Have I just got the wrong attitude?

[bobbo]

I've been learning to ride for about 18 months on and off, dipping between local riding schools and finding out that they are all less than perfect!!

I had my first fall recently (well, launch) but only suffered bruising and my shared horse came out unscathed too.

I love horses, really love them, but the problem I have is with confidence. I have noticed that most people who are 'good' with horses, are quite bolshy and forthright. I am so not like that that I begin to wonder whether I am cut out for horses at all.

I am afraid of hacking out alone since I fell, realising my vulnerability, I like company - unfortunately I don't have any, so my hacks are further between than I would like.

It takes me a long time to tack up, and my horse isn't a difficult one at all, I just seem to fumble around a lot, he's big too and I'm short so it makes life difficult. I like to take my time but I worry that I'm too 'faffy'.

Do I have the wrong temperement? I try to be more stern, but I just think it's really obliging of any horse to let us ride them, as it's unnatural for them to do so. Should I give up, or is it worth sticking to it?

Thanks for the rant space!!

[Hevz2001]

Hi Bobbo,
I have a similar problem to yours. By nature I'm a passive person, even outside the horse world.
Last year a horse bolted with me and I fell off and broke my arm. Getting back into the saddle was a big thing for me to do. I'm still frightened when a horse goes fast in trot!
I think our problems are similar, because we have both suddenly realised that we don't always have much control. However, I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with your attitude, I just think you've had experience with the possible dangers. Personally, I think the 'good' riders you desicribe are the ones with an attitude problem, aggresion won't get anyone anywhere, they (and we) need to be assertive, rather than aggresive or passive.
It is completely understandable that you would be apprehensive about going out for a hack after your first fall. Take your time over this, if you have a school try and build up your confidence there or in another enclosed area before going out for another hack.
As for tacking up, I too, like to take my time, I feel it is only fair on the horse; If I rush to tack the horse up I could end up accidently hurting it (or at least making it uncomfortable) and put the horse off of being tacked up again. I think it is important that everyone should try to leave plenty of time to tack up their horse!

Please do not give up, I'm sure there is nothing wrong with your attitude, you just need to gain a bit more confidence and experience. I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end! Please stick at it.
PM me if you ever need to talk.
Heather :)

[Hevz2001]

Oops, sorry I didn't realise this was on the mature riders section. (I'm not a mature rider) sorry.

[bobbo]

for you to help out a mature rider like me! Your advice is a great help thank you, however old/young you are - thank you.

[KarinUS]

Don't feel bad. As long as you don't bore them to death I get the impression horses don't like to be rushed either.

While I don't consider myself that timid, I do think I am much more gentle that a lot of 'horse people'.
Luckily for me my horse has a similar personality and so it works out quite well for us. We both treat each other respectful and kind and so it flows between us really very naturally.
It kind of startles me to see that he can be difficult when someone handles him roughly because he is such a good boy with me.

Certainly I would have great difficulty with a horse that needed a stronger hand since that's not what I enjoy, but afterall we've waited so long to start riding (I started at age 28) that we can allow us the luxury to ride the type of horse that makes it pleasurable for us.

By the same token, most of us need to earn living and can't afford to get hurt and be out of work or worse. It's only natural that you wish to stay alive and well. Don't pressure yourself so much and do what makes you feel comfortable!

:)

[sazzle10]

wow bobby my problem sounds exactly like your, (sorry im not a mature rider either!! :rolleyes: ) I still find it hard to hack out on my own in my large feilds because i do not know what my horse may do if he decides he wants to go in. I have practically overcome this problem by just walking up and down the felids at the start and progressing to trot and canter, as of yet i have not mastered galloping. Also if you can try to ride on tracks/lanes etc where you do not feel you need to go fast and neither does your horse, it does your confidence alot of good. I also know the feeling of not feeling you can control your horse. I dont trust him as much as i should be able to, and he probably does not respect me as much as i would like. I would be interested in any ideas on how be confident in controlling your horse! But i keep saying to myself, the longer i leave it, the worse it gets!! hope this helps, sazzler x x x :D

