New Pony, but confidence lost

[Denise Smith]

:( After the trauma of the last pony, we have eventually found what seemed to be the 'perfect pony'. However, and I know it is me, but he is proving a bit more lively than I had anticipated and I am a quivering wreck just thinking about riding him!
Bless him, he hasnt really done anything too scary - I know I am blowing it all out of proportion - and he only arrived last Friday. How long does it normally take a new horse to settle into his new environment? At the moment he is nothing like the 'plod' that I tried out two weeks ago!

[SarahC]

Hiya,

Sorry to hear about your confidence problems...I know how hard it is!!

Regards horses settling in..it can take anything up to about 6 months for a horse to truly settle into his new home...for some its quicker, it really depends on the horse. My first boy took just over 6 months to settle in properly, however my new girl is settling much quicker and in 5 weeks, has chilled out and seems to like her new home!

Please don't worry (I know easier said than done) as you've only had your new pony for a very short time and everything will still be so new to him. He will still be finding his feet...also, I've noticed that alot of horses tend to 'wake up' after a couple of weeks in their new homes, almost as if they suddenly wake up to their surroundings and realise they're here to stay. My girl certainly did, but settled down again just as quickly.

S

[Stella2]

Hi Denise - I'm sorry its like this, but as Sarah says, it often is and lots of people here have found themselves 'quivering' about it, so you are not alone.

Its normal for a horse to be more on its toes for the first few weeks in a new home. Everything is unfamiliar and therefore potentially threatening. It can be hard for them negotiating their place in the new herd and every unusual sound around the stable might be a horse eating creature! Also they can't predict yet how their new owner will react, so I think they worry about us too (so many horses will have been handled by someone unpredictable and scary at some point).

I'd suggest that you don't put yourself under pressure to ride in these early stages. Do some ground work exercises (get a copy of Kelly Marks 'Perfect Manners' or Richard Maxwells ..... with your horse in 30 minutes a day' can't remember the exact title). Also just pull up a stool in her box and in the field, read, clean tack etc, just be there. It really does make a difference. Think of it this way, why should you trust each other yet? After all you haven't had time to get to know each other! Forget about 'work' for now. You have years together :) And when you want to pop on her (maybe plan to just walk, doing lots of changes of rein, halt transitions, shoulder in etc - relaxing stuff for both of you) if she hasn't been ridden for days, pop her on the lunge for 15/20 minutes first to make sure she looks relaxed :)

Don't forget to come back and tell us how its going :)

[Denise Smith]

Thank you sooooo much for your encouragement. What has gone wrong so far has been all my fault. When he arrived I popped him into our little isolation paddock, from where he can see the other horses, but with no contact. However a dog club rents the adjacent field and it seems he is scared of dogs - and he jumped the five bar gate and galloped over to the other horses and grazed happily alongeside the electric fencing. Bless him, he came to call when we arrived at the yard (after a frantic call from the yard owner). So we decided to pop him in with an elderly mare and he has been happy as larry since. But, in my mind, I can see him jumping the gate and that somehow makes me more nervous of riding him.
I have hacked him out twice, quietly with a friend on her quiet cob, but I was stiff and nervous and he refused to take the lead - but otherwise was well behaved.
However, yesterday I took my daughter out on lead-rein on him (I was on foot and my husband walked with us too) and the pony did a couple of sort of 'scuttles' for no apparent reason, when walking and then when crossing the road for home, again at walk, he did a couple of little skip bucks and then settled back into walk again. My daughter was not worried a jot, but again all I could think about was all the "what-ifs" - and I am sure if he had done this with me on his I would have pannicked.
He is 9yrs old and supposed to have come over from Ireland a year ago - he was sold to me as a quiet hack. So I suppose I just have to give him time and put his initial liveliness down to his new surroundings etc.
Ooooh, I sometimes wonder why I put myself through all this!!

