Lost Confidence

[NoviceNic]

I HAD RIDING LESSONS FOR TWO YEARS. I BOUGHT A WEE PONY FOR MY DAUGHTER, JUST TO MAKE SURE I COULD LOOK AFTER PONY RESPONSIBLY. THEN I TREATED MYSELF TO MY FIRST HORSE LAST SEPT. I NEVER HAD LOADS OF CONFIDENCE BUT CHANGED HORSE REGULARLY AT SCHOOL SO TO BUILD UP MY CONFIDENCE. I RODE HER CAREFULLY AND NO HEROIC STUFF INVOLVED. FIRST A WALK AND THEN WHEN MY BRAIN SAID OKAY TROT NOW I DID. ANY WAY I BUILT MYSELF UP TO CANTERING AND SMALL JUMPS WITHIN TWO MONTHS. BUT THEN WHEN THE WINTER CAME MY MARE'S MOOD CHANGED OVERNIGHT. SHE BIT ME ON THE FACE AND BARGES ME AROUND. I HAVE TRIED HARD TO MAKE HER LOOK TO ME AS THE ALPHA BUT IT IS A CONSTANT BATTLE:( I NOW CAN'T EVEN RIDE HER AS SHE SPOOKS AT NOISES THREE MILES AWAY. SHE IS GOING TO A FRIENDS TOMORROW FOR RIDING AS SHE IS ABSOLUTELY FINE WHEN A CONFIDENT RIDER RIDES. I THINK I MIGHT SELL HER AFTER MY FRIEND HAS GOT HER CONFIDENCE UP. I WANT TO RIDE HER BUT AM ABSOLUTLY FRIGHTENED TO DEATH OF HER. I KNOW IT ISN'T HER FAULT SHE HAS BEEN GOOD WHEN I FIRST RODE HER. I WILL GO BACK TO LESSONS BUT I CAN'T SEE I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO OWN MY OWN HORSE AS WOULD HAVE TO BE PERFECT. IS THERE SUCH A THING AS SAFE? HOW CAN I GET RID OF MY FEAR? SHOULD I GIVE UP?

[kedwards]

Did you stop taking lessons after you bought her? Perhaps you can get a trainer/instructor out to help you learn to work with her and improve your riding and confidence at the same time.

[NoviceNic]

I did stop lessons because i havn't got anything to pull my trailer at the moment. I know my mare feeds off my nerves as she is okay when a confident rider gets on her but when I get on her she rears & spins at very small noises. This is an example of how bad I am. I rode a school horse for 6 months. I knew everytime he would spook and learnt to deal with it but then one lesson I couldn't go so I went in class lesson. Done this before on another horse for months and enjoyed it thoroughly. But I took school horse out and he was more chirpy and excited (not naughty). I went from decent rider to complete beginner, just because of my nerves. Another example, I rode a horse who nobody else would ride (didn't know that at time). We got on brilliantly and she was very fast with very little school experience. She had been loaned but given up. Then one week my rider instructor changed and I again went to pieces. The poor horse at one point had it's head high in the air with me pulling left/right rapid. :( I think a lot of it is because I feel intimidated by a horses height. Don't laugh but if I could ride a shetland I would get on brilliantly. I love riding I get a massive rush of WOWWWWWWWW:D

[NoviceNic]

PS WHEN LOOKING TO BUY A HORSE MY ADVERT READ. LOOKING FOR 110% SAFE 14 HH NATIVE. AFTER WATCHING HER FOR THREE MONTHS AND RIDING HER FOR FORTNIGHT, I BOUGHT A TB X ARAB 15 3 HH THAT HAS BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR 1 YEAR BUT EXCELLANT NATURE. SHE REALLY WAS GOOD FOR ME AND SLOWED DOWN FOR ME AND SCOOPED ME UP WHEN ALMOST FALLING OFF WHEN JUMPED HER FOR SECOND TIME. BUT ON THE GROUND I FEEL AS IF SHE HATES ME. SOMEONE I SPOKE TO RECENTLY TOLD ME A TB X ARAB ISN'T A GOOD MATCH FOR A FIRST HORSE OWNER. MAYBE SHE IS BORED WITH MY INEXPERIENCED SKILLS RIDING/LOOKING AFTER.

