Is it time to give it all up???

[lizzy]

I'm looking for some moral support today - I dropped out of my lesson half way through today because the horse I was riding kept spooking and playing up. and I couldn't cope with it.

I have been riding for about 18 months (aged 45)and I know I am quite nervous about riding different horses and am only really comfortable riding in the indoor school away from all the other distractions.

My main problem and always has been is canter and not having the feeling of being in control and I think what happened today was that the horse I was riding was getting excited because there was a horse being trotted up out of the arena and her behaviour just got me more nervous and I think that caused her to be more excited.

I think my instructor must be getting to her witts end with me and I just don't know whether I should carry on or give it up all together. I do love to be around horses, but at the moment I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I manage well enough in a private lesson, but seem to have lost my nerve in group lessons. the last time I cantered out on a hack this same horse got out in front of the group and I couldn't stop her although she did eventually and I haven't hacked since.

The only times I have fell of is in canter.

Sorry I'm waffling now and don't seem to have got to the point which probably is how much longer can I go on avoiding the canter and should I give up now?

Lizzy

[KarinUS]

I am not sure why you subject yourself to so much grief?
You are doing this to have fun, don't you?

If you feel uncomfortable in group lessons, but feel fine in private lessons you could just stick with private lessons for a while, couldn't you?

Also cantering isn't that important. Rushing through the different gaits isn't the ony way to learn to ride.

The first school I was riding at had me cantering and jumping within 9 months. The place I ride at now won't even allow you to canter during your first two years of learning to ride.
Both approaches have their benefits.

If you decided to work on your control and position at walk and trot instead of cantering, it wouldn't mean you are "avoiding it as long as you can". There is so much to learn at walk and trot I bet you wouldn't get bored for a while.

Spooking horses don't help either. I started out on a horse that was prone to spooking in corners. After a while I was starting to spook in corners! ;)

Why are you in such a rush? Quality is often more important than quantity. And in the end you are a paying customer. If you feel your instrcutor's goals are greatly differing from yours it might be worth it either discussing things with your instructor or finding someone who's more attuned to your pace of learning.

[kedwards]

I fully concur with Karin's advice. You are doing this for fun and you have nothing to prove to anybody. You aren't the first nervous rider that your instructor has taught nor will you be the last. If she's at her wit's end (which I doubt), she's in the wrong profession. So, the first course of action should be to banish all such worries from your mind.

As for the nervousness. Sometimes these things take a long time to work through and sometimes they disappear quickly, but the more we try to rush through our fears, the worse it gets. Think about dealing with yourself the way you would with a nervous horse. The more you get frustrated and rush him, the more nervous he gets. Slow down and let him take things slowly, and things progress much more quickly. Give yourself that same patience.

And remember, you are not unusual for experiencing nerves. We've all been there.

[ros]

The trouble is that as we get older our sense of self-preservation becomes much more highly developed ;)

First of all I don't think it's unreasonable of you to want to ride a well-mannered horse over whom you feel you have a modicum of control. It's also perfectly normal to worry about NOT being in control. If you talk to your instructor, he/she should understand that, and if for any reason the riding school you currently go to can't or won't provide you with a suitable horse, then perhaps a different establishment will be able to.

As Karin says, you don't HAVE to go careering around at all paces to a) enjoy yourself and b) become a reasonably competent rider. If you don't want to canter, so what? Lots of people who have their own horses don't canter them, for various reasons - I don't think I cantered Merlin at all in the first year I had him, partly because I was just plodding about on him because he was immature, and partly because I had nowhere to do it at the time anyway! So tell your riding school how you feel, and if they can't accomodate you, move on. Don't destroy your pleasure because you feel you ought to be doing something you're not comfortable with.

[Peace]

Like Karin and ros have said, there is soooo much to learn at walk and trot, that I'm not even thinking about canter! Have you read the Sally Swift books on Centered Riding? They give loads of exercises you can do at the slower gaits. In my case, working on these really helps to improve my balance and hence my confidence.

Also, is there a calmer horse you could ride for a while? And are you allowed to ride the same horse over and over, or does your school have you ride different ones? I'm just thinking that maybe if you could ride a steadier horse consistently and build up some trust, that might help with confidence.

But don't give up! You're certainly not alone in the way you feel. In fact, I left a school that made me feel as if I couldn't ride because I couldn't canter. At my present school, the focus is on control and confidence at the slower gaits first, which makes more sense to me! Recently, we got a student in who'd had a year's worth of lessons at my old school - she could stay on the horse at a canter, but she had very little control. This eventually resulted in her being tanked off with and losing a lot of confidence.

I don't really think of it as "avoiding" canter - it's not like my chubby little horsefriend is really anxious to go careening over hill and dale:) - I just think I'm old enough to do what I want, when I feel like it!

[Laetitia]

Lizzy, it strikes me that your instructor is not concentrating on your learning and becoming confident in the walk and trot. Discuss it with her, and as said ask, and keep asking for the same reliable nag to ride to build your confidence. Have a private lesson, have a private lunge lesson. If you go out on a hack go with an instuctor only , noone else and inform your escort you wish to walk and trot only. Don't give up, just change things around so you're enjoying it. Don't get hung up on the canter, life's too short, you'll find yourself cantering naturally one day and won't even realise you're doing it as you're ground work will have been so thorough. Cheers L

[Kerry's Partner]

The other common problem many of us have when we've lost some confidence is we get focused on what other people (sometimes including our instructor) are thinking.

It's pure coicidence but I've just had a conversation about this with my instructor today. My instructor has helped me through my specific fears bit by bit and we're now addressing this thing I seem to have about what others think.

Anyway, this is just to let you know that you can find instructors who are worth a million because they DO understand and will be so very helpful so that you can get rid of your fears bit by bit (about hacking out etc etc but also about what others think if that makes sense).

[Debby Riley]

Lizzie

You are not alone i have often felt that i wanted to leave a group class because i felt unsafe, we all have gut instincts for a reason and one gut feeling does not mean that you should give up riding.

I have extreme problems with canter too, as well as balance and corners too like alot of people and like you seeing what the much younger kids could do and me being so nervous makes the whole experience worse, i tense and it goes round and round.

