When do you decide it's time to move on from an instructor?

[kedwards]

Just wondered about people's experiences and thoughts about this.

I have two instructors at the moment for different disciplines. One who has made huge changes for the better in my riding, with whom I make weekly progress, and I count the days until my next lesson because I enjoy them so much (and get so much out of them).

The other I've learned a lot from and think highly of, but I don't feel a sense of regular improvement. I find myself frequently frustrated during lessons and very negative about myself and my progress afterward. This is someone with whom I've worked for a year. It's also someone I like very much as a person, as a horsewoman, and as a rider. My lessons felt this way with her from the start, but I figured that the frustration and confusion was a reflection of how little I knew, and that it would click after awhile. However, a year later, I feel just as (if not more) clueless and frustrated than when I started. Actually, I think she gets frustrated too. I keep contemplating terminating lessons with her, but I still can't decide whether it would be the best thing for my riding or, if it is, how to go about doing it diplomatically.

[Bay Mare]

I suppose really that you have a couple of options. You say that you've learned a lot from her but that you feel frustrated and confused. Is it that she doesn't put things across clearly or that her method of teaching just doesn't 'click' with you? Or is it that her discipline is your least favourite? You COULD try having a chat with her about it (diplomatically of course) and see if things improve.

Would Trainer 1 be able/willing to teach you both disciplines? Would you be happy to drop one discipline if you were to drop Trainer 2? If you're really not happy and aren't learning anything then you need to diplomatically (not easy I realise) but honestly drop your second trainer.

At the end of the day what is your 'gut' telling you? From your post I would say that you want to drop Trainer 2 but feel a sense of loyalty to her.

[TeeBrown]

It's so hard trying to be nice to everyone and as you don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but at the end of the day you are paying for something you feel you aren't getting. Have you tried sitting down and talking (maybe over a drink) about how you feel, instructor may understand and either change the teaching methods or agree with you and feel changing instructor is the answer. I think you have to know how instuctor 2 really feels with cards on the table before you can make a decision, you never know it might clear the air and change your appoach to the lessons and give it a good kick start.

Communication is difficult but you can't assume what someone is thinking in case you get it very wrong.

good luck!

[Caz&Irena]

I agree with Bay Mare in that really, you know what you need to do.

If you are counting the days to your next lesson with instructor 1 then it means you are thoroughly enjoying your lessons and she is promoting a positive attitude which is what you want and is a hallmark of a good instructor. But if instructor 2 is leaving you negative about your riding then all she will do is eat away at your confidence which then means you will start to question your abilities. With this attitude you will find it hard to progress.

Why not say to this lady that you have to cancel your lessons for the next couple of weeks, you'll need to think up a good excuse! That will give you some breathing space to finally make up your mind. If you decide you don't want to continue with her then at least you will have started to make the break anyway.

Good luck:)

[Mary Poppins]

I have had a lot of different instructors throughout my time riding and have only recently found one who I really click with. In the 6 months I have been having lessons with him I have improved so much and am now doing things I never thought that I would do and feeling so much more confident.

If I were in your situation, I would have to stop my lessons with instructor 2 and concentrate on instructor 1. I would also be honest with instructor 1 and say that you have been having lessons with another instructor and you feel that you should concentrate more with that instructor. She will thank you for being so honest and you won't have to tie yourself in knots thinking of a different excuse and then feeling guilty by having lied to her. She may also like to have some feedback about her teaching (although I would try and be a little diplomatic about this).

[KarinUS]

Hm. It sounds like you are not getting that much out of it with that instructor.
I have pretty much decided to check out new instructors as well. I will have a freelancer come over for a jumping lesson as soon as I am set up for it. We'll see how it goes.
In the end I just felt I was going in circles (literally) without much improvement. There's nothing bad about my instructor. It's kind of like football teams I guess. After a while the coach has told you everything they have to tell you and you need to hear someone else's feedback to get new ideas.
I have no suggestions for a diplomatic break as it has been rather easy for me since I 'moved out'.
Sorry!

But yes, you definitely need a change there. No point in going for lessons just so you can feel bad...

[winterbalto]

I pretty much had the same problem a couple of months ago. I was going twice a week to lessons at two different barns. One of the barns I loved (now I go there twice a week) and the other one I began to dislike more and more. The instructor was not nearly as ethusiastic and we would always be in a line following one another at a walk or trot so I basically was the not the one controlling the horse. The lessons were super boring and it was always the same thing every day. Plus, I began to feel how you seem to feel, that my skills were limited and that I wasn't improving. The people there were so safety conscious that they never let you make any mistakes and would do this irritating like if you were standing in a line and you had to turn around they would just grab your horse and turn it for you...grrrr....frustrating.

All the while I was going at the other barn which had an instructor that yelled, encouraged, pointed our your weak AND strong points and where there was absolutely no "follow the leader" (in fact it was discouraged to constantly be going in a circle) and lots of different excersizes and games every day. I feel much better now that I only go to the one that I liked and feel like I am improving far more especially since this barn lets me take more risks and go more at my pace.

