Have you ever been too nervous to ride your own horse?

[KarinUS]

If so how did you manage to overcome it? Was there something that other people did that helped you?
Is there something other people did that made it even worse for you?
Any good books to recommend?

[Esther.D]

Yep. I had a major wibble with Rupert last year when I was very nervous for no apparent reason...well not really, I coped with a lot worse from other people's horses :rolleyes: I just seemed to regain my confidence for no apparent reason just as quickly I lost it for no apparent reason :confused: :rolleyes: It was very embarrasing and depressing when I knew I was perfectly capable of dealing with far worse than my 13.1hh pony was presenting me with :o Especially when I was always regarded as such a confident rider :( However I appear to have recovered again! Sorry can't be more help than that.

[HairyCob]

I lost my confidence with HC several times over the four years I had him.

I regained it everytime bar the last- but then, as you know I had very good reasons for not even wanting to attempt to regain my confidence with him then!

The other times I lost and regained it were for various reasons, ranging from quite nasty falls to just not having had time to ride for a couple of weeks and my confidence mysteriously dissapearing!

I regained my confidence by taking things slowly, and never forcing myself to do anything outside my comfort zone.

The basis of many psychological therapies is to achieve and end on a good note, rather than push yourself too hard and 'fail', thus compounding a problem, and that was the basis I worked on.

So, if all I felt comfortable doing was tacking up and getting on and then straight back off again, that was all I did- at least I had achieved that, which gave me the confidence to then try something else the next time.

I have often asked people to walk alongside, or even lead me, when I have been feeling underconfident, or to accompany me on a hack either on another (sensible) horse or on a pushbike.

As you know I recently completely lost my confidence with all horses as a result of 'the HC situation' and a couple of 'on the ground' accidents with other horses.

My confidence is now coming back in leaps and bounds due to the fact that I found an excellent instructor at a local riding school who listened and didn't push me too hard- she put me on their very safe and sane RDA horse for my first couple of lessons, and told me that no matter what she asked of me, if I wasn't comfortable doing it, I only had to say 'NO!'

I actually found myself cantering again in my first lesson, although I admit I shook like a leaf, but I did it with no mishaps and came away with a huge sense of relief and achievement, and couldn't wait to do it again.

I could go on and on Karin, but I guess you have the picture by now! Small steps, and don't do anything that makes you feel very anxious or uncomfortable until it stops feeling like that!

Confidence is a fragile thing that can easily be lost, but luckily, in most cases can just as easily (although not as quickly!) be regained!

[Bay Mare]

Yes, when I first got her.

The first day that I took her down to the field (complete with no skin on my fingers after the loading without gloves episode) she was rearing and playing about practically all the way down. That shook me a bit. I rode her a couple of times but she was VERY spooky (natural as she had moved homes and was working in a new school). That coupled with suddenly realising that I didn't know as much as I thought I knew and not wanting to 'break' her put me in a downward spiral of excuses and nerves. I lunged her a couple of times and she reared, spooked and planted on the lunge .... that didn't help!

Anyway ..... Yann came to the rescue and suggested a hack. I was horrified and tried to get out of it but he rode her on the outward journey and then we swapped. Something clicked and I was ok after that :)

The thing is that through all of this I was happy to get on and ride other horses!

'We're' having tantrums at the moment and being a bit naughty BUT I happily rode her the other day despite this. She was a bit strung out but she didn't scare me .... three weeks ago I wouldn't have gone anywhere near her!

I was lucky in that I was fairly confident before this so it was a temporary glitch, I just needed to see that I COULD cope and everything fell into place!

Thanks Yann :)

[BackintheSaddle]

Ride where no one can see! I hate people watching me, especially if things aren't going well with the pony at the moment. If I'm having confidence issues, I go out super early in the morning when no one's around. That way if I do something stupid, no one can see. I also froce myself to ride bareback, which takes away a lot of my security blankets and reminds me that I do in fact have a secure seat, I just need to use it!

[KarinUS]

I see I should have been more specific.
I was lucky in being able to feel a bond and trust with my own horse right away. From the first moment his owner had told me so much about him that I never doubted he wouldn't be the most wonderful horse.
During my trial ride he bolted, but what I remember is that I was able to circle and stop him. After I brought him home I had such a hard time riding him but I never thought for once that it was him. I just had to become a better rider. When he spooked and sat back in the cross ties I just felt bad for him being so frightened. We went through thick and thin and my trust in him was never shattered. But I WAS LUCKY.
He deserved my trust and our feeling is mutual. He's never caused an injury to me and I would protect him the best I can from harm.
Still riding itself has been scary at times but having my horse DJ has made it easier for me.

My poor husband Ray however has not been so lucky. He got his first horse 5 months ago and they have been off to a rough start. Missy hadn't been handled much for the last 12 months before we got her. Her ground manners were a bit rough but improved greatly. She still can be a very outspoken young lady. Unlike DJ who bonds easier to humans than horses, Missy finds her comfort in the herd.
Anyway. I am drifting off. Ray had two falls since he got her and she bit him once. The second fall really shook his confidence. He had to go to the emergency room with broken ribs.

Today we went to ride them but Missy was a bit upset about a pasture mate and Ray said he was too nervous to ride. I could tell her fast movements also made him nervous on the ground. I agreed. Not a problem. But then he ended up being mad at himself for not being able to get on.

I'd offered to swap horses or I ride Missy first or only I ride Missy or neither of us rides. But he was just so disappointed in himself.

I don't know how to help him! :(

[Laetitia]

I spend my whole life going through confidence crisis. The more I do the better I become, then suddenly I'm a bag of nerves again and purely because I THINK my horse has been a bit out of hand. She hasn't of course as she is rock solid, but I thought she had , so back to square one. Most frustrating.
The only thing I can suggest for Ray is not to ride yet but spend lots of time doing ground work so he builds a relationship of trust and willingness with his mare. Then start riding in a safe environment before graduating to the big outdoors. Schooling work with an instructer has helped me enormously as I feel more in control and my mare is more responsive to my aids ( She was very green in that area as I was and we have learnt together.)
The only other thing may be that Ray and this mare aren't suited. Again I've been there and it took a while ( a year! ) for me to realise it and then understand why I was so frightened of him.
Do hope it works out for him. L

[Drummers mum]

I can say one word in the matter "Groundwork!"

