People that talk down to novices

[Gina789]

Sorry mini rant coming.. Ill openly admit I am a novice. I started having lessons once a week when i was eight and stopped at 15. I had some lessons part leased a horse then bought my own two years ago.

I still have weekly lessons and have learnt heaps in this time and know I have millions more to learn.

But the way People talk to me (I mean in my area not on forum etc) makes me feel like I'm idiot that knows nothing. I am quite knowledgeable in some areas but dont think people recognise that I have learnt and developed as a rider and owner..

My horse is happy healthy and loved (not that anybody has every questioned that area) its more my ability to deal with handle horses that people seem quick to judge me on. Even people that havent seen my horse and I together or me ride in several months seem to clump a long to put a downer on something I have said and question if I am doing the right thing.

Im not saying I'm now great far from it still a novice learning but the point is I am learning and don't need to be patronised as if I were a complete begginner (not that a beginner should be patronised either).

Does anybody else find this and does it drive you mad?

[pmcc]

what kind of things do they say?

[cinammontoast]

Are they much older than you? I found that people were very like this when I wsa learning but now you have your own horse, surely they should realise that you're not stupid? Very annoying-perhaps listen intently next time, thank them for their great 'advice' then go and do your own thing!:D

I think we never stop learning but in the horsey world, everyone appears to be an expert, or at least think that they are.

[Luna Corona]

I don't know about most people, but I wouldn't have classed anyone who has had more than nine years of riding lessons a novice in the first place! :)

I think that many of us have our areas of "expertise" that are rarely sought by others which is a shame for the general community, not just in the horseworld.

Is is possible the folk who make you feel like an idiot are not just jealous of your progress?

[greymare]

I used to find that with some people I used to know.

I was madeto feel that any opinions I had on horse care were not correct or odd.

I decided to follow these ideas anyway, I have a happy healthy horse who has never dispayed any bad behavour (e.g biting, kicking etc).

Just ignore tham and drop them. you dont need them.

JEn
x

[lynnemh]

luna corona, i love your reply-. its so true. and to the op; you just have to concentrate on you and your horse, and try to ignore the others, if you dont think thier comments apply to you. there will always be people who voice thier opinions more vocally than others, and it occurs to me often that sometimes they are the very ones who have the same problems they are trying to put on to others- it just makes them feel better about themselves, so i would say sift through the comments, if you can take anything constructive from them, do so, if not just say firmly, thanks for your concern, but this works for me and my horse, and then just walk away. be friendly the next time you see them, but when ever they start on with the comments, just say the same in a friendly way, they will get the message.

[essexlady]

I know exactly how you feel and have just moved yards because of it.

At 42 years old to be told you have not been around horses long enough to your face is quite bemusing, makes me wonder how I got through life and raise 2 children:rolleyes:

I have only been around horses 5 years and its a big learning curve but I do seek advice and am very open to new ideas and take on board any advice thats given.

As they say there is more than one way to string a cat and whos to say there way is right and we all have our horses interest at heart, constructive criticism is fantastic blatant belittling is not nice.;)

[Daisy_Roots]

I don't know about most people, but I wouldn't have classed anyone who has had more than nine years of riding lessons a novice in the first place! :)

Completely agree with this :D

I think there may be some jealousy here.

Also however experienced someone is, they were a novice once ;)

[Nookster]

Sadly I think talking down can happen at any stage so don’t feel alone!

You’ll always come across this throughout many things in the horsey world (world in general), best to learn the tactic of ignoring such insensitive comments/opinions will make your life a lot easier!

As you said you and your horse are happy and healthy – that’s all that matters

[Trewsers]

Oh, tell me about it! I was always the "yard numpty" - honestly some people just love to impart their pearls of wisdom upon you - despite you having the know-how yourself. I found certain people to be both patronising and rude. (Won't name names, cos you never know who reads these forums!). I remember my times on yards being both nice (cos I did meet some great people) but also frustrating, as there were people who talked down to me.
One of my favourites (I've mentioned this before) is:

Person storms into our barn:
"has anybody seen my brushing boots"?

Nobody looks up.

Person storms over to me and OH.

"I said, have you seen my brushing boots"?

Me: "No, I haven't sorry".

Person: "You do actually know what brushing boots look like don't you"?

OH: "Yes, and when I find them I shall keep them for myself"!!!!!!!(think he may have said some other things but I can't just remember)

Another good one was when somebody considered me far too novicey to be lunging - quite obviously didn't I know that leather lunge cavessons were NO GOOD and rubbed??!!!!!!!

Sorry, I could go on all day.......