[Stella2]

What has gone wrong so far has been all my fault. When he arrived I popped him into our little isolation paddock, from where he can see the other horses, but with no contact. However a dog club rents the adjacent field and it seems he is scared of dogs - and he jumped the five bar gate

But, in my mind, I can see him jumping the gate and that somehow makes me more nervous of riding him.

Ooooh, I sometimes wonder why I put myself through all this!!

It doesn't sound to me as if you did anything wrong - you couldn't predict that!

Jumping a gate in panic with no weight on his back, in no way predicts that he will do it under saddle ;)

I have lost count of the number of times I have asked myself why we do this!!

[Denise Smith]

Hmmm - I felt guilty for isolating him from the other horses. He has only had donkey company for the last year and then when he arrived with me he was put on his own, but in sight of other horses. He didnt seem too bothered about this until the dog club arrived - and then I am told he freaked out. The yard owner hasnt helped by telling me how he was going bezerk around the field, bucking and leaping etc. The trouble is that she is putting these pictures in my mind and I then imagine him doing this with me on him. It is stupid, I know, but I cant help it.
My daughter is autistic and had dispraxia, but even she has more courage than me. She thinks he is wonderful and is desparate to take him up to the local riding school and have a lesson on him. I have arranged to take him up tomorrow morning and the owner is going to put an experienced young girl on him for the first part of the lesson to see how he goes - and if all goes well then my daughter will continue the lesson on him. Grief, I dont think I am going to sleep tonight....

[Denise Smith]

I think (hope) I have attached a piccy of him?

[augermoon]

What a truly handsome chap. I think as all the others have said, you'll be fine once you have settled into a routine and both become used to each other. My horse was the same when I bought him 18 months ago, and again when I moved yards just after Christmas. However, he does settle down (I had a lovely hack on him last night which included busy roads at rush hour and he was as quiet as a lamb) and now I wonder what all the fuss was about.

You'll be the same soon, honest :D

[Denise Smith]

Thank you. I know it is early days. I am trying to relax, honestly :D

[Stella2]

Hmmm - I felt guilty for isolating him from the other horses. He has only had donkey company for the last year and then when he arrived with me he was put on his own, but in sight of other horses. He didnt seem too bothered about this until the dog club arrived - and then I am told he freaked out. The yard owner hasnt helped by telling me how he was going bezerk around the field, bucking and leaping etc. The trouble is that she is putting these pictures in my mind and I then imagine him doing this with me on him. It is stupid, I know, but I cant help it.
My daughter is autistic and had dispraxia, but even she has more courage than me. She thinks he is wonderful and is desparate to take him up to the local riding school and have a lesson on him. I have arranged to take him up tomorrow morning and the owner is going to put an experienced young girl on him for the first part of the lesson to see how he goes - and if all goes well then my daughter will continue the lesson on him. Grief, I dont think I am going to sleep tonight....


Honestly, it sounds to me like you are doing a really good job! its not unusual to feel full of uncertainty and self doubt when you get a new horse. Putting a horse in an adjacent field to 'the herd' at first is actually the right thing, better than putting them straight in with the others before they have had the chance to have a good look at each other, otherwise a kicking match can start and one or more of them can get hurt!

Most horses will have a mad gallop, buck etc around the field ocassionally. Remember they feel more free and balanced without a rider and will behave quite differently. My mare Flora has done the going bezerk in the field, with the bucking and leaping, a few times, but never under saddle (I've had her just under 11 months). I used to have the same worries about this as you have with my previous horse who also had bezerk in the field moments. He was naughty in other ways, but he never repeated the type of behaviour he did in the field under saddle, so I'd learned not to worry about that by the time I got Flora ;)

Having lessons on him is a great idea and having someone else ride first will help I'm sure (lots of us have done that too when confidence was waning!) :)

[Denise Smith]

It is good to hear your stories and is helping me get things into perspective.

[Justie B52]

Hi Denise

I can't help at all cos I'm a bit clueless :( but I just wanted to say, your new pony's gorgeous! :D

I hope everything works out well for you all.