[chapsi]

Bobbo,

I am a mature rider. What you are experiencing is not new to lots of us, specially to me. I could tell you a lot about my fears.
I don't want to bore the others any further with my grievences, but if you need anybody to talk about it, you can mail me.
You may be placid, slow, gentle. Why not? Why should the horse world be a place just for boshy/overconfident (and that reads aggressive) people? After all, horses are flight animals, easily frightened. Besides, in a close relationship respect is something mutual. How can you respect your horse if you adopt a domination/submission posture? If you impose yourself as an authoritarian master?
I bought my horse to spend quality time together, to give him my love, to appreciate him, to enjoy the pleasure he gives me with his presence and to learn from him. Horses are not objects, nor solely riding machines at our service. Don't give up, people like you are important in order to spread more understanding towards horses.

[CityGirl]

they (and we) need to be assertive, rather than aggresive or passive

I think Hevz2001 hits the nail right on the head. There is a big difference between assertive and agressive. Assertive is a good thing as horses are herd animals & feel more comfortable when they don't need to be the leader & know their place in the herd hierarchy. Agressive can be dangerous - for the horse & the rider. And in my opionon, some of the time overly agressive people don't know half as much as they think they do:)

I think it's natural to be apprehensive about the dangers, especially when you start/return to riding as an adult. We don't fall as well as we used to:) As all of us can attest - riding is a sport! Every time we get in the saddle, we are engaging in a dangerous sport & one where people can/do get injured. As riders, the best thing we can do is educate ourselves & take the neccesary precautions - ALWAYS wear a helmet, a body protector if jumping, making sure we are checking our tack etc.

There is no "right or wrong" temperament. Just go at your own pace & do what makes you feel comfortable. If the fear gets to be too much, perhaps take a lesson or two with someone who can work with you.

Sorry so long but just remember - you got into riding because you loved it !

[CobNut]

Bobbo - take heart. There is nothing unusual in what you describe. Many of us have been there.

It takes time, patience, finding the right horse and, above all, findingth eright instructor for you. That's a hell of a lot of "rights" all to fall together in teh smae place at the same time. (Oops - sorry - didn't mean to mention falling :p )

It sounds to me that you're heading in the right firection, save only for one thing.

You're spending too much time comparing yourself to others, and finding yourself wanting even when you're not. STOP IT! Have faith in yourself.

[galadriel]

There is no need to be gruff or mean to ride; you're more likel to upset the horse that way. You can be sweet and loving, you can be calm and quiet. You have no need to be mean.

However, confidence helps a lot. Much of riding is convincing the horse that he wants to do what you want to do. For a critter with a herd mentality, generally just assertively leading him along the route you wish to go (literal or figurative) will show him that 1) he can let someone else make the decisions, and 2) since you're so confident about it, he can be too.

A lot of horses *like* both of those. In my experience, the great majority of horses are followers. You may need to explain once or twice that you do outrank them--watch a new horse introduced to a herd sometime; he quickly learns/makes his place. You don't actually have to be violent about dominence though; there are a lot of natural horsemanship books and such on the topic. But if you have a firmly established dominence, and a bond of trust, typically your horse will be relaxed and calm if YOU are relaxed and confident. This is where having a strong personality comes in handy... Ask for what you want, ask for it in a way the horse understands, ask for it such that the horse understands that you mean it and expect him to do it, ask for it without frightening him.

You DON'T have to be aggressive! A lot of people mistake aggressive for assertive. For example, I am currently working with some LARGE yearlings and 2-yr-olds. Being babies, they are learning manners but don't know them well yet. When leading, I typically talk to them. (you're a pretty girl, yes you are, how did you get so muddy? Cute little mudpuddle.) Should they do something naughty, I immediately respond with an "AH AH AH!" If it's terrible naughty, I may have to yank on the leadrope--that doesn't happen often, but these are quite energetic, very big *babies* ;) As soon as they settle, I immediately resume speaking quietly and sweetly. I'm not being mean; I spend most of the time scratching, talking, etc. I don't take any crap, but I don't have to be mean about it either. Most of the time, my approach is affectionate and calm. Even when scolding them, I remain calm; no point in losing your temper, they didn't do it on purpose.