[Kit&Holly]

It really does my head in! I bought my old cob Billy from my previous yard and moved him to another yard for just over a year as my current yard was still running as a riding school at that time! A few months after the riding school closed down I moved Billy back to the yard and most of the other liveries who 'knew everything' because they had done a stable management course before buying their riding school favourites and were completely new to horse ownership assumed that I knew nothing because I had ventured off into the big wide world with Billy when in reality I already had 4yrs experience in horse ownership before buying Billy and I was also an avid bookworm and already had years of experience in horsecare before I bought my own horse... So yeah I got treated like a total beginner I think my favourite quote was the paniced fellow livery who yelled 'kirsty, your saddles broken :o ' all because she had never seen a dressage saddle before... The other things were just really quite silly because I done alot of things differently to how they had been taught I was wrong alot in their opinion :)

[Gina789]

Well a couple of examples I arranged to do my first show in June just in hand the first day and the second day trot poles then ascending poles. I received an email from a 'friend' once I'd paid all the entry fees etc questioning whether I was ready to enter a show and was I not expecting too much.

The same 'friend' that I have barely seen or spoken to emailed me out of the blue yesterday as I'd posted that one day id like to buy a youngster and had posted a link to something that caught my idea questioning whether I was seriously considering it. I knew the whole your not experienced enough ya de yada speech was coming.

I do know I am not and was meaning for in a couple of years time, also She knows I have an instructor for a lesson a week and one of my best mates boyfriends is an instructor he also gives me some pointers when we school together once a week so it wouldn't have been like I was going in blind on my own.

I'm also at a largelivery yard where there are some extremly knowledgeable helpful people about :)

Anyways thanks everyone you have made me feel better I have decided to just ignore. it just hurt that I felt like i'd been discussed by 'friend' and one of my good friends behind my back casting judgements about me without doing their research properly.

I'm just going to avoid let it pass over and keep my thoughts to myself in the future :)

[shockblue]

We have rules at our farm!

- No one wants to know what you have to say unless asked. We had a few bad apples who thought they knew everything.
- No being two-faced or bullying
- No shouting at any horse (you might as well go tell em to make you a cup of tea for all they understand)

My YO is very lovely and tries very hard to make sure the yard is harmonious. She has kicked off/turned down liveries in the past but she always tells them the her grounds first.

We like to go and spend time with our horses to get away from it all and not be judged! Best wishes to you! xxx

[Joyscarer]

I find it more remarkable that those who have 'had horses all their lives' seem to know so very little :confused:

I suppose that they take it for granted that they know what they are doing and don;t bother to keep up with the times or have a hunger to learn more.

Two of the people I've known who have known dangerously little and been putting horses at risk because of it had owned horses since they were little girls and they were both in their 40's. Worrying :(

[JustJas]

I find the insecure talk down to people whatever...

I now ignore it in all areas of my life now.

You do not need to prove anything- just enjoy your horse. You will know the people to ask advice from- the rest do not matter.

[kathyt1]

You never "know it all" with horses, and anybody who thinks they do is missing out. The difference is, the more educated you make yourself the better choices you can make for yourself and your horse.

[lynnemh]

kathyt1; that is so true!

[fairlady]

I think there are people who just like talking down to people in every area of life tbh not just 'horse owners' or 'novices';)

People forget that we were ALL there ourselves once, lol, I think you see
it more with 'Learner Drivers' and peoples impatience, they forget that they were the ones with the 'L' plates on not that long ago:D

Just take no notice, you are happy your Horse is happy, these type of people are not worth getting upset about to be honest, they just 'like' the sound
of their own voice:D

It amazes me how people have the cheek, lol, nobody EVER knows everything, especially when dealing with Horses, you all learn something new
everyday, well you do if you are a good Owner and 'open' to learning and don't have the mindset that you know everything anyway;)

Enjoy your Horse, don't let these small minded people get to you:)

[nicolaj]

I've found a mixture of people who like to give you "advice". Usually the ones who are the loudest tend to be the ones who are insecure in their own ability/confidence and always like to stick their nose in when it isn't wanted.

I tended to listen to what they have to say, thank them, and find out about the issue myself and keep developing my own knowledge.

The people worth listening to, tend to keep themsleves out and will maybe ask if you want help, but don't force it on you.

Everybody is an expert!

[fth]

aren't people weird?

I find that years of time with horses is not always a good indicator of how much aperson really knows

afetr all -- do you have twenty years experience -- or one eyars experience twenty times over?

I would rather have someone with 5 years experience who is actively learning and growing than someone with ten years who gave up learning 8 years ago

Cathy

[Joyscarer]

afetr all -- do you have twenty years experience -- or one eyars experience twenty times over?

I would rather have someone with 5 years experience who is actively learning and growing than someone with ten years who gave up learning 8 years ago



What an excellent way to phrase it. I agree with you wholeheartedly :cool:

[Ruskii]

I really like the phase 'Every day is a school day' and with horses it's always going to be one.

Just now I read a fact on a shoeing thread and thought 'how true !'

I dont get spoken down to a lot, but then I can be fairly gruff with people if they are speaking to me like and idiot and I will answer back deliberately really slowly and loud as if they are hard of hearing. Only had to do that once to a Yard Know it all a few years ago and never got bothered by her again. At my current yard, I do get sometimes suprised by comments about what people are doing with their horses, but I'm sure some of them think the same about me. But no one says anything, we just all carry on with our own thing. Tis lovely :)