Justie x

[Denise Smith]

Thank you Justie. I happen to think he is rather nice, but a few people have taken one look at him and declared him 'odd' looking! His colouring is sort of lemon spotty - and his head is slightly large for his body!

[Est]

Hi
Just to reiterate what everyone else is saying, you are definitely not alone on this one. I bought a "slug" and it took me over two months to feel confident just catching her in from the field. She became quite on her toes and bargy and it really knocked my confidence - just like you, I started imagining this kind of behaviour with me on her back and I avoided riding her for a while until I felt more in control and confident on the ground. I also thought her behaviour might never stop! What worked for me was keeping a diary of what worked/went wrong/any achievements each day. Looking back at the end of a week and seeing that (for example) on Monday it took 20 mins for me to brush her face because she was taking the mickey, but by Friday it wasn't an issue any more and I had almost forgotten it had ever been a problem, really boosted my confidence and I felt like I'd achieved something. Maybe something like that would help you too!
Good luck :)

[Denise Smith]

Thanks Est. What a good idea.
Hubby has just phoned me to say he has just come back from taking our daughter out on lead-rein (I am at work). Said that the pony was well behaved until they met two ponies going in other direction and Tommy (our pony) got excited and put in some small skip like bucks. However he behaved himself for the rest of the ride.
On the ground he is not so bad - just a tiny bit pushy, but otherwise safe and good. He comes to call from the field - which is wonderful, and stand stock still to mount and dismount - even whilst I am faffing about with my stirrups and girth! So, there are plenty of good points outweighing the difficult ones.
Hubby has suggested that when I finish work today we go back up the yard and I accompany him on foot whilst he hacks Tommy down the lane and back. Hubby isnt a stylish rider, but can ride and has lots of confidence. He thinks that Tom would benefit from having someone more confident on him, to push him forward when he plays up. As I am not ready for this myself I am wondering if this would be a good idea - just out for 10 minutes or so this afternoon? Or am I still rushing things?

[Est]

Can't see why not... Another suggestion: the other day (after a lot of preliminary work) we re-started our gelding who's been out of work for 11 months, and I rode on the leadrein (I am not joking, he's 17hh and I didn't fancy being bucked off :D ) The point being that if you don't mind feeling a bit silly your husband could lead you, and you ride. And you could put a neckstrap on him too as it is something to grab hold of - it makes me feel safe anyway!! Let us know how it all goes!

[Denise Smith]

I am not too proud to to on the lead-rein - good idea.
I will let you all know on Monday how tonight and the weekend lesson go. I only have computer access at work, so cant reply any sooner. Wish us luck!

[Stella2]

sounds like a great idea :) Also, if he tends to be bargey, I'd recommend that you make him take a step back every time you enter and leave his box. You can do this by putting your hand on his chest, squaring your shoulders and saying 'back' firmly. If he doesn't move, use the pointed end of your fingers in the part of the chest that dips in, until he gets the hang of it. A horse that can get another to move is the dominant one, especially when it gets the other to move back, so you will be behaving like 'lead mare'. Most horses don't want to be in charge and feel more secure if, through your body language, you show them that its you that has that role! If you know this stuff already, just ignore me :o

[Denise Smith]

Interesting Stella - I will give that a go. He is not dangerously bargey, but could do with being a bit more polite. He doesnt exactly try to escape from the stable, but equally does not 'give way' to me - so I will try your method. This is good, as it is taking my mind off the riding 'issues'. I think that concentrating on a good 'ground' relationship for a while might enforce my confidence with him enough to attempt to be more firm when riding him.

[Stella2]

And if you are 'lead mare' on the ground, you have a good foundation for your relationship under saddle ;) He must 'give way' to you on the ground, that is the number 1 essential :)

[Denise Smith]

Stella - do you have any ideas for his stubborn/nappy ridden behaviour? He hacks out beautifully behind my friend's mare, but will NOT take the lead or go out of the yard on his own - unless led - and then he sometimes has to be dragged. I can sit and boot and boot him and he does nothing, just stands rooted to the spot. He can be led a little way but as soon as the person on the ground lets go of him, he stops. If I smack him with my crop he does a sort of very small sideways buck/kick - towards the side that he has been smacked - and still stands there! I dont want to encourage any increased misbehaviour, ie rearing etc. Any ideas?