Actually, I shall say a bit more if you don't mind:rolleyes:

When I first rode Drummer, after I got him home, I was terrified! He really tried it on with me and after an initial ride which ended in the YO telling me to smack him and him bucking, I didn't ride for 2 weeks! (I was allready scared after a smashed elbow fall)

Everyone kept telling me I should have got a dog, they all thought it hilarious that all I did was take him for walks!:o I also spent lots of time grooming him (we had issues there too!) and did very basic Parelli and I learnt to lunge him.

I progressed to riding only when I was comfortable on the ground and then in an enclosed area and I think I only walked the first time!

I've taken it really slowly, if I wasn't comfortable doing it I didn't do it, but sometimes I'd get daring urges and would push myself that little bit further and finnish off grinning from ear to ear! Now nearly 10 months on, I went out on the road alone for the first time.:D :D

I'm sure you will get lots of similar advice and people will give you lots of ideas but I think first and foremost is get your husband to take it slow and not get cross with himself, remember why he loves riding and horses its not meant to be stressful!:)

[jinglejoys]

I agree with Drummers mum.It was a year before I got on Sarah-lee but then it was the first time I'd got on an equine since losing my nerve thirty years earlier.
We just walked and talked and generally got to know each other and then one day I just knew the time was right.
If you are at all uncomfortable with the situation so will your horse be.Don't let anyone push you into a situation your not ready for.
I'm just in the process of bringing in a new young mule from Spain and don't intend to even start him until both of us are happy with each other.
I suggest your hubby goes back to basics,join up and get follow up .If she has bitten him it sounds like she hasn't learnt manners unless he was pinching her with the girth or something like that.Do you know why she does these things?The herd she finds comfort with should be yours have you read Monty's "From my Hands to Yours" or Kellys "Perfect Manners" ?

[KarinUS]

I honestly think the biting had playful origins. She never did it before. She never did it after.
Ray has his keys on a leather string and he used to let Missy 'steal' his keys from his pocket. He also wears a leather string around his wrist and he let her nibble on it. She tried to pull it off his arm and she caught skin, not just leather.

The first fall seemed to be related to her training. He last 'assignment' was barrel racer so in the beginning whenever we asked her to go around an obastacle or sharp corner she would expect to come out of the corner running towards the gate. She no longer does that.

The second fall happened, when she started trotting, shook her head and Ray lost the reins. At that point she saw the other horses down in the field and ran towards them. Ray was just a passenger at that point.

I agree on the herd thing and she has gotten a lot better about it but if she feels Ray's nervousness she gets unsure as well.

She really seems to like him but he can't give her the support she needs right now and vice versa. She has gotten a lot better with me, listens, even with lots of distractions and scary things, etc. I don't think it's because I am such a skilled rider (I am not :) ) but rather that she feels safer with me. I trust her more and she trusts me more as well.

[Wally]

Ljóssie nearly went back over the 6 months I had him on trial, I was very windy about riding him out alone as he was reputed to be 10 times worse with his bolting.

What I had to do was get to know him and for him to get to know me. His reasons for bombing off were simply that he had no confidence. Vicious circle. I was nervous of him which made him nervous of me and round we went.

I just had to give him more time than an ordinary horse. It was just plain determination and time which did it.

[Frances]

We have all been there. You are not alone.

Haakon was a pig last year when he came off the hill having spent the winter withour stallion, Tribble.

He was domineering, hard and really difficult to stop or control. He just wanted to go everywhere fast or rearing. There was no middle ground and I hated him, I truly did. I wanted to sell him, never ride him again and he terrified me and everyone around him. I even looked into sedating him!

Wally and I went for one ride (to get it out of his system), and Haakon and I galloped and galloped and galloped, never stopping and he used his neck and all his strength against me. We got home and I was shaking and furious. Really, really angry with him for making me feel so frightened.

I wheeled him into the school and untacked him and did join up again and again until he said sorry and meant it. He said sorry to start with like a small boy who would say it to get me off his back but I was not satisfied and off he had to go again, round and round until he really said sorry and wanted me to like him again. It took an hour!

I accepted his apology and then threw him back into his field. The next day we went out again and I had my old horse back, Haakon was quiet and considerate again. My boy!

I had re-established the ground rules and put him back in his place. He has never put a foot wrong since then. (well, a few, but nothing as horrible as before!).

Good luck!

[Miriam]

Yep I found myself quaking at the idea of getting on once tacked up. Physically feeling sick. I found that by riding every day some of my fear disappeared but as soon as I had some time off it started all over again. However I have recently noticed I don't fret as much now. I believe it was time.

What I do hate is people chasing behind you with lunge crops trying to get your horse to move faster etc. Or being lunged in canter :eek:

I do understand what your OH is going through. I felt exactly that way with myself and still do over the canter. I go through bouts of low points with myself because I want to canter but something is holding me back and not knowing what it truely is is annoying. Also knowing I did not want to ride but wanted to ride (if you understand) right in the beginning. I got through this by realising I had to ride Rhi. Having someone else ride my pony is fine but it is not going to help me get over my fear of whatever is holding us back. So when I was feeling nevouse and someone offered to ride her I'd refuse an say "No I have to do this" It's a bit like taking the bull by the horns.

[G.Gracious]

When i first got Gracie i was scared to even go near her in the field. Getting her out of the field was a battle every time, she reared and bolted as soon as i got the headcollar on her. This made me not want to catch her which in turn made me not want to ride. On the rare occasions that i did catch her she was so used to being in charge that she would quite happily snap the bailer twine that she was tied up to and barge about the place. The thought of riding her made me shake, literally.