I am going to have private lessons first one next week because of the nervous factor, as alot of people have already said riding should be fun and like you this canter nervous thing is spoiling it for me too, so we should get through this together, i am not giving up and i don't want you to either, please

[Wally]

This is such a shame, the instructor should see that you are unhappy about ridng a spooky horse and give you a confidence giver who is kind and easy to ride.

I would never see someone leave a group lesson simply because they were having trouble with a horse, it happens, sometimes I will put some one down to ride one of our more sensetive guys, if horse and rider are having an off day it all turns to manure, so to save both the horse and rider from problems we simply get another horse for the rider to save them the loss of confidence. At least they leave the lesson on a positive note, albeit on a different horse.

For goodness sake don't sell yourself short, I am probably capable of riding spooky, jumpy flighty horses, but I don't because I don't HAVE to! I find it annoying and boring, You don't have to either, there's no shame or inadequacy admitting not to like riding idiot or badly trained horses, riding should be relaxing and enjoyable, find somewhere to ride where the horses are a bit kinder and more suited to a nervous novice......or me!

[galadriel]

Honestly, I don't understand how a riding school can put students on an unsafe horse and not at least TRY to offer advice. Making *you* feel like it is *your* fault for not knowing how to deal with a spooking horse (for example) is completely unprofessional :( If you don't know how to do something, it is their job to help you learn--and to keep you feeling safe and comfortable until you do (again for example, on another HORSE).

You go to lessons to learn. If you are not learning and your confidence is suffering, it's not your fault. You may be able to communicate a little better with the instructor ("I don't know how to deal with this, please tell me what I am doing wrong"); however, it is really their job to make sure that you are safe and comfortable.

I do want to re-emphasize that you must tell your instructor when you are uncomfortable, as we're not mind-readers and sometimes we can't tell the difference between tension due to muscle pain or tension due to fear--however, tension of ANY kind should be recognized, questioned, and helped. I have to confess that I seriously dislike group lessons, for all the reasons you've mentioned. It's so much more difficult to focus on any one rider, or even to realize that anyone is uncomfortable, when you can't look at everybody at once.

Getting back to the point--please don't let a bad experience turn you off. You are right to question the experience...but not your side of it. Find somewhere where the staff makes an attempt to keep you comfortable, and THEN work on your confidence!

I'd like to add: I spend most of *my* time riding and training at walk and trot. Not only is there much for the rider to learn at those gaits, there is much for the horse to learn, too! If you're not balanced and capable at walk and trot, you have no real business cantering much, whether horse or rider :) Don't let yourself feel like cantering makes you a good rider--it doesn't. Knowing when it IS safe for you to canter, and accepting that maybe now is not the time, makes you a very wise, very considerate rider.

[Kerry's Partner]

This is the kind of stuff you should REALLY shout about - because it takes the victims about another three years to recover sometimes.

I reckon that you've just brilliantly described another "standard" for my visionary riding school!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[galadriel]

Finished & posted my post, see Wally's new post since I started writing mine--

I do really love New Rider ;)

[Kerry's Partner]

And so do I. There are so MANY likeminded people here after all.

[Yann]

So sorry to hear you're feeling like this, I know you've had confidence issues for a long time about cantering particularly, and a few scary experiences to reinforce them to boot.

I know pretty much how you feel because about 9 months ago I got to a point where it all seemed to be going nowhere, I'd reached stalemate in my lessons. I felt very down about it and wondered what where I was going with it all. I realised I wasn't enjoying lessons and schooling any more, but was lucky enough to be in the position where I was able to do what I did enjoy, which was hack out instead. Suddenly it didn't matter that I couldn't get my horse to hold an outline or do walk to canter or somesuch, we just enjoyed ourselves.

Perhaps it's time to think about what exactly you do want from your time with horses, perhaps it is time to find your own on share or loan for starters and do your own thing? If that doesn't include cantering then that's absolutely fine as others have said here. As others have also said some of the horses where you ride don't sound suitable for anyone with confidence issues, and neither does some of the instruction.
I hope you can get through this, I'm sure everyone goes through this sort of thing from time to time. Hope to see you again soon in the New Forest, trotting or otherwise:)

Good luck

[Wally]

It's posts like this that make me despair,

How do instructors cope with the stress of a nervous rider and a nervous horse combination? it simply does not make sense, a nervy horse needs leadership and confidence from his rider, a nervous rider cannot do this so who learns ANYTHING?

I NEVER, NEVER put my occupation down as riding instructor, someone, somewhere might have been treated horrendously by a riding instructor and harbour a grudge and take it out on me by putting up my insurance premiums. ;) you never know, folk are treated dreadfully by some instructors, WHY? ARRGGHH!

[Kerry's Partner]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. The equine world is clearly in such a turmoil else you would proudly present (some, and I know you do so much more) of what you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chapsi]

Lizzie,

To begin with, you came to right place. Here (NR) there are always sound experienced people, other riders who generously pick up the pieces, when we are down in the pits.
What you are telling, your sources of anxiety are common to many mature riders.
With age, we just become over concious of risks, and we ended up looking like middle age women looking as if we are feeling sorry for ourselves. This is how younger/bolder riders see us :mad:
I've had my share of frights. After a horse bolting (the owner, my instructor at that time knew he would do it and just mentioned: "oh, well, we've all been there on the beast"; she was a hard hunteress) with me, riding has been a picking and dropping afair, a short visit to all the riding schools in the area.
Now I have my horse, still afraid of hacking, insecure at cantering (at least I can now do it yeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D ). I've had good and bad days; like on Saturday, we left the school and headed to the shed; my horse spooked with a wind gust and I was terrified, I cried for my instructor, but he was too busy chatting with other people; the children riding with me were giving me advice to stop my horse! (I felt ridiculous, I can tell you) :o
Don't be deshearted, it happens to many of us and we are all here to give you supportive words. Be patient, if your instructor is not understanding enough to your needs as a mature rider, find someone else.

