made a decision

[jordanross]

Hi guys

not been on for a few days properly...

Decided it was time to come on and face the music... , Ive decided i am going to find daphi a new home. Ive had the past few days to think about it properly and weigh up all my choices and options.

I wanna tell you my thoughts and actions... i dont want you to think i went into horse ownership lightly.i feel i thought about it all and the work involved etc beforehand... But still i feel id like to explain.

Firstly id like to tell you all, i wasnt 100% honest with the truth, about my reasons in wanting to find daphi a new home. my back has been VERY BAD. but i have been able to manage ( just about)... the truth of it is... i do have an illness, they call it psychosis. yep... I suffer from those horrible voices in the head. ive had this conditon a few years now. I have highs and lows... im stable atm. but it does get me down at times and causes me to have all sorts of feelings and emotions.... anyway thats the full truth some days im not well, and my thoughts get a little bit muddled. maybe it was a bad idea full stop to get a horse, but it hasnt felt like that too me.

since getting daphi i have had responsability,somebody to care for on my own. i had to take care of her. and i feel ive done that the best way i knew how.i have a social worker who comes and checks on me on a weekly basis. even she is amazed by the way i have coped and become organised by having daphi, but just recently with a few stress,s and daphi having a few suspected problems ( turns out she hasnt) it all got on top of me and made me unwell again... and thats the main reason why i want to find her a new home. NEVER though...was it her fault.

shes been a lovely horse to own, and do ya know what? part of me inside screams NO! i musnt get rid of her, ill regret it, but with my mental state of mind at the moment....i cant figure out which is the right choice. so im going with finding her a new home...simply because if out of any of this, i want her to be settled and happy. not with somebody like me who cant even look after themselfs properly some days. Im sorry if that seems so FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF ATTITUDE... but that really is how it is when im not well.

i dont know if she'll me, i,ll miss her. shes my freind. the only person who i understand, last night i slept in her stable. id been crying, confused and upset....not knowing whats best for her or for me sometimes... and although its killing me to let her go...i dont really have much other choice. shes such a good girl for her dad I will ALWAYS love her. and i hope this doesnt sound big headed or anything....but i dont think anybody could love her as much as i do!!!!!! yeah im getting rid if her... it seems ive taken the easy way out. i havent...honestly, im putting aside the side of me that is crying for her, missing her, broken hearted and im thinking of her my big girl, as her dad the best thing i can do is make sure she goes to a good home, and hopefully somebody will look after her, the way her dad does... :( her dad isnt well atm... and cant look after her anymore.

i hope this explains things a bit....and im really sorry for keep going on and taking so to explain things. and i hope you dont think im a bad person for finding her a new home.

Jordan x

[Yann]

You've got to do what's right for both of you. Since being round horses has obviously been such a good thing is there any way you could continue that? Is there a riding school you could volunteer to help out at locally for example?

Good luck :)

[jordanross]

Thanks yann,

I know what your saying, however... letting daphi go will be probably the hardest thing i,ll ever have to do. I cant imagine being around any other horse.... if i was so, why not daphi? if that makes sence.

[georgie1]

I would just like to wish you all the best of luck in your decision.....a very hard one to make and its seems to me you are making Daphi's care your no 1 priority and for that i applaud you, whether that means with your or another.

Once again my heartfelt thoughts for what you are doing.

Good luck JR

Gx

[palmerlover52]

Is there no way you could loan her while you get yourself back on track?

Whatever you choose, good luck
:)

[jordanross]

thanks georgie

it hurts alot. why is it the right thing to do doesnt feel the right thing? it hurts so much.


gonna go even talkin about it hurts so much. sorry x

[BlueWicked]

oh my :( I am soooo sorry to hear all this Jordan :( i think its very brave of you to put all this 'out there' so to speak.

Jordan, is there any way at all you would reconsider having daphi at a livery yard where she could be cared for at times when you are feeling unwell? she has been so good for you and Im sure she loves you as much as you her...

[lottie.dot]

Why not put Daphi in a full livery enviroment and ride and come and see her when you can? If you cannot get down or anything then you know she will be looked after by the yard?

The only reason I am saying this is horses are great for keeping your mental state of mind balanced and they are very therapeutic!

[HorseHelen]

really sorry to hear this ... its such a shame because like you say having daphi gives you a reason to get up in the morning because she is relying on you to take care of her, and in turn, it sounds like you do a brilliant job looking after daphi, you both need each other. is the problem with your back likely to be a long term problem? could you possibly get a sharer in to help with daphi with the care and riding? could she be turned out 24/7 to minimise the workload while your back is bad? good luck whatever happens :)

[jordanross]

I have been to 3 livery yards guys... they are all full! one of them seemed really promising. it had one of those horse exercisers and and sand schools galore... i was told to ring back after a certain time as the girl thought there mite of been a place. but there wasnt. there are no more around here. ive looked, tink87 off here has been to see me she says she is interested. but hasnt been back in touch yet. so i am still looking at other homes for her.