This was all sorted out when the horses were moved into the smaller paddock, i don't know what happened but since moving into this smaller field Grace (and the other animals) have been a lot less wild! This meant i could catch G more easily, she was better being tied up and i got my courage together and rode her. I honestly do not know what happened when they moved fields!!

But even though she was better to catch, tack up, etc. she had been off work for so long that she started napping. The napping involved either stopping dead and refusing to move, spinning round and heading home and in extreme situations she would do little baby rears. I thought she was in pain so i was soft on her...wrong thing to do :rolleyes: i got a more experienced friend to irde out with me and whenever Grace acted up she told me to, "stop being silly, give her a smack and make her go." This worked. She has since stopped napping and is a great, bombproof hacking horse.

I think that getting someone more experienced and more confident to help you (either to give you advice or just to support you) will really help. Myabe you could try riding other horses to build up your confidence, just an idea.

Good luck, keep us updated :)

[KarinUS]

I modified HairyCob's suggestion and it seemed to help.
Missy was behaving pretty well today. I accompanied Ray and Missy to their lesson.
We were alone in the field and I could tell both of them seemed a little nervous so I walked along side of them and just kept talking until they both got bored (and relaxed :) ) listening to my chatter.

We just walked side by side -me on foot, Ray on Missy around the pasture and when the instructor came she took over and kept walking at their side.

(I had actually secretly called her before and asked her not to make them trot because Ray was so anxious about it)

So nothing happened. Those times Missy started napping he corrected her well. Then I rode my own horse for my lesson and Ray managed to 'put Missy to sleep' by rubbing her forehead while they were watching my lesson.

We talked about him being able to feel comfortable at the walk and I made sure he knew that was okay. Even when we start going on trail rides, chances are we can be perfectly happy to just go at a walk.

But he did it! I wasn't sure he could bring himself to ride, but her did! :)

[Mossy]

I think it is partially an age thing. As we get more mature we do mature, gain responsibilities, fail to bounce so well, and are more aware of the consequences of us damaging ourselves. I have been through the mill and back again with Conn, [ I have had some cracking falls off her] When Moss does his thing, the toybox gets emptied, but I just sit through it and when he has finished we get back to the job in hand. Just do what you feel happy with and move at your own speed. You are a mature rider after all.

[carrimclaren]

My mare bolted with me and i fell into the filler fence the day before i got her and moved her. That on top of the fact her manners and whole attitude were scary for the first two months left me in fear the whole time. In the end she was off for three weeks through bad back and in that time i forced myself to groom her, get to know her, lead her around and basically learn to trust my mare. It did her the world of good to have the time off to settle into her new place and new friends and we learnt to get on. I think it also helps to understand why they are doing certain things e.g she's doing that because she;s scared or because she's not sure what you're asking etc. Makes them seem less scary and more human :)
Your OH just needs to get to trust his mare and in return she'll trust him. I'll second what everyone else has said about in his own time, no need to push it. I understand how he feels, it is so frustrating when you feel fear and you feel so defeated and of no use. But it does get better, especially if he learns to trust her first from the ground.

Am glad he got on her and it went well, one step in the right direction. :)

[Wally]

Went up this morning to take nervous breeches an apple or two. Now my Avatar picture was taken a few years ago, not he had to have a headcollar on.....now note, not headcollar but still the same nervous posture, stand as far away as possible and stretch!

[Wally]

...I only have pictures of him like this!:( :( :)

[Wobblydeb]

Awwww Wally - but he is SO cute!!!

[Wally]

He is indeed the kindest horse you could meet, but so insecure, when he goes, he goes, the shutters come down and you are away.

I did used to get scared but I know now he is far, far less likely to go, I can tell when he is about to loose it and take measures to stop him. BUT all these things took a long time, He needed to trust me and I needed to suss him out and find out what made him tick.

Doing simple things like making sure your stirrups are likely to be the right length BEFORE you get on, Silly, I know, but litle things like that would set him off.

I can sneeze whilst mounted now! and look at my watch, I never could do that!

:D :D

[Tootsie4U]

This is a trick question, right ;) :D ?

[KarinUS]

This is a trick question, right ?

I missed it. Where, where?

[Tootsie4U]

The title of your topic, silly :)

My point: MANY MANY times!

[KarinUS]

You are kidding!

Not you though. I mean really too nervous to even get on? You are fearless, Toots!

I am nervous while I am getting used to new things (cantering, jumping, etc.) but I have never felt too fearful to get on -as far as I remember. If I did it must have been so traumatic, I blocked the memory. ;)
Of course I also have never ended up in an emergency room, etc.

So it is difficult for me to come up with a good strategy for OH to overcome his anxiety.

[Tootsie4U]

You're too kind ;)

I've wasted two months worrying about taking Bonfire out on the 300 acres at this new barn. I want to do it so badly, but I always chicken out. Oh yeah, I know how Ray feels.

And dont forget the begining either - all you have to do is look back into the archives, and my anxiety about riding Bon is plain as the nose on my face.

In a nutshell, the only thing that helped me is a full fledged commitment to learning more about the horse. Education about everything horse, from natural herd behavior of wild horses to upper level riding technicalities. If you truly understand something, you're less likely to be afraid of it.

[Esther.D]

Stephen went through a similar situation with Pablo, he has ridden Pablo once for approximately 1 second (not even long enough to get his foot into the other stirrup) before being on the ground with cracked ribs (through a body protector) and bad bruising to his legs where he was kicked on the way down. I will try and persuade Stephen out of hiding to contribute to this thread ;) As you can imagine this wrecked his nerve and I think I wcan speak for him when I say he was very nervous of riding (any horse) for well over a year afterwards..and of course no-one has ever been back on Pablo, but now we know his issues and have worked through the fear to unearth the back problem underpinning it all.

[Peace]

Heck yeah.:) Remember my post at the beginning of the year - it took my instructor, two friends, and a mason jar full of homemade wine to get me on Quanah - and we were on the lead line the whole time!:rolleyes:

Not suggesting you ply Ray with alcohol, however.:eek:

I think you're doing the right thing - just let Ray have some successes doing what he's comfortable with, and he'll gain confidence.