By the way, I love to spend forever playing with my horses, and I'd even do it more if I had the time. I often go out and watch them in pasture, or take them to the arena just to play (they usually play tag). Today I spent an hour and a half just grooming my two horses (then it started to pour, so I had second thoughts about riding ;) ). Taking your time is a good way to bond with a horse and teach it to like you. Hurrying is a good way to make yourself tense, and horses pick up on that. There's no reason to hurry! You've got a whole lifetime. You don't have any deadlines. Do it so that YOU are happy about it--and if you are happy, your horse probably will be too.

[kedwards]

I was going to say almost exactly what Galadriel did (confidence good; aggressiveness bad), but she said it much better.

Anyway, I don't think there is any one "type" that does best with horses. While I would guess that confidence and leadership helps, I am sure those are skills that will be developed with experience.

As for the slow tacking up, I can sympathize. I seem to take longer than anyone else around to groom and tack (or untack), but I really enjoy that part of the day and the horses seem to as well.

[bobbo]

thanks you guys, I'm really relieved that there's hope for me yet!! I was thinking last night that I need to spend more time around my horse, and I think that will be a good place to start.

Feeling much much better about it all now.



:D :D

[anuvb]

In the 18 months you have been riding - how many times have you changed school?

Something else to bear in mind, is that changing schools in itself can knock your confidence. It takes a very experienced rider not to feel nervous the first time they get on a new horse in front of a new group of people.

Everything that everyone has already said is wonderful advice. But to add to it - find yourself a school where you feel most comfortable. It may not be perfect - I have yet to find a perfect riding school - though Wally's sounds like it is getting there from some of her posts! If you can't find a riding school to suit then look at each individual instructor and decide which one you feel suits you the best.

It is very important to have a good instructor whom you can put your trust in and whilst the school might not the best if the instructor is good stick it with it for a while and see how you go. Aim if possible to go for rides weekly and book some private lessons if you are currently having group lessons. If you can't afford a half hour private each week then most schools will let you mix and match between the two. Set yourself goals to achieve - little ones at first - like I'll stay at this riding school having weekly lessons for X months; by six months I aim to have achieved.... and so on. This will help you put your riding into perspective. Once you have a trusting relationship with your instructor then you should be able to build on these goals together in your lessons and by doing so you should find that your cofndience when riding increases little by little.

Oh - and if you're looking to get some experience just being round horses then you could consider an RDA centre near you (if there is one - if not there maybe schools that run RDA lessons) as a good place to start. They always need volunteers, welcome adults and are infinitely more used to dealing with nervous riders than some riding schools aimed at able-bodied riders only.

[Peace]

I can definitely sympathize with what you're going through! Here's a few things that are helping me to find my own way of working with horses:

I participated in Bev Heron's dream project (see the thread in the Cafe Area called "Equestrian Dreamers and Dreams Wanted"). Bev helped me realize that I have to find my own "style," and set my own goals. I can't define myself by someone else's measure of success.

I'm spending time with my horse doing groundwork, and watching him interact with other horses in his herd. This is helping me understand what makes him tick, which in turn makes me more confident because I know what to expect from him. (Kelly Marks' new book, "Perfect Manners" has some good groundwork exercises in it.)

I found a teacher whose temperament is kind of like my own - she gets her way with horses more by insisting calmly than by being aggressive or pushy.

BTW, I definitely agree with the people above who said that a calm, confident attitude is the key to success. I don't think it's necessary to be aggressive at all!

[Wally]

If you go in, guns blaizing to some types of horse you will not be co-operatied with at all. Arabs are sensetive souls, be too assertive with them and they won't want to play.

