Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes

[chapsi]

Yes, yes, yes, it's oficial, Pégasy is a RIG, and a good one too, judgiging by his hormonal levels!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so relieved, so happy. All this time, all that I've endure, the pain, and also the disconfort that poor horse must have suffered, with the peaks of hormonal levels...
Thank God, Pegs and I can look forward now.
His aggression is justified. I knew my boy had to be a rig, although I was told that rigs are much more boisteroous, and he was calm, simply unpredictable and dangerous.

Options, not very good a highly costly:
1. Send to Britain for an operation;
2. Get the British vet to come across to operate;
3. create special hormonal treatment.
4. Put him down. Simply we cannot carry on like this. He is a big liability at the yard.

His blood was tested in Britain, labs here in the country don't test for hormonal unbalances. The english vet advises the operation, but my vet thinks it's very risky, specially if conducted by our vets, who haven't much experience on cases of this kind.
On the other hand, hormonal treatments are used a lot for cats and dogs (in the UK), but not for horses, it will be difficult to administer the right stuff.

Anyway, my gut feeling is to go for the second option. I think the english vet will be willing to come across and he can operate alongside my vet. It will be an enriching experience for my vet. Perhaps my example can be of some help for other horses in the same situation.

I am so touched, I feel like crying... of happiness and relief

I am ecstatic.
We both now stand the chance of a future together.

[cate-e-kins]

Good news, even if that sounds wierd, at least you know what u r up against and can do something about it, let us know how things go.... Cate:)

[Tootsie4U]

My God Chapsi, after all this time! Hats off to you!

Now go find the first vet and beat him about the head for only getting the one! :D:D

Im so happy for you!

[HairyCob]

That is fantastic news MM! Well, it wouldn't be under any other circumstances, but knowing what you have been through, at least now you have a reason and a possible solution!

I will happily donate a small sum towards getting the UK vet to you if that is any help- and by my recent experience of NR, I suspect others will too!:D

[JaniceH]

WOW I bet you have breathed a big sigh of relief that there is actually a real 100% reason for his behaviour. Have you told Heather yet? I bet she would like some good news just now :)

[chapsi]

Thanks for your support, and thank you all NR members, all of you who dried my tears in so many occasions.

Toosie, I'm afraid but we suspect that Pegaso was castrated in cold blood, possibly that's why is othe testicle tucked in his abdominal cavity. Another example of brutality perpetrated against horses...

[Showjumper]

Yay! I'm so glad you have an answer - I hope you can get a British vet across to do the operation :D

[Mehitabel]

what a relief to finally have something concrete to try to sort out. hope you get the vet over and are able to move forward. if anyone ever deserved a bit of luck...

[galadriel]

Oh wow, chapsi, what news.

Such a relief--such an additional stress (good luck with the surgery, or other option if you take it)--such a hopeful situation for AFTER you get that done! Oh wow.

[jinglejoys]

I know this may sound weird but has The Donkey Sanctuary or any of its offshoots opened up out there I know they're in Spain.Why I ask is because their vets are usually top class and very experianced with castrations and such because donkeys can be differant to do and need differant anesthetics etc.
It might be worth asking if they have a vet from UK or UK Donkey Santuary trained.

[chapsi]

JingleJoys,

it's a good idea to contact the people from the donkey sanctuary, but organising an operation with them might be complicated and take too much time. I need to sort this out soon.

Operating a rig is not like a plain castration, it's a delicate, high risk operation and he could die.

I am very glad to be my vet's client. He is one of the best in the country, registered as an international horse federation vet, and he runs one of the very few, and best equiped horse hospitals in the country.
Having said that, he confesses that so far he only performed one operation of this kind; people here tend to dismiss their horses behaviour to plain submission/domination issues, and therefore, rigs are seen just as vicious, mean horses, who need good beatings! So, at least he was honest about it. I am a unique client, so he says.

I am now waiting for the English vet to get back to me with more clear information as regards our options, in order to make a final decision.
At least I know that this vet wouldn't object coming and my vet doesn't object to offer the hospital's facilities to his fellow colleague.

[kedwards]

Best of luck, Chapsi. It's been a long journey with Pegaso. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all works out!

[Kalypso]

I'm really sorry to jump in like this...but can anyone explain what a rig is? or point me in the right direction? this isn't the first time of heard this expression. Whatever it is, I assume it isn't good, but that it's good to know about. I know you have been having troubles with your boy, chapsi, and i'm very glad you have figured it out, and good luck deciding what to do next! :)

[jinglejoys]

Chapsi,"delicate operation and could die"--That's why I suggested the Donkey Sanctuary because they are more likely to have knowledge on it as Donkeys can die being castrated by the normal horse vets methods.I heard of someone recently who had a horse vet to castrated their donkey and it bled to death.With the numbers of animals they do all over the world there must be a high proportion of rigs amongst them.

[OlavS]

Originally posted by HairyCob
I will happily donate a small sum towards getting the UK vet to you if that is any help- and by my recent experience of NR, I suspect others will too!:D

Count me in :)

I'm so thrilled for you, finally an explanation for Pegaso's aggression and erratic behaviour! And it's curable!

Kalypso, a rig is a partially castrated horse. This means that the original castration was unsuccessful in that it failed to remove both testicles, or left parts of them by mistake. Sometimes it happens when a young horse is castrated before both testies have dropped, and the vet only finds the one that is visible outside the body. Or something like that.

*cringes at the very thought of having ones nuts chopped off*

I don't know the exact impact on the horse (apart from a near brush with Pegaso's hooves at one point). But to my understanding it can cause aggression, erratic behaviour, pain, discomfort and a generally stronger build than a pure gelding. I think the high risk stems from the fact that the vet might be looking for parts of tissue, not a whole testicle.

Come to think of it, I don't really know anything about this - perhaps someone could enlighten us? :p

[Mehitabel]

Originally posted by Kalypso
I'm really sorry to jump in like this...but can anyone explain what a rig is? or point me in the right direction?

a rig is a horse who hasn't been properly gelded. sometimes if they're gelded before the testicles have fully descended, or if for some reason one of them never descends properly, or if the vet just doesn't get everything, some of the testicular tissue is left behind. associated with that tissue are the glands and hormones of a stallion, with all the dominance and hormonal issues that go along with that. so a rig is typically aggressive and stalliony, often bites people, is aggressive to other horses etc, because he still thinks he's a stallion - but because thew humans around him think he's a gelding, they treat him as a gelding without taking the hormones into consideration.

[Big Ears]

I know the donkey sanctuary do training of local vets - also you might find that one of the big veterinary schools,or the uK vet you are talking to, might include the treatment of your horse as part of a training package i.e. do a trip to see a number of problem cases.

For example, my donkey needed a tooth removed and our vets, despite being equine only, did not want to do it, as it was right at the back of the mouth and tricky. so they booked a specialist from Newmarket who came down fro the day, and any horses they had on their books with mouth problems came in too for the day, so he saw around 20!

Which made it cheaper for me.....so perhaps that would help you a bit if it could be like that.

good luck.

[larri]

Chapsi - Such good news for you and Pegaso, I truly hope and pray that it can be sorted out with good results all round.

I know you have been through hell and high water for this boy and it would be brilliant if at the end of the day you can have the horse of your dreams.

[chapsi]

A rig in many ways is worse than a stallion; a stallion needs special handling indeed, but his behaviour is regular, one knows what to expect. In fact, many of our luso stallions are not hysterical, in fact they are very calm, willing, cooperative, even in the midst of stressful places like Golegã and other horse gathrings. I even know of stallions who behave in the presence of mares, if it's not sex time. They know it!