[chapsi]

By the way,

Just the other day, I posted a thread pleading for a confidence boost. Someone said an excellent thing: "riding is the art of keeping the horse between you and the ground"
I loved it. I stick to it now.;)

[virtuallyhorses]

:D :D Chapsi, that sounds like one of those wonderful 'zen' (ie totally useless ) instructions I've received at various stages. I always liked - 'if you keep one leg on each side of the horse you can't come off' Y-e-s , very helpful thanks very much ;) :D

I've collected some of my personal favourites http://worldzone.net/recreation/virtuallyhorses/instructors.html

[virtuallyhorses]

Lizzy your instructor has no rights to be 'at her wits end' with you!! Good grief you sound like you are doing very well and being extremely brave in the face of outright stupidity from the riding school. You shouldn't be expected to be on a spooky horse - they're a pain in the a**se for experience riders no less a learner!

Before you protest that 18mths is a reasonable amount of time - work out the number of hours in the saddle - an hour a week is only 72 hours!! assuming that you've never had to drop out of a lesson for holidays or sickness.

Sounds like you need to reasses the instructor and\or school. If you like the place, sit down with the instructor or the manager and explain that you are being asked to do things which make you feel unsafe. They should be constantly thinking about your safety and being the cautious ones (not you). If you feel good about private lessons, see if you can just continue that way or alternately ask if there is another group with a different set of riders (perhaps older learners like yourself) who are more interested in learning to ride than thrill seeking out on hacks.

[Mehitabel]

sadly, i know the place where lizzy rides, as i did my exams there. 99% of the horses are spooky and unreliable, and although i haven't been there since 95 when i finished my exams, the teaching was nothing to write home about then.
we've been trying to find her a spot at our yard, but we're snowed under as we've had a couple of horses retire and a couple of others go to new homes, so we can't take any more clients on at the weekend as we're booked up with waiting lists about 6 weeks in advance.
lizzy - is there any time in the week you could ride? we're a bit less busy in the week.

[Snowflake]

Lizzy

This really is a great forum. I have never "met" so many folk with the same fears and hangups, mostly about cantering.

It is so comforting to know others are going through the same experiences. I expect you have read my thread "Loss of Confidence" to which I have received very sound advice.

I feel I should be a much better rider than I am but I didn't start riding until I was about 48, now I am 56! But I am now much more nervous than I was at the beginning. At the beginning you don't realise the pitfalls, like spooking and being tanked off with etc. Once these things have happened you can't help but be nervous albeit being as careful as possible not to get in situations where these things can happen.

I used to be quite confident cantering around - even went on three riding holidays, but I don't think I could do that now.

After being tanked off with and falling off, badly injuring myself nearly a year ago, I am feeling slightly less nervous than I was but only because ever since I resumed riding my horse I have just hacked out quietly with kind friends, sticking to walk and trot. Once or twice I have had a small canter behind the others down some bridle path, but mostly I just walk and trot and I think (as has already been said) that if you just do that for ages it does increase your confidence and gives you a more secure seat. To do this though you do need your own horse. I no longer go out on riding school hacks as there have been far too many scary incidents with the horses getting too excited. The reason for my accident was that I was talked into going out with a fellow who only gallops everywhere (although he promised to ride like the vicar)and his horse went out of control along with my horse and the other horse & rider who was with us. It was terrifying and I can't really forget it. Perhaps I should have counselling!!! I would say though that had I been better at cantering and generally a better rider perhaps I would have stayed on - but I went into a complete panic.

I think most riding schools are ill equipped to deal withe nervous. I have been made to feel inadequate because I couldn't seem to get my rather chunky cob into canter in the school (this was when I was still trying) and was told it was all in the mind. Once I was told I didn't have the right attitude!!

So at the end of the day I think you have to not mind what others think, get your ned and do your own thing slowly.

Good luck Lizzy, I am exactly like you.


Snowflake

[chapsi]

Snowflake wrote,

I think most riding schools are ill equipped to deal withe nervous. I have been made to feel inadequate because I couldn't seem to get my rather chunky cob into canter in the school (this was when I was still trying) and was told it was all in the mind. Once I was told I didn't have the right attitude!!

Yes, I agree with you. I am finding it extremely hard having to push too far my confort zone just to please my instructor, specially with jumping (small jumps though) and endless cantering around the school. When he keeps on, with his remarks, the horse understands that I am being "pressurised" and kindly complies. On top of it, I am riding with the 12-14 year olds, and I feel so embarassed about it...
Hacking, forget it, I shake like a leaf. The worst is that I feel I ought to do it, I owe it to the horse, but at the same time I have this nightmare of being tanked off at a speed, seing just lines instead of landscape... But I have a set goal, to go to Golegã, both me and the horse dressed the Portuguese tradition way.

[vjwuk]

Hi, I am 38 and had been riding fortnightly for a couple of years, (when you work it out it is only about 13 hours a year). I took ages to want to canter, and it wasn't until New year 2002 that I went for it. I got transitions but could not keep it all together for more that a couple of strides.

I recently had the time to do weekly lessons for a couple of months and it really made a difference to my confidence, every seemed to notice.

I forunately have excellent teachers with a lot of patience and I was also interested in dressage moves etc, so that occupied my lessons. This New Year I actually done it, I cantered around the school, it wasn't pretty I am sure, but I've done it.

I have never been forced to do anything I did not feel happy doing and have never been made to feel a failure. I also have never seen any one new or nerv ous put on a spooky horse.

Be patient and the day will come when you feel you can do it and want to do it. And, if you get no joy with your instructor find another, there are plenty out there (where are you) and staying with poor schools keeps them in business. We do this for pleasure. Keep at it.

Good luck. Try some lateral stuff, it looks like it would be easy but crumbs it takes some serious concentration and a great feeling when it works.

[lizzy]

Thank you all so much for your kindness and support!

As a frequent lurker rather than poster on this site, I knew I would have support from you all - my husband who doesn't understand my obsession with this site is absolutely amazed that there are people from America on here!

I had already booked a lesson for tomorrow so I shall let you know how I get on - that's if I haven't been banned or anything

:rolleyes:

There are some other issues and I hope to PM you all with them, I just hope I can cut and paste a lot, if not bear with me I'll get round to you all eventually

Lizzy

[Debby Riley]

lizzie

My husband does not understand my obsession with this site either but he doesn't ride so how can he understand our fears and worries? As loving as they are we both need the great posts from other NR followers don't we?