Some Icelandics need an almost passive, non confrontational rider, the horse is SO willing to do what you want that you need to have every nerve centred on the horse not on yourself, if you see what I mean. To back off the second the horse asks. I have seen these mega sensetive types of horse written off as "mad" "crazy" and unco-operative when all the time it has been the rider wading in with size 10's and being too pushy and assertive. To be a bit of a wuss with some horses can be a bonus. But you must be a passive leader.

My man calls it being a self confident introvert, that's what he says you need for a good cattle/dairyman. Go into the milking parlour being "assertive" and you'll get no milk!

:eek: :eek:

Don't worry, do things your way, if they work safely and you enjoy yourself what else matters.

[Horsey Bird]

Bobbo
I know what you mean about the "good" riders. In my experience however, those are sometimes the very type of people I wouldnt allow on my horse (if I had a horse).

The "bolshy" ones always assume the horse is acting up if it doesnt do what they want; they then get rough with it. I've seen this with a few people who are considered "good" riders.

Once they adopt this attitude their handling of the horse gets rough and its clear the horse isnt enjoying itself.

Dont worry about your perceived lack of confidence; what you've described (ie fear of hacking out alone) is just an awareness of the risks you face while riding. Far better to adopt a sensible attitude to those risks that ignore them completely.

However if it helps you gain confidence why not consider "down-sizing" to a horse more suited to your height? Somehow the smaller ones seem less frightning :)

Best of luck
M.

[Debby Riley]

Bobbo

I could have written the start of this thread myself, like you i am a placid person and like to avoid confrontation both with people and horses, i can't be bossy or pushy and i respect the horses space, i have often wondered if i am too much of a scardy cat around horses, but i too have watched people around the stables and one thing i have noticed is that they rush putting on the tack, mounted and find that they have not tightened the girth !! :eek: These are people that work there !!!

I like to take my time, respect the horse as in my eyes they are allowing me to ride them, not the other way round, i ride a great horse that i respect and he understands that i am nervous and respects that and allows me to take my time, i know in time that i will grow in confidence but i will never forget that the horses have feelings too and can react at a split second... cautious in my eyes is a good thing, ignorance around horses is a recipe for a disaster, you take your time and enjoy your horse !!

Good luck honey X:)

[Kate8]

Bobbo:

Wrong attitude? NO!
Wrong role models!

I have a friend whose daughter teaches riding and says that her daughter wishes more people had an attitude like yours (and mine) one which appreciates the fact that horses are gifts to us. I can't help but be grateful to an animal that allows me to put a piece of metal in its mouth, stands quietly while I put a saddle on its back and tighten a girth around its belly....all to allow ME to have the thrill of riding.

One of the reasons I so love dogs and horses is because they cooperate with us, and often it's not in their own interest to do so. Yet they trust us and give to us. Wow.

I have only been riding for two years, and I am not as confident as I would like to be. But I hate myself when I find I resort to sharpness with a horse (or a student...I am a high school teacher, and I find I get MUCH better results by being gentle yet firm with my kids rather than being sharp with them...there's a whole lot of room between wimp and witch!)

I found that support from my instructors, time spent with the horses, and learning to trust myself first, then the horse, has helped. I find I am drawn to those who seem to get a lot from there horses with minimal fuss...and lots of respect. I spend some time watching them, and I learn so much. and I get real pleasure out of watching good horsemanship, which I think is based on compassion and connection.

I'm NOT experienced, but I share your experience...and want to encourage you. Have fun. Know that you are in good company here...and that you should trust your kindly instincts!

[vyvyen]

Hi Bobbo,

Just had to reply to:) Don't worry about being nervous and taking too long with tack etc, by the time I have got my gear out, played the 7 games of natural horsemanship to do a pre-ride check, saddled from the indian side, checked the girth 3 times etc etc etc also tried to get over my nerves and my age, its taken at least an hour and I haven't even got on ;)

Go Girl:D

Vyvyen

[virtuallyhorses]

I had a wee chuckle when I read your original post - I faff about terribly when tacking up in comparison to some of my more 'workmanlike' friends. I do up the girth in 3, 4 or sometimes more goes, as I ensure that the saddle cloth won't pinch, the various seams don't create pressure points etc etc etc

I have noticed that most people who are 'good' with horses, are quite bolshy and forthright.