At the moment, Quanah being young and me being ignorant:rolleyes: , Quanah is taking lessons with Leslie while I have lessons with Boots. Boots's attitude towards nervous novices is "Relax, kid, I've done this a thousand times, and I haven't killed anybody yet." Which calms me down tremendously.;)

An unexpected benefit is how much more affectionate Quanah is towards me now that he has Boots to be jealous of.:cool: :)

But I think I suggested this before and you said there's really not a "been there done that" type of horse for Ray to practice with?

Anyway, congratulations to Ray for riding over the weekend!:)

[KarinUS]

No, there really isn't. :(

We were thinking of using DJ, but DJ would be even more difficult to stay on if he goes faster than walk, plus he doesn't neck rein.

I offered looking around for other Western lesson horses but Ray says he wants to learn to ride Missy.

That's my man... :D... committed to his girl(s)!

[FRED]

:) good luck
I think that the little things help a lot to re- build confidence when its slipping away. Helps put aside those nagging doubts about self preservation that can get in the way of progress.
Grooming, hoof picking and just leading the horse around the paddock/ridding school, {before ridding or a lesson} help for a settled horse and rider. Even bathing builds a bond of trust ,get on with it Ray:}.Asking to back up,stand and having a horse listen to you is a great confidence builder too, builds a trust both ways,even with horses you hardly know. Something we very rarely see encouraged here in uk ridding schools,I don't know why that is.Its nice to be reminded of these things,simple as they are.

What bit do you use Karin, just wonder because neck reining is a sensative art for beginers to start off with,I have seen some horses soon get grumpy with learner rider neck reining{bit related in theses cases}{by the way,Im sure reining is going to become a Olympic Event,its something I love watching}

All those little things on the ground build a two way relationship even with horse you may never meet again, good for confidence, I think and better times ahead.Im sure reading between the lines Ray will get on with it and do well :)

[Alex]

...just found this post... sorry if my reply is very late...

Yes!!! oh yes, I've been so nervous that I wouldn't get on Milly and I was set to sell her. I'd only had her about 3 months at the time, and had been riding about a year. I had been thrown off way too many times, and I just thought I was not a good enough rider for such a 'feral' pony! I still loved being on the ground with her, but there was NO WAY I was getting back in the saddle.

I used to still go and visit Milly every day, but I'd make sure that I wore shorts and sandals/no shoes so that there was no way the YO could make me ride. I'd also 'accidently' forget to take my helmet.

One day I was round at the yard, having my cuddle with Milly, wearing my shorts and bare feet, when the YO's father came outside. He's a very nice guy, and has been working with/riding horses for a billion years. He had noticed that yet again, I wasn't riding and apparently YO told him that I was too scared to get on (even though I'd never discussed it with YO, I guess she figured it out).

Andy (YO's father) came over to me, and told me that it was fine if I wanted to sell Milly, but that I had to ride her to get her in work so she could be sold. He said that if I sold her and she hadn't been ridden, she's be even more crazy, and no one would buy her. I didn't know what to say - there was still no way I was getting on that horse, even if I had to give her away to someone for free - but I didn't have time to think about it - he made YO give me the boots she was wearing (no socks!!!) and gave me a grotty helmet from the riding school (eww) and made me get on Milly right then and there. I got blisters from the saddle because of my shorts lol and Milly was rather naughty as I hadn't been riding her for a while, but something was different. I held on. I didn't fall off. There was a new connection between us that hadn't been there before. I don't know how or why. I just know that I was feeling very down that day, and maybe Milly knew (lol aren't I dramatic???)

By making me get on and ride that day, when I had been so sure that I wouldn't, really worked. I haven't looked back since. Milly's still had her naughty days, and I've fallen off since, but it's different.

And I'm so glad Andy made me do it. At the time, I hated him for making me get on, but now I can see just what he did for me.

I truly loved my horse, but I was terrified of her. I think that Andy making me get on, without givine me a chance to panic or worry about it, was the secret for me.

Anyway, sorry this is so long - yet another of my long, past-midnight posts! I should go to bed! lol

Love,
Alex

[Snowflake]

When I first had Bounty in March I was at that time reasonably confident.

But bringing her to a new yard away from all she had known and leaving her Shetland companion, all conspired to make her very anxious. The first time I (stupidly) went up to the yard, I mounted her in the manege, just walked around once and then just before I was about to dismount, a pigeon dive bombed us and she did a huge spook and I fell off. Not the most auspicious start was it?

After that I had a major confidence crisis and was an utter bag of nerves. Even walking her back to the field was an issue as she was pulling so hard. She seemed spooky and jumpy all the time. Within a few weeks I had decided I would have to sell her.

However, people on here, and my instructor persuaded me to hang on. I did lots of ground work, grooming, washing mane, picking out feet (always has been an angel in the stable), tacking up etc. Didn't hack out but made myself have a lesson each week, even though it is only in the last month or two that I have picked up cantering again.

I think you just have to break it down into manageable bite sized pieces really. AS you know I have started hacking again and she has turned into such a confidence giver, bit of a plod really (even though she is a Welshie). I can clearly see that it was I who was making her nervy - what she needed when she first arrived at my yard was reassurance!


Sorry to have gone on, but I am sure that like me, if you persevere things will gradually improve, although not overnight.


Good Luck

Snowflake
:rolleyes:

[entreat]

The last two times I've been on a horse I have cried. Once before we'd even done anything. The last time I think I had reason - the horse (with a mouth made of rocks) reefed the reins from my hands & tried to tank home. I did alright - I squealed & got the reins back before she got too many strides in. Then I cried all the way home (only about 5 mins).

With our own horses, I can't look at them tacked up without being gripped with fear. I can handle them confidently - I coped with a join-up session filled with kicking, rearing & bucking with Cav & it was very successful in the end. But when I see that, and having been bucked off him once, I can help but think what he might do under saddle.