[Krissie I]

I haven't read any of your previous posts, but from what you said in this one there are a few thoughts I had:

1) You are not a bad person. You are coping with more than most can imagine, and it sounds like you are doing amazingly well. So whatever happens in the end, you are a responsible horse owner, and you have your horse's interests at the front of your mind which makes you an excellent owner.

2) In general I don;t think it's a good idea to make big decisions when you are ill. This is because you are using a not-very-well-brain to think and decide with! You may stabilise very soon, and be perfectly able to look after Daphi. And it sounds as though she is good for you, and you are good for her!

3) But I accept that you may at times be unable to look after her. Well that's what suport workers are for: to help you think about your responsibilities and either offer practical help, or help you make choices.

When people are ill they sometimes may have a tendency to want to get everything 'sorted out'. Almost as if you can stop the worries going round and round by getting everything in life sorted and straight. But worries continue anyway, because unwell brains just do that. So you may not really be able to tell what is a real issue (eg not being able to get to the yard to feed Daphi) versus a non-issue like taking a break from riding.

Hope you get better soon and good luck.
X

[Howengold]

Aww Jordan, you must do what ever you feel best for you both. I hope you find her a home that will love her as much as you do.

Loads of hugs and love

mandi xxx

[BlueWicked]

the fact you are saying you have been to see livery yards tells me that THIS is what you really would prefer rather than seeing her go.... i would urge you to be patient and wait for a space at a yard for her rather than parting with her just because you cant get her in one just now....

[sarchie]

Why not put Daphi in a full livery enviroment and ride and come and see her when you can? If you cannot get down or anything then you know she will be looked after by the yard?

The only reason I am saying this is horses are great for keeping your mental state of mind balanced and they are very therapeutic!

Couldn't have worded it better Lottie.dot.

I can understand your sadness Jordan, it's a terribly sad decision to make. I was thinking exactly the same as lottie.dot, by the sounds of things Daphi has done you wonders, even your social worker said so. How about giving full livery a go, even for a trial period and then reassess the situation?

((((((big hugs))))))

Sam x

[summercandy]

Jordan you have been nothing but open and honest and you have taken alot of unneccessary grief from people on this and on other forums. However as I said before there are other ways around this and I can tell you that now is not a good time to be making decisions about Daphi's future.Believe me I know what I am saying( I work in adult mental health)What does your social worker think of this? I get the feeling that she also feels Daphi has been good for you. I understand where you are coming from in wanting to do what is right for Daphi and yes,you are right in that if you can not take care of yourself how can you care for her properly, but I agree with what someone else has said and put her on full livery somewhere if you can afford to do so. This way you do not have to worry about whether Daphi is getting proper care and attention from you.Daphi is a horse and so long as she is fed and watered and has plenty of space to move around in she will be happy.I can't help but feel that getting rid of her will not be a good move for your mental health.

[callie&rupes]

jordan, you dont know me but from what i am reading i really wish you would put her on loan with some one you know and trust, or could get to know and trust. I think she is your world and despite everything you probably need her in your life, i wish you all the best and if i can be of any help or support pls PM me
Lots of love at this difficult time

[Kittycat]

I'm with Frances. I bought my little mare when I was in the middle of a bout of depression and she gave me a reason to get up in the morning. I wouldn't be without her now.

You clearly love Daphi very much, and take your responsibilities as a horse owner very seriously. If you can find a way to keep her (even if she goes on loan for a while) while you get better, then I am sure it will help you. If you could have a plan in place with cover for the times you are unwell and need to look after yourself, then you would know that Daphi is ok and could relax a little.

I really hope you can find a way round this JR, horses are so theraputic to be around when everything else is going wrong.

[lilythepink]

Aww sweety, what a mess, only you know what you need to do, uncertainty imo is the one thing that totally and utterly does your head in, get a decision and stick to it, that way you know where you are heading.

My son suffers from something similarish to you, he is only 13, however, he cannot deal with change or the unknowing, if he feels in control of a situation he can deal with it. If you try and take the decisions away from him then all hell breaks loose.

But just to tell you my little tale of how horses can help you through difficult times. My dad very unexpectedly died in March this year after an operation that went hideously wrong. The day he died was the day my old horse went to his new owner as well, I had previously made the decision to sell him and found a buyer due to a bad accident I had with him. My dad was on life support as I loaded that horse onto the trailer, 3 hours later my dad had died.

Of course my world fell totally apart, my dad gone and my daily routine gone too. 4 Days later I went and collected a horse that I had on loan last year to come and live with me (I own him now). That horse (who is the light of my life even though he is broken now) got me through those incredibly difficult weeks/months that followed. He gave me reason to continue daily life, I do have 3 children as well but it was easy to get someone to look after them but not my horse.

I am now coming out of the end of the awful times and I honestly feel like I owe it to my Syl, what I am trying to say is that sometimes the needs of a horse keeps you going. they don't give you grief and nag you about things and keep asking what you are doing and are you ok. They are just there, unconditionally.

But like I said at the top of my 'essay' you need to do what feels right for you and not what other people say you should be doing.

