Sigh... Confidence where did you go?

[Black_Topaz]

Once again, I post in a fair near wreck, I'm sorry I can't post with happy things, they just seem kind of few and far between.
I won't go into the long pre-story about all of this, I'll explain the details quick
-Riding for about nine or ten months now
-Always the same horse, 22 year old thouroughbred named Mike
-Can walk, trot and canter fairly decently I think
-Can jump about a foot tall jump
-Fallen off once, when Mike went over one bounce and stopped dead at the next
-Have serious problems with my instructor and lower leg coming together

OK, so recently the last lesson I have had, I start out good, but barely ever end on a positive note. For example, last lesson I did, I started out great, did the exercise (circles at canter and quickly changing to trot to get over a small juimp) great, my intructor said so. Then, oh then. Next exercise, trot over the one jump, trot to the other end of the arena, then jump two bounces, keep cantering and jump two jumps about 3 strides apart. It was going ok, I got over everything, but it wasn't perfect, so instructor asks me to do it again, not unusual. I go, get the first jump, the bounces, but the last two, Mike swerves around the first jump. I bring him back around to do the line again, he swerves. Again we go around, and again he swerves, despite me trying to get him to go over. This time instructor stands on the side of the jump he was swerving to, so he goes over, but swerves out the next one and we practically run right into one of the other riders, who were all patiently waiting for me to get over, because Mike got so spooked and botled. So we circle around to do THAT jump again, not the fist one, and he swerves out. Instructor tells us to go over the bounces again because she doesn't want me teaching Mike bad habits. First attempt, I overshoot the turn and end up at a dead stop, from a slow trot, inches from the jump. Secind time, we go over, and my instructor then goes on to tell me about how I don't want to be perfect, and that I'm settling for second best, and that I always settle for second best, and I'll never get very far unless I start trying (which to her is to get my lower leg the way she wants it). So, here I am, my confidence very shaken, and I'm hating myself for the fact that I can't make my legs the way she wants them. It's no that I don't want to be a good rider, I want to be the person who jumps the six foot jumps and I want to actually accomplish something, but it seems to me that I can't.
If anyone else has been through a time like this, could you tell me how you dealt with it, because, I can't seem to find anything.
Thank-You
Kya

[kedwards]

Oh dear, you're instructor doesn't sounds like much help with your confidence! Perhaps there are 1000 other reasons why you she's a great teacher, but on this one, she isn't helping.

When schooling horses, it's always a good idea to end on a good note. If you are working on something challenging and the horse is getting frustrated, before ending the day, you try to take him back to something easy that he can be successful at, say "good boy," put him away, and save progress on the challenging thing for the next day. The same goes for schooling the rider (not that I'm an expert on training riders, but this is certainly true of learning in general). Always try to finish on something that you can do successfully. Always end with a "good girl."

If your instructor won't give it to you, try to find ways to give it to yourself.

Personally, I don't hesitate to tell an instructor (and I have more than once), "Look, I feel like we've accomplished what we can today. I'd like to put him over something easy to renew his confidence and end the lesson."

[Foxfold]

Wow! I teach for a living and I have NEVER made a student feel as you do. Everyone learns at differing rates, some take longer than others to 'understand' and 'coordinate', but the art of a good teacher is to make everyone leave the lesson feeling 'good' about themselves. They may have to try harder next time, but if you leave the lesson making them feel 'useless' you are destroying their enjoyment of their chosen pastime, and that I don't believe you have a right to do. You are there to 'teach' not critisise surely. Is there any other teaching establishment you can go to? Maybe if you had a lesson with someone else, you could check out different teaching methods.
Please don't give up, and don't lose your enjoyment just because your teacher is in my opinion 'inept'
Chin up

[Black_Topaz]

GRRRRRRR! :mad:

Okay, now I can probably talk sensibly. I am so frustrated! I wish I could make my position the way my instructor wants it to be! Last lesson (which was ok) she said that I am now actually compensating for my bad position with other things! I DON"T WANT TO HAVE TO COMPENSATE!!!!!!

