Confidence"What confidence"

[horsey1]

Hi Everyone
Just joined the forum, I am 38 and have been riding for two years, started off at a local riding school as you do, for about 3 months and then thought I would take a horse on share only to be bolted and bucked off at full pelt :eek: I know it seemed a great idea at the time.
Then I got a lovely welsh Cob on part share she was lovely gentle but unfortunetly has athritis and was a bit sore most of the time.
So last july I thought I'd buy my own so I did a 15.2 Tbx who is 10 he is very well schooled and is a nice boy who like them all can be cheeky sometimes, and is it just me I seem to be losing my confidence with him I cant help it I think i'm going mad! :( I think in the last three months I have went through every emotion about him I had him up for sale at one point and then I thought i'd loan him and even god forbid got in touch with a dealer :eek: to px him.
I am getting lessons just now which are helping a bit got one tomorrow on the lunge oh joy but cant go out the school also got two sharers to hack him for me. Look forward to any advice :D :D :D

[cazrider]

Hi horsey1 and welcome :D

I have a welsh section d called Sennie, who is a darling, but as you say can be cheeky and nappy if he's not confident with who is on his back. With my previous horse I had many similar confidence issues to you. At one point I was paying someone to hack her for me, but she had deliberately put me off in the school, and had an interesting tendency to spin and run while out.

I am interested to know if your boy is a good hack for the people who hack him out. Also when you say hacking, do you mean on the road or off road farm type hacking? I have access to 150 acres of off road hacking, which I am absolutely fine hacking Sennie on, but I won't go on the extremely busy main road that goes past the farm. Much too scary. So, assuming he is a good hack and you have access to safe hacking, and so the issue is a confidence one for you, not a horse that may be too much, could you go out with another reliable horse and friend? probably a short walk first off, then possibly graduating. I have found if you are riding about chatting, you don't think so much about what the horse mught be doing, and that can really build your confidence.

I think I'd just build it up. Continue with the lessons, work by yourself in the school in between (that can be quite a hurdle in itself if your confidence is low) increase your groundwork to get to know him really well, and very slowly build up the hacking starting with a ten minute walk with a friend, when you feel you're ready.

It may also help to write down a plan and stick to it, building in a slow progression. However, don't let that stop you having the mad impulse to ride out with a friend if the friend offers. It's great way to relax.

You may also like to try hypnosis. It worked for me with previous horse. I found I could deal with her atics, but also found I didn't want to.

You can do it, I did! I still won't go on the roads, but I have taken him to shows, and happily hack round the farm both on my own and with others at all paces, and don't worry when he's cheeky. There's no tearing hurry, relax, your horse is ten, you have years. If he's right for you and you take a year it doesn't matter.

Best of luck :)

[horsey1]

Thanks for your words of encouragement, Kinley is a good boy really the other girl who hacks him says he is fine, he is a big sheep though and needs someone confident to push him on or the scary things might get him as he can nap even out with others if he is in front.
I have hacked him out with the other girls and just walked which was fine but I was glad to get back to the yard, mabe its not for me I dont know.
The lady I get lessons of says I wont find a better horse and she thinks he is brill, I keep thinking I should have got a big hairy cob and still look at the ads on the internet, but in saying that he is brilliant in traffic and everything else.
We have a combination of on road and off road hacking.
thanks for your reply :D

[NoviceNic]

Hi. I know exactly what you mean. I started riding again when I hit 30. I had lessons for 3 yrs and thought it was time to buy myself a horse. My dream was to go up to stables, tack up and ride whenever I wanted. Anyway I bought a tb x arab. I had known her for 2 months and had ridden her at her home for a fortnight. I decided I liked her so bought her. When I got her back to my field the first week went really well. But then as my confidence started to slip so did hers. She was a monster for rearing. This really knocked my confidence. I carried on persevering with her but things just went from bad to worse. I moved her up to a livery yard to try and get support and ride her again. The livery yard was brilliant but as I started to ride her I realised something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it but realised I was not the human for her so sold her. I swore I would never buy again. But last Summer I got bored. Riding 1/2 an hour a week was not enough. I started looking for a confidence giving cob but I just couldn't afford one. Then by sheer fluke I was introduced to Captain. We had a special moment together the first day we met. The owners were looking for a permanent home for him and were not asking a phenomenul price for him. I rode him for 2 weeks and they allowed me a 2 week trail at my field. Captain has fullfilled all of my dreams and more. There is no way on this earth I would part with him. Now I know I have my perfect horse.

Moral of this story :- Has your horse fullfilled all of your dreams?
Does he make you smile from ear to ear everyday?

If the answer is no then maybe the horse you have is not right for you. Don't feel guilty about it, we don't always meet the horses requirements. My first horse is happy where she is now. I am pleased to say I haven't regretted selling her. She is being used more to her potential now.

[chapsi]

Welcome on board.

After reading your thread I felt I could contribute somewhat.

