need help with my riding boyfriend

[lamprellsarah]

my boyfriend has been riding my horse a year or two now not that regularly, he has fallen off twice from my last horse who was only 4 and i had broken in so wasn't the best horse to start on.
Anyway recently i have really started getting him riding i lunge him once a week, no stirrups, leg exercises, all that stuff, but he hates letting go of anything (particually the reins) i want to work on getting his hand position and upper body right, i really need him to stop him holding on to them as he hangs on the mouth and i need to help him get a stable positon, how can i give him the confidence he needs? i praise him, he gets stressed with himself for getting up tight and nervous, how can he get that confidence in himself? What will help him oh help he is improving he just don't see it.

i don't mind teaching him because my horse is very safe, and he won't go to a insrtuctor, i never did i leanrt the way he did and i have no real pobs.

[Peace]

Wow, I think it's wonderful your boyfriend rides - my husband thinks if God meant us to ride horses, He'd have never created cars! Is your boyfriend stressed about performing well, or worried about falling off again? When I was getting over a post-fall case of jitters, my instructor had me ride bareback and hold onto the mane. (While she had control of the horse, naturally.) The bareback thing really helped my balance, and the mane-holding helped my confidence until my balance developed (and kept me out of the mare's mouth!). I know his upper body position would be off, holding onto the mane, but you could always work on that later. Just a thought :)

[fionahogg]

Some people have just natural balance and seem to grasp the idea of riding quicker than others!
I would keep your lessons short - just half an hour at most, and don't do long periods of trotting, perhaps 1 circle of the lunge. See if you can get him to let go of the reins and hold his arms out to the side - like he was balancing on a tight rope. As well as helping his balance this will help him to rely less on his reins. Try to encourage him to feel the horse's movement underneath him and to move his seat in time with this movement. He will then be more able to absorb the movement and feel more secure. Work on him gaining some form of security in the saddle by doing lots of exercises such as bringing the whole leg away from the saddle and holding it there for a few seconds. He may be stiff through his hips so will find it difficult to hold a good riding position for long.
Just take things slowly - don't rush him too soon and make sure he has the basics right in walk, trot and canter before you move onto anything else.

Hope this helps some!

Fiona.

[Miriam]

The thing that helped me with my hands being more gentle and flexable was the fact that when she got her horse and I rode her she would say to me 'If you hold on too tight she will rear'. Nothing scares me more than a horse that could rear with me. So gave Dacia lots of rein and in the end gave Rhi it too.


Miriam (who always seemed to ride ponies that needed lots of rein contact according to their owners)

[Silver1]

why don't you get him a neck strap to hang on to?

[floppy]

i had a lunge lesson about 8yrs ago and my instructor at the beginning took the reins and threaded them trhough the troatlash so i couldnt hold them ( you knwo like you do when lunging the hrose w/out a rideR) and there was a neck strap ont he hrose incase i needed to hol donto something. but most of the time if i needed to hold something the mane was a quicker grab..anyway it was a jumping elssona dn i was jumping over jumps without reins or stirrups..great fun..
anyway will your boyf. let go of the reins if you just walk him around?if he is hanging on the mouth mayeb you shoudl get him to buy oen of those training bridles..th eone with the reins with the flexi bit in it to ease the pressure ont he hroses mouth...hehe give him the option to buy you a nice bridle to make the ride more comfortable for the hrose or him riding without the reins :)

[Dizzy]

A friend of mine attached the reins to the head collar when she was teaching her daughter to ride. you can still put the bridle on, but remove the noseband, then he won't be hanging on your horses mouth. Kneck straps are great, and if you encourage him to hold it all the time aswell as his reins, it should make him more aware of what his hands are doing and give him the confidence to work on his balance.
One thing I do find sometimes is that if the kneck strap it too tight, the rider has to lean forward to use it, then you're not gaining anything as obviously you want him to have enough freedom to sit up straight, so try it out yourself, and adjust the length to where you can happily sit up straight and in balance.

Building up his confidence enough so that he can progress is the difficult part. Though working on the lunge good, it is hard work even for well established riders and if he's using his hands to balance he won't gain much, so you need to try and break that pattern.

When I teach my niece, I set up 4 cones or markers in a rectangle. I start the lesson, first with putting her in the correct position, set her hands at the length of rien that gives a soft contact, remind her how to hold the reins, with her thumbs to the top, holding the contact between her thumb and pointer, and show her how to shorten the rein by closing her hand, then I stress I want a straight line between the horses mouth and her elbow and that I don't want her hands to move backwards at all.

I then lunge her, in walk until she's settled and her legs/bum are nice and relaxed and introduce trot for half a circle and back to walk, she sets off nice and relaxed but after a few strides I can see her tense her heels come up I put her back into walk. I give her lots of praise but point out the reason it became uncomfortable/hard to sit to was her leg tension. Learning to relax is difficult, so I work on a few strides at a time.

When I can see she's tired and finding it difficult, I take her onto the rectangle and teach her how to negotiate corners using her legs/body movements and gentle squeezes. I still keep her on the lunge and talk her through each turn, telling her when to use each leg, rein and look where she's going. I find lots of praise first, then I'll say something like 'she'll understand you better if you ...next time.' You'll find you repeat the same thing time and time again, but don't lose patience, I remember my first lessons, I wish I had a £1 note for everytime I was told sit up straight!, you're leaning forward! or worse still 'Lesley you're still pulling back with your hands'. These are all natural instinctive reactions, which are very hard to break.

Sorry this is so long, I do tend to ramble. Good luck with your boyfriend, I wish my partner was willing to become horsey, but he's a motorbike freak and if it doesn't have a rev counter its just not interesting, sad eh!