Good luck and keep smiling :)

[shoniedaspony]

Ditto others, don't rush into anything. I'm sure you know that when you aren't feeling well, decisions aren't always the best for long term. The decision you made to buy her wasn't made lightly, and you have coped for so long really well.

I would agree with either hanging on for a livery place (put your name on the waiting list of everywhere you know, and keep calling), or maybe advertise for a sharer, if you would be happy with someone else doing things with her.

Also, although I appreciate you don't want to rely on other people-are there any others at your yard who you could have a quick chat with to see whether they would be happy to help you out on the odd occasion? I always try and do this on a favour return basis- you don't even need to tell them your history, you could say that some days you need to work away/long hours and you would really appreciate the odd bit of assistance, in return for turning out/mucking out for them when you are around. A horsey support network is fab to have, as it can also help relieve your worries if you can ask for advice at that instant you are at the yard and worried about any lameness, or cuts etc.

As long as you have thought long and hard about the decision- when you are feeling well AND when you aren't, then it will be the right choice, and things will work out. Also, very brave of you to share all with NR. Best of luck

[LokiSofi]

I'd agree with others hun and see if you can find livery nearby. i work as a riding therapist and know how much a horse can do to improve a persons mental health. Also bybeing on a livery yard you will meet new people and make friends which will also help with your general well being. Whereabouts in the country are you? Maybe someoneon here knows of a livery yard?

[leah&lydia]

Dear lord im nearly in friggin tears !
So much emotion. Your words have melted my heart :)
There have been quite a few times wen ive wanted to give up with horses as i felt i needed 2 pull myself back on2 earth and think of my future. Then wen i shout my horses name + she gallops up the hill neighing with the rest of our beautiful herd. I think again. I could never let her go.
If your arent stable mentally to look after Daphi, then take a break.
Someone will be able to care foor her while, you take some time for yourself. Dont give up on yourself.
Its your decison, you no exactly which is the right choice just youve gorra dig down to find it. Dont rush, theres plently of time.
Keep us informed, L&L x

[*GroovyGallop*]

I've owned my pony for almost a year now, by far this has been the worst year of my life, but he's got me through it and Daphi can get you through it too.

Totally unrelated, but i lost my mum to cervical cancer in July, (Im just 16.) it was the worst scenario you could ever think up, and unless you've been through it yourself, you just can't begin to imagin. Just like you, my head was all over the place, i'd have days where i'd be OK, and then the next day i'd be a total wreck and just felt like my world wasn't worth living for. Admittedly, I didn't go and see J everyday, for various reasons - because sometimes when he did my mood would rub off on him and he'd be a total ar**, then sometimes i just wanted to spend what little precious time i had left with my mum, people at my yard were really sympathetic about this and all chipped in to look after him on the days i couldn't get up there, or even when i just didn't feel like it.

My mum died on the 23rd July, and sometimes now, it feels like i don't have much left. My pony is what i live for, and he keeps me going everyday. I've had quite a few thoughts about selling him over the past year, he is a lot to handle and i know he is more than capiable of BSJA and could take some rider far, but i dont care, he has taught me so much and got me through the worst time of my life, i am not ashamed to admit i flipping love that pony and nobody else will ever feel the way i do about him.

Rambled on a bit now! I guess all i'm trying to say to you is really, REALLY think about this and don't be so quick to dictate that you're not giving her the best home she deserves, because you can, and you are. Look into everything, loan her out, get a sharer, because i know you WILL regret giving up such a wonderfull hobby. Maybe life feels pretty tough now, but how tough would it be without her, honestly?

[jordanross]

Thank you everyone... i thought you'd be quite hard on me to be honest ( im glad you wasnt)

lilyinpink you said:

I am now coming out of the end of the awful times and I honestly feel like I owe it to my Syl, what I am trying to say is that sometimes the needs of a horse keeps you going. they don't give you grief and nag you about things and keep asking what you are doing and are you ok. They are just there, unconditionally.

I can relate to this so much. I also feel daphi has helped me through a really bad patch in my life. I was trying all sorts of medication, being highered and lowered when i bought daphi. it was supposed to help me balance my mental state out. they did that, but depression took its place. probably a side affect of the meds. and daphi was my reason in a morning. in fact she became my whole day... Id do an hour or two work... then just hang out with daphi.


After writing this i was in floods of tears like a big puff. so i decided to go bring daphi in , i washed her muddy legs down, patted them off and put her in her stable. and gave her a big massive hay net, and a few carrots and polos. LOL... she was in HEAVEN as i brushed her down... shes such a dolly she'd let me brush her FOREVER.
shes got a new pruple fleece coat.... shes so cute!

Ive tired looking for livery. Im in bolton lancashire. i have honestly tried all liverys close by. I dont know if id like that anyway. Im nervous! I read peoples storys....about bitchy livery yards. and i went to one a few weeks ago to enquire...and they was rotten too me!

My heart is killin! I love her. But its impossible! I feel like ive no energy left to look after her. even if she was on a livery. Im just really confused right now.