I'm 43. I started to ride in Britain when I was 30. I was progressing well until I experienced a few serious (on my behalf) draw backs; I was bolted and my confidence was seriously shaken; not immediately, but fear just crept in slowly. I came back to my country, and still rode for a while, in and out of schools- at one point I knew all yards in the region. I nearly recovered from my lost confidence, until I was bolted again! :eek:
After a 10 year break I decided to get back on the saddle. I did lessons on several places; friends talked me into buying my first horse as a 'confidence giver'. Although he was never a menace under saddle, in fact he always looked after me, he was an unpredictable, even dangerous horse due to his aggression. Instead of becoming more confident, I became a nervous wreck- dealing with a biter is no fun, you're always under tension. Eventually I even stopped trusting him under saddle.
Then I bought a lovely mare, but very tense and nervous. She only feels right when ridden by a confident rider; consequentely, she is not suitable for me.
Still, I am currently undertaking lunge lessons at various riding establisments, boosting my confidence. At the same time I am also undertaking psychotherapy in order to handle my fears.
I simply don't care; I am old, wise and mature. I have the rest of my life to achieve what I aim for. If I carry on lungeing for the rest of days, it doesn't matter; if I carry on just grooming my mare, it doesn't matter. Life is too short to be stressed about. ;)

[Stella2]

I simply don't care; I am old, wise and mature. I have the rest of my life to achieve what I aim for. If I carry on lungeing for the rest of days, it doesn't matter; if I carry on just grooming my mare, it doesn't matter. Life is too short to be stressed about. ;)

Hear hear! :D My sentiments too :D

I'm 45 and have been riding 3 years. I had a nasty accident on my previous horse. I had never been a confident rider and that just about wrecked it :eek: Then 11 months ago I found my mare. She is a lovely girl and we had that 'chemistry' that we hear so much about straight away :), but when hacking her I have come off 4 times (the only times she spooked - she has a really big movement!). So I don't hack her. I concentrate on improving both of us in the school. I love her to bits and for the first time in a long time, I'm really enjoying being a horse owner because I don't put myself under pressure to do things that scare me (like hacking!). I pay (the song of the horse owner ...!) a good rider who I trust to hack her, so that she builds her experience. I don't know if I will hack again, I might, but I have the choice its not written in stone that we have to hack! Anyway, if I do, there is no hurry. I even moved yards to get away from all the "you must" comments, so common on some yards.

My advice is follow your instincts. He may be a lovely horse, but perhaps the relationship with him is just not right for you. If it is, remember you don't have to hack until you are happy to do it and if thats never, then you never have to :)

[horsey1]

Hi again
This is a great site thanks for all your replys it is really nice :D
Had my first lunge lesson on Kinley today and it really went well, I was a bit wary at first but he was a star on the lunge and I even got a great trot going in balance for a change so got another one booked in a fortnight.
NoviceNic you sound like you have been really lucky finding your boy, I know a lot of people say you know when you find the right horse, I thought Kin was, but in saying that I like him but I dont love him that proberly says it all.
The woman who gives me lessons says I should have a hard think about what I want to do with him, she suggested loaning him out for a year and going back to riding school or selling him on but I dont want to make a big mistake and regret it, she says today if she had her own riding school she would make me an offer I could not refuse for him thats how good she thinks he is, its just me my brain is minced :confused:

[NoviceNic]

Horsey1 - That is the magic word " LOVE ". Things had got so bad for me and my first horse I couldn't go into her stable without having a panic attack. When I moved her upto the livery yard I really made myself a better horse owner. I spent time with her everyday. I groomed her, patted her and talked to her. I had a few lessons on my old faithful riding school horse so I could get back onto my horse. I rode my horse in the end but just realised that something wasn't right. I couldn't work out what. The it dawned on me 1 month into owning Captain. I just didn't love her. Captain has showed me a lot of things and I know I trust him 110%. In the 8 months I owned my first horse I had only hacked her once. I hadn't ridden her for the last 3 months and I cried daily during the last month I owned her. In the 9 months I have owned Captain. I have hacked alone/company at least twice a week. I school him in the menage on other days. We are galloping and absolutley loving it. I have started Jumping again and I am seriously looking forward to taking him to Shows. Sorry for going on about him but I tell you he really is the best thing that has happened to me. I feel very lucky to have found him. He is a very special horse. Owning and riding horses is fun when things are right. But it is soul destroying when things go wrong.

[chapsi]

However, sometimes our instincts play up tricks on us.
I bought my first horse on 'gut feeling', and yet I experienced nearly three years of strain and pain. I loved him deeply, but owing him had devastating effects in me. Now he's gone, but I still miss him.

[horsey1]

god you are really lucky the tought of cantering Kin fills me with fear and the funny thing I have done it I hacked out with some of the girls at first and cantered no probs I just have lost it and wonder if it will ever come back!
If my hubby knew the half of it he would make me sell him I think, but as I said I dont want to regret it :( :( :(

[Stella2]

However, sometimes our instincts play up tricks on us.
I bought my first horse on 'gut feeling', and yet I experienced nearly three years of strain and pain. I loved him deeply, but owing him had devastating effects in me. Now he's gone, but I still miss him.

Yeah, good point It is often better than trusting the 'well meaning advice (interference)' of others though. There seems to be a lot of misplaced advice around the horse world.

These decisions are so difficult.

[horsey1]

Hi Stella2 I will agree with you there at the yard I am at there are too many people with too many opinions about other peoples horses it starts me to think is it really worth the bother of owning a horse its meant to be fun!! :mad: :mad:

[Stella2]

Hi Stella2 I will agree with you there at the yard I am at there are too many people with too many opinions about other peoples horses it starts me to think is it really worth the bother of owning a horse its meant to be fun!! :mad: :mad:

I've been there. Thinking "this is costing me a fortune and making me miserable"! But it is possible to find a yard where there isn't a stong culture for any particular type of riding. Where I am now there are some very good, experienced riders, some happy hackers, some who lack confidence and struggle along in their own way, one woman who doesn't ride her horse at all, but does daily Parelli ground work and a couple of horses whose owners really just come down groom and feed carrots! Everyone is at ease with this difference and respects each others right to choose. Add this to working with a good instructor and not putting yourself under pressure to do things that make you unhappy and you have a recipe for Happy Horse Ownership :)

[horsey1]

I know what you mean at the yard I am at its just a small one its actually a working farm, there is some really nice people mainly happy hackers and a couple that do endurance/pleasure rides. But there is always one or two that just have to comment on everything from the way I feed or saying he is too small for me they start to get to you