Loss of confidence

[Snowflake]

I have only just joined this forum but the Mature Riders section is brilliant.

I too started off riding late in life, about 6 or so years ago, having lessons. After a while I took a NF on loan who seemed perfect ... until he started bolting with me! He nearly killed me so didn't ride for a while.

Next went back to lessons and then bought the horse I have now, an Irish cob who is placid and bomb proof - but hard to get going in the school, almot impossible to get him into canter.

So mostly I would hack out with others. One day I went out with several one of whom whas a complete idiot (a man) - don't know why I went, and all the horses tanked off after him including mine and I had a terrible fall and was off work for ages with a badly injured leg. Did not ride for months.

That was a year ago. I know it was not my fellow's fault - he was just being a horse. Generally he is as steady as a rock. But since then no matter how I try I cannot get back the confidence I used to have before the accident. I haven't had a lesson in ages. Most weekends I hack out with other liveries (just walk and trot) and am beginning to enjoy it more, but am petrified to canter now.

I am middle aged and sometimes wonder whether I should give it all up. My horse is a lovely cob and I am fond of him. The thought of selling him does not seem right - if only I could overcome my nerves!

Snowflake

PS Good to know others feel the same here!

[Piaffe]

Don't ever think about giving up.

As you correctly said, it was not your horses fault - he was just being a herd animal and following the rest.

It is very good that you are back riding, even if it is only walking and trotting - some people wouldn't even do that after what you went through!!

Confidence is something you will get back - but at a different rate to others. What is right for you may not be for someone else and vice versa. Do not let anyone tell you that you MUST canter, MUST trot etc - if you don't feel ready, DON'T DO IT!!! Ride out with people you feel happy and confident with and that will listen to you if you are a bit worried about something.

Now that you are riding out again (and that does take some nerve!), I am sure that with your friends help, you could tackle the school again. Just keep to walk and trot, as you do when riding out.

It does sound as though you are on the road to recovery - as with all things, if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well - take your time - you do NOT want to be taking one step forward and two steps back!!!

Good luck to you and DON'T GIVE UP!!!!

[Ali C]

Hi Snowflake

It takes a lot of courage to get back into the saddle after having your confidence knocked by a bad fall. I fell off during a lesson last year and completely lost my confidence. I went to pieces in the next lesson and was in tears (not good at age 30!)

I managed to regain my confidence by having some private lessons with my instructor on a school horse who I trusted and knew wouldn't do anything silly. My instructor was fantastic and if it wasn't for his patience and tuition I would probably have given up altogether.

You are doing the right thing by taking things slowly and at your own pace. Do you have the facility to have some private tuition? It might help to have someone talking you through what to do and giving your confidence a boost.

Good luck and keep us posted. You are not alone re the confidence thing!

Ali

[LittleBeth]

i am currently in a similar situation, i'm scared of cantering and am really nervous outside an arena.

maybe it'd help if you can get someone (who you trust) to lunge you. then you don't have to worry about the horse bolting.

just sit back, close your eyes. . . .and let your stomach get used to cantering again!

[galadriel]

I think yoiu're still quite brave, and I know you can regain your confidence :)

Just remember: We do this because it's fun. If doing anything in particular becomes not-fun, don't do it! If you are enjoying hacking at walk and trot, then don't feel bad about not doing more. Do what is fun, enjoy it, don't look back :) Being tense will only make you hurt, and get you and your horse upset. Relax. Enjoy.

If you are not entirely content with your current level of confidence, and would like to re-build it, you can try this:
* Take a big step back. You will not get more confident by making yourself do that which makes you tense. You'll just get more tense and unhappy. Don't push yourself beyond your comfort zone.
* Work hard on what you do find enjoyable. If your guy won't go into canter in the school, but you can walk and trot, go ahead and walk and trot in the school. Practice round circles (it's harder than it sounds), going deep into corners, being really balanced, slow walk, fast walk, medium walk, and also trot :) Get *VERY* comfortable with walk and trot.
* Eventually, you will probably find that you're so comfortable walking and trotting that you you are almost bored; may feel like trying a bit of a canter again. If you feel like trying it in the school, or out on a hack, you may want to get someone to be with you just so you have moral support. Canter a few strides and then stop--that's enough :) You'll feel so much better that your confidence will continue growing.

Another something you can do, at the same time, is to get some lunge lessons. It helps a great deal to have someone on the ground watching you, and helping you with your seat and position. If you are comfortable with it, the instructor could give you some cantering lunge lessons; you could canter again, but with someone controlling the horse so you don't have to worry about him running off.