I am sure i speak for alot of people here when i say good luck in your lesson tomorrow or is it today?:D

I too have booked a private lesson for sunday because like Wally the wise one said there is much to learn in walk and trot before going onto cantering, and in the group lesson i have been having we are all at different levels yet we all do the same !!! and by all doing the same it will leave us older ones behind which chips away at our riding confidence, private lessons for me and instead of cantering i need to work on my steering in trot and riding without stirrups before i once again attempt to canter, going private i hope will enable me to work with my instructor on the trotting without stirrups, & steering ( which i might add i think is very important ) then when i am happy with htis i will again canter

Wally as you are an instructor is it fair for me to ask what i want in my private lessons ??

[Debutante]

Lizzy,
As you can see, you are SOOOOOOO not alone with your fears. I think an entire BOOK could be published just from the many "confidence issue" posts I've sent to NR over the years... (A pretty boring book, mind you!) ;)
I agree with what others have said about stepping back, doing what makes you happy and challenges you just a little, and focussing on the things that you do well. Eventually, you'll get more and more confident and next thing you know, you'll probably WANT to canter because it's the next logical step. And if you don't WHO CARES? Be happy, have fun and don't EVER allow an instructor to make you feel wimpy or worthless. :mad: :mad: :mad: I've been there and it's definitely not nice! As Wise Wally once said, "vote with your feet!" I did and I'm a happier, more confident, better rider because of it.

Good luck and DON'T give up!:D And be sure to keep us posted on your progress!

Debutante

p.s. I had a confidence crisis of my own today when the horse I was on had a huge sneezing fit DURING the canter! I survived but it was tense -- feeling nervous is NORMAL for us all at times. :rolleyes:

[Jane.A]

Stop beating yourself up! You only have to go at your own pace its not a competition, and it appears to me you are your own harshest critic. The problem with a lot of riding schools is that they employ lots of youngsters, some of whom are gaining their hours in order to make their AI. Many of them have never known 'fear' and how truly parylysing it can be, and if they did they would not admit it in case they lost credibility. Go back to private lessons and seriously consider changing establishments. I rarely canter on hacks for a variety of reasons and do it mainly in the school and I've been riding over 30 years and have never been that brave! You will know when you are ready for it. Until then watch an equestrian video of someone you admire and see if you can get hold of a copy of 'That winning feeling' by Jane Savoie or the book on NLP ( neuro linguistic programming) by Wendy Jago' Schooling problems solved with NLP'. They will assist you to change your way of thinking from 'cup half empty' to 'cup half full' and to praise yourself for small goals attained. At any rate they are a good read for winters nights!:p

[Wally]

This is what is so annoying, the attitude of "youngsters" who know no fear and have something to prove. They should not be instructing if they have no empathy.

I wouldn't let them teach for 10 minutes, let alone 500 hours if they scare, intimidate and cannot see that their client is nervous.

SO they gain their 500 hours bullying and not really taking thier clients needs into consideration, they get their AI and carry on just the same, what a wonderful basis on which to base a set of professional coaching certificares!

Nowhere in the BHS instructors exams are there questions on psychology, nothing on how to recognise a rider who is becoming fearful.

[lizzy]

Hi everyone, and thanks to you all again for all the support you have given me over the last couple of days.

I did turn up for my lesson today and we had a very long talk about Sunday, my fears and my lack of confidence, whilst I conducted my own lesson of walk to trot transitions and down again and changes of rein! I didn't wan't to waste precious time just sitting on a pony.

We have decided that it is not a race, as I don't intend to compete unless I go in for the next dressage comp in March ( I did one in November) and then that's my decision and no-one else's. For the time being (although my friends don't like this idea) I am going to give up the Sunday morning shared class which can be a class of up to 8 so that I don't need to worry about what other people are doing and thinking and worrying about what I'm doing and thinking. I already feel that the pressure is off me.

I'm going to have two private 1/2 hr lessons a week with perhaps one other person sharing if necassary (and one of them is a very sweet old lady of about 80!) because I get on extremely well in those lessons and then blow it on a Sunday. All my lessons can be inside if I want them to be (riding midday in the week has its advantages) and there is no pressure to go in the outdoor school until I want to.

So I did a little canter today on a sweet little pony ( I do tend to like pony types) and I felt a lot better about it all. I managed to tack him up which is generally no problem, but I also managed to fish the rubber bit guard out of his mouth which he was managing to chew on!

Tomorrow I am going to go out with my instructor and one other friend on a walk, trot hack just to make it fun again and get some fresh air.

And to top it all I managed to part clip a horse at night school (Horse Managment course)

All in all today I feel far far better than I did on Sunday.

Thanks again for your help and I'll keep you posted.

[kedwards]

good job Lizzy! I'm so glad to hear that this next lesson went better.

[Laetitia]

Lizzy, you are on your way, bravo. L

[sagittarius]

I'm glad I read this thread (whenever I visit NR, I'd go to Heather's EE forum), as I've been asking myself the same question. I have fallen twice since I started learning to ride in April last year, I still have problems just getting the school horse to go where I want it to sometimes, and I haven't begun to canter yet. My confidence keeps coming and going. I've bought tons of books but can't seem to put what I read into practice. After reading all the lovely replies here, and in the other related threads, I'm feeling much better now and will not think about giving up any more. I'm going to focus on balance and control in walk and trot first, and progress naturally into canter when I've got these basics right. And I'm going to talk to my instructor about private lessons too (although in my group lessons, there are usually just 2-4 people).

Thanks everyone, you've all been a great help to me too.

[galadriel]

So glad! :) Sounds like things will be working out better now.

[slh]

This is such a fantastic post!!! I was fine at cantering 'in-school' until a few weeks ago...I was riding a youngish pony (5 years) and the instructor explained that he was quite green and found it quite difficult to canter 20m circles...fair enough I thought...so we had a few little goes (on the left rein) and we both did well, we didn't keep it up for too long..but then the instructor asked us to canter on the right rein..I wasn't too keen on this idea as the fella had done well up until then and I didn't want to spoil it....well, basically the instructor brushed it aside and told us to carry on (stupid, stupid me for listening) so we had a little go...started off ok, but then stumbled...pony went down on is knees, I flew off and because we were on a circle fell right in his path...luckily he stumbled over me without any damage to either of us!