I dont want to share her! does that sound selfish? I cant help how i feel i can only be honest. if shes with me then shes mine...I dont want anybody mucking up my routine. ( that sounds hortrible but its what im thinking) sorry x

I cant take the worry anymore too. Im always scared....in case im doing something wrong ( and i always am) im always having to ask for advice. I know i havent killed her or anything but i do get worried, i could easily make a terrible mistake and cause her harm. I worry myself to death about things i do with her.

if ANYBODY knows any other liverys around....then ok...yeah im willing to go and ask.

[lottie.dot]

Hi,

I don't live in the area at all but just did a quick google search, so look at these: (but they may be well out and some might be riding schools (which would still be Very Good and others might be studs or whatever - as I am being lazy and not looking into all of them)

A. Matchmoor Riding Centre - maps.google.co.uk - 01204 693323 - 2 reviews

B. Ryders Farm - www.rydersfarmequestriancentre.co.uk - 0161 794 0058 - More

C. Wardley Grange Farm Stables - www.wardleygrangefarm.co.uk - 0161 794 2195 - More

D. Old Hall Farm Livery Stables - maps.google.co.uk - 01942 672743 - More

E. RDA Millers Nook - maps.google.co.uk - 01942 816722 - More

F. Moorview - maps.google.co.uk - 01254 701557 - More

G. Marcroft Riding Centre - www.marcroftriding.co.uk - 0161 761 3777 - 1 review

H. Abram Hall Riding Centre - www.abramhallridingclub.co.uk - 01942 707021 - More

I. Fishers Farm Livery Stables - www.fishersfarm.info - 01257 471 212 - More

J. Haybrook Farm - maps.google.co.uk - 01942 261334 - More

[sarchie]

Aw bless you, you really love Daphi, you won't harm her I'm sure. You have common sense, you're not a dimwit, have faith in yourself and confidence. You CAN do it, you CAN look after her and you are a responsible person. We all believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself.

Just a thought, but if you're not keen on full livery and can't get her in anywhere, how about paying someone to come and muck her out/turn out etc. At least she'd still be at home under your supervision. What do you think? xxx

[abisheridee]

Where abouts are you ?

[shoniedaspony]

[QUOTE=jordanross;2442381]


I dont want to share her! does that sound selfish? I cant help how i feel i can only be honest. if shes with me then shes mine...I dont want anybody mucking up my routine. ( that sounds hortrible but its what im thinking) sorry x
This is perfectly rational and acceptable. It would mean that you would have to compromise on when you go to the yard, so if you knew it would make you feel better to go, you might not be able to. Was just an idea incase you would be fine with it.

I cant take the worry anymore too. Im always scared....in case im doing something wrong ( and i always am) im always having to ask for advice. I know i havent killed her or anything but i do get worried, i could easily make a terrible mistake and cause her harm. I worry myself to death about things i do with her.

QUOTE]

I don't know a SINGLE person who has owned a horse who hasn't done things the wrong way. I've had my horse for three years and I am forever thinking 'what if i had done this right first time'...or 2nd or 3rd or 50th time...

The other day, I had someone who has had horses for 20yrs ask me for advice on a poultice...ask me...I was gobsmacked. You will never know it all, but you will pretty quickly know enough. Not neccessarily enough to stop you worrying, but enough to keep her safe and sound.
Have you seen the number of threads on here when we get 5 drops of rain asking for advice on rugging? People worry, and that is what friends, either at a yard or on a forum like this are for.

Also, if the depression is a side effect, go back to your psychiatrist or GP and say so. A lot of people with psychosis are on anti-depressants.

[Hatchie]

Hi there I was reading your post and it bought back memories for me as a young girl. My dad when he was still alive worked 18hr days 6 days a week and my mum was what was called Manic depressive in them days. When she decided that this disease was catching she bought a pony for me at the age of 4 without telling my dad and it had to be stabled 60 miles away,because of my age there was no where closer. The good thing about this was it got her out of the house every night except for Sunday when my dad was also there. Please dont think this was easy for her as she is also agoraphobic & clostraphobic(yay wierd) so think of rush hoour traffic after school with me sitting in the car going through Scotlands biggist city feeding my mum valium to get her to my pony. Pllease dont think I am looking for sympathy What I am trying to show is that with most mental illnesses routine and a reason for doing things even when you are on a bad week or month or even year can and will help. please pm me if you think I can help you with your dilema

[rtk]

Jordon, glad you didn#t make any hasty decisions at the weekend.

What would probably be best for you to try, and nothing lost if you still decide to sell, other than you would have some decent trial facilities for buyers.

Our yard does full or DIY livery, but you can add on bits to the DIY as and when necessary.

If you want to look after your horse yourself if you are well enough you can but you can add things to the DIY as and when necessary.

For example you can add turnout, bring in, muck out, fill haynets, feed, change rugs etc. Right up to to full livery if you are away. The girls are always around for advice whatever livery you are on.

This takes away the worry as you can always ring if you cant get down.

We also have facilities and arenas to ride in.