The up shot is: I never thought I could ever feel like this. Every time riding is suggested I freeze, and some how mutter "no thanks". I never knew a predator species could feel such a strong flight response!!

Lemme know what helps with Ray & I'll try it too. (we can be your guinea pigs ;))

[Sp1cer]

Hi,

I can relate to everything in this thread.

My fiancee fell of Murphy about 6 weeks ago, and it was only last week I managed to get him to go back on Murphy and have a little walk. Now Im fighting with him to go back on again for a second time. He loves working with them from the ground, grooming/tacking etc but he just panics if he thinks hes going to be asked to sit on his back.

I love riding, but Im scared before and during each lesson, but after the lessons finished Im always so chuffed with myself. I paniced on Monday when Rory started trotting really fast, I thought to myself hes gonna canter, hes gonna canter, hes going too fast, hes gonna canter and I pulled him back into walk (and got told off for doing it!) I wish I could just relax as I really enjoy it when he trots very fast, and I wish I could overcome this fear that hes gonna canter. This is ever since I had the accident in June where I smashed my kneecap during a canter with a riding school pony.

I hope one day soon I can look forward to riding and be eager to get on their back without being scared!

Pam

[KarinUS]

Fred,

I know what you mean about bits and neckreining! We started in a Tom Thumb and it was way too confusing for Missy with all the moving parts.
She is now in a medium port short shank curb with a leather strap (not a chain) and seems to like that bit the best. All one piece. No hinges to move.

We had another very pleasant ride today. Just walking around the pastures. Ray and Missy did both very well. She can be such a sweatheart. I am really looking forward to having her at home so we all can get to know each other better!

Thanks for all the great replies. It must be a great testament tp our love for horses that everybody perseveres in spite of it all. :)

[Shay's mom]

My horse is a prince but I am a bundle of nerves. The trainer is wanting me to set up a regular day of the week for a private lesson and I am stalling. Why? NERVES.:mad:

[hackedoff]

sorrrrrrry just found this thread- gosh doesnt it make you feel better reading all this?:D I can only endorse what everyone else has said. My last fall (getting on for 4 weeks ago!!) was so horrible, so unexpected and so ****dy painful I nearly phoned Horse and Hound Classifieds that same day!!!!! Read my thread
http://www.newrider.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42788 to see what a difference I have made to our relationship and Archer's attitude to the world in that time. Also note that my 12 year-old son rides him without any fear at all!!I am going to ride the Confidence Giver at the yard this week, then have a lesson in the school on my boy <wibble>

[Shay's mom]

Hi,
Since I have still been unable to master putting an avitar of my horse up I'll simply say he looks just like your only brown and white!
:D

[Stella2]

Flora has been ill for 10 days with Lymphangitis. After four days with it (following a week of not being ridden for other reasons), she had improved enough for the vet to say that she could be ridden in walk (she has since deteriated and can't be ridden at present). I rode her out with a quiet companion, unfortunately, she was feeling fresh, spun and had me straight off. I wasn't really hurt (which is unusual for me, I usually creak around for several days full of Ibrupfoohen after coming off), but I feel quite worried about riding again - made worse no doubt by the enforced time off!

I know from my own experiences (many times) and from others that I have read on NR, that you are by no means alone in your worries.

If anything else had us feeling like this, we would just stop doing it wouldn't we?!

[Shay's mom]

can you describe lymphgytis (spelling)

[Stella2]

Its an infection in the Lymphatic system (runs parallel to arteries and acts as drainage for the body). It usually starts in a leg due to a small blockage caused by an infection in a cut, mud fever or just from a knock. It often remains confined to the hock and maybe the foot, but can become more aggressive. Unfortunately, Flora's is very aggressive - right up her off hind, into her quarters, her teats and belly on that sde. She is more comfortable now the swelling has reduced somewhat, but at its worse, its very painful.

Best not to go into this here much more or it could hijack the thread and Flora's Lymphangitis has a thread all of its own!

[Shay's mom]

My paint horse has a lump, about the size of my fist on his hip. I have pointed it out to the barn owner and two trainers and all say that he has probably been kicked. ????????

[cazrider]

Just read through this thread. Amazing how many of us there are isn't it.

I sold my last horse because I lost cofidence totally in riding her, and found myself paying soemone else to do it. How mad is that!There was no going back once I'd tried all the ground work etc, including hypnosis which did work eventually. On the ground we were fine, and I was riding her again but realised I didn't enjoy the fights we had. The buck plunge stuff when she wanted to do something I didn't finally mad me realsie she just wasn't the horse for me. I did give it one and a half years so there was nothing quick about it. One and a half years of sick jelly making feelings!

The really silly thing is, I now have Sennie as most of you know, and he's just lovely BUT I still feel that awful sick feeling in my stomach and shaky hands before I get on. I have realised though that it does go away very quickly once I start riding him, and that it is a hang over from my previous horse. So, it is getting less and less, thank goodness.

Howver, I still am really looking forward to the day when those awful feelings go away completely. I really hope they do! But there is light at the end of the tunnel!:)

[rusk]

I knew this question would get loads of answers, usually saying YES. I think most of us have days that we feel totally scared to death to ride our own horses. Confidence is a very fragile thing and it seems to come and go, doesn't it?? There are days when I could do just about anything with my horse and there have been horrible days when I couldn't pluck up enough courage to ride him at all. So long as we conquer the fears we are getting somewhere!!:rolleyes: :D

[Stella2]

This is probably the right thread for me to ask people to remind me why its worth all the angst??? :(

Flora still has Lymphangitis and can't be ridden. I love her to bits and I'm primarily concerned about her health right now, but the longer I don't ride, the more doubts I have about the sense of it all! When I rode her about 10 days ago when the vet recommended she be ridden at walk because she seemed to be improving, unfortunately, I didn't anticipate that she would have that 'other level of freshness' that horses apparantly have (according to my instructor) when they have felt very ill and then are feeling better! - the result - she decked me! I was fine fine, but I just find myself full of doubt! Am I mad? why does riding matter?

