Confidence made a surprise disappearance today!!!

[SarahC]

Well....I knew my new found confidence could well come and go but didn't expect it to go so quickly!!

Was riding this afternoon and my girl could obviously sense something up one end of the school as she absolutely refused to go anywhere near it. I just couldn't find it in me to push her forwards or to try and encourage her towards that end of the school. I just went to a bag of nerves....again :( As soon as I feel her tense up and get on her toes, I tense up, she feels it and we go round in circles.

She wasn't doing anything bad, just gentle swerving across the school when we got to close to the 'dangerous' end and generally very on her toes. She did a few 'bum downs' too but they don't bother me (she sort of dips her back end and scurry's off but not too quick or uncontrollable!).

Anyway, later found out that yard lad had started a bonfire just behind the school at that end so no wonder she was nervous of it. Although I couldn't see it, she must have been able to sense/smell it bless her.

I'm just annoyed with myself that I sort of gave up and let her decide where we were going because I was too nervous. In the end, I got off her and lead her past 'scary end'...which I've never done before.

Must admit..I've not been very well the past couple of days, and someone mentioned that I perhaps didn't feel as confident today because I feel pretty grotty...but still....I'm so fed up with myself!

S

[Stella2]

You have nothing to reproach yourself for, we all have off days and even Pippa Funnell only recommends taking a young horse gradually nearer the 'scary thing' (whilst bending them away from it, i.e. not making them look at it). She, amongst lots of other sensible sorts, does not hold with the 'forcing the young horse to face it' approach. And there is nothing wrong with leading her past. She is just a baby and that shows her that she can cope by taking her lead from you :)

[SarahC]

Thanks for that Stella...I see your point and it sounds sensible to me! I suppose I can just get a bit hung up on this confidence thing sometimes!! Especially as at the moment, I'm really trying to help my sister through her confidence crisis following her fall....its like the blind leading the blind tho!!

Thanks again.

S

[Stella2]

Thanks for that Stella...I see your point and it sounds sensible to me! I suppose I can just get a bit hung up on this confidence thing sometimes!! Especially as at the moment, I'm really trying to help my sister through her confidence crisis following her fall....its like the blind leading the blind tho!!

Thanks again.

S

funny hobby this ...! :D

[Luxie]

I know it's easy to say don't worry, but don't!

One way I've found works for us is to use the scary bit of the school as a reward area - when we've been working on something and it's time for a long rein and a stretch, that's when we ride past the danger zone.

Tally knows he has the choice - if he walks calmly on, then he has a nice long rein; if he starts tensing up and being silly, then it's renewed contact and a bit of work (shoulder in, volte, whatever).

I can almost feel him thinking, is it worth bothering about this, or wouldn't it be pleasanter just to ignore it and enjoy my long rein reward. Nine times out of ten, the reward wins ...

Hope this helps.

[SarahC]

funny hobby this ...!

That made me laugh stella...you know what...I've lost my job and haven't as yet found another, I've been ill, I'm skint and the weathers c**p, but the only thing I think and worry about is my riding and confidence!!

Tally knows he has the choice - if he walks calmly on, then he has a nice long rein; if he starts tensing up and being silly, then it's renewed contact and a bit of work (shoulder in, volte, whatever).

Luxie - I'd never thought of this approach...I may give it a go!!

S

[horseyrose]

Honestly don't worry about it! I had exactly the same experience on Saturday, the mare I was riding really didn't like the look of one end of the school and kept cutting across. We had a few stops, and she was very lively, but like you say, nothing drastic. I didn't really see any point in forcing her up there, so we just built up to it gradually, going a little bit further up each time. I was on a lesson so whenever a nice sensible horse went up that way I followed and she was much better when she had a lead. I don't see anything wrong with leading her past either, especially if she's only a baby. :)

[NoviceNic]

Hi. Captain has a scary bit in the school. But I was never able to push him on until I saw someone else ride him past with no trouble. Then it dawned on me that my little monkey was playing up to my nerves. So now I make him circle loads at that end. I positivley use that end more than the other. This has helped with mine and his confidence. Im sure that one day this week you will do something that surprises you and puts a smile back on your face. Just a minute you are already. Getting on your Spangle and riding her is amazing. :D

[SarahC]

Im sure that one day this week you will do something that surprises you and puts a smile back on your face. Just a minute you are already. Getting on your Spangle and riding her is amazing.