There must be something similar in your area, I cant believe with all the members on here that someone doesn't know of somewhere and could ask if they had room for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[camel]

Only a quick reply as I am off to work, but you drive , yeah? then livery doesn't have to be on your doorstep (esp if you can afford Full livery:D) Alderley Edge/Mobberley/Knutsford are only 45 mins down the motorway for you and there are loads of yards round here.

Good luck Jordan :)

xx

[Skippys Mum]

Jordan, reading the other replies, I would really really ask you to think about a full loan for a while - or as Camel said, a livery further away.

I dont think from reading your posts that money is an issue (sorry if I've got this wrong) so if she was a bit further away it might actually be better for you as you would feel less pressure to go there daily.

If you tried something like that you could maybe pop down once or twice a month till you feel better - and then, if you still feel the same, that would be the time to sell.

I would hate to see you sell her just now, its a bad time to sell anyway let alone a bad time for you.

Please also remember that a lot of what you feel with Daphi is normal for first time horse ownership - even if you had no history of problems you would be likely to feel the way you do.

I know that if it hadnt been for my Skippy, I probably wouldnt still be here. He kept me going through some awful times in my life. I suspect you feel the same and need to keep Daphi in your life, even if in different circumstances. If you sell her there is no going back. At least loaning or moving into a livery keeps your options open for a while.

If you did put her into full livery, you would probably find it easier to sell her if you decided to do it later on. She would have been in a bit of regular work in a place with facilities which always makes it easier. This would help to ensure a better home for her.

Hugs for whatever way you decide to go (((XXX)))

[Murphley Moo]

Jordan,

It is difficult to know what to say really......i truly feel for you.....you are in a very difficult place right now.

My heart is saying not to sell Daphi at the moment - i would hate you to do something you may regret later, but of course, we all understand if you feel you must continue down that road.

It would be great if you could find full livery for her, but if not there are so many lovely people out there who absolutely adore horses and would be thrilled to be given the opportunity to care for Daphi alongside yourself. Think how much she would be spoilt with two special people loving her!

I wish i could offer better advice, or help out in some way, but please know my thoughts are with you at this difficult time and that we are all here for you to talk to.

Take lots of care and a big hug to you

[Ace87]

Oh Jordan you poor thing!

Please, for the love of god, don't sell her! You said yourself no one could lover her as much as you do! And reading what you said about just brushing her for ages and washing her etc showed so much love and passion for her.

What you have with her is very special - don't let it go. She can be your therapy, your way out. Horses are hugely theraputic and she can be your reason to get up in the morning.

Try looking for livery further away, if she's on full livery you can go and do as much or as little as you like! If you feel like just coming up and playing with her, bathing her and brushing her then do that, but if you want to do more, ring them and say you want to muck out that day and they'll sort it out for you! Or go and do some schooling, or even take her for a little walk in hand and talk to her.

When I was having a rough time, I lost my job and had a very messy break up after my ex started SELLING my horses acp tranquilisers to people to take drugs (!!!) and I was still grieving for my gran and my pony and then my loan horse who I adored was taken back by his owner.. Quitus was what kept me sane, I put him up for sale, had someone wanting him and arranged a vetting, at the last minute I backed out because he was my rock and he was going to help me. And we've been through s**t and back, he broke a bone in his leg and damaged his ligaments, and I broke my back in one horrific fall, and he's been out of work for 5 months. But now he's okay and I'm okay and we're riding again and I can't tell you how much I love him! it's made all the rubbish and the upset and heartache seem worthwhile, cause I have my boy.

You clearly feel like that about your gorgeous girl, please keep her! We will help you however we can JR :) x

[jazzy's girl]

Hi Jordan, I live about 15 mins drive from you. I know of a lady who will possibly be opening a small (6ish horses) livery where I live. She intends to offer a "pay as you go" service. She will do turnout/ bring in/ change rugs, muck out etc etc, whatever you want, and you will simply have to pay for what service you use. If you are having a good day, you can go and muck out and groom and ride (fantastic riding by the way:)), or if you are having a bad day, you can ring her and ask her to look after Daphi for you. She is a qualified RI too, so you could have lessons.

I can't promise that she will be able to fit you in. She is not in the country at the moment - I will prob be seeing her in a couple of weeks, so can ask on your behalf if you like?

You are welcome to pm me at any time. Sorry I can't help you out in any other way, I work full time and have my own pony, and I struggle timewise to do everything and keep my non-horsey OH happy too - otherwise I would offer my services to help with Daphi.

Chin up chuck !!!!

[Alexa&Tess]

I dont know a single horse owner that doesnt sometimes feel like they arent doing the right thing for their horse or that somebody else could give them a better life. But then your horse whickers at you, or comes over to the gate or nuzzles you and you realise that they are happy to be with you.

Daphi clearly likes your company and your ways so please dont give up yet. Give livery a chance, finding the perfect yard can be diffuclut but you dont know what somewhere is really like until you've got to know the people there. Livery doesnt have to be permanent, you can always bring her home in 6 months or so. x

[HJ]

Thanks yann,

I know what your saying, however... letting daphi go will be probably the hardest thing i,ll ever have to do. I cant imagine being around any other horse.... if i was so, why not daphi? if that makes sence.