Why do we do it? How risky is it really? Should we take up knitting instead?

[Sp1cer]

Hi,

I wonder too, why do we do this! Whats so important about being around horses? I went up to the yard tonight with great intentions - to ride at least one of my boys! and guess what! I never rode any!

Since Rorys tantrum last week and him decking me Im a nervous wreck again :(

Im not sure which Im more afraid to ride, Rory is good a lot of the time, but he keeps napping, getting fed up and has tantrums, where Smurf is only 6, not had much schooling and wants to go too fast! (and hes a big coward, yes his shadow might jump up and eat him or car lights might turn him into a frog, or that tiny wee twig way in the distance might jump up and hit him!)

Well Ive a lesson booked for tomorrow - lets hope I can get some courage back!

Pam

[hackedoff]

Well I'm proud to announce that I GOT BACK ON yesterday and had a fantastic lesson with YO she kept me on lunge line which she called my 'umbilical cord':D interesting feedback- I dont ride with enough contact for him!! She says he needs more contact from me so that he feels supported and that I am 'with' him, otherwise he has to make all the decisions from himself which in a panic situation is asking for trouble. I took up the rein more and guess what? Ears flicking back to me, a softened back and a foamy bit.
I guess this has flagged up how much I still need lessons, over-confidence led to problems, led to a loss of confidence. I was QUAKING when I got to yard yesterday, but once on top I was actually better.
BTW, the whole time he didnt spook, nap or play up at all and was dead soppy when we got back.
Now to sort out my finances so I can afford to keep him ( I think thats another thread)

[topcat]

I found all of what everyone said really interesting, its all so true. I sold a horse I had only had six months in April and I got lots of stick for it, but the simple matter was I was scared to ride him unless I was having a lesson with my instructor. So after he went I spent ages looking for a more suitable replacement in terms of temperment and I have found him! I havent suddenly become miss confident overnight though and I still worry about wind rain fading light horses running rpound in the field dragging buckets etc...BUT the more I ride him the more I am beginning to realise that he wont do anything naughty and occassionally I have been known to smile and laugh whilst in the saddle!!I do still have butterflies in my stomach before I get on though, but after the first ten minutes they disapear, and as for haclking I am still a bottle of rescue remedy girl for now, despite the fact he is as bombproof as you are going to get. So who is this saint...a 17hand warmblood with a perchant for dressage.not the hairy cob I intended.

[lizzy]

I always think that I am the most under confident rider that you will find - we went round the mini hunter trials on Sunday team chase style with someone else and got round in one piece and clear, although mainly at trot!!! I was absolutely thrilled to bits- it's my goal to ride in our hunter trials proper before I am 50 - 4 years to go.

Afterwards one of the girls on the yard took him around again except on his own and he refused a rustic fence( very unusual for him - he jumps anything and everything) and she said that when she turned him round to jump it again he had a rodeoing fit before he would go on!

Although many people have told me that she would have wound him up before they went out (I did see him jogging down the drive), it's really put me off riding him this week. I have though, and my confidence has been rock bottom and I have shook before I have got on him. Why? He didn't do it to me, and YO says that it's unlikely that he would do that to me as i don't wind him up when I ride him!

Do you think you ever get over this lack of confidence when you get to my age?

Lizzy

[Stella2]

I don't know Lizzy, I wish I did. I know I feel more confident on Flora than I ever have riding before her (my concerns about hacking are practical given the arm injury in March as she really does have a killer spin, although she is sensible most of the time). If I don't hack much I'll just focus my engergies on us doing dressage.

Anyway, well done you on the mini hunter trial. One thing I have learned during the time I've had Flora is that we really shouldn't assume that our horses will 'go well' with a very experienced or stronger riders. We have our own relationship with them, horses behave differently with different riders and they are often more relaxed and confident with their trusted (if less experienced) owner rider.

It sounds like you are doing great, just carry on enjoying how things are between you and your horse :)

Oh and Topcat, Flora is a 16.3hh heavy hunter and she has enabled me to greatly regain my confidence, after lots of scary incidents and in the end, a nasty accident on my previous horse - a 15.3hh cob. So I know just what you mean! I think (and hope) I'm just having a temporary wobble after enforced time off!

[Cheko]

I've been there done it and got the TShirt so to speak. What I did, I didn't rush riding the pony. I spent an hour or so in his field with him, talking to him and stroking him for a couple of days. He loved it. I also led him around the 'horse-free' field next to his. He behaved like a perfect gentleman despite being only 4 years old. Next time, I'll be riding him (on my own) round the school. He's such a loving pony and seemed to really enjoy my company (dont know why tho!!!). He chased the other pony away so he could have me to himself! He's young but he's never behaved badly as some do. He's only too willing to please.:p

[Shay's mom]

I thought I was making progress but today I only let my horse take a couple of steps and I got off. I was outside in the round pen. I don't know if that made me feel nervous or what. I'm really down and getting close to selling both horses and giving up. I'm 54 and can't keep doing this.

[chapsi]

This is the kind of thread that makes me quivver.
I read all your comments, all your strength, determination, courage.
Where does it put me? At least you guys have fought these feelings and overcome them.
I have a wonderful horse to ride. Although he has been uncooperative, cunning, always devising strategies not to work or to do anything except what he was asked, he never put my life in danger. However, his aggressive ground behaviour made me loose all my confidence and recently even my self-esteem. I feel worthless as a rider.
Out on hacks, I shake like a leaf, although I try to control myself. The few times I went out with Pegs, we just walked, but he gets naughty; he knows I am afraid and deliberatly pretends to spook, just to wind my nerves up even more...
On one hand, I cannot ride anything that moves on 4 legs and is not called Pegaso. On the other hand, riding him, handling him, has made me the most insecure rider I ever met.

It's a disgrace. Watching the young children starting and within a couple of months feeling confortable enough to canter in their hacks makes feel even more innadequate.

