Our bad hack... Moral: never give up

[x.Moomoo.x]

Sorry this is quite a long post but I think it's worth reading as I feel it could benefit some of you? Or a story some may be able to relate to.

Well the last time I took Wren out for a hack, I must admit it was a bit of a disaster :/ For us anyway...

Not even 5 minutes into the hack and the "runner" issue happend, where all instincts took over and ignored all of my aids to control the wild thing!
Then things were going okay, 10 minutes later she decided that we don't usually go this far and took the whole "I'm going to act a bit silly to show that it's time to go back home now to the grass, as I've been in a stable all day and would rather eat than work more than I usually do!" attitude.

Then as I turned up a lane further down the road, she stood still refusing to go on. When I eventually told her I wasn't having it, she reluctantly walked forwards, where we met 2 cars who refused to go back, and watched me turn around and go all the way back down the lane. I then knew it was going to be a proper battle to get Wren anywhere near going back up that lane. I tried and I tried, but she wasn't having any of it (but she does have some issues of when she is genuinly scared, she stands still... stares, and turns around to run away) and as she was doing this, I wasn't sure if she was nervous, so I took her on her way back home.

I thought "right I must take her up another route just so she doesn't get her own way and think that she can act and do what she fancies when she fancies and if she really was scared (which tbh I knew she wasn't) then going on a different route would be fine!" but as we headed home (to find another lane to go up), she started to be a bit fidgety, yanking the reins - even though they were slack, acting like a big silly and then completely freaked out of a little nut, falling from the tree and we shot across the road sideways for about 10 meters :rolleyes:
But after that, I don't know what happend as I just got quite upset about her not behaving (as she's usually a good girl) and I just took her home, and before you say anything, like I said above, I know I shouldn't have done that, and I should have pursued in taking her somewhere else, even if it was for 5 minutes! But I just gave up, and went back to the yard (it had also been a long day, I had a lot of work to do and wasn't in the mood for her bad behaviour - however, know this isn't an excuse - I just wanted a pleasant, relaxing ride - not a fight)

I untacked her, sorted her out and just burst into tears as it's not the first time in the 5 months I've had her that we've had issues! so all built up, I think it just got to me. I then had a chat with the lady that shares Wren with me and she was saying "You can't just give up, you're not the sort of person to do that, ever. You never have been, I don't know what's happend to you..." and it got me quite down (but this conversation was when I'd just got home, so I was still upset with our ride) and she said if I didn't want Wren anymore, I didn't have to, as it's my money and I shouldn't waste it on something I wasn't enjoying. But she's wrong, I do enjoy Wren and to be honest, I love her to bits, she has such a funny nature and she is a very sweet mare and makes me smile all the time & I do love having her, I've just had so many setbacks it just brought me down and I finally cracked.

But I got home later, calmed myself down and thought "What am I doing? Of course I'm going to keep her and I will get her to the point where she won't even think twice about not doing as I ask." (but what confused me more was the fact I am very confident and straight with her, yet a chilled out rider with her, if any of you understand me? lol) To be honest, Wren has a very distinct nature (she is a TB x ID) and is a strong-minded mare, and the type that you have to ask & work with (like every horse) but a bit more than some, else she'll be completely reluctant to do anything. She can also be very nervy when out and must always be comforted, reassured by her rider & this is something she actually has from me, trust. It didn't come straight away, I had to earn it, but we got there. It's just slight issues like thinking she is bigger than she really is and can dance around and do as she pleases, when she pleases. I know that if she can earn my trust, I can get her to do almost anything.
I don't have a problem with confidence with her as I class myself as a confident rider, she doesn't scare me - so I know I can manage to sort this out myself, it's up to me to just get on with it and realise that even though 2 horses may have similar issues out hacking, they both react to a completely different ways of authority (as my old pony had separation anxiety so wanted to always turn and go home - and Wren just decides to be ignorant and want to go and eat... what she does best!) so kind of similar situations - yet both have to be dealt with differently! It's taught me a lot, and there is no way I'm going to give up with her, from now on we're going to be going out as a team not in a battle!

So to all of you (whatever circumstances you may be in) never give up with something, patience really is a virtue and anything is possible, you just have to believe in yourself & your horse :) and I will let you all know how my next hack goes as I haven't ridden her since this.

*Big hugs* to anybody who was actually bothered to read this long (and probably really boring!) story :o x

[tiga]

Thanks for your story and I hope things are better next time you ride.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in the disappointment or worry of the moment that we forget to have perspective and it's easy then to let it get you down. We have to remember that sometimes we will have bad days, whether it's down to us, the horse or a combination of the two. But then we can bounce back and try to solve the problem and, most importantly, move on without analysing it to death.

I know I am guilty of over thinking things, not just horse stuff, and sometimes I have to give myself a bit of a slap. Eg, just got a speeding ticket and will have 3 points on my license and was then thinking what I would do if I lost my license and couldn't get to the yard! I don't even have any points yet!