[Stella2]

It sounds as if he is an insecure little chap. Horses instinctively want to remain in the herd - in the wild, being alone from the herd would mean certain death. A horse who is used to hacking alone will often go out alone with any rider, but a horse who isn't used to it (maybe he's never gone out alone) will need to have confidence in the rider and trust her/him to be 'lead horse'.

So I'd say don't push it yet and risk overfacing yourself and your horse. Get to know each other and trust each other. Any only when you are confident on him riding behind and beside, begin to ask him to go a step or two in front on a part of the hack that he knows well and isn't spooky! Remember, you don't have to rush any of this, allow yourself to enjoy him ;)

[Denise Smith]

Stella, thank you, what you are saying is so logical. When I tried him out the farmer got on him and he happily left the yard and trotted up the road with him. There seemed to be a nice relationship between the farmer and the pony - he used voice commands a lot.
He IS a worried little chap - hence his escape from his paddock over the gate to get to the other horses when frightened by the dogs! I do hope that my nervousness will not make him worse.

[Purdey33]

Hi, you are not alone in your feelings - I have just bought a new horse and haven't yet plucked up the courage to ride him :o

I've been making excuses ' I need to fatten him up a bit first/ I'm waiting for him to settle/ he needs new tack!'

Tonight I am taking him to a new field (about 4 miles away) and I am leading him! I feel pathetic. I've waited years to get my horse and now I'm too scared to get on him :eek:

[momofsix]

I am no expert but I can certainly relate. I just got my first lease horse and the first day I was able to ride her with no one around, I was shaking. I finally talked myself into riding her, and that first day I had a hard time keeping her in the walk. She hadn't been ridden in weeks and I am sure she was on edge because I was so nervous. Since then she has been getting easier to ride each time and has really settled down. Good luck!

[B&R's Mum]

Hi, I would like to add my vote of sympathy from a fellow nervous wreck. It is fairly likely that he will be quite on his toes to begin with. Getting your hubby to ride him to begin with sounds like a good idea. The more he goes out with a confident rider the quicker he will relax about this idea of going out. Personally I would leave it a bit before asking him to hack out alone, it is a big thing to ask of him. I would wait until he is comfordtable going out with company (even if it is someone on the ground) until trying alone.
Good luck, hope all goes well.

P.s. he looks gorg, i love spotties.

[pengapenga]

Hi Denise, don't worry I am sure once he has settled into a routine he will be a happy hacker. He has a sweet face :)

I have just received my horse after months and months of waiting for him to arrive and when he arrived the transporter gave me his lead rope and said here I have delivered your horse ( he said it in a nice way and did ask if I could manage him) and I lead him to his new home. He is a friesian stallion and stands 16.2hh and instead of me leading him it was him dragging me :rolleyes: anyway I was very concerned that I had bitten off more than I could chew however he is settling in and we are building a bond and he really is a sweetie. I have lead him and he has walked nice and quietly next to me and of course my confidence in handling him is growing :) Anyway I am sure that in a few month you will be out on a lovely hack and wonder what you were worried about. I hope your daughter gets to ride him in the lesson today and has fun in the lesson :)

[Denise Smith]