Oops, sorry thought I got that out :eek:

Alright, so I want to be able to keep my lower leg in the proper position, but it seems for me to be nearly impossible! My problems are keeping my weight in my heels and putting my leg back and pointing my toe out at the proper angle. Since the only time I get to practice with this is on Thursdays and Saturdays I was wondering if anyone knew exercises (beyond standing on stairs) to help me strenghten my lower leg?

Thank you
Sorry for the outbursts
Kya

[Ruffiane]

It may be that it was just a bad day for Mike and he was in a "mood." And having ridden only 10 or 11 months, you might not be experienced enough to work him through it. (I've only been riding about 1 year seriously myself, so I'm thinking this through from my own experience.)

You were awesomely brave to keep at it as many times as you did. I'd be so un-nerved.

[Miriam]

Ermmm I think I took it all and I'm not giving it back ;)

Stick in there it'll all come back eventually

[ajhainey]

Tell your instructor you want to take things slower and that riding is supposed to be fun! Its a hobby!! I've been going nearly two years and there is no WAY I could do what you have described...I'm lucky if I can canter a correct circle, never mind start double bounce jumps, some nights on some horses I'm lucky if I can trot a circle never mind anything else!

With my other hat on I agree with foxfold! I have also taught (skiing) and I would have been racked with guilt if I thought I was regularly sending home any of my pupils with the impression it is their fault they can't do something. Yes sometimes you have to push someone over a hurdle but you always aim to do this in the middle of a session, then back off and do something easy so people go home happy, whether they made the breakthrough or not...you are paying to have fun not to be made to feel a fool...It's the instructors job to make it seem effortless and if my pupil is struggling then that is my fault, for making them do something they aren't ready for (be that due to effort or skill or practise) not theirs for 'not trying hard enough'!

<Takes a deep breath>

Anyway, rant over, more practically would you be happy in a less advanced class? Maybe doing more work on your position and less jumping/comples exercises?

aj xx

[Elvengirl]

What is it you want to achieve in riding? Like, long and short term goals? If you really aspire to jump 6 feet someday, it takes a long time and can only come with perseverance and discipline. It is not an easy road and the body doesn't always do what you want. The Grand Prix riders make it look so simple, but just think of how many years it took them to get where they are. Your legs will not work correctly after such a short time riding, your muscles have not learned exactly what they need to do yet on their own, so you must conciously think about what your legs are doing in order to create the feeling you will become familiar with after years of being in the saddle. If you want to ride and just have fun and you aren't worried about tough competition and you just want to take things slower, let your instructor know as she may be unclear of your goals and may think you are wanting something else. My instructor is hard on me sometimes, but I understand it because she knows me very well (she has coached me for 3 years) and knows my riding better than I know it myself. She pushes me to ride to my potential everyday, but never beyond my experience limits. Talk to your instructor about how you feel, it is really important to have an open and clear relationship with your coach.
As for your confidence, don't worry! Everyone experiences bad days, months, even years! You are not alone, and every rider out there, even the best riders in the world will have had times when they felt they couldn't do anything right. Just think optimisticly. You have been riding only 10 months and are jumping 1 foot courses, and doing bounces, this is great! You are doing just fine! I promise you that if you persevere and work through any problems you may encounter you will learn from them and become a much better rider and then one day you will have such an excellent ride that your confidence will soar!
When I first started jumping I had the nasty habit of jumping ahead of my horse. A loan horse, bless his heart, would slam on the brakes everytime I even slightly jumped ahead. You have no idea how frustrated I was with myself, I kept thinking, "why can't I just sit up and ride for god's sake!". This went on for the better part of a year, my instructor and I doing lesson after lesson, sometimes it was good if I could get him over one fence without a stop first! Then one day, I just stopped jumping ahead. Something just clicked in my mind and I started riding to fences with my leg on and a positive mind and we never had a stop again and even jumped 3'9" out of a grid, which was way beyond what I thought I could ever achieve. Even though I still have problems with distance and such, I learned how to keep my leg on and support yucky distances if they happened and I definatly learned and progrssed through what I think of as the most horrible 7 months of my life! Everyone has slumps in riding I think but the important thing is to keep going. Talk to your instructer, let her know how you are feeling and remember that you are most definatly not alone!