As for a rig, his hormonal unbalance unsettles this kind of horse; he is misunderstood by both fellow horses and humans. They feel unconfortable, and at those moments they snap and strike. Pégaso was never handled as a common gelding, but an unpredictable, dangerous horse. As I got to know him, I thought he was a rig and treated accordingly- plenty of precautions around him.

Olav, I am only sorry that after the operation he'll loose his physical magnificence. Obviously, being a rig, his body is very stalliony, so muscled, proud attitude. It will be like going from Mel Gibson to Woody Allen. Pegs is a hunk, then I don't know what he'l turn into. At least I'll have peace and quiet.

[KarinUS]

chapsi,

that is awesome. It would be wonderful if your perseverence could be rewarded with having a reliable kind horse.

Let us know what the British vet says. If money is a problem I am sure many of us here would contribute a little bit to it and it all adds up... :)

[CityGirl]

Oh Chapsi - what a relief to finally have some answers about Pegasus. Let us know what we can do to help out. You deserve some good luck.

PS - how's your new horse?

[larri]

Chapsi at his age it is unlikely he'll loose too much of his physique.
A couple of the Luso stallions at Turville were gelded over the age of 5 and apart from the lack of dangly bits and a huge improvement in attitude you couldn't tell the difference.

This is Lucca (actually Connemara x Luso) who was I think about 6 / 7 when he was gelded

http://www.turvillevalleystud.co.uk/images/tr_1.jpg

As you can see he's no weedy looking gelding!

[nix]

Maria

I am so glad you've finally pinpointed what's causing Peg's, and ultimately your, problems and distress.

Who is your vet liaising with? I believe that the Bristol Veterinary Hospital specialise in these types of operations? Although all testicular tissue has to be removed that remained in the abdominal cavity in order to regain hormonal balance, the procedure carries the same risks as any other major equine operation.

When is Pegaso likely to be scheduled for the op? At least during winter flies should be less of an issue. Fingers crossed for you both ... and at last a way forward. :)

hugs
Nix
x

[chapsi]

I am actually liaising with a vet from the Bristol area, he runs an equine horse clinic and is very experinced in these kinds of operations.
I would like to get this over with the sooner the better.
The English doctor still hasn't been back to me, I need a quote for his fees and travelling expenses, and then a quote from my vet as regards boarding the horse and resting the hospital facilities. I am very lucky that my vet is so supportive.

[lizzy]

Maria,

I'm so pleased that you have an answer at last!

Keep us all posted, I'm sure that you are now going to have a very positive future together. Lucky boy that he has such a wonderful owner, many people would have given up long ago.

Best wishes

Lizzy

[Kalypso]

Thank you for the education Es and OlavS! Wow, Chapsi, after knowing this, and how dangerous and unpredictable your boy was, I am really impressed that you dealt with him, and kept at it until you figured out what was wrong...i think many people would have just seen him as a dangerous horse and taken the easy out!! I really really hope that things work out!! Count me in for help if you need it. After taking care of him and putting up, you deserve all the help you need! :)

[jumpinizmything]

OMG, ive never spoken to u b4 but that story is so sweet, it really touched me XX

[chapsi]

I can now provide you with an update of the situation.
Last week, after sedation, my vet scanned Pégaso and detected a mass of surficial tissue that could well be a testicle or part of one. He also found out through a deeper examination that the horse has an inguinal channel open, which in a foreseen future could lead to a nasty hernia. In short, my vet feels confident to operate because what is there is not too deep. If it goes well, in 6 months time we'll repeat his blood tests to check the hormone levels (there could always be a chance of a second testicle still tucked somewhere in the abdomen).

Pegasy is going into hospital on Tuesday and he'll be operated on Wednesday.
We've just been back from Golegã and he proved to be worth his weight in gold; he was by far the best of the 9 horses that went with us, in all respects.
It will be what has to be...:(

[KarinUS]

I'll be thinking of the two of you on Wednesday. A happy ending is way overdue...

[HairyCob]

I will be praying for you and keeping every finger I have crossed that this will prove to be the root of his problems and that he will soon be the horse you always wanted.

No one will ever be able to say that you didn't do everything you possibly could- I admire your strength of spirit and perserverence!

Glad to hear Golega went well- any photos?!

Keep us updated please and good luck with the operation.

You have been and continue to be in my thoughts,

C x

[chapsi]

Thank you friends,

but don't build your hopes up. My vet reckons that in case all goes well, many of his domination issues will subside, but the biting might carry on! I am concerned and not all that hopeful...

I simply cannot carry on living with the pressure of owing a biter, no matter how much I love him!

[lizzy]

Adam and I send our best wishes for Wednesday, keep us all posted as soon as you can!

Lizzy

[kedwards]

You will both be in my thoughts on Wednesday. Best of luck!

[chapsi]

Another update. Not much to tell, really.

Pégaso arrived at the Hospital last Monday night. Vet postponed the operation, I wish I had known.
In the meantime, Pegasy has been getting frustrated, waiting, locked and rotting in a box for a week. He has been exercised every day half an hour on an electric lunge... this is no good, he always had his daily turn out and work sessions every day, no good at all.

I already warned, if he laches out, I'll take no responsability...

His operation was scheduled for this afternoon. Let's wait and see.

[KarinUS]

Oh no! Why was it postponed? Any health concerns?

Let's hope it all done soon.

Fingers crossed...

[chapsi]

No health concerns, simply the vet attended a funeral on Wednesday, and on Thursday he decided not to operate because army staff (the Equine Hospital is part of the Army Centre) were having a long weekend and there wouldn't be much surpervision, in case he needed assistance over the weekend.
Unfortunately, living in our country is a continuous test to our patience.:rolleyes:

[galadriel]

Ah, how annoying that it was postponed.

Got my fingers, toes, and eyes all crossed for you.

[cvb]

Chapsi

I do hope this goes ok - even if some of his behaviour might not change straight away, he may be more receptive to your efforts to retrain when he doesn't have discomfort and raging hormones !

Fingers crossed for you both

[chapsi]

Pégaso has just been submitted to surgery. The vet has just rang this very moment.
They detected a scar on the right hand side of the body, and on the left hand side a mass of tissue, which he removed. That looked to be still active, possibly glandular tissue producing hormones, if so, it was not a full testicle, but part of one. This confirms my belief, that Pegs had been previously castrated, but badly, certainly cold blooded.

The operation lasted 1h30m, Pegs was beginning to sit up, as the vet was on the phone with me. If all goes well, it was a success.
What the vet extracted is going to be sent for analysis to the University, to confirm that it is testicular tissue. If not, in 6 months time, we'll have to repeat the whole procedure, and I'm afraid in that in the eventuality we'll have no option but to call the English vet.

Fingers crossed everybody, in 10 days time I'll have the results. Until then, he'll be recovering in hospital.

On Pegs behalf, thank you guys for all your positive vibes, and moral support too. You helped me to keep him all this long. :)

Now, I just want to shead a few tears of emotion and to dash off work to see my babe...

One last thing, he left the stable and followed the vet into the operation theater like a lamb, as if he knew...:(

[KarinUS]

Oh, I so wish things will all be better for the two of you now!
Be sure to post the update to this thread so we don't miss it!!!