Hi - back at my desk after an eventful weekend.
Took Tommy up to the livery yard for his lesson on Saturday - he was quite naughty even being led up the road, doing little skip bucks. The YO put an experienced young girl on him and the lesson commenced. Tommy got totally overexcited and bucked and leaped all over the place, eventually dumping his poor rider in the sand. Experts were then called out and back, tack etc all checked and back into the school he went - with a repeat performance.
After a full assessment by YO she decided that although he is a little bit naughty, that he is also very unsure of things also quite a nervous pony. She asked me to pop him in one of her stables in the middle of the yard so that he could see all the activity and get used to having lots of other horses around, whilst in the safety of a stable - with a nice big haynet. Later in the afternoon she took him back down to the school, with just two other horses and tried again - he went better, although still threw in some big bucks and leaps - usually when being asked to do something he didnt want to do!
Anyhow the long and short of it all is that she has offered to have him for two or three weeks, to sort through his issues - together with me. She says she likes him very much and thinks he will make a nice, quiet hack for me in the end. She suggested that for the next two or three days I dont watch him being exercised in the school as she feels that if I continue to see him misbehave I will always imagine him doing these things with me on board - that I should only come down and watch him work once he is going better - and then, when I am ready, get on him myself.
Sunday morning she took him down to the school and put him in her early lesson (with just three others) and when I arrived on the yard I was greeted by everyone telling me how well my pony had gone! It was a jumping lesson, but the girl riding Tommy had been told to just ride him round and join in everything except the actual jumping - but at the end of the lesson he was going so well they actually did a little course!!
Today they plan to take him out on a hack. I am now feeling quite positive about him and have the help to hand that I obviously need. I know it will work out expensive, but if the worst comes to the worst I could always keep him at this yard permanently. Sorry to waffle, but wanted to tell you the whole story so far.

[Stella2]

How old is he Denise?

[Denise Smith]

He is 9 - why?

[Stella2]

I just thought his behaviour sounded like that of a baby whose 's'tarting' had been rushed! If it was me, I'd be getting a Equine Physio and an Equine Dentist (rather than the old fashioned back and teeth men!) to check him over.

[eventerbabe]

hi denise, sounds like you have done everything right :) i think he's an adoreable pony and just needs a bit of time. my horse is also a little nervous and lacking in self confidence, but we cracked that problem by developing a good ground relationship, which will come with time between you and tommy. best of luck and keep us posted on his progress

[Denise Smith]

Hi Stella, we have had a lady to check Tommy's teeth already, who is an 'equine dentist', fully qualified - she keeps her horses on this yard. The gentleman who checked Tommy's back is also qualified - he is a vet! and he was at the yard on an emergency call-out to another livery's horse and agreed to give Tom a quick 'once-over' and I agreed to split the 'call-out' fee with the other owner. I wasnt just using "old fashioned back and teeth men".
Although he is 9, I am told he has lived the last year of his life on the farm, with two donkeys for company. Hence he is probably getting excited by being with horses again and probably hasnt been disciplined much, if at all. However, I was also told he came over from Ireland and I would have thought that would have made him a little more 'street-wise'. I tend to agree with the YO, that he is both not too confident and also quite naughty. His initial reaction when being asked to go somewhere or do something he is nervous of is to leap and buck and spin away.

[Denise Smith]

Thank you Eventerbabe. That is just what I am trying to do with Tom - build a good ground relationship. He really is a 'people' pony and loves fuss and cuddles! He comes to call - even now he is turned out with a number of others, he still prefers my company and will trott over to me for a scratch. He is very safe to work around (which is wonderful as our daugther is autistic and bumps around him a bit). If he wasnt such a nice person I would have been tempted to move him on quite quickly after him showing his bucking abilities - but I do think he is worth working on and the YO thinks he is rather lovely. I will keep you all updated.....

[notpoodle]

dont worry, im sure he'll be fine soon :) when i got my pony, we went through a very long spell of 'testing julia'. she didnt do anything dangerous, but quite a few little things (eg. im not picking up my feet for YOU, i wont let YOU put the bit in, we're going home now, i shall leg it out of the sandschool, no way are we going *that* way etc.), some of them we only managed to sort almost a year on (the napping, for example. thanks to stubborn pony i now know exactlty how to get her back on track. taught me a lot about myself and my riding as well!).