My mare has prooved to be a genuine, sweet, honest horse. Everybody can ride her now. Yet, if I mount she senses my fear, gets afraid and takes off with me... After this, I rode her no more... She is now for sale...

I've read many books and articles, I spoke to several people who regained an conquored their confidence after unduring life threatning accidents, used hypnotheraphy tape, I have been doing acupuncture for months now, Bach Remedies, animal communicators, you name it... As time goes by it's getting worse.

I realise I spoke so much of my fears and lack of confidence, that they became more and more in-grained.

Will this ever end? I feel disabled as a rider, limited, under confident. I suspect Pegs is about to become a most expensive 'garden ornament'.

[Shay's mom]

Today when I was too afraid to stay on my horse and 8 year old boy was taking his first ever lesson. Within an hour he was trotting. I could name several reasons (excuses) for why I am afraid now....
I have survived two years since my brother suicide but I am very afraid of taking risks.
I have been lied to by several horse people. Most recently we bought a second horse. I was told he was "perfect" for me. The person who said he was perfect for me had watched me struggle with my fears for two months. I have since learned that the horse is only "green broke" . I paid $1500 for him and the original owner refused him back for $500. I guess that tells me all I need to know.
Thirdly I was thrown three years ago by a really bad horse which I practically gave away because I didn't want to cheat someone else.
I guess this all adds up to me feeling like an idiot.

[Peace]

Originally posted by lizzy
I have shook before I have got on him. Why? He didn't do it to me, and YO says that it's unlikely that he would do that to me

Well, it's scarier watching than participating, isn't it, since spectators don't have the benefit of the adrenaline rush to blur their memories.:) I recently watched Boots, my "confidence giver," take shameless advantage of a beginner rider. Even though I had the exact same fuss with Boots months ago and now know perfectly well how to keep him from performing his tricks, were my knees watery when I mounted him on Saturday? You bet. And was he a perfect angel once I made myself ride him? Absolutely.:D ;)

chapsi - I've been following Pegs's surgery on your other thread, and I'm praying Santa brings you a gentle gelding for Christmas this year.:)

Shay's mom - if I got to be queen of the universe, I'd devise a special rodeo corner of hell for people who sell unsuitable dangerous horses to other people.:mad: It was the seller who was in the wrong, not you - no reason you should feel down on yourself. I'm sorry you have that experience to overcome.

[KarinUS]

Ray has made tons of progress. His timing and intuition have gotten a lot better!
Last week he was getting her from the pasture and the other horses were running. He had her by the lead rope and she did some mini rears. But he kept her circling and she came down to just some prancing and we got her to settle down and be a good girl.
Today they had another lesson and it was windy, the neighbor was shooting, bit dogs were jumping and barking and she was startled and fussy (no riding in 2 weeks because of the rein) but she behaved.
He says he is nervous but his actions don't show it anymore. They both did great.
Then they stood by the fence and watched me do a rodeo lesson on DJ... oops- not such a good example today! :rolleyes:

[pengapenga]

Originally posted by Stella2
This is probably the right thread for me to ask people to remind me why its worth all the angst??? :( Why do we do it? How risky is it really? Should we take up knitting instead?

I too often wonder why. Simply I love horses, i love being around them and I love the feeling of a good gallop. I love the challenge as no two rides are the same. I think that is why I do it!

Yes I too have lost confidence in a horse I owned. He bolted after coming across to african woman carrying firewood on their heads. I tried everything to slow him down but he was having none of it. I was getting pretty desparate as we were coming close to the village and with young children running around I needed to stop him before a tragedy occured. I once remember someone telling me to take off my shirt and cover his eyes and this will slow him(not sure how effective this would have been never got to try)whilst I was trying to hang on and undress he suddenly changed direction and I went sailing over his head, I did not let go of the reins and I took off all my skin with a leather burn not to mention a grass burn over my back. Lucky that that was all the injuries I got! Anyway he was too nervous to remount and I was also told if you fall off you must get back on or you will lose your nerve. (another myth who knows) We quietly walked the 5 km back to the stable and I did not ride for a few weeks until my hand healed. I was also a little nervous of riding him after that and when I fell pregnant I could not get on him. So sold him. Ironically I think he was a pussy cat compared to my present horse:)

[hackedoff]

An observation today after a pretty crap lesson this time- my horse started 'playing up' after 30 mins of trying to get him to bend properly, instead of working around him as I usually do. He loves his work and I was at first surprised then all the old fears started to creep back. He was napping, backing up, refusing to walk forward and going to my YO for comfort, his ears were pinned and he was hunched tense he even stamped his foot! After 10mins of this I took him home and he was a pussycat all the way.
I went into my usual " Oh God I'm such a crap rider" mindset at first then thought about it on the way home, all that behaviour was his stuff, his behaviour not mine, why do I beat myself up every time my horse (who is only 5!) doesnt behave like a robot? He was trying to tell me something, maybe he was finding it a challenge changing his old 'falling out' habits, and I am getting him to round much more now and step under which is really tiring, maybe his feet were sore after his first trim in months yesterday...............could have been anything that had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with my riding!!!!!!!!!
So why do I take all this so personally eh?

@chapsi- I feel for you, I truly do.

[Shay's mom]

If we took up knitting we might fall out of our easy chair and be impailed by our knitting needles. At least the horses are beautiful even if they are sometimes frightening.

[KarinUS]

My mare has prooved to be a genuine, sweet, honest horse. Everybody can ride her now. Yet, if I mount she senses my fear, gets afraid and takes off with me... After this, I rode her no more... She is now for sale...

OMG I missed this until hackedoff mentioned it! :o
How sad. What does Gina say? You have given Pegaso so much time. Do you really feel you can't give yourself a little more time with your mare as well?