[L J M]

Hi,

do you have an instructor or knowledgeable friend who you trust and who knows your riding ability and fears well? If so, take them along with you to look for a horse and don't be tempted - no matter how beautiful - by something that isn't what you are looking for!!

If you take someone else along who knows what you are looking for they should be able to steer you away from something unsuitable.

In so far as TB X Arab being unsuitable for a novice - all horses personalities are different - while Tb's etc are thought of as being silly and highly strung not all are like that - equally i know people with highlands etc that have huge problems with silliness etc.

I do know from experience that if you have lost your confidence on a horse it is very difficult to get back - and at the end of the day riding is meant to be fun and although you musn't give up at every little hurdle, if you are terrified of riding your horse what is the point in persevering?

I used to have a 14.2 irish heinz 57 type - he was so safe - you could literally put a baby on and he wouldnt put a foot wrong. I had him for two years and i went for 3 hacks - all three were total disasters and never jumped higher than a 4" cross pole. I had no reason to fear him but i just never 'clicked' with him and although i was fine riding him in the school i would not hack or jump him (but i would quite happily hack and jump all the 16.2 nutters that used to come into our dealing yard!).

I went over to Ireland with some very knowledgeable older friends (I was only 13 at the time) with the view of buying a 15.2 nice steady cob that i could get my confidence back on - I came back with a 16.1TB x ID 12 year old who had been the masters staghunter for 8 years! Very excitable etc etc but i just felt safe on him - dont get me wrong - he is a handful - very sensitive and skilled at going sideways and in reverse at high speed - but i can honestly say i have NEVER felt scared of him.

How do you feel about dealing with you mare everyday - do you look forward to going to see her, sitting in the stable talking to her etc etc - what i am trying to say is that if you don't feel you have that special connection with her you are probably just aswell cutting your losses and looking for something else - and be prepared to have to wait to find the right horse for you.

Although i missed my pony when he was sold i was never THAT upset - i had never really bonded with him as he wasnt right for me. My new boy i have now owned for 7 and a half years and i know that i would NEVER sell him - i feel such a close link to him - i very rarely need to voice what i want him to do as we have such a close bond that he almost seems to sense what i want him to do or how i feel. If i feel a bit down or i have had a crappy day at work he will just stand with his head against me - almost like he is trying to tell me its ok. (this from a horse who HATES being fussed over and generally doesn't give cuddles!), if i want to wash his legs or sit at a bench outside he just follows me and stands next to me while i do what ever i am doing - in the summer when i clean tack he will pick at the grass for a bit then stand next to the bench with his head over me and have a little snooze (while acting as a good sunshade!)

We have had our ups and downs - he doesn't "DO" schooling, jumps at warp speed ten (and straight through rather than over show jumps), jogs all the time on hacks etc etc - there are hundreds of "better" horses out there but he is the one for me - which is why i have persevered with him.

Apologies for the essay - but i guess what i am trying to say is that if you don't have a connection with your mare and you are genuinely scared of her - don't beat yourself up about it - maybe it is time to find something you can enjoy owning, spending time with, riding and most importantly be able to trust and relax around it.

I hope this helps! Whereabouts in the country are you based?

[eml]

It is possible that this mare is difficult in winter only. Do you stable her much more? She may just be bored and frustrated with too much energy and you are on the receiving end. It may sound harsh but from my experience (over half a century!!!) once you have lost faith in ahorse it is fairer to you both to sell her on.

She is not unique, my daughter has a mare who is a wonderfuk responsive ride in summer but even just bringing her in at night in winter turns her into a rearing, bucking monster.

It always seems to be mares so perhaps you could look for a native type gelding as they are often more equible in their temprements.

[showjumperchick]

as per what the others have said-dont feel guilty if you and this mare havent clicked- we are possibly selling a pony at the mo for exactly that reason, him and my sister just have no partnership. and dont lose hope of finding your perfect horse. my mum has arthritis in her back and only 40% movement in one arm, she is a very nervous rider and loses her balance(and confidence) easily after 3 unsuitable horses, she now has a fab irish sports horse who is an absolute sweetheart, he is a perfect gentleman in everyway. they do exist!