And remember, it's perfectly all right to do whatever YOU feel comfortable with. If you need a reminder, just come back and ask for it; we'll all tell you so :)

[Laetitia]

It's a b.. isn't it ? not to worry, you have actually achieved an enormous amount by being back in the saddle. Well done.
Once you are comfortable walking and trotting out on a hack, you could try what I did when I first started riding again - and I am mega wimp- nag sneezes, I get off ! Have a friend with you on a real nanny, choose an uphill, put friend right in front to regulate the pace and bingo... controlled hand canter... this is fun . Nope, too fast, shout, and nanny drops pace to trot, then canter again.Yes, done it.
Nanny blocks your nag so you don't start a run. It worked for me , so try it, it hopefully will work for you.
Most importantly, don't get hung up about it, it doesn't matter a toss whether you walk, trot, canter, fly,do stunts. Enjoy. L

[LindaAd]

Just give it as much time as it needs, Snowflake - you'll get there in the end. Don't do more than you feel comfortable with: if you only want to walk ten minutes up the road and ten minutes back, then do that. Confidence needs to be nurtured, like a delicate plant, it doesn't grow overnight.

And if I were you I'd start lessons again, tell the instructor you're nervous, and don't be persuaded into doing more than you want to. You can have a very successful lesson without going out of a walk - there's plenty to do. I find lessons give me more confidence than anything; if your instructor doesn't help, then maybe you should think about finding a different instructor.

[Em 1]

I've a good idea of how you feel. I broke my ankle falling from a bolting horse. Again the horse was just following its instincts, it was the human managers at the stables that were at fault! I couldn't walk for over three months so getting back on a horse was a pretty scary experience. It took a while before I felt confident again. As LindaAd says, go back to lessons. I've got a wonderful instructor who was endlessly patient thinking of different exercises until I was confident again.

Incidentally, nervousness doesn't go away. I've not fallen off for ages but I still get really tense before some lessons for no reason but it goes away as I ride. T ry to relax and enjoy it - if you don't change schools!

[Snowflake]

:) :)

Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement.

Funnily enough I am feeling fairly confident now hacking in walk and trot (my horse does a spanking good trot - he is one of those large chunky horses who would have been pulling the milk float years ago!) and am getting slightly bored without any real focus. I used to enjoy my lessons but after I got Henry, because he is so hard to get into canter (in the school, okay on a hack) I did become hung up about it. All the instructors at my yard (which is in fact a riding school and my fellow is on a working livery) were hell bent on getting me to canter which didn't help and I felt like a failure. Sometimes I watch Henry in a lesson and good riders get him into canter and he looks quite magnificent, he is very handsome with great chunky legs. I think though his best pace is trot.

So that's why I stopped having lessons - they seemed a waste of time. But thinking about what you have all said I think I will talk to one of the instructors and say that for now I just want to have a half hour private lesson (perhaps every two weeks-quite expensive where I am) working on walk and trot - and forget canter for the time being. At least I might feel I am making some progress. And I would not be dreading the moment when they say "canter in the corner"!!

I would just say that part of my trouble is that Henry is 15.1 and chunky (and a bit idle) and I am short with short legs and not very assertive. My husband rides him sometimes and he has long legs - he manages a canter quite well!

Think this is a brilliant forum!

Snowflake

[cvb]

Snowflake, do you lunge Henry at all ?

Just a thought that helping him to practise cantering in the school, and watching him do it, might help you ??

I've been riding for a long while. But when I first learnt I was on the riding school owner's show ponies (for his sons) that were so oated up that I was on leading rein the whole time. Then he closed down so I had to change and went straight into a group lesson with no lead rein - I was terrified ! Luckily the instructress was great and just praised my trot over and over and got me to relax. I'm still riding so it must have worked ! :D

Anyway - part 2 of the story is that just over a year ago a bought a 7year old mare. She has a slight problem with canter transitions on the right. She is also western trained and I got one of Heather's saddles to ride her english style. Without the security of a western saddle, she has bucked me off twice !

This mare really likes to run. So although she gets a bit tense about the transition, she is desperate to canter whenever she can...

So there's me, frantically trying to make sure she is properly warmed up BEFORE we canter so she does not buck me off, and there is my little mare, hopping and skipping and doing her best to get into canter without me noticing :rolleyes:

Now I've taken to either letting her loose in the school before I ride, or lunging. When she is loose she runs and runs - doing figure 8's and circles around me. Then turns in as if to say 'right, now thats out of my system !'.

The thing about having ridden for longer is if I lose a bit of confidence, I have a lot of years of memory to refer back to and get me going again. I think its much tougher for your guys, and you have to be much braver than I do - because you have less memory to fall back on.

But there is nothing about age to stop you. We used to see an eighty year old lady doing cross-country (only 2ft) with her spanish stallion - now I can aspire to that !!:D Just take it easy and remember its supposed to be FUN - so stick to the stuff that IS fun. Good luck.

[Lucy J]

i've not yet really cantered my youngster (5 now) on a hack. Only in the school, its silly cause she never runs away and I used to gallop my last 2 horses around without a care in the world, but (I am pregnant just now which is my main excuse) I just am too scared to ask for canter incase she tanks off. I know I am just being silly as she never runs away with me, but we keep the big grassy bits to an extended trot.

i've never (touch wood) had a mega fall, I'm just a big scardy cat and there is no reason for it. it pees me off, but sometimes I just get nervous. sometimes though I don't. Its daft really.

[Karenr]

Well Done you for even getting back in the saddle. I know how you feel, I lost my confidence a few years ago about riding out, but then I lost it riding at all! I think the broken ankle did it!!!