Aah Nic...thats such a nice thing to say...thank you :D

And thanks for your comments too Horseyrose...it always helps when you know your not the only one!!!

My instructor says I'm far too hard on myself and I need to chill out, relax and stop worrying about things. :o

I have goals you see and unfortunately confidence pays a huge part in those goals...he says I'm trying to push myself too hard, that I've only had Spangly 5 weeks and I need to just go with the flow a bit more!

S

[vjoy23]

Hi sarah as you may or may not remember I got my cob katie just b4 christmas. I was and still am trying to face up to the fact that my confidence is really low. I have periods of time with katie where I'm more confident than ever and all it takes is one little thing (doesn't have to be major) to send it back down again. She too is a baby and we're both learning to trust eachother. I had a bad ride saturday, came across a skip lorry (chains making really loud noises and flying about) she got so uptight and at the same time so did I, nothing happened apart from she turned and did a few paces of canter but even then losing control for all of a second made my confidence plumment!! Like you I really wasn't feeling well that day and she obviously knew it. Stupid thing is felt better 2 days ago and passed the same lorry and suprise suprise she was fine and acted like a 15yr old that had been there done that. I really do think horses can sense more than we give them credit for. Any problems I've had have been down to me and not the horse and its only when looking back at certain situations that I can say "oh I'll do that differently next time". Hope your confidence grows with your new baby but it will take time and being a baby there will be times where you're both challenged. Lets hope in time to come we'll be the ones helping people with their confidence issues?

[horsemad]

This confidence thing is so fragile isn't it? You feel you are getting on great, gaining confidence, then for some reason it all falls apart and you are back to square one :( You are not alone SarahC!

Cindy also has a 'spooky corner' in the outdoor school. I think she was originally genuinely startled at that corner with horses going past in the dark, but shortly after that, I think she started taking advantage of my tenseness in that corner. If she was following other horses or if she was on her own, there was no problem. But if there were other horses at the other end of the school, then 'spooky corner' became an excuse to spook and take off towards the other horses :rolleyes: And of course then I started to anticipate this, so would get tense coming up to that corner, which then transferred to Cindy....that old vicious circle again.

Last night, coming up to this corner, I could feel Cindy starting to 'back off' - her head went up and she started taking short strides - usually the next stage is a spook and off towards the other horses. For some reason I was feeling brave and so I shouted at her, give her a tap with the whip....and she just trotted round the corner, bless her, no spooking or silliness.

But I haven't always been brave enough to do this - and I'm sure I will still have my wobbly moments at times. Unlike you though, I have no excuse - I've had my girl for almost 3 years. And she's 22, so its not as though she's a silly excitable youngster :D So I reckon you are doing great, especially as your girl is a baby and you've only had her for 5 weeks!

[SarahC]

vjoy23 and horsemad - thanks so much for your comments...its so nice to hear other peoples tales, as sometimes, irrational as it is, I feel like I'm the only one!! Think thats partly down the fact that I'm in a yard full of people who don't seem to even know the phrase 'lacking in confidence'!!

I don't blame my girl at all for being scared on the bonfire behind that end of the school...I just feel bad that I suddenly felt so worried because she was getting on her toes and swerving (steadily!) across the school! I guess when I can feel her tense up and whatnot, I feel that she's going to absolutely explode and its going to be really awful. I have to learn that that is not always the outcome!!

Anyway, thanks again and good on both of you too. I think anyone who has to battle nerves have the hardest job in the world!