Chin up and I agree with your moral of 'Never give up'!

[x.Moomoo.x]

Thanks for your story and I hope things are better next time you ride.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in the disappointment or worry of the moment that we forget to have perspective and it's easy then to let it get you down. We have to remember that sometimes we will have bad days, whether it's down to us, the horse or a combination of the two. But then we can bounce back and try to solve the problem and, most importantly, move on without analysing it to death.

I know I am guilty of over thinking things, not just horse stuff, and sometimes I have to give myself a bit of a slap. Eg, just got a speeding ticket and will have 3 points on my license and was then thinking what I would do if I lost my license and couldn't get to the yard! I don't even have any points yet!

Chin up and I agree with your moral of 'Never give up'!

I too over-think things, and people tell me that I take things to heart, when I shouldn't.
When my old pony died, I got into such a state I analysed and analysed anything and everything to see if I could have prevented it, or if it was my fault, or if I should have done anything differently as naturally, I adored my pony to absolute pieces and blamed myself. People told me to stop it straight away and stop beating myself up about it, but I couldn't stop - and it got me no-where apart from getting depressed.

[tiga]

Well at least we know we over think things - now if we can just find a way to stop doing it we'll be alright.:D

[x.Moomoo.x]

Well at least we know we over think things - now if we can just find a way to stop doing it we'll be alright.:D

Yep lol! don't know how to though haha! :)

[tiga]

Me either - it's in my nature. I'll PM you if I figure it out.:)

[x.Moomoo.x]

Me either - it's in my nature. I'll PM you if I figure it out.:)

Thankyou :D x

[Sofi P]

You're horse sounds just like mine out hacking! Only sometimes we can't even get over the first stile leaving the yard because she just doesnt feel like it... With her it's a combination of fear and stubbeness and like you say, sometimes it's hard to tell which one!

I went aaaaaaages without hacking out this summer because she was being such a handful so we stuck to the school instead and were working on our jumping. But then a friend asked if I wanted to go out with her and her 5yo, he wasnt much better than my mare but we ended up having such a laugh is didnt matter. The first time we went out together we ended up getting off to lead the horses past something scary (bridge, puddle, funny looking bush etc) 6 times between us! So the next time we just aimed to get off less, and we got it down to just once each. We were so elated when we got back to the yard that everyone thought we were bonkers!

Then my horse fractured a splint bone... but I'm thinking when I'm allowed to start walking her I'll take her on in hand hacks and see if I can toughen her up a bit!

I guess my motto is to have a laugh about it, who cares that your horse isnt always perfect?! Is she better with company? If so, try going out in a pair with them walking side by side, this way she can gain confidence without only learning to follow.

[Carrie+Morgan]

Oh bless you, dont you give up, you know deep down you can handle it, they all seem to have funny five minutes that knocks our confidence just remember end on a good note and take baby steps.

I know you can do it ;)

[x.Moomoo.x]

Sofi P your horse does sound similar!

Wren has only ever done hacking in her life (never schooling apart from when she was broken in) so I can't even just go and ride her in the school!

If anyone ever walks out with me (mum does occasionally when she brings the dog :o) Wren turns into such hard work as she just wants to constantly follow! It's the same (her owner said) with hacking out in company, she won't go side by side, only behind as she wants to follow!

We had a problem at the start where she decided to just stand on the yard and refuse to go out too! But soon sorted it out.

But I'm hopefully schooling her soon from scratch in the next couple of weeks, should be interesting as I heard she is very dancey and likes to do a broncho show for you when you ask her to go a bit faster than a walk! which really doesn't surprise me with her :rolleyes: so that should be a laugh.
I agree with you, I never take anything too seriously as what's the point? She's just very hard work sometimes :o

[x.Moomoo.x]

Oh bless you, dont you give up, you know deep down you can handle it, they all seem to have funny five minutes that knocks our confidence just remember end on a good note and take baby steps.

I know you can do it ;)

Aww thankyou :) I will keep going :o

[Daisy_Roots]

I really understand that, I've been there with a previous horse.

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you, chin up and enjoy your next hack :)

[popularfurball]

Tbh, this is how I feel about riding Silver. It is difficult to ride out with others due to working shifts etc, and going out alone - if we manage to get away from home she naps persistantly until she gets bored of napping and will bolt back home, but often we dont even manage to get out of view of the barn.

She fits the rhyme of when she was good she was very very good, and when she was bad she was awful.

I really enjoy nice rides together but dont like going out just to fight with each other (not that Im riding at the moment anyway due to tack issues :rolleyes:)

Just look forward to the next one which will hopefully be nicer!

[bitsnpieces]

I think it's actually a good thing that you've got to this stage sooner rather than later, my little sis has just gone through the same thing with her ex-racer and now things are better than ever. Sometimes it's just a case of getting to the point where you have to make a decision, which in turn makes you realise what you have and that you love it.