[galadriel]

Oh, oh, good to hear that he made it through, and the mass is gone. Got so much hope for you, for the coming few months :)

[chapsi]

Thank you Everybody, you make me cry...
I will keep you posted.
Indeed, I hope it is the begining of a new life.

[OlavS]

That's great, the operation is over and done with! Fingers crossed he doesn't get too cranky being locked up for the next 10 days, and especially that he is finally a *gelding*!!

[Grace O'Malley]

What an amazing person you are, to go through so much (I've been reading some of the older posts) and keep fighting to find the answer. Not many would have stuck in there through all you've had to deal with.

So glad to hear the surgery went well; my thoughts will be with you for a great future for you and Pegaso.

Grace

[Bebe]

I've only just seen this thread so sorry for belated good wishes.

It must have been a relief to finally get a reason for his behaviour, better to have a known problem to deal with than be left guessing. I hope that the operation was a success.

How is he today?

[Big Ears]

how is he getting on?

[chapsi]

Went to visit him yesterday, he seemed to be in a very good mood, quite relaxed. So far, his recovery has been remarcable.
He asked me for a scratch and his carrots, obviously.

Vet told me that he is always an angel with his treatments. Oh well, I hope they won't be surprised...

[Mehitabel]

good news - keep us informed!

[KarinUS]

Sounds excellent so far! :D

[HairyCob]

Still have everything crossed for you! Hope he continues to recover well, the operation was a total sucess and an improvement will be seen in his behaviour as soon as possible!:D

Keep us updated!

[mikka]

Hello Chapsi, I'm so glad that your days of wondering and concern are closing. Your threads on Pegaso were like no others -clearly there was a problem, but nothing seemed to salve. Let's hope that this begins your new life together.

(When you said "he asked me for a scratch..." I read it as 'Scotch' and thought, hey, there's a cool rig!)

Joking aside, hope all goes well for your future with Pegaso.

mikka

[CityGirl]

Fingers crossed for you & Pegaso that the operation was a complete success.

Did they say how long it will take for the hormones to subside completely?

[chapsi]

Perhaps 4-6 months. In the meantime, we will still have to take precautions as regards his biting.

Mind you, he looks well, very relaxed and quite content. So far, he hasn't bit a vet, nor soldiers.
He is staying in hospital for an extra week, so that the stitching heals soundly.

[Tangle]

Originally posted by chapsi
So far, he hasn't bit a vet, nor soldiers.
No one ever said he was stupid :rolleyes:;)

Less flippantly - I've got everything crossed this works out for you both so you can finally fulfill your dreams with Pegaso you know he should be :)

[KarinUS]

I think that's pretty encouraging! :)

http://users.wireweb.net/rdbaker/card.jpeg

[chapsi]

Hi Karin,

beautiful card, I must say. Obviously Missy and DJ! Who did it for you?

[KarinUS]

Thank you. I 'borrowed' it from Leanin'Tree.com and simply added the blazes! :D

[Mehitabel]

glad it went well. here's to a better 2005 for the pair of you!

[chapsi]

Another update is in order. Pégaso has now been in hospital for 3 1/2 weeks and vet wants to keep him for another week, which will bring his stay in hospital to 4 weeks.
Grief, the vet is being over cautious, specially with a horse like Pegs, the resembles more a weed than a delicate flower!

What bugs me in all this is the danger of keeping him in his hospital box too long. He has had very little exercise, and consequently, in my opinion, due to his confinment, last Thursday he had severe colic.
The worse of it is that my vet, person in-charge for the hospital, was away. None of his vet trainees or assistants informed him, and I was also told nothing.
When I went in after work as usual, to give him his carrots, I found a notice "No Feed" by his manger and a poorly horse lying down, and not a living soul to be seen. Managed to ring one of the vets, who confirmed that yes, my boy had colic all afternoon, but by now he was simply resting, after being tubed and administered parafin. :mad: :eek:

What? horror, shock!!! and then, soon as put the mobile down, Pegs starts again with spasms. Vet had to come and to spend part of the night with him, more tubing, more parafin...

Yesterday managed to talk to my vet, finally. However, he told me that he was very amused after reading his assistants'report; apparently, Pegasy decided to give them a hard time when they took him to the sand school, he decided to ran over them and to flat them as pancakes. Even after his operation and in the midst of a colic he is still my boy. Ah, good old Pegs!!! Vet and I thought it was amusing, there is no Pegs like mine:D

Olav, remember the day he was colicky at the yard? soon as you came near me, he tried to kick you against the fence!?

Having said all this, I am now thinking that he'll never change... and then what? what next? what shall I do?:(

[OlavS]

Oh yes, Maria, I remember. It's the only time I've had hooves flying at me. Mind, he was fed up already, and I felt sure it wasn't at me personally. Yet I've never trusted him since. (But he did charge at me and possibly Sarah in the paddock near that time, too, so two near misses in a short space of time.)

I hope you get him back to our yard soon, as I'm sure he'll be happier there. :) He will always be Pegaso, but hopefully have a milder temper. But it's far too early to judge just how he'll be, as it will take a few months for the hormone levels to go down.

[KarinUS]

chapsi,

not sure about horses but with other animals it often takes a while until all the testosteron is out of their system. I really wouldn't get discouraged too soon.

[cvb]

plus he's gonna be feeling grumpy and sore post-op ! and is in a strange place and so on.

[Peace]

Oooh, colic is so scary - I'm glad to hear Pegs came through it ok, and is back to his old self.;) But I agree with the others about the hormone levels - I expect it's too soon to look for a change.

[chapsi]

After 4 weeks in hospital, Pegaso came home today.
Unfortunately, I'm not very happy with the hospital service. I had agreed with my vet that I would be informed when he was about to be delivered, specially now that our trainer is away on holiday. As it happens, I wasn't. He was dropped at the yard in the morning and I was informed only late in the afternoon, after I sent an SMS to my vet, who was away on a conference and let things rest on his useless assistant.
Worse, they arrived, the new stable groom wasn't there, so they simply bundled him in an empty stable. Can you imagine that? a horse supposedly "dangerous"?! can you imagine the groom's face, getting to work and meeting a strange horse, face to face with the dreaded Pegasy? Having to handle him without any input? And another thing, Pégaso is one of the horses that knows how to open door bolts; what if he had done it???
I rang the new groom, only to find that he was still at home, so he didn't know that Pegs was there. Rang later, Pégaso was fine, in his box, but had already tried to bite him when he tried to stroke him.
I had to explain over the telephone that Pegaso hates changes and to meet new people.

Tomorrow afternoon I am on holiday (for 2 weeks) and I already had other arrangements for the afternoon, but because of this commotion, I'm having to meet my vet's assistant, in order to settle my bill and then I'll have to visit Pégaso, to make sure he's ok.
I guess I am p****d off. Everything in this country is a total waste of time. Get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

[chapsi]

Just one final thought.
Isn't it nice to know that "good old Pegs" is back?! in his former glory...:rolleyes:

[HairyCob]

Grrr! Sorry to hear that the servcie at the end was so poor, especially when it seemed they had done so well with him.

Glad to hear he is home though, hopefully he will soon settle in and *fingers crossed* once his hormones have settled, hopefully he will be a different horse:D

Keep us updated!:D

[Lovecat]

Only just come across this thread... Chapsi, I'm glad he's home but sorry you and Pegaso have had to put up with so much.

As others have said, it may take a while for his hormones to disperse... I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will turn out to be a successful operation and things will calm down a little for you both - do let us know how you get on!