... yep, I think there are two groups; the loud-and-bolshy and the quiet-but-bolshy-if-pushed - I'm the latter. Definitely forthright - that's the lack of human tact and empathy kicking in, animals don't need it, they're always very forthright and I think that's where the 'good with animals' kicks in :D

[western]

well sounds like you rode for along time but thats ok if you have a cofidence problem. but what helps is that you spend time with your horse and you build a trust and a bond. it takes me a long time to tack up too but thats ok because you want to take your time and make shure that the saddle is in the right place. i really dont like to hack but i do it sometimes. you shouldnt hack if you dont build your trust to your horse first, because it will make you uncomfertable about riding . just take your time and spend lots of time grooming your horse and take him out regulary, and dont forget treats for your horse they really love carrots. and most of all have a positive attitude about riding and never give up.

[saddlesore]

going beyond your comfort zone can be a nice challenge and most times exhilarating but when it comes to handling and riding a horse it's not such a bad idea to stay within your comfort zone. and everybody has different comfort zones, so don't make the mistake of comparing your's to someone else's. do only what you are comfortable with doing and at the speed at which you are comfortable doing it...

[mojo]

Hi, I only discovered this site today and am glad I did.reading your mail and the replies of others has given me confidence and restored faith in 'horsey' people. I like you have only been riding for eighteen months and made the grave mistake of taking a job at a riding school only 3 weeks after beginning lessons. I was thrown in at the deep end and was shocked by the bullying antics of some of the instructors towards both horses and people. I was frequently expected to lead two-three horses at a time along a busy road which was very nerve racking. I look back now and think how stupid I was to have done it.After only a couple of months working there on a p/time basis I was asked to hold a horse whilst it was given an injection, the horse panicked trod on and trapped my foot and then ploughed through me. I ended up with a busted finger and lots of bruising but the worst thing about it was my confidence was completely shattered. It preyed on my mind for weeks. The attitude of the riding school owner was appalling. I have since tried another school and found the attitude of the people there to be almost the same. My approach towards horses has always been a gentle one, the same as it is with my dogs and cats at home. But i have been told that this is'nt the way to be, 'give them a clout' is a term I have heard too frequently. I have now found a brilliant instructor who is not in the least bit agressive towards horses, in fact I would go as far as to say she adopts quite a meek attitude towards them and they seem to respond in a similar way. I am building up my confidence again slowly. I even took my friends 'nappy' mare out on a short hack recently. When working at the riding school I had people snapping at my heels to tack up as quickly as possible. Now I take things as slowly as I can. Rushing about makes me feel nervous before I even get on. Its nice to know there are others out there who think and feel like me! We should stick together and not be afraid to speak our minds.

[Debby Riley]

mojo

Your experiences working at the stables sounds terrible, no wonder you confidence is shattered. Like you i help out at weekends (when i can ) where i ride, i have never heard anyone shout, slap, hit any of the horses, yes talk up to them but only one horse that has bad manners and as bad as she can be no one shouts at her.

I do not handle any horse that i feel i am not capable of handling, for their safety but more so my own !!

The stable owner will move horse's that i am not confident with so that i can muck out, they never get people to tack up that are not capable of doing the job properly, i suppose i am the lucky one, the yard owner has the time to explain things to you, and is grateful of your help, i am growing in confidence and i even move their biggest horse 17+ shire type horse on sunday and the owner said i did a good job, not that he is a brut or anything more of a gentle giant, but i being so short didn't even come up to his shoulder, i had to bounce up to get the halter on him, but he didn't flinch bless him, i may add that i rode him once and through no fault of him i fractured my cocycx bone, almost put me of riding for good but the stables are aware of this and i get less bouncy shorter horse to ride, they are a wonderful stables with some great horses and people there too.

what i am getting at is, don't let one experience of a bad stables put you off, hope you have found the right one now

Good luck honey

[mojo]