Point is I should have gone with my instincts, ignored the instructor and not pushed him...now both of us have lost confidence (me more than him!!) I am fine cantering on hacks...but I hate cantering in circles in the school as I'm sure who ever I'm riding will stumble again...

I've never been 'thrown' off with force before...(I've fallen off more times than I can remember!!) usually it's a gradual process where I've got all unbalanced and I've slid off...it really scared me this time!!

Last lesson they put me on the same horse again, which on one hand I know is a good idea but I wished they'd put me on an older slightly more experienced horse to build up my confidence first!!!

It's funny...you get one thing sorted in your head and then another 'problem' develops!!!!!

[Stella2]

Lizzy,

I'm glad things are better for you. I have been where you were. I'm 44, riding for 18 months, had my own horse for 9. Only recently have I accepted the good advice often on the boards - that there is no rush and to stick with what is comfortable. I have found from my own experience that, to progress, it helps to encourage ourselves to stretch a little, rather than push ourselves hard for results. Also, if you don't know already, ask your instructor to teach you how to ask the horse for flexion to the inside and employ it if you encounter horse spooky areas. This has made a huge difference to me (and my mare who is very wary of certain horse eating dressage letters!).

I've considered giving-up several times, but I doubt I ever would because when its good, its wonderful isn't it?!

[GypsyIrishCob]

Lizzy,
I have recently returned to riding, 30 years and four children later, about five months ago. I assumed I would feel as confident as I once had, bought a horse (because I was at last in a position to do so) and suffer very badly with nerves. A few weeks ago, I had a miserable experience, went out with another mature lady from the livery. I assumed that, as we'd agreed to ride together, that's what we would do...not so...she steamed off up the road ahead of me on her mature 18 year old, leaving me on Danny a mere 5 year old racing to catch her up all the way up the lane. Several times I called and asked her to slow down, as Danny was determind to catch the older horse up, and fluctuating between fast trot and canter, plus being a baby he was all over the place, and stumbling....At the top of the lane, I jumped off and walked him home....to be greeted by about 12 fellow livery peep's all hanging around to see how I got on....DEEP HUMILIATION....Even thought about giving it all up and selling Danny....too old, too wimpy...too ashamed...etc.....However, since then, I've had two very short hacks on my own, bag of nerves but still alive....Hoping to hop up again tomorrow or Friday, and having a lesson at the livery on Saturday! Terrified...Why do we do this to ourselves. I do love him though. Don't give upX:) :) :)

[Jane.A]

Well done!! Remember softly softly catchee monkey! As your confidnece increases you will find you WANT to canter because you feel ready and are happy with your mount. This time next year you will be posting about such crisiis as lengthed strides, or loss of balance is counter canter!:p

[lizzy]

Hmmmm:rolleyes:

I think I was having this canter crisis a year ago though - I think I just have to accept that I am one of lifes slow learners in the horse riding stakes!

Good lesson today though on my friends lovely foreward going cob - because you don't have to worry about leg on and all that kind of stuff - she just goes - I can then concentrate on my position and what I'm doing.

Only able to use her in the week though when my friend isn't riding:mad: :rolleyes:

[Debby Riley]

IF I CAN DO SO CAN YOU !!!

I was terrified of cantering and every group lesson i would tense as soon as the class took their turn in canter, i always wanted to be last in row to avoid doing it, but i decided that this was silly !!

So i booked a private lesson and someone came in the lesson with me, and it was the best ride ever .

I never thought that the horse i ride could move so fast, he enjoyed it so much it was a shame to let my fear stop him from cantering like the wind !! so i had to just go with the flow and with my instructor yelling in my ear, go, go let him go, sit back, relax, sit back relax and BREATHE funny i always forget that last bit ha ha.

I now can sit here in the confidence that i did it, i rode the canter better than i ever did and i was still in the saddle on not on the ground, so now i am cautious and not terrified !!! of the canter anymore


WHOPEEE RIDE EM COW BOY !!!!!
:D

[Peace]

BREATHE funny i always forget that last bit ha ha.

LOL, me, too! My old schoolmare used to tell on me, though - whenever I stopped breathing, she'd shorten her stride and my instructor would know I'd gone "anaerobic" again!:D

That's when I started singing - painful for everyone else, :rolleyes:but it helped me remember to breathe!

[Debby Riley]

It is not just riding that i forget to breathe, i did the same on my car driving test, so much so after leaving the test centre the examiner asked me to pull over, i though i must have failed again, he said please could you breathe as i would rather you did not pass out while taking your test, he made me laugh so much saying that i looked like the girl that turned purple in charlie and the chocolate factory :D it worked i passed my driving test !!

that is a good idea singing so i remember to breathe !! can anyone suggest some good cantering songs LOL

I can still hear my riding instructors words ringing in my ears....... sit back, sit back relax and breathe !!! so much so that when i was driving home from the stables i was sitting right back in my seat and saying to myself relax breathe, relax Ha Ha

Oh this riding gets under your skin don't it !!!!!!!!

Even on my afternoon off my 9-5 job on friday i found myself at the stables grooming horses for the fun of it, gone are the days i would use the afternoon to do housework?shopping etc !!

Mind you i spent an hour on my fav horse gleeming he was, yet i turned up this morning to see nothing but mud
:eek: but who cares he is happy and gave me a huge cuddle when i left today............. i am in love with a 15+ cob !!

[Jane.A]

My instructor told me to sing 'the Grand old duke of York' for trot and 'Nelly the elephant' for canter. I found other tunes work once you have worked out your horses ryhthm. I take my portable CD player down to the menage and play that. You soon find what tunes suit each horse's personality and way of going and it adds to the fun of schooling. You will also find that after a while the horses tune in to the beat and adapt their rhythm, I know it sounds mad but they do! Now whether its all them or whether they are influenced by subtle changes in us as a result of relaxing to the music I'll never know, but if it works who cares!