:)

[Tootsie4U]

Im there with ya, right by your side. You can still see it, cant you? The light at the end of the tunnel? What we wont do for the ones we love...

(Thanks for the PM earlier - know it consoled me a bit :))

[BrokenSaddle]

Chapsi, It's been more than two weeks since we've heard how Pagaso is doing. What's Happening? Is he still coming along?

All the best to both of you.

[chapsi]

Thanks for asking.
well, Pégaso is back on his yard and has just been enjoying a long Xmas holiday (no work) for the last 3 weeks.
He is still his usual self, bolshy, expecting to do things his own way, but not grumpy; in fact, he looks quite content.

His rubbing is subsiding, his mane regrowing, which is also a good sign. His aparent "sweet itch" might have been a sign of his hormonal unbalance.

Due to Xmas period, I'm still waiting for the analysis results.

[KarinUS]

Oh that sounds like a move in the right direction though! :)

[BrokenSaddle]

Wellllll that sounds good so far. If he is more content the other things he was doing might respond to some retraining now. I wish you all the best and will be looking for your update.

[larri]

I'm sure he'll get there - it does take a good couple of months for the hormones to subside. I'm so glad that he seems to have sailed through the whole procedure without too much aggro.

He may not ever be all sweetness and light, but I'm sure he'll be a bit more predictable - certainly sounds as if he is happy in himself now - Really , really pleased for you and hoping that his good behaviour improves your confidence with him

[chapsi]

:(
Hello everybody.
Things are not going well in my end of the world.

Pegs operation has been leaving us wondering whether or not it had been successful. Nearly 3 months have passed by, but no significant improvement. Although his itchyness reduced considerably, his aggression, intimidation didn't subside at all (in fact, it's getting worse in many aspects, as we are all emotionally worn out of coping with him), my confidence is in tatters, these days I feel so insecure with him that I stopped riding him all together. Yet again I've been stressed with the decision of what to do with him. PTS or finding him a suitable home abroard have been considered again...

This morning I had FINALLY the lab results. I phoned my vet, he had the results over the phone. The tissue extracted was fibrous tissue, not glandular (hormonal) tissue, possibly tissue that grew/left after his deficient castration. In short, Pegs is still a rig, no wonder. In fact, he knows and tells us straight away when a mare are in season.

What to do next? I had a long conversation with my vet. We are going to try yet again. Pegs is going back into hospital next week, in order to be operated on the other side of his body.
In case the vets is successful (finds the bugger testicle, could be something as little an olive), good; otherwise he'll receive more anaesthetic to be left asleep for eternity. He'll go in peace and dignity, as such a stunning horse deserves to go...
I feel this time it's the end of the trail, one way or the other.

I don't even know whether I love him any longer. To me Pegs is a big nightmare, that is destroying me in many ways.

The money he has been costing me would have bought me a pure-bred registered luso, with some classical training!!! Just my luck, why me????????

I'm finished guys. I tell you. I've even started to do psychotherapy on account of my horse antics.

[cvb]

Chapsi

All I can offer is a big hug !

You have done everything you can for Pegs, given him every chance.

I had a bit of a blue depressed day on Friday. But one of the things that keeps me going is all the talented people with integrity and love on this board that just keep me inspired and motivated. And you're one of them :)

[Lgd]

(((Big Hugs))) I do hope they find something.

[tasha]

Its sounds like whatever the outcomes of this op, things in the future will be better for both you and him. I really hope it works out for both of you, whatever the outcome.

I understand what you say about not loving him, I have been similar with Kally although I have come to terms with the fact that it is unlikely Ill have a horse that will just canter and not be a problem, and am learning to just love and enjoy what I have for now, and strive for my perfect horse after uni. However with Pegs' behaviour etc I dont think you could even do that, which is why I think you have made a very hard but probably the right solution.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you!

[Big Ears]

I am sorry for this disappointment - but you are so brave to continue to try and I hope that they find something and can solve his problems. Otherwise I think you are right to end it there - he won't know about it, poor lad.

You have fought so hard for this horse and it is draining emotionally as well as financially, as you get up hoping for the best then knocked down again when the outcome isn't what you wanted.

BUT you are not alone - if you look at NR at any time there are at least 20 other folks struggling with horses that are not working out for them for various reasons. It seems to be the nature of the beast.

I spent £1800 on a quiet sensible cob aged 6 - who turned out to be an extremely neurotic, highly strung sensitive little horse who has been semi retired from 1997 and full retired since 2004 - she is a gentle girl who just doesn't cope with life. her vets bills have been approximately £7,000 so far....so I understand totally how you feel - she got so off her trolley at one stage and was so difficult that if someone had given me one peseta for her they could have taken her, tack included! But she is still here, eating her head off, galloping up the field as if there was nothing wrong with her!

I really really wish that you get a happy ending as I know how hard it has been for you - you have done miracles for this horse as most folks would have just moved him on, and wouldn't have persevered.

Please let you be lucky

[OlavS]

Maria, I'm so sorry to hear of this :( ((hugs))
I'm not that surpsised, though, as he was as aggressive as ever when I saw him a week ago.

You have had such a long spell of misery from Pegaso, and got so little in return. I've seen how it destroys you. You deserve an end to this. I just hope that the vet will be able to potivively identify whatever lumps he may find, so you don't risk another "false positive" like last time. I'll be crossing my fingers.

[KarinUS]

Maria,

I think you made a wise decision and hope that this last surgery will be truly the end of this long and rocky road for you- one way or another.

You have shown so much dedication and commitment no wonder you are wearing down. I hope your burden will be lifted and Pegaso can be the horse he was meant to be- or find a peaceful end.

My thoughts are with you.

[larri]

Oh Maria

I'm so sorry to hear that things are still so up in the air, I was so hopeful that the last op woulld have sorted out poor Pegaso's demons.
Sending you hugs and prayers that this nightmare is soon over for both of you, sad though that outcome may be.

You have done everything you could for your boy, I don't know if I would have had the strength to keep on as you did with no return.
Safi can be an aloof b*tch, but at least I do have plenty of lovely calm moments, you have never had them, it would break my heart to have to deal with it....

All the best Maria, you know we will be here for you whatever happens x

[Peace]

I am so, so sorry you're having to go through this yet again, Maria. I admire your persistence - I'd have had more than I could cope with a long time ago.

You sure deserve a happy ending to this story - please keep us informed.

[Tootsie4U]

I don't even know whether I love him any longer. To me Pegs is a big nightmare, that is destroying me in many ways.

The money he has been costing me would have bought me a pure-bred registered luso, with some classical training!!! Just my luck, why me????????


Chapsi, these are just words that I type here, but have faith that I've been in your shoes. It took me three years to get to the point where I actually have feelings for my horse and dont just look at him like a chore or with fear.

You read that rigs are going through emotional torment because they are neither stallion or gelding. Doctors have lables for similar psyche problems in humans and call it bi polar disorder. We have medication and treatments and above all the ability to reason through what is happening to us. Horses are not so lucky. Pegs has no idea whats happening to him and Im willing to bet that your acts of kindness are not ignored. He just cannot help himself.

In a way, I would call that suffering. If you exhaust all avenues, rest assured that in the end you're helping him by easing his disorder through passing. It is the responsibility of an animal owner.

I do hope that this last surgery resolves the rig issue. That way, you can start on an incredible journey and get to the point where I am. The road is long and way too hard and its way too easy to look at another horse and ask yourself why cant that be me. But take it from me, in the end, after all the blood and tears you share together, they'll be saying that about you and your horse. You deserve that more than anyone.

