearn so much and accept that I actually know squat. It is definately worse than being a raw beginner.

I'm off to buy a beach ball now...

[galadriel]

I've noticed that I'm getting progressively less aware of my body movements. I feel awfully fortunate in that both of my horses are very forgiving of me and try hard to do what I ask even if I'm clumsy. I have a suspicion that I'm developing an inner-ear imbalance...I get more and more motion-sick as time progresses, and I have dizziness rather a lot (sigh).

I've been thinking about maybe taking some martial arts lessons or some such to try to improve my body awareness/reduce my increasing clumsiness. What do you guys think...would that help?

[Sue Carnell]

Let's think about this logically Sue and not get too despondent.

Not a million years ago you had a horse who tossed his head. He champed the bit so badly he watered the school for you. Every time you asked him up from walk to trot, he hopped, skipped and jumped and propped on his shoulders. His walk was a shuffle and his trot was practically backwards. He spent most of his time either burying his chin into his chest, or sticking his head up like a giraffe to gawp. Occasionally, but very rarely, he gave us something, but not much in comparison to yesterday.

Yesterday, you had a horse who tossed his head, what, 3 times? He didn't overchamp the bit at all, but was very quiet in his mouth and he didn't hop, skip and jump into trot once! He walked out well and, until the end, when I expect he was tiring, his trot was twice the trot. He no longer buries himself even a quarter as much as he did. You now have a horse that we can start to work with and only a couple of minor adjustments needed to your seat (legs) and effectiveness. When I can stop you doing too much and get you doing just a tiny bit more of the little you should be doing, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly you both come on now.

I think you should give yourself a big pat on the back for undoing, actually quite quickly, what I thought were some pretty ingrained bad habits in your horse, whom you haven't really had that long!

Enjoy the beach-ball. :D

Sue Carnell
sue@eclipse.co.uk

[Kerry's Partner]

Well I for one am not surprised at all. It's just another transformation down to SC, owner and horse. It's seems to be VERY easy to say but actually the experience is quite amazing.
So amazing in fact that you don't realise that what happened actually did occur!!!!

[Heather]

I don't know Sue, and I thought it was mostly the male of the species who tried too hard and wanted to do Grand Prix yesterday!

When my schoolmistress Millie is back in work, Sue should bring you over to have a lesson on her, or perhaps on Debbie my yard manager's horse Fly, who is producing some super work despite having been the biggest pain in the backside for the 11 years that I have known him! At 13, he has finally grown up and is starting to 'give'. He has never had a nasty thing happen to him in his life- as Debbie bred him, yet he never gave of his considerable talent willingly. Now, at last!- he is really beginning to reach his potential- yesterday we started on the flying changes. It would do you good to ride an easier and established horse, to give you a chance to work just on yourself and not the horse as well.

So, give both of yourselves time! From what Sue C has said, Pip is far from an easy horse, and it sounds to me as if you are doing a pretty good job between you!! Chill out!

Heather

[Sue Carnell]

ROTFL, there you go then Sue, one down, only another 10 years to go with Pip. :)

Sue did come down and ride Millie, Heather. It was so that I could show her how to ride canter, as Pip still has a flip canter at the moment and needs more time to get his bum underneath him before Sue practices her canter on him. She did very well and sat the canter fine on Millie.

I know how you feel now Heather, when I tell you how terrible I am. I've learned my lesson and won't do it any more. :D

Sue
sue@eclipse.co.uk

[Heather]

Well good to hear that Sue C- new years resolution?!! Good to think that something positive has come out of Sue W's blues!!

However another confidence booster on one of our horses may be a good thing for Sue W to repeat at some stage.

H

[Sue Watson]

Thank you Sue, Heather and everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Yes, you are right Pip has improved dramatically since I got him, mainly because he has had the time this year to chill out and relax and get away from the previous way of training. Now his and my learning are to begin.

[cvb]

hi

just to be clear - goals are one thing, visualisations another. There is a fine balance wit goals- if you use SMART for everything, then as Kerry's Partner says, it can become a bit uninspiring. But at the same time, you have to have a goal that is not so far out of reach it is depressing.

If I set myself a goal to get my weight down to 8 stone, it would just not work as a goal because it is just so unachievable :( . But if I set myself too small a goal - to lose a couple of pounds, its not inspiring at all so why bother ! But somewhere inbetween is an image of me looking good in nice clothes - and feeling fit enough to ride well - and THAT is inspiring. If I don't set a time limit tho', things just creep along again with no real progress (manana, manana).

The other thing we have to remember, as Sue C pointed out, is where we started from when we set the goal. It is so tempting to compare NOW to GOAL and see a long way to go, rather than THEN to NOW (in relation to the goal) and see some real progress !

more and more I find the good feelings come out of the 'means whereby'

from one end-gainer to another :D

p.s. galadriel. if you really have something going on with your balance/inner ear (and medical guys can't help) then some kind of 'therapy' to help stimulate nerve passages and help you adapt to new feelings ought to help. perhaps one of the gentler martial arts would help ? Or yoga ?

[Sue Watson]

cvb, you are right about goal setting - I have always been hopeless at setting short and medium term goals. I think that my frustration with riding in particular is that because I have read and understood what the end product should be as a rider I think I should be able to get on my horse and if I concentrate the theory will transform into practice. I have a great deel of difficulty in understanding why my body isn't doing what my brain thinks it is asking. In theory I do realise that years of a ingrained way of behaving cannot be undone overnight, but WHY not? Stupid damn body.

Am now proud owner of lovely pink beach ball...

[Heather]

Dear me Sue,

I only got as far as the 'lovely pink' and wondered what you had been up to in this cold weather!

Heather