Lesley

[lamprellsarah]

Thanks for your replys,
he says he not worried about falling off her because sheis so good and she seems to have that back where it feels impossible to fall off of if you can understand that!
i have tried the reins thing where you attach it to a different part so it don't effect he horse and then he keeps them lose, i found that he was still pulling/leaning on the reins,
i found a good one to us is putting a old lash that closes the horses mouth, through the d-rings at the edge of the saddle good, put he doesn't mind this and he works well until i ask him to put his hands by his side or out then he panics and does sitting trot and i ask him to rise with his hands by his side and he can't do it he can manage one ever now and then and he sits to far back in the saddle and leans to far forward, he is doing loads of exercises before and during his lessons.
the thing is he actually loves having a little ride bareback although he won't ever trot, even through my horse has a very rolly trot that is very comfortable and easy to sit too. i might try a bit more bareback.

the main trouble i have with him is that when you first start riding you can land awkwardly when you trot he is aways doing that and of cause because men have the added things he practicually falls off if i don't stop when he hurts himself if that makes sense. i suppose he will get used to it!! poor bloke

any more ideas much appreaciated

[FRED]

Congratulations Lamprellsarah on getting your boyfriend riding.
1st I would ask is your boyfriend comfortable on the horse,
as you can imagine, the sitting trot and rising trot can be very uncomfortable for male riders,painfull when it goes hoplessly wrong.
I had a problem with my nephew,he would not wear undearwear suitable for sporting activities,he knew best,sores, bruises etc were the results, he listened in the end.
Confidence, we soon learn confidence is they key to progress
I think riding just a little without stirrups is a great confidence booster,but if you are not comfortable on the horse, your going to hang on to anything if you know what I mean :o
I have been learning a mixture of ways{shock horror,traditionalist types always say} lessons and riding on trekks and hacks,every time I get on a horse I look at the experience as a lesson.I found a steady trott in a line
the biggest help for me. Gradualy increaseing the distance,
now I can do a good distance,by going with the horse, would it be possible for you to try this some where safe.
I think that most of us at sometime have a fear that the horse may run away,its possible the second biggest cause for riders hanging on to the horse,I know the lunge is supposed to help take away this fear, but its there in the riders mind. I found that just doing transitions, walk stop, then walk too trott and back to walk
in a straight line, were the best confidence builders I had.
I think the best confidence builder for a new rider is when they can safely stop/halt the horse. I hope some where in these posts you find help, its my dream to get out on the horses with my girlfriend,I must add, its her dream to do the same.
ps: my trainers always say balance is the key, they say because I ride motor bikes this has helped a lot.
Sorry this is long,very best of luck
Fred

[msp]

Hi lamprellsarah,

Have you tried to get him to standup and practise balance at standstill and walk? I found that helped me (though I currently need the stirups a bit shorter when doing it, so my knees aren't below the knee rolls).

Good Luck
Mark (msp)

[Dizzy]

Hi Lamps, I think you're possibly asking too much of him to drop his arms etc. You can only do this if you have balance and can absorb the horse's movement. I find that though you've seen your 'pupil' do this, they haven't actually twigged to the fact that this is what they need to do.

I see Catherine (my niece) do 2 or 3 strides of exceptional sitting trot and then she loses it through tensing. But because she is trying hard, though she accepts that at first it was great, I think she over analises (sp) what she's doing and tenses, then loses it (in other words trys to be relaxed instead of 'being relaxed'). I think its because she realises she's doing the right things and then starts to think about what she's doing and tries to force herself to do it (if you know what I mean) it creates tension, leading to no balance and insecurity. That why I take off the circle and ask her to other things. I hope this doesn't sound like babble, its very hard to explain.

I think the key is to have him relaxed and feeling capable of doing what you're asking. Another good way is to ask him, when he's in walk to concentrate on the horses stride, ask him to relax and tell you when the horses inside back leg is stepping underneath him, ask him to say 'now' when he thinks its happening so that you know he's not just guessing, this will help him tune in, and is a good start to teaching him to absorb the stride, as he has to be relaxed to feel it. Also (as Fred says) can he successfully halt the horse correctly himself? if he's confident he can bring the horse to a halt, this should also give him a bit more confidence. Standing balanced in the stirrups (as MSP says) is also a good exercise, will teach him where his centre of gravity is.

Mix his work up, so that he doesn't become overtired and tense trying to do one thing. Concentrate on what he does best, and build from there. Work on building up, one or two good strides, then slowing down, is better than one or two good strides followed by tension, loss of balance and confidence.

One thing I do is watch carefully and try to pick up the exact moment where things have gone wrong, mimic in my mind what the rider did, then work out why it happened and what caused it. Then invent an exercise that involves the same circumstances and sort of stage manage the situation. This way you can break it down and talk them through it. When they know the reason why things go wrong, they can work on correcting them, and understand what you're asking them to do.

Hope this helps

Lesley

[lamprellsarah]

thanx his lesson went pretty well this weekend he said that he finally feels more confident and sitting trot with stirrups, is starting to feel comfortable.
i took him off the lunge for a short while so he could practise canter, my horse can't do it very well on the lunge, it went ok so i kept it short he could get her into canter well but as she is very lazy i could see that every now and then she would but in a stride of trot only it's not noticable when you are riding her,
so i have to tell him to keep his leg on and get her moving but of course he's frightened she will go fast, his hands are his main problem one minute they are washing lines next the are taunt,
but he's definatly getting there thanx for all the tips which i am going to carry on trying out, any other tips very much appreciated