Frustration

[Old Grey Mare]

OK guys: my first rotten day on horseback.

No, no falls to report, just an embarrassing little outburst on my part.

My husband and I went for a practice ride yesterday, and I was on Bonco, a, shall we say challenging school horse, and Dave was on Magnum, the gelding I always rave about because he's sooooooo easy.

Now, Bonco's not a bad boy. He just doesn't believe I'm serious, and cuts corners. Literally and figuratively. He's hard to keep on the rail in the arena, he's apt to cut corners, and he demands a LOT of leg to keep the forward momentum going.

So yesterday, I am struggling to meet his every challenge, with about 5 -10 seconds of good productive riding followed by 30 or more of struggling to keep him where I want.

Meanwhile, my husband is trotting and cantering (this is the guy who fell 2x in one lesson not long ago!) smoothly as you please. I can see and hear how beautifully things are going for him, since Magnum's rhythmic hoofbeats go without any interruption. At one point, I complain how Bonco's taking a lot out of me, and Dave, trying to be helpful, suggests I just give him more leg. I burst into tears (all the while working to keep a trot going) and say "you have NO IDEA how hard I've been working to get this devil going!"

Minutes later, when I get some very nice cantering out of Bonco, I am grinning like an idiot..but I really was SO frustrated, because I was watching my husband sail through his session. I was being selfish I suppose, because as I say, Dave had a tough go when he got dumped two times in one lesson at the canter. Now here he is @8 weeks later, doing pretty little circles, going around the arena, getting smooth transitions.

Both Dave and our instructor Ross say I'm too hard on myself, and that I am doing far better than I think, especially for coming into riding as a real wimp, but I just couldn't get over that frustration. Both Dave and Ross have promised next time I get Magnum. Just for a break. I want to get back to Bonco...he's a challenge. (He's actually a sweetie on the ground, but one of the girls at the barn tells me a young student won a competition on him, and the judge told her "You won because I've never seen anyone control Bonco so well before". He's apparently a known quantity!)

[Showjumper]

Horses are very frusrtating creatures, and once in a while just decide to spite their riders by completely ignoring them. This is where (and the only time it's necessary) you need to use a crop. One or two smacks with a crop, to back up your leg aids, will save you some energy, and nine times out of ten, will give sudden impulsion (energy).

Good luck with Bonco! ;)

[Murphs]

he probably sensed your frustrattion - you ay have tensed up, which would have made him worse! We all have bad days so don't be so hard on yourself - something i've learned (and i know it's difficult if you're having and paid for an hours lession) is that if either me or Ebony are having a bad ride, don't persevere - try to do one thing well, once, then quit - that way neither of us end up feeling really bad - me mad cos i've not achieved what i wanted to and her wondering why she's got shouted at and kicked on (not in an aggressive way) continuously for an hour. The next ride generally seems to "click"

[Silvia]

That's what riding is like - all ups and downs. Just get used to it - you'll be frustrated very often - but you'll also be happier than you ever thought you could be.
In the end the ups are more frequent than the lows - that's what makes it all worthwile.
Keep trying! :)

[FRED]

Hi Old Grey Mare,I think we all get days like this,and without realising get the horse all tensed up.
Glad too see your Dave is saving on 'six packs'
At least you never asked the horse to stop and couldn't get him going again,this can be so embarasing....em, Fred if only you would loosen the reins..
best regards from Fred

[Old Grey Mare]

Thanks all, I just had to share my down day with all of you. Murphs: I agree, I was certainly tensing when I got a lot of resistance, but I really wanted to get some good moments out of him, to let him know that I won't just curl up and die after he refuses a request.

We did get two good canters in at the end of our practice session (the point at which I was grinning like an idiot) and then we called it a day. I like to end on an upnote with the horse. Then I can go and cry all I want about how I was fussing for the first half-hour.


I know riding is like a posting trot: up, down, up, down, but I felt I had two down, down sessions in a row..so I think that just added to my frustration. Also, had you seen how my husband was sailing effortlessly around me, I was pea-green with envy (instead of being happy for him, which is what I should have been. He had a right to crow, but was graceful enough not to!)

Fred: I can't believe you remembered the bit about the six-packs, but yes, Dave is quite happy that the only beer he buys lately goes to him and not the instructor!

Thanks again everyone for all your encouragement.

[Wally]

It is maddening when a horse won't take his rider seriously. You may have to get really tough on him once and then he'll give up being a pig. Fat Cob is the same, if I teach a novice on him he creeps round with his zimmer frame telling everyone how old he is and that he's never canterd the whole of a 20m circle. To get him to trot is a real job. If I get on him he comes alive and can canter form walk, jump 4 feet and do a passable medium trot. I don't even need to carry a stick anymore. I got tough with him once and now he beleives me when I ask him to do something. Don't be too disheartenend, if you can ride him you can ride anything.( within reason!!) Riding is the most emmotional sport anyone can do.

[Showjumper]

Is he really called Fat Cob?!?!

[Old Grey Mare]

Wally:
Couldn't agree more with you about the role emotion plays in riding. Perhaps because it involves two exceedingly sensitive individuals working as partners. Or perhaps because it's my neck if the horse either spooks or decides to he's had it with humans!

I also find working with dogs to be very emotional (obedience, herding, just running around large open fields like maniacs) but there is something different that happens with horses.

Next session, I will ask Ross about using a crop. I didn't want to in a practice session, when I hadn't used one in our regular supervised lessons. Didn't think it was wise to add a new variable without Ross being there to tell me just where to draw the line.

I'm sure that if Ross were to hop in old Bonco, we'd see a very different result.

But sometimes I'm not sure if it's an issue of respect or honest confusion. I am experienced enough with other species (dogs and students) to know that I may be sending mixed signals. You can read it two ways: He's either taking rank advantage of me, or he's genuinely asking me to PLEASE make up my mind!
If it's not sloppy riding, I'll be happy to lay on the toughness, but I hate to be unfair.

Thanks for your advice and encouragement.