We're here for ya, no matter what happens...

[lizzy]

Maria,

What can I say? You have been such good support to me in my times of crisis in the past, but my problems with horses have never been on the scale of yours. I know that I wouldn’t have coped after all this time. I feel so sorry for you.

I hope, that whatever the outcome next week, that your problems can be solved.

I feel my words are inadequate at this moment, but I’m sure that you know that here on NR you have all the support in the world. PM me if you wish, but keep us all posted.

Good Luck and Best Wishes

Lizzy

[entreat]

Since I joined the board, I read about Pegs with sadness, fear and pitty. I was so frightened that we would recieve a post from a friend or relative saying that he'd hurt you terribly.

You have been made to face a most terrible decision, but I think I would have chosen the same. You both deserve peace from his condition... what ever way the op turns out.

Fingers crossed for you and pegs.

[tazzle22]

hello chapsi - i am a newbie here and just read your thread all the way through. I really feel for you in the situation you are in and the way that the rig situation affects Pegs. I used to ride a rig called Jack many years ago but he was not so affected as Pegs- poor Pegs.

Having a mare who is badly affected at times with polycystic ovaries and can have mood and behaviour issues as a result I empathise.........although you feel for the horse in that it is not being "bad", it is still hard to "like " an animal that gets so affected by hormonal swings it will hurt you !

Whatever happens you can hold your head high , you have gone the extra mile and more with Pegs.

Take care of yourself.

[Grace O'Malley]

:( I'm so sorry things haven't worked out better. No one could have been more patient or caring with the situation than you.

Here's hoping the next operation does the trick.

Take care,

Grace

[galadriel]

Maria, I am so sorry to hear this. I was hoping that all your troubles would be over...

You've put so much effort, physical and emotional, into making his life a pleasant one for him to live. Perhaps, if he can't make it through this...he will be able to wait for you at the Rainbow Bridge, finally free of the physical issues from which he has suffered for so long.

[Mehitabel]

so sorry to hear this chapsi - we were all hoping the last op would be the key.

but i echo what all the others have said - nobody could have done more for him, he's obviously miserable as things are at the minute and if the vets can't sort it out this time i think it's completely the right decision to leave him at peace. thinking of you.

[pengapenga]

Chapsi, you have been very good to Pegaso in trying to help him. Lets hope the second op will be a success. I also think you have made the right decision to leave him in peace if the vet can't sort it out.

[chapsi]

Pegs is already in hospital. He was delivered yesterday afternoon, after a very, very difficult loading operation (this sounds just like the war :rolleyes: ). Apparently he was very stroppy and awkward and tried to ran over everybody like a tank engine until his farrier came along, tugged his lead rope hard and got him in the trailer. At the hospital he tried the same thing with me, but was like a lamb with the soldier who took him indoors. These are the type of things that make me very upset with him; he is well behaved and contained for those who are ruff with him, whereas with me and the people who care for him, he is a domineering sod.

He was supposed to be operated today, but I gathered the info yesterday that my vet has lots of meetings, so once again there is no set date. Typical vet! It could be anytime this afternoon, tomorrow afternoon or next week, just as last time. Why can't people be reliable in this country???!!!

Hope he pulls a hard one on them.
Keeping Pegs in a box, no paddock, just 30 daily minutes on the mechanical exerciser is not a wise move! :eek:

[Peace]

"No set date" - argh. I know you must be so frustrated. This is all hard enough without the added uncertainty. :(

I'm keeping both of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mehitabel]

hoping for a good outcome for you.

[~Perdita.M~]

I haven't posted on this thread before, but I have been reading it since you started it, as I have also read all the other threads about your life with Pegaso. I haven't said anything because I know that whatever I say will be useless to you.But, I guess I just posted this time because I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you both too, and that whichever way the op goes (when the vets finally get off their a***s and do it) I wish you the best. The misery for both you and him sounds so immense, I hope you can be free of it one way or the other soon, and both move on to a happier life. Good luck Pegs and Chapsi, you have a world of support right here, all thinking of you :)

[lizzy]

Maria, thought about you both yesterday and wondered how you were going on, keep us posted.

Fingers crossed.

Lizzay

[Tangle]

I'm thinking of you and Pegs, Maria. Hope the vets don't keep you waiting too long.

[pengapenga]

I hope you and Pegs weren't kept waiting too long for the vet and that all is well :)

[chapsi]

You all hope that Pegs isn't kept waiting for too long?????
Well, it's happening the same thing as last time, he's been kept in a box, rotting, another week. All this in spite of the assurance that Wednesday would be the D day.

Life in this country is a constant trial to patience and nerves. Why did I have to come back?? :rolleyes:

[HairyCob]

Thinking of you Maria. What a tough time you have had, and you have remained loyal and true to Pegs long after many of us would have given up.

I pray that the operation will be a sucess, but if it isn't, I truly believe you are making the right decision in letting him go peacefully.

Take great care of you through this,

Love , Claire x

[Esther.D]

I'm sorry Chapsi, I really did hope you might have found the solution. I think if this doesn't work then you are going the most humane thing in letting him escape his misery and go in peace :(

[KarinUS]

I was thinking of you too on my way to work this morning. Has it happened yet?

[chapsi]

So far no news. :( I visited Pegs last night and saw one of my vet's assistants.
There are no news of my vet; he is somewhere, still engaged with lots of meetings. :mad: I had to express to his assistant that I am not very happy with several issues: no reply to my calls, a horse strong and also aggressive like mine boxed is neither fair, nor right (considering that at our yard is turned out and ridden every day), besides, I am also concerned with the staff safety when having to handle him :rolleyes:, and on top of it all, had I known, I would have taken him a week later, and now, no fault of my own, I am having to pay livery at two different places! :mad: :mad: :mad:
In short, another week went by and Pegs is still waiting for his destiny. This means that he is going to remain waiting another week, because I know for a fact that the vet does not perform operations on Thursdays and Friday.

Is this real? Sometimes I get the feeling that none of this is really happening.

As for Pegs, he is bored and I sense not in a very good mood. He is between two mares and according to the young vet there, he would like to bite people heads as they walk by, fortunately the doors have high iron bars. The joys of owning Pegs! :rolleyes:

[KarinUS]

That makes me very mad! :mad: How inconsiderate. If this turns out to be Peg's last few weeks then he sure shouldn't have to spend them trapped in some vet hospital- as much of a beast as he can be. It's not his fault.

I would seriously dispute the boarding charges at the vet hospital. Very bad planning on their part.

[Big Ears]

you must be spitting feathers - this is so unfair. poor horse - he could have been at home if all they are going to do if fart around....

yeah you must get to the point of wanting to kill sometimes i suppose it is the manyana culture.

we are so lucky here - i have a vet hospital 6 miles away - so so lucky and such good vets too. nice folks

[chapsi]

Please don't get me wrong.
Pegs vet is one of the best, better qualified horse vets in the country, who runs one of the few equestrian hospitals.
The thing is, he is an international approved horse vet, with lots of dealings with the Horse Sports Fed and on top of it he is a high ranking officer in the Army. He also attends many congresses and seminars all over the world.
Consequentely, he is not always available, but always pressed for time. Arrangements, diary dates have no real meaning.
I understand his predicament, I am lucky to have such a good vet.
However, organisational standards don't seem to be the rule in our country.