[Stella2]

I agree with a lot of what has already been said, but maybe you shouldn't give up on this mare just yet since it all seemed to be going well for you both at first. It seems a shame to give up before you know if you can pull it together with some professional help.

I'm a novice too, I think I've owned my own horse longer than you, but I'd only had a handful of riding lessons before starting out with my own. I've often heard and read it said that learning to ride a privately owned horse is a whole other thing to riding a riding school horse. The avarage riding school horse does a lot of work and knows whats expected of it, the privately owned horse on the other hand may only do the hours of work in a week that the riding school horse does in a day. Consequently, it seems they often have more of 'an opinion' on what is expected of them and that can present the first challenge to the novice rider/owner. I really do suggest that, if you can, you get regular professional help (lots of instructors/trainers will travel to you and they don't charge much more than when you go to them!). Find someone on recommendation if you can. Have a riding lesson with them and then if you feel comfortable with their judgement, ask for their view on the match between you and your mare and if they think you can pull it together and you are prepared to give it a try, give yourself 6 months and work regularly with the instructor/trainer. It takes a while to develop a strong relationship with a horse and it also takes a while to become profficient at handling them.

You mentioned that you have tried to establish yourself as 'alpha horse'. Different approaches to this work for different horses. I've had bad advice in the past from other folk on yards who recommended being aggressive to establish the boundaries, so I'd also say, be careful who you take advice from. Richard Maxwell writes well on this topic. I have found that lunging is very helpful as part of establishing the right kind of relationship between owner and horse. It teaches voice commands, obediance and gives you the opportunity to move a horse around on the ground in a structured way. Doing it properly is not as easy as it looks though, so again, get someone who genuinely knows how to do it properly (preferably and instructor - as doing something is one thing, teaching someone else to do it is another) to teach you. Lunging badly can have the horse moving you around! and lunging for too long is bad for the horse's legs, so learning to do it correctly is important.

If I've told you stuff you already know, I hope you won't take offence, its just stuff I needed to hear early on. Best of luck

[NoviceNic]

Thank you for all of your advise. My mare has gone to my friends for a couple of months. She will ride her daily and see if she has any faults first. My friend is then going to in a months time get me to ride my mare and see how we get on. In the mean time I will visit my mare and have a go at Join up. Its nice to have support.

[kedwards]

That sounds like a nice solution. Good luck!

[Kiaarn]

DONT GIVE UP NO WAY....
maybe if you try to purchase a boomproof schoolmaster these are always good for a beginer with lack of confidence when i was beginning to ride i didnt though i had a evil little pony who was so head shy due to past abusment and naughty he was a nightmare but this was good for me as a beginner as i learnt how to control a horse and i picked up good habits it i still have my pony and he is an excerlent stillnot a beginners pony or intermediate but a very confodent small rider's horse. i also now own a 16.3hh tb gelding just of the track :rolleyes: bless him he is very strong but as logn as he knows whos in control your fine :)does somthing wrong dont get up her to late becuase she might think shes getitng in trouble for standing there not the wrong thign she did before so have a firm hold on her im only small and tiny he he but i still have a firm hand ovr tb's so im sure you can:D in horse riding there is always downsides dont think because of one thing you should give up but i sigguest you start small again get your confidence up make sure you are safe on your mare or any other horse dont get to confident without firsthand experience a fall might loose ** confidence i lost mine once when the little pony used to rear but you can always come other these problems he reared becuause he napped (wanted to go home) but then i gave him my side of the story and made him do wat he wasspose to no matter ho long it took other wise the problem would have increased. look for a horse that will help you learn and a horse you can have fun on at the same time.

[Kiaarn]

ALSO REMEMBER if u atrent confident while u ride a horse that might try stuff it feels ** fear and takes advantage of the moment like if u are scared or frightend whiel you are on a horse it feels it and will try somthing on u