[Rosti]

yes im going through a patch at the moment with my pony just with the hacking side of things, but it stems from when I had an anglo arab mare. i rode through both pregnencies but the last time i rode her out on a hack she spooked and then got quite excited and all thought of was no more thankyou! So i got off there and then and walked back and just rode in the school which I have no problem with, i have tryed to turn a new leaf with my pony, but he knows and feels this. I have confidence with another person weather on foot or with another horse/pony, trouble is i've backed him my self and it all first experiences for him, though he's a gem for leading out for walks! its as soon as i on his back i seem to clamp up and think of all the things that can go wrong when your on your own though i faithly carry a moble with me. :( any help or advice would nice

[Vik]

Yep I got so bad that I couldnt even pick out her feet at one point or go in her stable. She's my first horse and a typical mare TB. Alpha and like to be grumpy. But I hav joined Parelli and this has given me lots of confidence ! Worthwhile looking into.

Vicki

[Waikato Valuta]

II lost my confidence on my last horse. I got him of the track as a 4yo and he was a 17.3hh TB. Everything went well for about a year then one day he went totally tropo and bucked me off. I didn’t get back on that day but I did get back on the next day in a lesson and he did the same thing. So then I flat out refused to get back on until I had his saddle fitted and his back checked. His back was out so we got that fixed, and the saddle fit was checked.

But my confidence was gone on Prince and any other horse I rode. I would go out to ride him and my legs would shake and I would start to feel sick. I did manage to ride him bare back a few times, for some reason I felt better that way.

I sent him of to a trainer then went and stayed there with him for a week and had two lessons a day. it worked while I was there but as soon as I got him home I lost it again.

By this stage my parents told me I had to see him as he was costing too much and not just training, there was a server drought and food was 3-4 times as much as it had been and I refused to get rid of my first horse Maddock. Unfortunately I couldn't sell him when I wasn’t able to ride him so I hired a rider to ride him 6 days a week. I went out about 3 times a week and watched then jumped on after her. This helped a little but I was still only ridding after he had been tired by someone else, his training also was not improving and he was not happy. We had several prospective buyers come and see him, and none wanted him.

Then he badly cut his front leg and we thought we might have to have him put down. But he healed and we were riding again in 6 weeks. The trainer rode him for one more week before a series of event forced me to leave and take him to a paddock near my home where I had no support and I instantly lost my confidence again.

So started my cure. ( 6 months after me losing my confidence)

I would lounge him and then ride for 5 min at the walk, there slowly increased and I started schooling him but I was still really scared of cantering so didn’t canter or jump. Then I had an amazing helping hand by way of a bad flood which covered the paddock in about 3 feet of water. So I had a 6 acre paddock with 3 feet of water covering it for about 3 weeks.

I felt really confident ridding in the water because I didn’t think it would hurt if I feel off. so we started cantering and having a great time in the water. as the water level got down. we started jumping and then when all the water was gone we were galloping and jumping and starting to school in dressage again. We advertised him in Horse Deals and the first person to come see him brought him, He was working collected in all three paces and jumping about 3 foot when I sold him.

I don’t think it was just the flood that did it but it helped me along. I just persisted and went to see him every day, and did as much as I could. Wether that was just grooming and lounging, or jumping on for a 30sec walk around the paddock. We slowly built this up until I was very confident on him.

I still have moment when I lose my nerve and I'm much less likely to stay on a horse that is having a smack out as entreat can contest to. But I am jumping my friend’s horse over a meter and hacking out several different horses. I had my first competition (Eventing) in over 3 years last Sunday and everything went great we ended up 7th in a field of 35. I think just persisting and doing as much as you feel comfortable doing is the way to start.

[entreat]

WV - you give me so much hope! And when I see you get off a horse, I know there's a reason for it!! We're not all as mad as Cam ;)

[NoviceNic]

I started to ride again 3 years ago when I hit 30. I had lessons for 2 years and got on really well. After owning my daughters pony for 1 1/2 years I decided to treat myself to a horse. I had no requirements apart from good temperament. I watched my freinds horse for about 2 months and when she said she was selling her I decided to try and see how I got on with her. 2 weeks later I took her home. Try as I might I did not bond with her at all and it felt like a battle every day. My confidence took a massive battering and eventually after 8 months submitted to going to a livery yard and getting as much support as I could. I tried so hard to love and care for this horse. Through the winter she was stabled 24/7 and was like a bottle of pop ready to explode. This then meant I could not ride her and a more experienced rider took over. Finally i made a decision to cut my losses and sold her last March. The new owners kept in touch with me and really enjoy her to bits. I went back to lessons and promised myself I would never buy again. But the Summer came and I missed hacks out and doing what I wanted to do and not what I had to do in a lesson. Luck fell upon me when I discovered a local riding school shut down and was selling a cob. I tried him for 3 weeks at theirs and then they agreed to a 2 week trial at my field. Within 2 weeks I was hacking out on my own and was madly in love with my new man. Today I galloped for the first time :D :D :D :D . My Captain is the best horse in the world and trust him with all my heart. I still get nervous. Today was the first time I had ridden him for 2 weeks due to sudden bereavement. He wouldn't stand still while I tacked him up and he made me nervous but I knew it wasn't his fault he was excited. He has changed my life completely and I walk around with a permanent grin on my face!!! Good Luck with your confidence. Just remember riding is fun and if you no longer enjoy it you may need to think about cutting your losses. There is always something perfect out there for you, it is just patience is needed when buying.

[mimmis]

Hi,
just have to say something on this thread too:)

I´ve been exactly there too - who hasn´t - but while others might have overcome it over a day or two, for me it has been a long process. years. There are days when I feel when I get to the stable that, god, the fear is there and its blowing outside and there´s bound to problems and -and -and

But 1) I always prefer being by myself when I´m scared, something in the situation makes me take resposibilty for me and the horse , something I might not do if I´m riding with someone more experienced 2)small steps for me are SMALL - riding in the ring first (school? training square - what do you call it in english?) then riding ten meters outside the fence, next day 15, next day 20 then suddenly one day I´m bored and just ride for a small ride - it took me a year before I cantered one step on this horse I have now.

but again as others have said, find your own path. Fear is something that in the end has taught me a lot about myself. I wouldn´t want to be without it:)