In spite of all, I am grateful to my vet. He has accompanied me from the beginning and has shown a very human attitude and understanding towards Pegs and me. He has been very supportive all along.
I guess nobody is perfect, although I would have prefered to keep Pegs happily home until the last moment.
I am very sorry Pegasy... had I only known! :(

[larri]

Poor Poor Pegs, he really doesn't need the stress on top of his hormones as it is...and neither do you Maria, this must be so hard for you, all the waiting and not knowing.
You have been so brave through all of this nightmare, I don't know if I would have had the strength to carry on as you have and stuck by Pegaso. At the times when Safi has driven me to tears I have thought of what you have done for him and I feel humbled.

[galadriel]

I don't have anything useful to add at all.

I just want to say that I sorrow for you, that on top of your other stresses regarding this surgery, the wait has been extended and unpredictable. I am so sorry to hear it. I wish there was something that I could say or do.

[lizzy]

Maria, I too am thinking of you, but feel totally useless, my own little problems pale into insignificance - I hope your problems are resolved soon

Best Wishes

Lizzy and Adam

[anuvb]

I don't have anything to add - except that I had hoped for better news - or at least a resolution for you one way or another. My thoughts are with you.

[pengapenga]

I too have nothing to add. Just want to say I will think positive thought for a positive outcome :)

[Denise Smith]

I dont know you - but have been keeping a close eye on your postings and have cried for you and your horse. I shall be thinking of you and praying for you and your beautiful horse.

[Tinger]

I have my fingers crossed that everyhing will go ok for you.

[chapsi]

This morning I received a SMS from my vet stating he was going to operate Pégaso tomorrow morning.
All day I felt restless, work wasn't all that productive as my mind was elsewhere.
After work I went to buy a big bag of carrots to take to Pégaso has usual, but this time loads more. "Convict's last meal", I thought.

I arrived; he demanded his carrots and ate heartedly. I let him eat, just watched him and it really daunted me the fact that possibly this would be the last time I would be seeing him again.
In fact, I went to the Equine Hospital to say goodbye to him. I am sorry, but within minutes my late aloofness and rational façade just dropped, I was weapping as I was likely to never see my baby again.
I talked to him, I told him how much I loved him, always did and that no other horse would ever replace him in my heart- he was my dream horse... that tomorrow all would go well...
I cried and cried and Pégaso came to the stable door gently and gave me one of his rare moments. No biting, simply gave me his neck and asked me for a groom, to scratch his withers and neck on both sides. He gave me a very special moment, as if he knew this was our fairwell. I touched his muzzle, scratched his ears and he licked my fingers.
When I left he kicked the door and asked me to come back to carry on scratching him. Which I did.

Pegs understood what was hapenning. He said goodbye to me in his special way. He left choking and I am still choking with tears.

On the way out I felt devastated, so, so lonely. Not a shoulder on site to cry. Most of my friends are not horsey people and don't understand, my husband doesn't understand, even my few horsey friends don't understand. I even phoned Olav, so lonely I felt... sorry Olav to bother you.

The sense of guilt is unbearable. Pegs was destined to the slaughterhouse when I bought him; I gave him his life, and now I am very likely to be taking it away from him.

Why? why did it have to be always so difficult?

I feel so lonely tonight, in my pain and guilt, bereaving for my horse, that I am likely to loose. So far, only the cats understood my sorrow.

[KarinUS]

When I left he kicked the door and asked me to come back to carry on scratching him. Which I did.
I just can't believe that this would really be how it ends. You are so close. With any luck at all they will get the correct tissue tomorrow and you can have the kind of relationship you were always meant to have.
But it's good to be prepared... :(
Keep us updated!
So sad that your husband can't be more supportive in this. I don't know what I would do without Ray and I don't even have big problems with the kids...

[chapsi]

My husband is a typical rational, german man.

[KarinUS]

My husband is a typical rational, german man.
:o
That's why I had to leave ...

[OlavS]

Dear Maria

I'm glad you phoned earlier, and I certainly didn't feel bothered about it. But I regret that I'm useless on the phone, especially in such circumstances.

R and I are both very rational, analytical people. I can't speak for him, but I have to say I'm actually happy for you, as the operation tomorrow should spell the end of a painful era for you. And as of tomorrow afternoon Pegaso will no longer be a dream horse trapped in a rig's body where his personality is distorted by pain and blinding hormones.

If this is the end, though, I can't help but think that it's just like him to make this as hard on you as possible, for once showing (or even demanding) some affection as you came to say goodbye....just to make you doubt that what you are doing is right, that he can show affection even as a rig.

I certainly wish I could be there with you and offer a shoulder. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow. Please feel free to ring me again if you need to talk or just need someone to listen.

Hugs,
Olav

[lisae]

We have all followed your story of your relationship with this animal, and yuo have stood by him throughout. You have the support and respect of each of us and please remember that when you are feeling down....

I will watch this thread to see how you are doing. All the best, Lisa

[cvb]

Pegs was destined to the slaughterhouse when I bought him; I gave him his life, and now I am very likely to be taking it away from him.

Chapsi - fumbling for words here so I hope I get this right...

what you did was take on the responsibility for him, give him safety and protection, and thats STILL what you are doing.

He is not where he is through some whim - but because you have investigated thoroughly, found there is a problem, and are doing something to relieve it.

HE can't do that for himself - he needs you to do it for him. And even if the outcome is the one you dread, you will STILL have done right by him - as he would otherwise have had discomfort and confusion for the rest of his life.

Chin up girl. Its hard being "the responsible one". But we're here for you as much as we can be....

[Big Ears]

I just pray that it is the good result for you and am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling.

[Mehitabel]

can't put it better than cvb. whatever the outcome this morning, he will be out of the misery he has been in. for your sake, i hope he makes it, but if not, at least he will be at peace. you're an amazing owner and an inspiration to all of us.

[Esther.D]

Can't add anything to what has been said, but you have tried so hard for him and given him 200% so whatever happens you have done your best. Will be thinking about you today.

[HairyCob]

I too am thinking of you Maria, and praying for a positive outcome.

[larri]

You and Pegs are both in my thoughts and prayers today Maria.
What will be will be and no matter what the outcome of the operation, always know in your heart that you have done more for Pegs than ANYONE else in his life.
Your strength and courage to do right by him has been amazing - if today is the end of this long and painful road, you can turn a corner and know that he and you can now move on to a better place.

With much love and hugs x

[pengapenga]

Chapsi I am crying with you. You and Pegs have been through so much that I hope that it is not the end. You both deserve to have some great times ahead together. I hope tomorrow goes well, will keep you in my thoughts. I admire you for all you have done for Pegs, please don't feel you have let yourself and Pegs down - you have shown a lot of compassion and courage.

[chapsi]

I regret to tell you all that exactly 1pm Pégaso was PTS.
His vet and assistants operated him for over 2 hours and found no testicle. It was delicate, my vet rang me and gave me his opinion, which I followed.
Pégaso received an extra dosis of anaesthetic, was left to sleep to all Eternity. His body will not be disposed to any butcher or soap factory, he will be burried in the forest.

Now your spirit is free. Now you can stretch your wings my beautiful Pégaso.

I hope we'll meet again, one day...

There are words to describe my pain. My heart is aching.

And what upsets me most, last night he knew it was our last time, it was our fairwell... he knew it and he said Goodbye to me.

Please Pegasy forgive me...

Right now I feel I wish to join him, to gallop with him into the sphere of paradise.

I am devastated, Pégaso died and took part of me with him.