So my advice would be to quit the barn you don't like. I know it's harder because you like the instructor as a person but you really have to think about where your money is going and how to improve your riding. To inform her you are leaving just nicely tell her the truth; That your sure she's a good instructor but she's just not the right one for you. Good Luck!

~Nicole

[Grace O'Malley]

Hmmm. A "scheduling conflict" might be the easiest way to make a diplomatic break.

I do know what you mean. Both my son and I were getting increasingly frustrated with our lessons. Seemed like we were covering the same ground week after week, and not really improving the aspects that were most problematical. As if we were practicing our mistakes, not overcoming them :( . Also I increasingly found myself questioning some of her methods, and found myself quietly subverting them and getting better results when I did so :p . Still, I felt a lot of loyalty to this instructor since she was willing to take us on after a previous instructor had moved away and no one else seemed to be interested. And not having a horse of our own, lessons were our only means of riding.

Then my husband was laid off, and we simply couldn't afford lessons. That made a convenient excuse to make the break with the added benefit of being true. Can't say I'd recommend that route though! When he finds another job, I'm not sure exactly what I'll do--except that I won't go back to what we were doing.

Good luck!

Grace

[kedwards]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and feedback.

I think it really would be best to just make a break, but I am finding it difficult to put into action. We've had long talks and periods of time off from lessons. I even had the "I think it's time to stick with my other trainer and move on" talk, but ultimately we end up discussing changes instead, which only serve to delay the (probably) inevitable.

I'm really not concerned that she will be upset. We've discussed the issue, in a general sense before. She also knows that my main interests lie elsewhere. She is very reasonable, actually, which is what makes it so hard to make the final decision. Whenever I've brought up the issue in the past, she comes back with exactly the right response, "What isn't working and how can we make it better?" Her reasonableness and her willingness to work with me, just make it all the more disheartening when I go back to lessons and everything still feels the same. The problem is, I can't quite put my finger on what it is that isn't working or why it is that I find lessons with her so confusing and frustrating.

[KarinUS]

So she teaches one discipline and your other instructor teahces another?

Well then it's easy. Just tell her you appreciate all she has done for you but your heart is really more with the other style of riding and you would like to focus primarily on that for the time being.

At least that eliminates her usual comeback - unless she wants to keep you so badly she's willing to teach jumping instead of dressage...! :D

[Scarlett 001]

Originally posted by KarinUS
At least that eliminates her usual comeback - unless she wants to keep you so badly she's willing to teach jumping instead of dressage...! :D

;) :)

Well, it sounds like there are ways you can make the break clean.

I have to say it was awkward for me leaving my last place. I knew the instructor would take it badly. I had not ridden in 5 weeks due to xmas and -25 celcius temps so I had a break which made it easier. Then I phoned her - secretly hoping I would get her answering machine, which I did thank goodness! So I left a message saying that I was rethinking my riding goals (which I was, but I failed to mention that I had found a new school that would work for me) and how riding would fit into my life due to a busy work schedule - and that I would be taking a break for a while and that she should give up my riding time to someone on the waiting list. She never called back so I suspect she was not happy with me - I did like her but she tended to take things too personally sometimes so her lack of return phone call did not surprise me. I felt awkward, but she had messed me around with cancelling a part-lease on me after one week, and some other thigns too. Mainly, her rigid, formula-style of instruction was no longer working for me. It was too mechanical.

[IrisSilverMoon]

you are lucky it seems like you have sucha nice instructor that will understand that you're goals lie elsewhere. A good instructor will understand that you want to go in other directions and that you have moved beyond what she can teach. She's given youa good foundation to work with, but its time to see what else is out there.

I'm a little worried about my change honestly, since my instructors don't understand that. Theoretically I could go all the way through GP competition and high school work with my current instructor, but not on the school horses and i'll never be allowed to ride anything else. Be thankful your instructor isn't prone to explosions as mine is.

[kedwards]

Your absolutely right, Iris. But, to be honest, I'd have a much easier time with someone who I thought was prone to explosions, as I don't tolerate that sort of behavior. A tantrum on an instructor's part would pretty much wrap up the deal for me.

I should make clear that, in my case, it really isn't a matter of my having moved past what my instructor can teach me. She "can" teach me a ton, but for whatever reason (much more to do with me than her), I'm just not getting it. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that my difficulty leaving has nothing to do with how to tell her and everything to do with my stubborness in hating to "give up."

[kedwards]

Karin and Scarlett, it would be something of a lame excuse to say that I didn't want or need to work on dressage anymore. We both (she and I) know I do, if I want to continue progressing in eventing.

I guess my discussion about how to tell her is really a bit of a red herring. The truth is, if I was certain about what I wanted to do and expressed that clearly to her, I know she'll be supportive. When it comes down to it, I guess I'm really struggling with whether I ought to leave more than the specifics of how to leave.

