pair bonds

[sozzie]

I'm in a seriously bad mood this evening not just because of this freak weather!
I went to see my horse in her field which she shares with just one mare and occasionally with one other. My horse has formed a pair bond with the pony she shares with with has become very strong since they met a couple of months ago.
While I was there the pony's owner showed up and asked if I was getting help with my horse (she turned 3 last weekend and I'm going to work towards backing her), and what sort of training was I doing? My horse has apparently been charging across the field at this lady and squashed her when she tried to remove her pony. My horse never does this with me, I call her name and she walks up the field calmly.
The pony used to be aggressive towards me in the same way but I used my body language to send her away and she keeps her distance now when I see to my horse.
I should've may be tried to tell the lady how to do the same to my horse but I've just finished a 60hr week and I'm exhausted and couldn't be bothered.
It's not helped by my horse being in season -she even tries to kick me at the moment.
I may not be an experienced horse trainer but as Richard Maxwell states " Time, patience, common sense, and intelligent, sympathetic handling can make up for a lack of experience." I believe I have all of these qualities I can train my horse using natural horsemanship, and I'm not going to apologise for my horse doing what comes natural to her. She's bound to be worried about her pair bond being taken away.
We are actually forming a very strong bond and she is really doing well with her training, I do not want the interference of anyone who believes violence is the only way to get a horse to do what they want.
Sorry if this is a rant but I feel I'm doing what's best for my horse and I feel NH is the way to go to get the best from her.

[notpoodle]

my pony is in season and making lots of new 'boyfriends' :rolleyes: apparently people at the yard are having trouble getting her latest 'conquest' out of the field at the mo because he doesnt want to leave angel and angel keeps following him round ... oh dear :rolleyes:

could you maybe get another horse or pony in the field to 'distract' from the pair bond?

julia
x

[sozzie]

There are sometimes 3 mares in the field including my mare but the third one gets moved around a lot .
I would be fine with her living in a mixed herd but at my yard the mares and geldings are kept separate and kept in 2's ot 3's. She use to live on a yard (with her previous owner) with only 3 or 4 others which were mares and geldings and she seemed fine with it.
I'm thinking that I might move yards, the one I'm thinking of has a NR member and we get on well, and also it seems a more relaxed yard. Only problem is that the yard I'm on is the only one I've found that does assisted grass livery and I want to avoid stabling as much as possible.
I feel really undermined and vulnerable as I'm sure I'm being talked about. I can't believe that I'm being blamed for my horse being a horse and not a robot.

[cvb]

sozzie

I do understand, but for a moment I'm going to quote the other side of the story (not you tho' !)

My last yard in Sweden was run on a co-operative basis i.e. we all took turns to do ins, outs, feeds etc on a rota.

The owner of the yard had a 4 year old chestnut mare that he was going to back himself. Owner has a hip problem and leads all his horses off a bike !

Anyway, they were feeding this mare oats ! and she was doing no work whatsoever, not even being lunged.

So you can imagine the state she would get herself in - completely mad and the kind of horse that gives chestnut mares their bad reputation !

And every day, some poor livery owner, not necessarily experienced with horses, would have to lead this mare in or out. :eek: It was downright dangerous.

It would have made so much sense to (a) change her feed and (b) do some simple work to keep her stimulated. Ah well....

Anyway. Horses will be horses. Especially young ones. If the owner is doing everything they can to make this manageable, then the least you can expect is a bit of sense from the other people ! If this lady KNOWS that your mare is bonded to her pony and may worry when they come out, then why doesn't she get someone to give her a hand ? Or ask you for advice (rather than suggesting you need help !).

Could you swap the pair she is in so its a different horse/pony ?

And if they ARE talking about you, well thats THEIR problem isn't it ! It'll probably last only til they get something better to gossip about.... now there's an idea, how creating something else for them to gossip about ? ;)

[sozzie]

Cheers cvb.

I've just been to see my horse and she was really good except for being touchy about picking up her offside hind but we are working on that (it's usually ok when she's not in sesaon).

I'm always happy to ask people for help if I'm struggling with something but I don't feel that I'm at all out of my depth at the moment - I would be the first to admit it if I was. I've already brought on a young welsh mare, although she was backed before I started sharing her. She was a real handful compared with my mare, really strong willed and difficult, but I coped and looked at why she was behaving the way she was to solve the problem.

My mare is a lot more relaxed and is more keen to learn and please. I'm going to get someone to help me back her but I want to take my time to find someone we both can trust. The whole point of me buying a youngster was so that I knew what training it had had and didn't have to spend time undoing bad habits. Also so that I had to spend a lot of time working on the ground and bonding with my horse before even thinking about riding.

I'm trying to get them separated but I haven't heard back from the yard owner. I thought it was a friendly yard where I would get support not criticism, now I feel like have to tip toe around and not upset anyone. I know it's other peoples problem but I go to my horse for relaxation as I do a emotionally demanding job so the whole thing is upsetting me.

[cvb]

Originally posted by sozzie
...I go to my horse for relaxation as I do a emotionally demanding job so the whole thing is upsetting me.

Yup - can relate to that !
(I was a bit worried in posting a counter-story that you might take it personally - v.glad you didn't !)

Anyway - back to my yard in Sweden. When it was coming up to time to bring Fi back to Scotland, I was really worried how my mum would cope with her. (My mum does most of the day to day handling). Because of the rota etc that I described above, and all the horses were in paddocks of 2-3, the horses would get really uptight when it was time to come in as every time it would be in a different order. So there were times Fi would be a real handful (doing little rears and so on) and I got to the point (I was off work) of being there every day myself, even if it wasn't my turn, just so she would be handled properly. And in the summer she went 'walkabout' through the electric fence a couple of times :eek: (lack of grass).

So by the time she came home my mum was expecting a monster ! Luckily she didn't approach Fi this way and was just sensible, and Fi has been so good. Even in the worst of Scottish weather she has just toddled quietly up the track to the stables :) She will dance about a bit in the field (she is a horse after all !) but once her headcollar is on, its fine.

The short point of the long story is that the yard style and culture can make so much difference. My swedish yard had a big outdoor sand arena and an indoor arena, and plenty of instructors around. But it was driving the horses mad ! and of course that means more stress for us :( I have to say I'd be tempted to explore this other yard a bit more if I was you.... at least then you'll know what your options are !