Hi Debby and thanks for the words of encouragement.
I left that job back in June last year. It completely put me off working on a yard but I do still ride. I joined a riding course at an agricultural college and the people there are brilliant. My instructor is really nice and the horses are treated really well and look really happy! Its sounds as though you have found a lovely place and I know I can't tar all riding schools with the same brush. I'm sure there are some really great ones out there! Sounds as if you are having lots of positive/confidence building experiences. I think I was just very unlucky to have picked two that were'nt being properly run, I probably would have been none the wiser if I had'nt taken jobs there. In my experience both riding school owners carried on like 'little Hitlers'either to thier staff or thier horses. I have witnessed horses being screamed and yelled at, and on occassion slapped and thumped when they don't do exactly what is asked of them. It seems to me that there is a percentage of people out there who think that they look clever getting a huge animal to bend to thier will by half terrifying the life out of it. I don't know where this attitude comes from. I can only guess that they must have other issues/frustrations going on in thier lives that they feel they have to take out on some poor creature.
Anyway enough said!
I am slowly getting my confidence back again. I no longer think I am going to be knocked flying every time I stand next to a horse. Sounds stupid I know! but that is how I felt for a while. I do still get edgy if a horse starts fidgeting about too much whilst i'm holding it though, and I know that I tense up much more than I used to when I ride but hopefully I will conquer this with time.

Good Luck at your place! It sounds like you've found a gem.

[Debby Riley]

mojo

confidence does come with time, and as you read through the many great threads on new rider and as i have recently learnt that all riders/horse owners have something that they have to work on and build there confidence up, but none of them including me ( my fear is cantering and falling off ) will give up on their quest and their own personal goals.

My 9 - 5 job is one hell of a stress induced zone and the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that at weekends i get to spend " my time " with the most wonderful creatures ( except my pooch but that's another story) i would never shout at anything that can't shout back, so my time at the stables even if it is freezing cold, wet, windy is quality time for me.

I feel privilaged that the horse allow me in their space and i certainly would not *** respect them in any way, i am there to care for them not abuse and shout at them.

I hope that one day you will be able to offer the care you have shown to horses in a place that truly suits both you and the horses.

Never give up that hope, or feel that you should not do it because of the bad experince that you have had.

ignorance is a bad thing and an example of this is what happened to me at my last lesson, i did not have my usual favourite horse for my lesson and although i had ridden this particular horse once before, i was trying to tighten the girth before mounting and she kept moving away, i tried several times and could not work out what was bothering her, little did i know that her saddle was too far back ( i didn't notice this as the horse i ride normally looks like it is too far back but it is just his shape )

some one that keeps a horse at the stable shouted as she went past me don't stand for it, at that point the instructor came up to me and i explained the problem, we both realised what the problem was and corrected the position and she allowed me to tighten the girth no problems, now to some one else this looked like she was playing up, but she had a reason and i feel honored that she didn't let me do up the girth and make her uncomfortable, to me that is a smart horse and i gave her a good old hug before i mounted for being good !!! She gave me a great lesson too but that little incident taught me alot.

1) check your tack ( i had not tacked her up )
2) horse may appear to be playing up - but there could be a good reason.
3) i need to study more about horse and horse care:D

it all comes with time.

happy riding !!

[mojo]

Hi Debby, Just thought I would let you know I had a brilliant lesson on Monday night. I rode a real big boy, 16.2 skewbald called Ed. The widest horse I have ever ridden thats for sure. God did my thighs hurt the next day! I was a bit daunted by his size at first as I am only 5'3 but he was a real gentle giant. We had a big cuddle in the stable afterwards. Was a real confidence builder! Mind you, of all the horses I've ever ridden I have only ever had positive experiences when riding coloureds. I have a real liking for them!
On the down side I also rode my friends problem mare today. Not so good!See the 'training your horse' section of this site if you're interested to know what happened. We are having real problems with her. I am afraid that even I shouted and used my whip today, not in a way to be cruel, just trying to be a firm leader in a last ditch attempt to overcome this very scary problem. I did find it very frightening. We are now thinking of contacting someone who specialises in problems such as 'napping'. Strangely though I think what happened today has helped me a bit with my lack of confidence. When you encounter such problems like this outside it makes having lessons in the school seem like little to worry about in comparison.
I only hope for my friend and her horse's sake we can find a solution. If only we had a direct line to Monty Roberts. I agree entirely with your 3 rules of thumb. I have done nothing but think and breathe horses these past few weeks. Stepped up my reading too. Have just read 'In harmony with your Horse' by clare Albison and found this very informative and am currently reading 'Good Horse is never a bad colour' by Mark Rashid. Have you read either. If not I think you would enjoy them.
Good Luck with your next lesson!