we moved to a new yard (just next door of the old one, she had been there on visits before so not entirely new and no travelling involved) about a fortnight ago ... although pony seems to be settling in (she sure knows where what is at the new yard and has found a grazing buddy, too), she *is* more on her toes at the moment esp.when tied up (i havent left her tied up without me being there yet because she can untie herself and go for a wander because - she is very nosey and wants to check everything out herself :rolleyes: ) and coming in from the field.

julia
x

[Denise Smith]

The trouble is, I lost so much confidence with the last pony, which put me in hospital. I was soooo determined that I would make sure that the next pony I bought would be perfect - but then that is impossible! What I wasnt expecting was for him to change character immediately on arrival - or maybe he didnt - maybe the previous owner told me another pack of lies. He actually swore to me, on his daughter's life, that the pony NEVER ever bucked etc etc etc. And, to be honest, Tom didnt put a foot wrong when I tried him - and we put him through the mill. It is probably a combination of my nervousness and him being both a bit unsure and a bit naughty.

[Wobblydeb]

No advice I am afraid, but just a quick message to say "big hugs" and that I understand the fear now you know that he bucks :) BUT..... it doesn't mean he will always be like this. I think you are doing the right thing, getting him some schooling and time spent with other riders. It can be expensive, but I bet you will be glad you spent the money.

[notpoodle]

he can probably sense youre a bit wary (btw i admire your courage here!! if i had been hospitalised by a pony i probably would be too scared to tackle another one any time soon!!) and might be taking advantage of that. do you maybe have an overly confident friend (these fearless people are always out there!) who could help you with him to get you started?

what exactly does he do? does he buck or bolt or anything? maybe he's in pain of some sort or other, you never know

julia
x

[Denise Smith]

Thanks notpoodle - yep, he has been thoroughly checked over now and nothing obvious has shown up. I do think that he knows I am nervous when on him and as he is also a little nervous (as well as naughty) this makes things worse. He is basically nappy and stubborn. He wont take the lead out hacking and just wont go forward at all in the school - and when overtaken by another horse he leaps and bucks around. When he naps, if I get tough with him, he bucks or leaps and then spins round and bucks again - but he doesnt run off, which is a help! However, all this behaviour is beginning to fade, now that he is in the experienced hands of the YO. She has got a number of very experienced young girls on the yard who are riding him in her lessons and she is actually hacking him out herself today to get the feeling of him.
I am very confident on the ground and consequently he is very good on the ground - just confirming the point that he knows when I am nervous and takes advantage!
I am hoping that he just needs a little further education and a reminder of how he should behave, by a confident rider, and then he will be safe enough for me to take over the reins again. After all, he has only been with me since Good Friday.

[pengapenga]

Hi Denise

I think you are doing all the right things. It does sound like he just needs some proper schooling and a little discipline. It sounds like he is attatched to you which is a good start, don't rush things just go at a pace that suits both you and Tommy :)

I have a new horse two - his is a 16.2hh friesian stallion who is only three and we are having a few little problems, mostly him testing the boundaries once he knows he is not getting away with it he seems to settle. He is actually a character and knows he is doing wrong because he sides up to me for a cuddle :)

[Stella2]

I wasnt just using "old fashioned back and teeth men".


Hi again Denise. I meant no offence. I just meant that there are so many unqualified people around in horses. I know if its someone I haven't used before I have to 'double check'.

Good luck with it and keep letting us know how it goes :)

[Denise Smith]

Absolutely no offence taken Stella :) I am much more positive about Tommy now that I have ruled out any health issues and have the support of a qualified instructor (YO). I shall find out this evening when I go up the yard to muck out, just how he has behaved (or otherwise) on the hack today. If he continues to improve all week, I may be tempted to get back on him myself at the weekend. I will, of course, keep you posted.

[lazylurchers]

Hi Denise

I used to ride a friends horse, who when brought back into work after time off, used to put in some massive bucks for a week or two then stopped as he got fitter. Could just be that your new pony hasnt done much for sometime and having lived a sheltered life for a while, is just adjusting to all his new surroundings.

I am sure things will work out fine for you. All the best. ;)