You have the land at your home so why not get someone to

a) full loan but not let her be moved
b) part loan her to someone so that if you are to ill someone will be there to help


There are ways around everything, trust me I know, and if you want to keep her as much as you say and she is having nothing but positive affects on your condition, you'd be mad to get rid of her

[wibble]

Can you take your social worker with you to the yard that was horrible and have her back you up.

We used to have someone with a social worker on our yard and when we had difficulty reasoning with her about her horse or behaviour we would tell our concerns to the social worker and we would all sit down together and work it out.

I am not saying that you need someone explaining something to you but she could be a back up. Even if you put daphi at the horrible yard for a couple of months until a space elsewhere comes up.

I find animals very theraputic, I would try and keep her. I know what you are saying about a share but you can lay down strict guidelines about what the sharer should do, and she will still ove you the best.

Good luck with everything:)

[lobeliaoverhill]

I'll echo what others have said about not making any decision while you're not well. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and have Type 2 Diabetes. I bought my horse 4 months ago as a therapy/respite, I've not been well with my diabetes this week and the horse is being a git (biting me in the stable and acting the arse when I'm riding) two days ago I was on the verge of walking away from him, but I know not to make a decision when I'm not well, even though it's just dizzy spells and not panic attacks... my anxiety and panic attacks have reduced while I've had the horse.

So keep your chin up dude, as they say "This too shall pass", Daphi's been good for you, don't let her go yet!

[popularfurball]

I would look for full livery further afield and go on a waiting list at the local one you want.

You would also get help and advice from the other owners on the yard too, and always staff around to help you.

Silver is my first pony, and although I worked at a riding school for years at the weekends when I was at school - this has still been a big learning curve for me - knowing when to call the vet, telling if she is lame, what to do when she cast a shoe, managing her sweet itch...

I'm glad someone else finds this daunting to! You'll make it through, go and have a rummage in the disabled section - there are lots of lovely depression posts, which I find motivating and supportive. Silver gets me out of bed every morning, and I find I don't even need motivation to go - I just go - wheras at home everything is a mess, and have little motivation to do anything.

[kitcat2]

I have no experience of any chronic back/other painful conditions but even without that I know horses are so theraputic for me!!I have gone up to see Ritchie in a reli bad mood sometimes but as soon as I seem him/ smell the yard (I love the smell of horses:o) my mood lifts. I can't add to anything people have already said but def consider what other people have said!:)

If you really feel you have to sell her could you try and see if the buyer would keep you updated/ let you come and see her sometime:confused:

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you in the end :)

[Melting Moments]

Best of luck, hope your sort something out.

[Doeylicious]

Not sure what to advise hun, but some good things have been said on here.

Hope you are ok, sending you and Daphi loads of hugs xxx

[rookierider]

This has to be your decision and only you know what feels right.

Either way it is clear you love Daphi and will make the best decision you can, no-one will think badly of you when you do what is best for Daphi, whatever that is.

Hope you feel better soon, I know how heart breaking it is to let a horse go, I hope if she finds a new home that they will keep in touch with you as that does help you cope.

Take care :)

[mindymoo]

Hi Jordan do you know what? you are an amazing man, you are feeling **** at the moment and still you are putting that wonderful girl of yours first.
Isnt your partner in any way horsey? would he help out when you're having a bad day? there's got to be some horse mad teenagers living locally to you that would absolutely love the chance to help out with your girly. I know, i have two that help with mine, they think i am doing them a favour!:)
It must be so hard to think "straight" when you're feeling like this, give it a bit of time, put the feelers out about yards ( again!) you could put an advert in the local shops about a helper/sharer, Get them to do the hard work jobs you can't mangage ( with your back ) in exchange for rides and you can still have lovely quality time grooming, cuddling, talking and kissing her.
Hope you can sort something out mate. All the best with whatever you decide x

[PoweredByHorses]

Jordan,
have a look at millers nook RDA in west haughton,it's near middlebrook and the rebok stadium.
am a rider there,and have never had staff as great as them,the yard is quite new,it's got CCTV,they've got fields and stables,only an outdoor arena but it's very good against rain as they use special stuff not sand.

[Kimmy C]

Hi Jordan

Just read your thread, wondered where you'd been hiding. How very brave of you to tell us of your situation. I am a mother to a severely autistic son who is 16 years old now and without my mum I would not have been able to still have my mare who is almost 30 now. At times I feel so guilty as she has always encouraged me to keep her and Adella (my horse) is my sanctuary, my stability, my place to run when things get on top of me but this said I have a lot of support from family to enable me to keep my horse. I totally understand what you are saying with regard to Daphni and your condition. Is your partner able to support you in any decision you make as you really need someone close who can try to make sense of it all and help you make the right decision. It would be wonderful if you could keep Daphni BUT it has to be for the good of you both. Hopefully with good support and opportunity you will be able to keep your beautiful mare as I believe they are the most wonderful and amazing animals. Whatever the outcome Jordan I wish you all the very best and pray that you will soon be feeling well again and able to cope with life. I applaud you for being so brave in opening up, if only I had your strength. Please,please keep in touch as you have touched the hearts of so many here xxx

[jordanross]

Hi guys. daphi has something wrong with her eye. an eye infection? it has started to shut up ( not totally) but it looks quite sore. Obviously i,ll get the vet out in the morning or asap tomrrow. but i REALLY do want to get her a new home ASAP ( and this will sound very heartless) but its how im feeling ....and i doubt it will change. I will give her away as long as its to a good home.... and i want some certainty for this horse. so if anybody is interestd in taking her on ASAP please msg me. Im deadly serious and have thought about this long and hard. and yep although im not in a great state of mind atm its the very best thing to do.

any offers please? Im kinda desperate to find her a nw home asap.