[mikka]

Lizzy, I can sympathise. Fear is such a weirdly enveloping thing. Thanks to the posters on this board, I learned the singing trick and it does help you to stop anticipating bad outcomes. I've also found that when those unpleasant events do occur, they're easier to work through when your body's relaxed and your mind free of tense anticipation. Singing really does work.

Glad to hear you're making some progress. Don't be hard on yourself if you find you go back to zero from time to time. This road is heavy with switchbacks.

[Debby Riley]

nellie the elephant LOL:D Thats is enough to make anyone relax but i only know the first bit...... nellie the elephant packed her trunk and thats it so i don't bore the pants of my companions ( ie my horse that i ride ) can some one tell me thr rest so that i can practice before sunday ??:D

[Peace]

I'm partial to several Grateful Dead songs - "Truckin'" and "Friend of the Devil" are two I sing a lot. Also Peter, Paul & Mary's "Puff the Magic Dragon.":o

[Snowflake]

Nellie the Elephant:

I know some of it - it's ideal for a hacking song!

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus

Off she went with a trumptety trump, trump, trump, trump

The Head of the Herd was calling far far away

** ** ** etc (can't remember that line)

on the road to Mandalay!

Snowflake

[lizzy]

I think the missing bit is

They left one night in the pale moonlight on the road to Mandeley............

Anyway back to the thread I shall try that in tomorrows lesson.

Well it had to come didn't it - and after only a week - the indoor school was in use today with some new riders so it was out or nothing - but I had thought this morning that when the sky is blue, I love to be outside and I can't put it off forever, so outside we went.

The horse I was riding is very forward going, so I don't have to worry too much about leg, and can concentrate on what I'm doing, she did jump around a bit when I tried to slow her down to walk at one point, but I think that I may have been pulling on her a bit and she was on the second ring of the gag, she soon calmed down again after a little trot round.

Some very succesful 20m circles in canter and then the jumping.
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Jumping through a fence sideways on in the school so I was approaching from a bend and then out into a bend - tried it twice and then asked if I could have the jump moved to lengthways because it was bit scary , the only trouble was that when I turned down the centre line at the c marker, as soon as she saw the jump she was off down the school like a bat out of hell - this horse loves jumping - anyway I stayed aboard but gave up after one - enough for now - I haven't jumped for about 3 months and although I would never enter any jumping comps I do like the thrill of a jump every now and again. And after all my fussing in the previous thread I do prefer to jump from canter rather than trot and have been in trouble many a time for letting them go into canter naturally before jumping.

You probably all think I'm so mixed up - but that's life I suppose!!!!

[Laetitia]

Well done Lizzy,not a nervous novice anymore.

Incidentaly, what does one sing if one is riding an elephant ? L

[lizzy]

thought yesterday that I ought to give you an update of what is going on with my riding life, as you were all such good support to me at the time.

I did manage to carry on, but got into the trap of always wanting to be in the indoor school and certainly not wanting to canter out of doors! I thought I'll never go out again and then every week I thought I would go out it rained and so I kept my indoor security blanket on so to speak.

Then fate stepped in - some of you may know that the horse I have always like to ride the most - Miranda - a 23 year old ex army, ex trooping the colour horse, ex eventing horse, looking like she would have to be retired, but my instructors misgiving about that was that she would just lose interest in life and die!

So here I am now with my semi retired friend, for the last two months or so, paying a small amount to her owner to keep her in shoes and haylage and what a difference those two months have made to me!

I am the only one riding her so we were going to do lessons and light hacking at first, but I think she's quite canny, she doesn't care for lessons any more and pretends to be lame, something she quite easily shakes off once down the hacking route, so for the time being we are just a hacking, I go out with my instructor two days a week, and out with a friend another couple of days and once a week with my husband walking beside me - but I'll soon be alright to go out on my own I think. And I canter in front, which is a great step forward for me, and I can stop her. My canter on the flat is not so good as going uphill but we are working on it.

She has taught me so much in just a few weeks, although we still fight over the reins sometimes as she can be quite headstrong, but I am getting used to giving more to her because I know she is not going to run away with me, and then she loosens off too. I have learnt to recognise if she is lame and how to trot up, although I still manage to get the medicine boots on the wrong legs even though they are marked left and right! (I hope her owner doesn't read this)

I don't know how much longer I will have to ride her, as she is athritic and the cold weather makes her so stiff, but if I only get this summer with her it will make such an improvement to my riding and confidence. The only thing is that I do spend far more time at the stables now much to husband's disgust.

And one final thing - I rode Yann's horse Rio on Saturday and had a little canter - I would have never dreamt of doing that in January - Yann did run beside us though!!!!!

Thanks again folks - your support is always much appreciated

[lizzy]

I'm hopeless at attaching pictures

[lizzy]

I'll try another!!!!!!!!!1

[lizzy]

I think she's saying in the first picture - a walk and trot hack - me -you're having a laugh - I'm only 23 you know!

Second picture - you're serious aren't you?

[galadriel]

What a sweet face...how wonderful for you to get such an opportunity :)

[chapsi]

Wonderful news Lizzie. I'm glad fate came to your aid. It's brilliant whe things turn out so well unexpectedly.

[Jane.A]

Congratulations on your perserverance. I hope you have a wonderful summer riding out at your own pace. Have you considered adding cortaflex to her diet? It does marvels for the old arthritis even tho' it is a little expensive whilest giving the loading dose.

[Yann]

So pleased for you, sounds like it's workng out even better than you'd hoped. I don't think you really start becoming a rider until you have a horse of your own to ride and bond with, you learn so much that lessons can't teach you. Enjoy every minute of your time with Miranda.

Beware, you are in danger of becoming a happy hacker:D

[Kezzabelle]

Hi Lizzie! Glad things are working out for you (we knew they would ;) ) !

Miranda looks lovley! Very sweet face. I also ride an oldie - Riz, a 25 year old ex-showjumper. He's the best - he's taught me so much over the 4 months ive been riding him and I love him to bits!

Love Kez xx

[lizzy]

Just to let everyone know that at last I have managed to hack out on my own!!!!!!!!