I really am very interested in hearing more experiences and examples of when or why others have decided to switch instructors. Karin and Scarlett, having followed both of your stories, I think you're great examples of some of these issues.

[Scarlett 001]

Hmmm. Well, you have read my recent thread in Training of the Rider, so you know my story in huge detail.

If I had to summarize, I knew I was ready to leave the other place when I left lessons feeling uninspired and this went on for too long. I was no longer excited about riding - and then I realized her methods just were not working for me, and we were not connecting in a really great way. And in the past I had some great riding experiences with one particular instructor (the person on whom I used to learn with Skeeter), so I knew the passion I could feel and it was gone. But it is now back at this new place as you know!!!

[CityGirl]

kedwards-
since it sounds like you can be honest with her, perhaps you can diplomatically say you want to take a break & work on some things on your own. Obviously she's aware that you're just not clicking for whatever reason & so I don't think she will be upset. And who knows, maybe after some time away, you'll decide you want to return.

When I left my first trainer, it was due to the barn situation being unedurable. I then went through a goldilocks periods of trying multiple trainers & multiple barns. Some were awful. Some were good but I just didn't click with them. And it made a huge impact on my riding when I was having trouble with the trainer.

I think trainer/student relationship is a vitally important thing to being succesful. Not only do trainers have to have the technical knowledge but they have to know how to impart it in a way that makes sense to their students. And adults learn so much differently. And you have to trust them enough to let them push you beyond what perhaps your comfort zone is.

[kelsey]

I took lessons over the summer with a local GP rider/trainer. I had recently left my old boarding barn (and trainer) for a number of reasons and moved to a friend's barn.

All I did with this woman was to trot endlessly in circles while she told me to shorten my reins/use inside flexion to get my horse to "give". Both of my horses (my friend was riding my mare in lessons) were getting tense and unhappy. By the time we got to canter work, my gelding was so wired up that his transitions were terrible and rushed - he would grab the bit and almost do a semi-bolt . (I suspect it was a bid to try and escape the situation!) My mare was starting to show signs of rearing. Frankly my friend (a very experienced rider) was getting frightened of her.

I was lucky enough to find another coach through a friend on another bulletin board. (I went to a clinic at the new coach's farm, with her own coach, and loved his teaching style.) I had already told the first one that I was stopping lessons with her because the arena was not in yet at my friend's place (and told her NOT to save my lesson space for me).

I was also lucky enough to get a spot in a Walter Zettl clinic. I moved my gelding to a place with an indoor arena so that I could get some lessons in before the clinic. I have had five lessons with the new coach. Honestly, she is the best coach I have ever had. Every lesson we progress. My gelding's canter and lateral work improved so much that I couldn't believe it was the same horse from my first lesson to my last. He was absolutely stellar at the clinic...Mr Zettl was full of praise for him. We did things we have not even schooled at home (shoulder in at trot and leg yield zigzags). I was happy when I thought I did walk to canter transitions on a 15 meter circle...talking to my friends who audited, I now realize that we were doing halt to canter.

Walter Zettl is wonderful, and gave me some great pointers, but I have no doubt that without this new coach I would not have had such good rides with him. She even went out of her way to come and watch me ride in the clinic. After my rides, she came up to tell me how proud of us she was, and how we are ready to move on to more new stuff in our next lesson.

I am firmly of the belief that you should be getting your money's worth in your lessons. If someone's teaching style doesn't suit you, then there is no point in going on with it. I know that my last two coaches have harped at me over the rein-shortening thing. Mr Zettl and my new coach (along with John Lassiter) are three who seem fine with my longer rein length.

As an aside - when I went home, I had a nasty message from the person who had recommended the first coach to me, and who blasted me for not telling her that I had switched coaches. (Apparently, she was auditing at the Zettl clinic.) I had thought that telling her not to save my lesson times was a good way of letting her go without coming out and saying that I didn't like the way she taught, but I guess more of an explanation is required in the horse world!

[kedwards]

Lucky you to have the opportunity to clinic with Zettl. That must have been amazing! Kudos to your instructor who prepped you!

The more I think of it, the more I realize I really do need to move on. For a long time, I thought that if I could analyze the situation with my instructor and figure out what wasn't clicking, that I could make it better. I still feel like I'd be giving up, but I should resolve myself to the fact that I already did so long ago, as my attitude really has degenerated.

Thanks for everyone's stories and keep them coming!

[Cheko]

My instructor's good. She's a lot younger than me but that's great. She has all the modern, humane methods and ideas. Falcon likes her too and doesn't mind if she rides him. And, she doesn't mind trudging thru the mud to get him on occasions!!!!!

[galadriel]

I'm thinking that NR needs to organize a Walter Zettl fan club.

Good luck, kedwards, making a diplomatic exit.