S

[NoviceNic]

I know exactly what you mean. Everytime I have a lesson my instroctor tells me I am trying too hard and it makes me tense. I need to relax as well. Your YO is right you have only had Spangle 5 weeks. When I first had Captain I had to hack alone all the time. Now I am at a private yard and rarely hack alone. But I still keep doing it so I can keep him used to going out alone. He can be a nappy little monster some days and then others he is quiet as a mouse. Just have to keep doing it and sing when i get nervous. I have been trying to jump but was a little nervous. Anyway within a week I am canter jumping nearly 2 ft. And I am loving it. No nerves even when he jumps big. I just sit still and pray. :p

Do you know what helps me as well? My 6 yr old nephew rides Captain off lead rein. I think to myself if he can do it so can I. :D

[nicolaj]

Hi I don't know how old you all are, but I find that nerves get worse the older you get. Tend to have more responsibilites, such as jobs, families, non-horsey partners, mortgages etc etc. The thought that goes through my mind is what happens if I fall off and get hurt needing a long time off work and all the stress that goes with it.

When you're a kid nothing seems to bother you that much, quite happy to tear around and if you fall off you bounce. Last time I fell off it hurt, haven't jumped since last year, but will again, takes time to build up confidence in self again.

There was nothing wrong in getting off and leading by the scary thing, at least you went by whether on foot or mounted, it doesn't matter. Being able to admit too and confronting your fears is good, you know what to look out for and are learning your 'triggers'. :)

Keep at it you are not alone out there! :) :)

[*Rachel_George*]

Im sure I wouldnt like to go near a bonfire.

I think in anouther thread you had put a pic up of you and her in the school and it didnt look like it had rails around it (may just be me)

If it didnt then she may have spoked and gone into it if you were trying to get her near it.

xxxxxxxxx

[SarahC]

I think in anouther thread you had put a pic up of you and her in the school and it didnt look like it had rails around it (may just be me)
If it didnt then she may have spoked and gone into it if you were trying to get her near it.

Our school has hedges around 2 sides and rails around the 2 other sides. Theres a large cabin at one end on a railed side (which she doesn't mind at all) and the fire was lit behind the cabin (don't worry, away from it, the cabin wouldn't have caught fire!!). So no, even if she had of gone near that end of the school, she wouldn't have been able to get anywhere near the bonfire! However.....

Anyway, later found out that yard lad had started a bonfire just behind the school at that end so no wonder she was nervous of it. Although I couldn't see it, she must have been able to sense/smell it bless her.

I wasn't trying to get her to go near the bonfire as I didn't know there was one there until after the session. As it had just been started and was behind the cabin, I couldn't see it. I assumed it was the cabin that she suddenly took a dislike to. I do wish our YO would let us know when there doing stuff like that around the school area tho!!

nicolaj - I'm in my mid-thirties, and I definitely agree that nerves can play a bigger part for older people than when you were a child. :D

S

[jaycee]

I often suffer from nerves when riding (especially since having a nasty fall acouple of months ago). It's so easy to beat yourself up about it but it really doesn't help!

Have you heard of something called Thought Field Therapy (TFT)? I tried this and it helped me. There was an article about it a few months ago in 'Horse' magazine. IF you are interested there is a woman called Jo Cooper who practices it and is very nice - I think her website is jocooper.com. The good thing is you can also do it yourself once you learn the technique. I find it definitely calms me if I am feeling nervous.

Also, I think leading your horse past something scary is a sensible compromise when you know you are feeling nervous too and could transmit that to the horse.

[VickiGG]

My instructor told me something really cool the other day - she was telling me about a horse and rider. The horse would spook ( a little) and the owner would go "oh no - scarey" and the horse would go "crikey - she's really scared - it must be really scarey" :) and panic...they wound each other up.

Have you tried singing out loud anytime you get nervous - makes you breathe and concentrate on something else a little.... :rolleyes:

[SarahC]

You know vicki..I haven't tried that...purely because our yard is very busy and there are usually people wathcing!! However, I have heard of this before, both from instructors and people on here so think its about time I got my singing head on!!! :D

Jaycee - I haven't heard of TFT, however, I'll go and have a look on her website and have a read up about it! Thanks!

S

[ANN H]

My mare does exactly the same droopy back end/shooting forwards thing! There are days when I can handle it and days when I just turn her away from the horse-eating objects and school her at the 'safe' end of the paddock. Singing does work, and so does steady obvious breathing!

Good luck.