I'm absolutely thrilled, much to everyone's amusement at the yard. I do not really have anyone to hack out with on a Saturday and usually try to hang on to any hacks going out of the stables, but there weren't any today. I was going to ride in the school, but I find it so boring on my own, so it took me 2 hours dithering about and then off I went.

Miranda and I went out for about 45 minutes, into the woods, had a little canter and trot , came out again , passed some seriously scary roadworks, orange netting with red snakes in the grass, had another little canter and home again. Couple of spooky bits on the little track on the way but nothing to worry about.

I probably won't make a habit of it, and we were quite lucky as we didn't meet any other distractions, like dogs or horses or anyone on bikes or motorcycles, so we were quite lucky, but I'm so chuffed about it all.

The main thing I was worried about was getting her out down the tank road, although she is not known to nap and is used to going out alone, and also then pulling me back down there on the way back, but she didn't she was an angel.

Anyway just had to tell you all - now what can I do for my next trick????????

[Yann]

Hooray, well done:)

I know how nervous you were about the idea, and what a big step it was for you to take. Brilliant, and you cantered too:D

You have the option now, if you want to ride, don't fancy schooling and have no one to go out with you can still ride. Sometimes it's nice to have the choice to go out by yourself too.

And for your next trick? You'll have to surprise us there:D

Congrats!

[chapsi]

I am so pleased for you. Gragatulations. You overcame a big hurdle, nothing will ever stop you now, I'm sure.
What you achieved today is what I am longing to achieve with my horse, and I doubt I'll ever suceed at it.

[NVA]

Hi there
I know that this is an old post, but I'm new to the forum and just wanted to say that it is such a relief to know I'm not the only one having problems! I'm 31, only sat on a horse for the first time 12 months ago and started at half an hour a week before moving up to longer lessons. I love it but feel I'm getting on really slowly (especially at the canter which is really hit and miss, particularly in group lessons which I completely agree seem to be designed to destroy confidence). I seem to be surrounded by people who learnt when they were kids, all saying "I was cantering in my second / third / fourth lesson" and, like Lizzy, had got to the point of wondering whether it was time to give it all up. My husband doesn't understand why I get so frustrated with it (another thing I'm not alone in I see!) It's great to read the posts on here and realise that I'm not (hopefully) a total disaster area just because I'm not cantering properly / jumping yet (which according to my instructor I should have been doing about 6 months ago).

Lizzy - hope it is working out now!

Thanks

N

[lizzy]

Hi 'N'

Yes, for the time being all is still well. Try and see if you can get out hacking once in a while, cantering is so much easier when the horse goes freely, even if it is because the one in front it cantering and you can sit in a forward seat and not have to worry about bumping around sitting to the canter.

I have to say that I still cannot canter very well in the school and I avoid lessons as much as I can although Sarah insists that I have one once a week still. This week she is away and I managed to 'miss' todays lesson because I wasnt ready on time and by the time I was they were well into trotting and Miranda has to walk for quite a while to ease up her old joints - so we went out for a hack on our own instead, much more enjoyable.
Except for when ignorant drivers see you coming along and pull out in front of you because they don't want to wait.

I know that one day I will have to get more serious about lessons again, but for the time being I'm just having fun!!!!

Lizzy

[lizzy]

A year or so on and I thought I ought to update this thread a little - I WENT ROUND THE CROSS COUNTRY COURSE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! - DID 8 MINIMUS JUMPS AND JUMPED THE TYRES TWICE AND STAYED ON!! Absolutely loved it - prefer it to showjumping which we are up to 2'4 and look forward to going out again at the weekend. We didn't hare around, just walked between jumps and then a little trot up to them and over, ran out at one several times until we gave up, but he was absolutely brilliant though.

Just to fill you all in, Miranda was retired in November and I was devistated. There didn't seem to be anything on the yard that I thought I wanted to ride and at the beginning of December, a pony bolted with me in the school and that put me right back to square one - and then there was Adam. Adam had been with the jousting company, Horses Impossible for a year, and had come to the yard over the winter with a possibility to be sold, his owner did not have time to ride him as she was doing exams. He came to the yard because he was'wild' The yard owner said I should try him, what the horse that won't stand when he's tied up. Me? Get on him she said and ride him down the the gate and back. I did and we have never looked back. He has settled down very well now, I think regular work and also that he had been moved yards 4 times in the year, may have upset him, some horses don't take seem to take to it. He is quite lazy but he loves to jump, but you do have to ride him, if you don't ride him round the corner, he just stops in the corner. But the biggest thing for me is that I haven't met anything that he is frightened of yet, he doesn't spook at anything even if the horse in front does,so he has been good for me, although we are still to go out on our own. He can have a bit of an attitude problem sometimes when he wants to get his own way at feeding time and when he wants to go out, but we are working on that, I've only owned him for 5 months and we have a lifetime to get to know each other, abd he is always very calm under saddle, no matter what mood he was in when you put it on. He is 13 and an Irish Cob X, although some poeple think that he may have some Arab in him.

Only problem is that a lasting legacy from Miranda is that I still can't sit back in canter and he tends to be on his forehand so we are still working on that one - as I said there's time.


Without Steph (YO)I would have never looked at him and I'm so gratefull that I did now. I'll keep you all posted periodically.

Lizzy

[Mehitabel]

lovely to hear from you lizzy - do keep in touch. glad adam is going well!

[chapsi]

Hi Lizzy,

really nice to read update threads like yours. I am delighted to hear that you did so much progress. It kind of brings hope to the likes of me...

[Yann]

That's wonderful, you doing XC! Whoever would have thought it (not you 12 months ago anyway:D). Keep it up the pair of you, he sounds just right.

[Sumitra]

Have to agree with everyone else. Its your fun. So what if you never canter. At the trecking yard where I keep mine some people come who have never ridden in their lives. They go on a small beginners treck off road and walk the whole way. They still enjoy it and seeing the countryside.Doing something like that gives confidence and after a while you will be bored and dying to go a little faster. When I bought my new horse I went backwards in my confidence. Didn't come out the school or out of walk and trot for about 5 months.I now go out on my own for very short hacks or with friend for longer ones. We have several short canters as well and I love it. Incidentally easier to canter out on a straight track than in a school where you have walls and corners to worry about.