[Mossy]

You sound to me just fine!! Horses are creatures who want to please but like most of us they like to be asked politely. That is not to say you ned to let them walk all over you but respect is a two way process. I ask nicely and if I get the required response I say thankyou, If I don't I work out why and react accordingly. A light smack on the bottom reminds a horse who is taking the mick, "Why can't we go down that road. I WANT to!!!" but would be totally inappropriate for a horse who would love to go down the other road were it not for the plastic tiger behind the hedge! aka dustbin!! Stay empathic, but effective and your horses will love you for it.

[flapjacks]

Chapsi, I love your attitude, that's how I feel. And Bobbi, I also am short and take a long time to get my horse groomed and tacked up. My husband always has his horse ready way ahead of me and we start at the same time. I enjoy this time spent with my horse and so I take my time. This is totally opposite of the way I usually act when not around horses which is very quick and efficient and my husband is always slow.

[fair~filly]

Hi Bobbo, I think your attitude is just fine.
Some people who are nervous act "the boss" with the horse to try & cover up their nerves. (I'm sure the horse isn't fooled)
And as for feeling vulnerable.....you are..we all are. It's good to remember that ANY horse is far stronger than any of us & must be respected.
I talk to my horse for hours...whilst grooming or even whilst out hacking.
If you take your time doing things like tacking up you tend to take a bit more care...nothing pinching or wrinkled, the horse will appreciate it.
Go at your own pace & have fun........F~F xxx

[Jay.o]

I am quiet, shy and dont talk much...until i see mysy then i waffle on as if i am on the phne to a girlfriend :rolleyes: .

My pony, being young, needs a firm hand. I am firm with (most of the time) but never agressive or bolshy. In the field though, if she pushes me (or walks into me which it normally is) i will just push her back. I do this so she respects my space more and cant be centre of attention all the time.

There is things that i can do with her that i wouldnt dream of doing with another horse (like crouching under her to clea hoofs etc). There is a mutral underatanding where we can both push each other. I faf around terribley when doing tack etc. shes young and get impatient so i try to hurry.

However, I can not pick her feet up without a little panic. Shes taking the mick because she knows I cant hold her feet up as she pulls them away - her front two. The farrier just hangs on until she gives in but me being tiny and weak cant do this. My yard owner however, is good. She is confident but stands no noncence from any horse. She will hang on and she pick her feet up nicley for her. Shes not bolshy or overconfident or cocky, shes very calm but strict.

I tihnk what are good riders, probably have a lot of aids (draw riens, harsh bits, spurs) where as great riders can get a horse to do what they want and ge tthe horse to enjoy it. Being pushy and agressive will not get you anywhere, its bullying the horse into doing what you wnat.

Take the calm, passive but consistand approach and you should enjoy your horse and he will enjoy you too !

[Tinkerbell]

Bobbo... I see you're in Lincolnshire. Where have you tried riding [you can PM me if you'd rather not name names]?

When I first started riding, I was terrified of everything. Good lessons/hacks were few and far between - I was more nervous than excited.

Now things have changed. I don't know where, when or how but suddenly I feel calmer and in control of myself and the horse just seems to follow that. I don't know if that's much good to you, but everyone has given such good advice, I had to share my 2 cents! Riding should be enjoyable.