[trieste]

I'm so sorry the outcome was not what we had all hoped it would be. You know you did everything you could for him and I'm sure much more than most people would have or could have in the same situation.
I can't think of anything else to say other than my thoughts are with you at this terrible time, and at least he is free from his torment.
Sue

[anuvb]

I can't give you anything to ease your grief, only the knowledge of the fact that the long struggle on both yours and Pegaso's behalf is over.

I'm so sorry it had to end like this - I think we were all hoping for a more positive outcome. Whatever you are feeling right now be sure that you did the absolutely the best by him and that now his pain and suffering has ended.

[Tootsie4U]

Im sorry Chapsi.

Im sorry Pegs. Trapped in confinement you didnt understand or ask for. Rest in sweet peace now lovely horse.

Maria, You have to know this pulls at my heart strings. I can't help but cry for you. Please, if I can help in anyway, feel free to use the PM feature.

Love's last gift; Remembrance.

[gail_rose]

I have not posted here yet, but have been following your thread closely.

Pegaso will thank you for what you have done, you have eased is suffering when you had explored every avenue possible to try to help him.

RIP Pegaso,

Gail. x

[Esther.D]

I'm so sorry Chapsi :( , but Pegaso is at peace now, not trapped in his confusion any longer. You have done the absolute best for that horse and given him a loved and cared for life that he does not seem to have had before. Then when everything got too much for him and he was very unsettled and unhappy you eased his pain for him - what more could a horse ask?

[larri]

So So sorry, I can't say any more than I have already Maria. I guessed from how Pegs was last night that he knew and was at peace himself about it, so please, please do not beat yourself up about it.

I'm crying for you and for him, Safi will get an extra big hug tonight. Maria, never feel guilty for giving Pegaso the chances you did, and now you have given him the greatest gift of all - peace and freedom from the pain and upset in his life.

Run free you beautiful boy

[Tootsie4U]

I can see him, can't you? Galloping in his new herd, mane flying and glistening in the wind. Happy in his new life that he was so graciously sent to. Gratefulness in his eye as he glances back this way. What a beautiful sight...


Flies with wings now. (pic taken from one of Chapsi's previous posts)

[KarinUS]

I am so sorry! :(
I was still hoping even though you and Pegs seemed to already know what was to happen.

I hope in a few weeks or months when the wounds start to heal the decision you made today will set you free- like it did Pegaso.

[cvb]

excerpt from the Horse's Prayer

And finally, OH MY MASTER, when my useful strength is gone, do not turn me out to starve or freeze, or sell me to some cruel owner, to be slowly tortured and starved to death, but do thou, My Master, take my life in the kindest way, and your God will reward you here and hereafter.

[DITZ]

I am so sorry, my thought are with you both.

[Peace]

chapsi, I am so, so sorry. I know you must be feeling such a wrenching loss right now, but try to think about the extra years you gave Pegaso and how much improved his life was because you found him.

[Big Ears]

i am sitting here trying to work with tears streaming down my face

i am gutted for you, so so sad for you and Pegs.

i am sure you did the right thing - but it still feels horrible.

sending you all our love and thoughts, please pm if you need a shoulder to cry on - been there, lost one, know how you feel.
he was so lukcy to have someone to fight so hard for him.

[OlavS]

I'm so sorry, Maria. :( I don't know what to say. I can't believe he's gone....You've done the right thing, though. Pegaso's problems was beyond the skills of one of Portugal's very best vets, and no amount of love and devotion could ever make him truly happy in his condition. At last he is free from pain and discomfort.

[chapsi]

Pegasy died 3 hours ago.
I'm here sat at work, tucked away behind my computer, pretending to be working, but my mind is elsewhere. In front of my collgue I had to refrain my tears, fortunately left by now.

My body is starting to resent so much pain, my eyes are now swollen and my head is aching.
I feel tired, right now tired of living, of struggling, of suffering. Will there ever be peace for me? I wish I'd gone with my beautiful Pégaso, as I said he left and part of me went with him.

I just want to give a huge ((((((((HUG))))))) to all of you. You have been wonderful, so supportive.
In my hours of mourning I am alone, very lonely. Even my partner is away on a business trip. No physical shoulders to cry on, just your words.

Bless you everybody.

[cvb]

Hold on Maria. If we could be there to hug you, you know we would.

He lives on - through you and through all of us that took a little of the journey with you both as best we could.

[galadriel]

No words, no eloquence. Nothing could possibly express the emotion.

Just hugs and comfort, and the hope that you come through this without too much more pain. Pegaso is finally free from his.

[chapsi]

My vet phoned me after work.
I think he felt bad about Pegs' dead and decided to investigate what went wrong.
He performed an autopsy on Pegs and found NO testicle anywhere.
So, his clinical opinion is that Pégaso wasn't a rig after all, in spite of the blood tests performed in England.
However, due to the high testosterone levels in his blood, the only explanation is that he had some kind of malfunction/disorder, possibly congenital, in the suprarenal glands, hence the hormonal unbalance detected in the tests and the aggression and unpredictability.

In short, there was nothing that could have been done, and even if the British vet had come, he would still have found nothing to remove.

[lizzy]

Maria, I feel so sorry for you tonight, Pegs rest in peace

Lizzy and Adam

[OlavS]

Dear Maria. As promised, here are the last photos taken of Pegaso.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/equitimer/Rija2/Pegaso1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/equitimer/Rija2/Pegaso2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/equitimer/Azaharisoll030.jpg
I took the liberty of editing a previous picture of him, I hope you don't mind. It's just how I picture him now, cantering away happily in purple skies. I will remove it if you don't like it.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/equitimer/Pegaso_sky.jpg
Edited to swap to a bigger picture

[nix]

Rest in peace Pégaso. Maria, I hope you got my emails okay.

Those are beautiful photos Olav.

[Grace O'Malley]

So sorry to read about Pegaso :(

I hope you find comfort in knowing that no one could have loved him more or tried harder than you did for him. Such a beautiful animal; no wonder you fell in love with him.


Grace

[entreat]

"There are friends and faces that may be forgotten,
but there are horses that never will be."
Andy Adams

You love him when not one else could.
I can't say anythign that will ease your pain, but know that we care & feel for both of you.

[Alle]

I hadn't read this post since way back when it first was made. I am so sorry to hear about Pegaso, and am sitting here at work, in tears. RIP beautiful boy! Chapsi, I don't know you, but you have been put through so much. You did everything possible for this horse. Take care of yourself now.

[chapsi]

Thank you Olav,
those pictures mean a lot to me. They were taken a month ago when Olav came to see Sábia. In the picture at the beach, Pegs was being ridden by his trainer, who he also loved dearly.

A friend explained what the autopsy suggested. It all makes more sense now:

Pégaso's post mortem diagnosis means that he was producing the hormones that caused aggression, sexual frustration and the other symptoms shown in "true" rigs (those with retained testicles/testicular material), but in a node that is part of the adrenal gland. This is why Pegs would have reacted to the mares, the hormones are the same even if they are from a different source. The adrenal gland cannot be operated on, due to its structure and that it is a vital life support organ.

[pengapenga]

Chapsi I am so very very sorry for your loss. No words can ease your pain but know that you did the best for him and that he is happy now free from all the suffering.

RIP Pegaso.

[Big Ears]

Chapsi, he was such a lovely horse, I am so heartbroken for you.
But at least you know now that he couldn't help his behaviour, and sadly there was nothing you could do to help him.