[FRED]

Welcome back, thats wonderfull news.
There are some amazing horses out there at ridding centres, if only more people would give them selves time to work things out like you.
The push button horses are nice, but....
Well done, my favorite horse Sophie can have big attitude {some say because she's a mare}but she is one of the most dependable and safe horses you could ever wish to meet for all that attitude.
:)

[lizzy]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for you replies, just back from Adult Camp at the weekend, and after doing 2 1/2 hours cross country on Friday night, we had show jumping and flatwork on Saturday - came out of the flatwork lesson very disallusioned because Adam wouldn't canter and got really fed up again!!!!!

Sunday dawned bright and wet, ODE looms - first class dressage,
into the ring we went - Steph said this horse will ******* canter if its the last thing he does, and we had to do a few rounds of canter before we started the test. The fierce shouting and swearing obviously works, he must be as scared of her;) as I am and we managed to do some canter in the test. Came 6th overall. Showjumping came ,Steph I don't canter between jumps - you'll **** well do what I tell you! Result = 1st clear round! Cross Country - only three entrants left in our class as the three other had dropped out and Steph decides to send us round team chase style. Dave in front to set the pace on Whispa, reliable Adam behind and unreliable jumper Buttons bringing up the rear. Into the start box, canter round over the jumps, Steph being driven in a 4x4 alongside us screaming instructions, what a ride, flying over tyres, a wall, four pheasant feeders, a drop bank and up the other side and a zig zag and then back over the drop bank and zig zag twice more just for luck. Absolutely brilliant! Don't know if I'll ever go round like that again, but perhaps one day! Funnily enough I didn't feel all that nervous about it beforehand, and even managed some lunch.


And best of all we came an amazing 3rd overall, out of about 12 riders. I don't know how Steph judged the CC, but I think all the experienced riders that went round individually afterwards, had quite a few refusals and we had a clear round!

Also recieved rosette for best turned out as no-one else plaited and primped. Sorry I'm bragging a little now

My thanks must go first and foremost to my horse, I don't really know what I'm doing but he certainly does in the jumping stakes, and also to Steph who did have to kick me up the backside on several occassions yesterday when my confidence was lacking, I wouldn't have done it without her!

Yann, I still don't think I can canter at Forest Park!!

P.S. Adam I won't sell you this week! Promise!

[Yann]

Wahey:D What fun for both of you! And well done to the scary Steph for giving you both a little bit of encouragement;)

You what, after all that? You don't have to of course, but I can't help thinking it's one of those situations where you'll wonder what you were worrying about. Especially in a group situation, they go, and then they stop in the appointed place:)

[chapsi]

Absolutely wonderful. Congratulations.

[Cheko]

I know this is easy to say but try finding another school. Look for all the riding schools in your area. Take time to look around and explain your problem to them. If they are any good, they will listen to you sympathetically and hopefully, they will be able to help and allow you to ride the kind of horse that suits you. It's difficult with riding schools tho because they have to cater for everyone, often with very limited means (horses and finance).
On the other hand, sympathetic instructors do exist so if yer not happy, take a look around, you might be pleasantly surprised. Good luck. :cool:

[lizzy]

HI thanks for your reply Cheko, but unfortunately this is my own horse so I have to make the most of him, I have started riding too late in life to begin swapping and changing horses, so I think that if we don't get on he goes and I give up riding, which is why I am so desperate that he is a good boy.

Changing yards is also not an option as I have to either have one on my doorstep at work, or at home so this is the best for me.

Perhaps you didn't read the last few posts

;) ;)

[Janah]

I don't know where you live but there is a riding centre in Wrexham that do courses for nervous riders. There must be other establishments that do the same sort of thing. It might be worth a try, you could get a real boost. I have known other instructors who mismatch people and horses and then wonder why it goes wrong. I would certainly look for another riding school where your needs are met. You are the client who is paying for a service and if you are not getting what you pay for, move on.

Good luck

:)

[TBEventer2002]

Originally posted by lizzy
My main problem and always has been is canter and not having the feeling of being in control...Sorry I'm waffling now and don't seem to have got to the point which probably is how much longer can I go on avoiding the canter and should I give up now?
Lizzy

Bless you, friend, for my father hadn't even petted a horse until mid-40's. ;)

There is a lady at my trainer's barn who is probably close to 50-ish (maybe 40's, not sure). She has been taking weekly lessons (during the summer she rides twice a week -- she's a school teacher) for about 18 months now as well, and is VERY content to just walk and trot on good ol' Focus, the rescued x-racer. She isn't interested in showing (although she would be great walk-trot dressage tests!), she isn't interested in cantering, she just goes out and works on walking and trotting, improving her riding at those gaits, learning how to manipulate the horse's body, some lateral work, etc.

I would think that as long as you were shelling out the money, your trainer should be more than willing to just work with you on things at the walk and trot only. :) It gives the horses an easier time, I think. LOL

Edited to add: Also, my dad has been trail riding (only) for about 5 or 6 years, and he has cantered only once on a lunge line. We don't make fun of him because he claims he just can't bounce as well anymore! ;)

[Alle]

Lizzy: well done at the adult camp! Your story is quite inspiring, and I am so glad you updated. Way to go!

[Cheko]

A lot of sense has been displayed in the threads regarding nervous riders. Many nervous riders are more sensitive to the horse's welfare than riders who belt around all over the place and want to be cantering, jumping etc before they've perfected the walk. An instructor/trainer (or whatever) may be sees the fact a person doesn't progess at a given rate is a failure on their part. Nervous riders are usually more sensitive to the horse's feelings as well, even if it's only self preservation!

[timarti]

The one really important mantra that I chant regularly is "don't try new things on the wrong horse!" I scared myself silly trying to learn to canter on horses that were too much for my 50+ self, and finally this summer after three years, I have learned to canter on several safe, sane horses. It's hard to find the right ones, but those kindly schoolmaster horses that are on our side ARE out there. So all us re-riders should make haste slowly so we can be sure to arrive at our destination! :D