I know you all mean well and i have made some great freinds here.....but i dont want any further advice on other ways to keep her. I want her rehomed period.


xxx

[Bangers & Mash]

Good luck with what ever you chose to do.

Just out of curiousity what is this mares full name?

[Elly Koopman]

Hi guys. daphi has something wrong with her eye. an eye infection? it has started to shut up ( not totally) but it looks quite sore. Obviously i,ll get the vet out in the morning or asap tomrrow. but i REALLY do want to get her a new home ASAP ( and this will sound very heartless) but its how im feeling ....and i doubt it will change. I will give her away as long as its to a good home.... and i want some certainty for this horse. so if anybody is interestd in taking her on ASAP please msg me. Im deadly serious and have thought about this long and hard. and yep although im not in a great state of mind atm its the very best thing to do.

any offers please? Im kinda desperate to find her a nw home asap.


I know you all mean well and i have made some great freinds here.....but i dont want any further advice on other ways to keep her. I want her rehomed period.


xxx

There is a eye bug going round which is basically conjunctivitis, but is only affecting one eye and not both. The vet will give you some eye-drops (fucidin I think) and it will clear up with a couple of days. Nothing to worry about, the aged one had it last month and was quite bad, but was gone in about 48hours...and that's with them not really going in properly (try telling a been there done it all 16.2h mare with PMT that eye-drops are a good thing?! :D)

[Fizz]

pop her on the ex-racer forum x

[jordanross]

The name on her passport is mistry

[lilythepink]

pop her on the ex-racer forum x


Yep I agree thats a good idea, I am a member on there (as is Fizz I think), you can do it in a couple of ways, either become a member on there and post it yourself or pm me the details and I can post an add on there for you or get the rehoming administrator to put it on.

Just let me know if I can help in anyway :)

[sjmcc]

you are a very brave person to tell us how you feel and whats going on in your life and i also know someone with the same illness as you and hes is the nicest person in the world but when hes not well he realy cant cope with what life thows at him and me and him have sat down and had many good talks over his illness and my heart just goes out to him because iv talked in depth with my friend i know youl find it very hard are you takeing your medication because that plays a big part in your life and your horse i feel if you hold onto her shel realy help you threw your bad times cant you at least give yourself more time to think this threw i realy dont know what else to say but dont be so hard on yourself and think about it my heart realy goes out to you

[Cazie]

Jordan.. you have no idea what you are feeling, thinking, saying at the moment.. one minute you want livery, the next you don't.. At the moment you want a new home for daphni.. maybe when she is gone you would rather she was with you.. Remember to sell her is final.. the end, no going back.. goodbye forever daphni.. Oh with the best intentions the new owner will say.. of course i will keep in touch, yes you can visit.. and then they move or they sell Daphni on again... Personally, if you can find the right home for her, it is probably for the best.. but not the best for you, not right now... not until you are well enough to make the decision that is not based on your emotional state at the moment... If you really truly have made your mind up then do not sell her/give her away in a hurry... I can see this ending in more tears for you.
Maybe someone on here can offer her a home for a while, just until you get things straight in your head.
Once you have sold her.. there is no going back.. final, end, period, full stop... she won't be yours.
My heart goes out to you Jordan X

[jordanross]

But in my eyes it ISNT about what i want! yeah im upset and yes... i would love to keep her she hasnt done anything wrong but right now... me having her isnt ideal. and im not a messer... i would rather he be in a place were she can get the full attention and care she deserves...and thats about the bottom line really. I want whats best for her. Im still open to offers if any of you can offer her a home!

just remmeber one thing... Im not re homing her through any fault of her own. shes a brill horse!

[-Charly-]

Person above i think thats totally unreasonable. :mad: Really sorry your going through this. Hope You find a brilliant home for her.

[Kittycat]

novelty worn off?

That was totally unnecessary.

[jordanross]

novelty worn off?



You'll never know the relationship i have with my horse.... so why dont you go and **** off back up your own ass!

[Cazie]

You keep on saying that you want what is best for Daphni.. but you are not listening to what others are saying.. it is about Daphni and her relationship with you... what you are saying is, Daphni will be happier in a temp home, someone elses care, passed around, not knowing where she will end up, perhaps suffering at the hands of cruel people.. perhaps ending up on someones dinner plate one day... Like I said.. find the right home for her and she probably will be better off.. but with the greatest respect Jordan don't pretend this is all about Daphni.