That is SO MUCH better than the if onlys, whys, whatever. when our donkey Big Ears died following colic surgery, I dind't have an autopsy - I wish now I had done cos I just would have liked to know was there ANYTHING i could have done differently to prevent it. But I was too distressed at the time to carve her up and it wouldn't have brought her back plus I had to find that day a companion donkey for Mouse who was bereaved.

You must take pride and comfort in the fact that you loved Pegsy and tried to fix him - so many people wouldn't have bothered.

Take time to heal and maybe in six months open your heart to the possibillity of another horse.

Much love coming your way - loved the pic of pegs in purple.

[Skib]

Chapsi

I am so sorry you lost Pegaso. We are all thinking of you today.

You have proved such a good and generous horse owner. Please remember we riders on this list need you too.

[chapsi]

Big Ears,

I didn't ask for the autopsy, it was my vet's decision. Had he asked me, I would have decline it, in my pain I just wanted my boy to RIP.
He was a striking beautiful horse.
I had a very special spiritual connection with him. I know, that I'll never manage to love another horse the same as I loved him. In fact, I have a lovely, very gentle mare, who has made up for Pégaso's behaviour in many ways... yet, although unfair to her the bond is not the same.

I've had the same with other animals. Amongst all my rescues not all touched me the same way.

Pégaso was unique. He taught me an important lesson in life, the meaning of deep, true Love, Devotion and Loyalty. I owe a lot to him.
He departed. He made me a better person, but he left my life empty.

[Big Ears]

i think the vet did you a favour in at least he found out the truth for you.

i know what you mean, you can have special favourites, horses you really relate to, others you love but not as deeply. I was broken in two when big ears donkey died - she was such a star, I remember saying to my husband appreciate her while you have her as you wont get another one like that.

she was so special, i was so proud of her. all 9hh.

you have been blessed by having Pegsy and you must feel such emptiness with his death, the only cure is time.

[Mehitabel]

so sorry for you maria, there arewn't words.

but at least you know now, you know there was nothing you could have done, no avenue you left closed, you did everything anyone could have done for him, and at the end you set him free from his unhappiness.

[amandal]

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. You did the best you could for Pegs and that's all any of us can do.

I hope your pain eases.

[cvb]

Chapsi

I don't know if this will help, or make you think I am weird... but we often have strong bonds with animals.

We have owned (or been owned by !) a series of chihuahuas. When "my" chihuahua (Minihaha - Min for short) died, there was a gap before we acquired any more. Then my mum got a call from the chihuahua rescue people. A breeder had become ill and they needed to rehome 22 !! They had split them into 2 groups for temporary rehoming, and off she went to see one lot. One chihuahua came up straight away and sat at her feet. She had exactly the same colouring as Min and she stuck to mum like glue. She came home with mum, along with one other. She got renamed "little min" - Lil for short. Lil had various health problems over her time with us, and we saw her though them all. But we always swore that Min had sent her to us - to be looked after, and to look after us. It really was uncanny.

It may sound crazy, but the strength of bond you and Pegs had - he'll be up there looking out for you, and don't be surprised if you find he "sends" stuff to you....

[chapsi]

CVB,
I believe in spiritual bonds.
People who believe in it sustain the notion that our beloved, departed animal's spirits often look after us (from wherever they are). In some cases they choose to come back into our lives.

I've wonder, will I ever meet my Pegasy again?! At least this idea gives me some confort.

[chewitmonster]

My heart goes out to you in this really hard time. He will be waiting for you so that you can gallop off into the neverending skies. All the best and all of my deepest sympathy, must have been such a hard time and struggle for you. xxx

[Yann]

So, so sorry to hear what has happened:(

[chapsi]

Just another thought.

Have you thought how many beloved horses we have lost since last Xmas in NR?

I don't recall a year with so many losses in such a short time.

[Big Ears]

I most remember Millie, what a shock that was. Does anyone know how Alex is getting on?

[chapsi]

The first person was Monty, then Alex.
I haven't hear from Alex since. Hope she is fine.

[Esther.D]

And before that Wally lost her old gent too :( Not a good year for NR...

[Miriam]

and in the middle too was Calli from my yard and Paradise lost twin foals too which would have been due in April :(

My thoughts are with you Chapsi. Pegaso will be sadly missed on this board :(

[Tootsie4U]

Spiritual bonds: Following on from cvb's post about Lil.

I had a very special and unique bond with my grandfather who passed when I was quite young. When we got word I was pregnant with a due date the same day as my grandfather's birthday, my grandmother commented that if the baby is born with a dimpled chin (grandfather had a dimpled chin) you'll know grandpa met your baby in heaven, kissed him, and sends him down to you. At our first ultrasound, you could plainly see the dimple on its chin. Neither hubby or I have dimpled chins.

I truly believe we'll meet these loved ones, human or animal, agian one day in some shape or form. Be open to it Maria, and I'll bet Peg's will send his love down to you many times throughout the years. :)

[Lgd]

((((Big Hugs))))

[chapsi]

I just got hold of these two pictures, I took them at the trip to the beach last month, when Olav came to visit us.

Pegs is been ridden by our trainer. At the back you can see Olav and Sábia.

[chapsi]

In this picture Pégaso and Rija (my mare) are together, ridden by our trainer and our farrier.

That day I was so proud of my horses.
My only regret was that it wasn't me riding any of them. I stopped riding in the last few months, now I'm back lungeeing...

[Big Ears]

Oh chapsi what a beautiful boy he was. so striking.

it is just such a loss of a beautiful horse, but what else was there to do? I am glad that you have your mare to console you.

[chapsi]

And this the horse I bought 32 months ago. I fell in love with him, I felt a special bond when I saw him; I saw beauty beyond the looks. And so he blossomed!

[Tangle]

Maria - you did Pegaso proud in every sense.

I wish there was something useful I could do. {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} is the best I can do :(

[lisae]

What a remarkable change you brought about for him. I am so sorry for your loss, you gave him a better life than he ever would have known.

Thinking of you.

[Trixie]

Chapsi, you've really been through the mill, but you know you've done the right thing. He's happy now and not suffering from the confusion that his condition must have caused him to feel. Take the time you need to grieve, if you want to cry, then cry. It will get better, although very slowly. Don't expect too much from yourself, just go with how you feel and if you feel miserable, then that's your right. You have lost a very dear friend and that hits you hard. Take your time and the sun will come out again.

[Big Ears]

what a difference you made to him -those beach shots he looked magnificent. I can see why you bought him when he was so poorly and thin - how well he turned out.

this makes it so much harder as you see the transformation. but it just wasn't to be. horses are like that.

we all know how much you felt bonded with him and how you loved him - he must have known that and he responded as best he could. he was a damaged horse, through no fault of his own. my mare is like that - she just doesn't cope with life at all which is why she has been retired and eating grass for 7 years (i only rode her for 2 and gave up after that). I love her to bits, dislike her at times when she is totally neurotic, and feel sad for her. But she is happy in the field and looks well. we have had a lot of financial worries and I may not be able to keep her, so I will shoot her. i would not pass her on to anyone else as who would want her as she is an expensive ornament.

so i understand totally how you feel. my decision may be based on different reasons but it hurts just as much. i watch her every day and wonder if we can struggle thorugh the mess we are in and wonder if i might just be able to see her to the end of her days, which i really want.

take care of yourself. we are all thinking of you.

[Horsesaddle]

He looked really lovely {{hugs}} can i asked what beach and stables where the pictures taken

[chapsi]

The beach was Santa Rita and the yard was located in the Torres Vedras area, 90km north of Lisbon, not too far from the coast.