Every so often I get enough courage up to get on my girl and in all honesty she is fine. Last year I brought another youngster who really is 101% in traffic - but I soon learnt that the horses are not the problem it's the rider, I freeze when a car comes near us and I had to stop riding out in case I spolit my youngster.

Now I just think to myself how much I actually enjoy looking after the girls and that the riding is a very small part and I am sure my mares don't really care if they work or not - they have a lovely life! Talking of lovely life it is pouring and they are standing at the gate wishing me out there to bring them in - so better go do that!!

Good Luck

[Snowflake]

So Karen, tell me about your girls.

Why did you lose your confidence and how often now do you ride?How did you break your ankle?

I try to ride at least once at the weekends in winter and more in the summer when one can hack out of an evening.

I work all week so don't have much time, also family commitments, tiny grandsons (babies) and old and frail mother to see to.

If I didn't work (perhaps in retirement!) I would love to have Henry on DIY livery and look after him. Probably wouldn't bother much with riding!! Don't suppose he would mind.

As it is he on working livery in a school but is used for hacking more than anything as he is 101% in traffic and never spooks. The people at the yard do look after him well and he has a nice warm stable at night. He is a bit of a plod really but I don't like riding any other horse as I know he is as safe as you will get.

Although I am still nervous and don't get much time to ride or even see poor Henry at the moment, I feel I must keep him as nothing stays the same for ever and one of these days I will (a) feel more confident and (b) have more time to enjoy him.

Snowflake

[Karenr]

Hi Snowflake

Well my girls - what can I say!! Zig Zag, my beautiful chestnut warmblood standing 15.3 and 8 years old has a slight problem.....if she doesn't want to work so won't and does this absoluelty fabulous broncho act which no-one has yet managed to stay on board with. Funnily enough I got her 4 years ago when I lived in Berkshire!!!

The first "explosion was within months of having her, that time I just cut all my elbows open, the second was on the way home from a jumping lesson and I fortunately had a soft landing on grass. Things then got a little worse, she is not overly keen on traffic actually she hates cars moving or parked, and I was trying to pursuade her to walk past a parked car when she exploded big time, I came off on the road and landed on my back. I don't know how I did it but I got back on and rode home, where I had to be helped off! The next morning I woke up and could hardly move and thought I had really done it this time and broken my back or something. Anyway after a few months I was back in the saddle but with my confidence knocked a little by now. I had someone else riding her by now and had also had her teeth, back and tack checked to be sure it was not physical and was a mental problem. The guy that was riding her was pleased but then after about 3 months stopped turning up - she had apparently ditched him too.

So I sent her away for re-schooling with all my dreams of competition a distant memory!! She was going well and I was back on her daily and feeling much better about things - we even started jumping again and it was wonderful. Then out of the blue she started her broncho act I came off but got my foot caught in the stirrup ended up underneath her at one point then I head this crack and the pain was intense - one broken ankle! I then swore I would never ride her again although I would never sell her either. The ankle was a pain but fortunately it was my left ankle and I could still drive as I have an automatic Shogun, so I hobbled up and down the yard to see my girl every day without fail! I actually hated having her in livery I like them at home, I always felt guilty if I brushed her or something, don't know why as I was paying! We have a strange relationship, as soon as I saw her when I was looking for a new horse I had to have her, love at first sight I guess. When being demonstrated she ditched her rider but I "overlooked" that, she could have had 3 legs and one eye I still would have brought her, she is very special.

Anyway she stayed in livery until they asked me to remove her as she was "dangerous". I then moved up here to Bedfordshire bringing her with me, I am very lucky that I own land and stables. I did get on her a few times but I was so scared as soon as she side stepped or anything I gave up. Unfortunately she was then very ill so had a year of box rest, I then talked to Cathy Tindall about her, she came out and helped me with the holistic horse care and my girl was like a different animal. I did start riding her again last summer, only in the school I have given up with trying to force the road work, she can't cope with cars so we stay at home. I then had a car accident and had a whiplash injury so couldn't ride. The timing was bad as I was just starting to get my confidence back, but having not been able to ride for 5 months I am again worried about getting on - she would probably be fine as she is a real sweetie nowadays!

My other, not much more waffling now I promise, is a 4 yo Welsh X palomino - I had always wanted one, but why I got another youngster I don't know! I brought her last year for two reasons, firstly to keep Zig Zag company and secondly for me to ride. Anyway Cass is a very brave girl, she is only 14.2 (not too far to fall off) and has no problem with cars, lorries or buses - unfortunately the rider does now! I can't believe that 5 years ago when I had my old mare (she died) I was out hacking most days, did cross country and had wild gallops - I haven't cantered or galloped a horse since then! Cassie helped with my lack of confidence initially as she wouldn't dream of doing anything wrong but again having had the car accident I am now just nervous about getting on any of them! I think it's the thought of the pain and the worry of being hurt and unable to work to pay for them and then not being able to look after them.

When I do get on I am sort of OK, I did ride Zig Zag Christmas day and she was as good as gold, but I suffered for days with my neck and back!

OK I have gone on and on, as you can tell they are my passion and my life and I love 'em both!!!!