[twigs]

perhaps jordan you have bitten off more than you can chew as the saying goes, everyone has to try, you dont know until then, I know for one, when Im in the postion to have my own Ill have to think long and hard for alot of reasons, not just financial...so it cant be easy for you if you have a health issue should it be physical or mental!
I think if you had of had her at livery from the start things might have been different for you, regarding support and company, but giving her away, or for next to nothing isnt a good idea for alot of reasons...god knows where she will end up and in what state
If theres any other problem regarding the horse get help from someone before parting with her, dont let her go for the problem to become someone elses...you do seem in an awful rush...:confused:
best wishes in whatever you decide
xx

[Libbyo]

Hi Jordan.

No vested interest here. I dont want Dafni, as beautiful as she is her legs are too long for me. Im sad you have made this desision, and like others, Im thinking you might need to rethink a tad.
I have 6 horses aged from 1-20, and Im old (er nearly 50!Eeeeeekkkkkkk), but back in Jan I broke my wrist. My right one. I have ostio perosis so in the future it is likely to happen again. We have the horses at home. One horse in particular is very tricky, hes young stong and quite tricky to handle. What did I do. I put him up for sale :( Ive had him since he was 2. Hes 5 now. I helped break him.......My heart broke. It was a panic reflex.
Luckily for me he didnt sell. I then put a share ad in the local paper. I got a brilliant rider. She helped me so much. 9 months on, Ive got my boy, Im still healing from the break- no riding for a year:(I feel awful to think I might of sold him, but my head is in a better state now. Please step back and look at your options. i think you neeed Dafni as much as she needs you. Pm me if I can help.Please.

[newhorsefinder]

I think what we need to remember here, is that this gentleman is mentaly ill and needs support through a difficult period. Unfortunatly it appears that his horse may suffer because of it and that's sad. It does though, goe to show how the effects of mental health can reach so far. Way beyond ourselves, our families, our work collegues and those that we are closest to and we love.

I don't suffer myself thank the Lord, but a lot of my family work with the mentaly ill and have done always so I have heard the stories over and over again.

For some sufferers it can be simply getting the medication rght to get them back on track and living a reasonably balanced life with some control, which I have a sneaking suspistion JR has not got done?

Are you getting the help you need JR?

I think the other forum members are both right and wrong. In your case perhaps move Daph to ful livery, or loan out. Now is not the right time to fall back on self pity. You want to punish yourself and by loosein Daph you will punished. You will however in the long term and when you are feeling well again, regret it. And so might she poor love.

I hope you settle soon and this black cloud moves on.

[Magentadreamer]

Hi Jordan,

I've been reading on here for a month or so due to thinking about buying my daughter her first pony. I'm lucky in the fact that I have my Sister who is very knowledgeable when it comes to all things horsey. Should I go down the actual ownership route then for the first 6 months or so any pony would be on livery with hers in order for both me and my daughter to have little Sis as a fall back only when little Sis gives us the thumbs up would a pony be moved closer to home. I'm also considering a share prior to actually buying. sorry i'm rambling.

For what it's worth my 2p's worth would be for you to put Daphi on full loan with someone. That way you would be able to make sure she did have a good home and if the loan was going well you could then look at selling her to them. I really hope you can find her a good home.

[Pale Moon]

you had your illness before having her i presume? so you chose to bring her into it, it is now your responsibility to ensure she is sorted out



Whilst the rest of the post was perhaps bluntly and a bit tactlessly put, I do agree with what fattytothinny20 has said in the paragraph above, Jordan.

This is not in any way a criticism of you, but one thing that strikes me is that you are in an awful hurry to re-home Daphi - this comes across clearly in your willingness to just give her away.

You took on the responsibility of her, not lightly, I am sure - no-one buys a horse without thinking long and hard about what they are doing. Obviously, and completely understandably, things in your life have taken a turn so that you are struggling to cope - again - this happens. A change in personal circumstances, be it financial, medical or emotional can happy to anyone at any time.

But you DO need to slow down and take the time and effort to find this horse a good, loving and secure home.:rolleyes:

[vicki_krystal]

What ever you decide i feel just giving her away is wrong.

Ive always been brought up to work hard and appreciate what i have - what i mean is that if you have had to work to afford something you appreciate everything more.

If you just give her away, whilst the person may appear to be kind and assure you of a home for life, once she is off your yard and signed over they can legally take her straight to a dealers from yours and get money for her.

Not really what i think you have in mind for her.

[leno289]

David

having worked within mental health i can do a degree understand what you are feeling but only from an outside view and can relate to some of what you are saying

whatever you decide to do has to be your decision - only you can decide but how you feel now may not be how you will feel in say a year

would you consider long term loan of your beautiful horse for say a year or two - that way it would enable you to maybe get the help you need and once you have your life back onto a more steady even keal you may want to have her returned to you -failing that what about long term loan again say year or 2 with view to buy -again giving you the option to have her back depending upon your health and other factors.

i hope you dont mind but i have suggested to a young friend of mine that she contacts you regarding your horse and as i understand it she has pm'd you