[makebelieve]

:) Don't quit. Not being strong enough is why my sister quit. She didn't feel as if she had the courage I think. She is 5.3' now, and almost 20.

[Scarlett 001]

Well, I can relate to what you say. First of all, I too had a pretty bad fall. And there is nothing wrong with allowing that kind of thing to give you a healthy respect for what you are doing. In fact, I switched schools - my old school had a pretty "bolshy" attitude and the quicker and higher you jumped, the better - who cares about the basics like knowing how to use the reins and steer, or how to get the horse to stop properly - as long as you can jump close to 2 feet within 3 to 4 months of first sitting on a horse :eek: (this was actually what went on there) Being willing to expose yourself to unnecessary risk seemed to be the name of the game there. Not my game though...I am pleased to say my new school is fabulous.

I admire your appreciation for what horses are willing to do for us! Heck, the entire history of the world would be different without them - they were hugely important in the military in times of yesteryear, not to mention for transportation. They do deserve appreciation. I know that I myself am not nearly so obliging when someone tells me what to do and gives me little choice in the matter!

I am generally considered a sucker for animals whether it be dogs, cats, horses. And this quickly becomes apparent at the stables - I tend to be among the big softies when it comes to talking to the horse, patting and talking to them when they have done well, enjoying the grooming. I admit that when my horse does misbehave I do find it hard to be firm with him. I'd say that it is perfectly ok to start from a good place in our hearts though, where we love the animals and respect them - and work on our firmness etc. over time. This is what my plan is.

I am sure all relative beginners feel a bit clumsy at tacking at times. Just not sure how many of us admit it!;)

[Sarah B]

Hi everyone!

Just to let you know Bobbo, you are not alone and we all agree with you! When I watch / listen to the Dressage Expert on our yard shouting at her horse and hitting him cos he has dared to move his feet (or simply cos she had a bad day at work!) and never seeming to enjoy him or just be with him, I realise even more that the horse world if a very divided one! She might be competeing at advanced medium level dressage - but I would not let her even get my horse in from the field! One of the youngsters at our yard was in tears the other day as she counted the number of times the poor animal was hit (21 times!) because he was not standing quietly in the corner of his loose box while eating his dinner but rather moving around!! How dare a horse want to move while he is eating!

Sorry - bit of a rant, but just wanted to tell you, Bobbo that your attitude is fine and that just cos someone considers themselves to be an expert, does not mean you have to follow their example! Take your time and enjoy yourself - go down the Natural Horsemanship / Intelligent horsemanship route and ignore the bolshy know-alls!

For most of us pleasure riders riding is supposed to be fun - I think this gets forgotten by a lot of riders who appear to be in it for the ego boost, because they like being seen to control/intimidate a large animal or simply cos it prevents them having to deal with normal (ie non horsey!) people - most of whom would not tolerate being treated in such an arrogant way - sorry, started ranting again!:D

[grayarabgirl]

I, too fall into the passive type personality and was beginning to wonder if I had a place in the "horse world". It is good to hear that there are those of us who have the same feelings.
I have, unfortunately, had some instructors who after learning more and more about horsemanship, found out that their aggressiveness with horses was insecurity. One instructor in particular was getting rough with a little Arab I was going to ride in a lesson (she put newbies on horses that were in training and green, go figure...). Anyway, that horse was so upset and moving around in the cross ties that I told her I didn't think it was a good idea to ride her. The instructor kept insisting and the horse tried to buck me off. Then the instructor was embarrassed and said to me that since I loved Arabs so much she wanted me to see how the Arabs are. Well, I have 3 of them and I know you cannot man-handle them. They are a partner. I have had such bad luck with instructors and with horsetraders that I could write a book. I think I could do as good a job as some of those people. I am getting older and my safety is the most important thing to me. It seems as though people don't care about you risking your life on a horse just so they can have you "the student" train their project. Sorry, it just makes me so mad. My Arabs are very well behaved although I am still a big chicken and I take my time with doing everything to them. They like the attention, and believe me, they know how you are feeling on any particular day.