Please keep us posted on your adventures - I'd really like to hear how you guys get on :)

good on you!

[x.Moomoo.x]

Thanks for the support and comments everyone :) ((hugs))

I know there are downfalls and bad times it's just sometimes (though hardly ever) they can get the better of me, and as she is only my 2nd horse, I haven't had the proper experience of having it constantly/everytime I ride.
Although I learnt a lot off my old mare who could be very difficult to hack at times, though I absolutely adored her.

And bitsnpieces, I agree, I like to learn lessons sooner rather than later, that way I get to use the lesson learnt in future :D

[fairlady]

Horses egh, why do we do it:)

Your Girl may well be stubborn at times but I would say she also does have some confidence issues. Its so so true what Sofi P has said, sometimes
when there are two of you the issues that sometimes seems so BIG when
you are on your own, you are able to laugh about when you have somebody with you. When you hack with someone else and are talking etc., you are not looking at every little thing, whether conciously or not, that the more
nervous, or naughty, Horse picks up on.

It is a good thing that you have reached this point and made the decision to stick with it after re-evaluating things. Now go do your schooling and get out hacking, the one thing I would say is throw in a mix. If able, hack her
out with somebody else, it doesn't matter if she tucks herself in behind initially for confidence as you hack out more you can start to insist she moves up by the side and then for very small periods up front to lead the ride.
You need to give HER the confidence, and as you succeed with that it will
give YOU more confidence to deal with her when you hack alone.

I wish you well, look forward to your updates.:)

[Flipo's Mum]

I think the best thing about this forum is that when someone has an issue everyone seems so encouraging and the last thing they do is suggest you should give up! I don't think horsey people are by nature ones to give up on their animals - after all, the bond we develop so quickly is just so hard to give up - I had a fab pony when I was a kid, a real old school mistress that I unfortunately had to put down so I know how it feels to lose one, but wasn't prepared when I bought Flip - he's been a handful in comparison.

What strikes me is that it really doesn't take long to start seeing results, even the smallest ones when you persevere. I couldn't pick Flip's feet up when i bought him, but two weeks later he was picking up one, and gradually he's now lifting all four and allowing me to pick them out - he always puts them down midway through but i just quietly persevere (I'm actually surprised how patient I've been about it?!!)
Where you've got the confidence but your horse maybe doesn't, I've got it the opposite way round! I don't have confidence riding out alone at the mo cause I've fallen off a couple of times. So in the meantime I'm walking him out in hand and breathing deeply alot. Flip's pretty young in the head so he needs someone strong otherwise he has a crisis in confidence as well and runs to get us to safety which is sweet but dangerous! I think when we can understand why and how its happening that makes us feel more determined to help sort it out and have fab perfect horses. (Does anyone have a perfect horse?!!)
Projects are good, I'm treating this as a challenge that's gonna help my self esteem and provide tons of fun and tears in the process!! I wish you luck, and hope you'll continue to persevere - you sound like you know what's going on and what to do, we all need a bit of a breather every now and then so don't beat yourself up thinking you copped out once - hell there have to the bad times to make you take notice of the good (sorry for the philosophy!)
Oh and P.S. Tiga -you're not alone, seems SP30's on our licences are incredibly popular (I work in insurance - we hear about them alot!!!)

[x.Moomoo.x]

Thanks again guys.

Fairlady, the reason why she follows is because when she was a youngster, everytime she tried to go side by side with her mum, her mum bared her teeth and told her to "get back in line" :rolleyes: and Wren has never got out of it! (she still lives with her mummy 13 years on :o)

And Wren really is about 4 years old mentally - which makes it a lot easier for me to work on knowing this.
To be honest, she does have some confidence issues with stuff, but 95% of the time she is just being naughty/stubborn and I know it. I never, ever tell her off for being scared as she just needs a lot of encouragement, but it's a whole new kettle of fish when she starts misbehaving and deciding what SHE wants to do because she wants to, then the firm discipline sets in!

Admittedly it is my own fault, as during the week I don't have time to take her out on very long hacks as it gets dark early now and I have a lot of college work to do but obviously find the time to just get her out and about instead of in the field all day - so when I took her out on a hack that was further than the usual, and past the usual place of where we usually go home, there's no wonder she's thinking "hang on, I'm usually on the way to my haynet right now, what's going on, I'm not having this!" I even said it out loud to her when we were out "Oh I know Wren it's my own fault for taking you out on the same, short route" :o
However, it is still not up to her to decide where we go, and how long for! But as I know the problem, it should be easier to overcome it, I hope :o

Thanks guys for all your help and support! Really has gave me the boost to do it even more! I will let you know how we get on :) x

[Kimmy C]

Cant say any more than whats already been said. Been there, done that..... but in the end its worth it. We all have bad days and we ponder over it, analyse it, sleep on it, or more to the point, toss and turn over it. Some one said to me once "you cant eat an elephant....... but you can little by little" A strange thing to say but its so true. It may take time but eventually you will get there! x