Nervous Wreck Seeks Advice

[tracyward]

:( I'm am an absolute nervous wreck. I have had my mare for 2 years now and seem to be having more downs than up. Everyone tells me that its quite normal, but i'm getting quite stressed out about it now. I've been riding since i was a young girl and nothing seemed to stressed me out back then, but since having a family of my own, I can't quite put my finger on it, but i get so nervous with the slightest thing she does. It's only quite recent that i've got really bad with my nerves. Whats wrong with me, she's not a naughty horse, yeah she tries it on with me but in the past i have just rode through it. Now i seem to want to give in at the first hirdle. She has had a bad first season and has started to jump into the next field to be with the geldings. Not sure if this is a part of the problem.

The first season i had her it was great, we would be galloping round the track, messing around in the school and even going on the odd hack. After that it's all gone down hill. As soon as i gain any confidence i lose it. She doesn't have to do much (whinny or spook a little) and my heart is in my mouth, i feel like its going to pop out of my chest. What can I do to stop feeling like this, selling her is not an option?

I would really appreciate any advice, or if anyone has been in the same situation and got through it.

Thanks Tracy :eek:

[Murphs]

Hi Tracy

You have to remeber that the mare will also react to your feelings - she will sense that you are nervous/wary and it will make her agitated too as she'll worry about why you're worried! She also sounds like a dominant mare, so she'll try and dominate you particularly as she'll sense that you aren't the alpha - i've got a dominant mare too had her 3 years now and she made me nervous with her behaviour when i got her (biting and kicking) - - i don't trust her completely like i do my other mare but we've got a good relationship going now - it's just taken a lot of time and a lot of patience.

Try doing some ground work with her if you feel you could gain more confidence that way rather than from the saddle. Is there anyone at your yard that you have confidence in that could maybe ride her for you - see how she reacts, it will help to establish whether she is picking up on your tension or not.

I wonder whether you ought to get a vet to just check her over and make sure that there is nothing else that may be causing her to react like this - i did that with my mare before doing anything else just to be sure nothing else was causing the behaviour probs.

Try not to do too much in one session and build on your confidence bit by bit - even if you only get on and ride for 5 mins - if she's relaxed and your relaxed and happy - stop. The next day do a bit more and so on.

I'm sure your confidence will come back but it won't happen overnight, just be prepared to do a little each day and always try to end on a positive note.

[tracyward]

:eek: Thanks. I think alot of the problems are with me, and as you mentioned she will pick up on any tension/negativity i'm feeling. I've tried using calms on myself (not her) and they did work a bit, but i don't want to rely on them for the rest of my riding life. I am trying to do different things every day with her so she's not getting bored. Maybe i will start, as you said, from the ground up and work my way up back into the saddle that way.

Do you think i should get an instructor to ride her and maybe watch me ride to see where were going wrong? I do feel more confident when other people are around, but maybe i use it as an excuse to stop concentrating on what i'm doing to talk to them. I don't know!

Does anyone know of any natural remedies other tham calms to help me calm my nerves?

Ta for that.

[denise42]

I think regular lessons are a great idea. :)
I have also taken claming tea, before I would ride. ( would like a beer , but I think it would work against my balance.. :p )
You are not alone, with this fear. If you do a search on this site for anxiety, or nerviousness you will be suprized by how many of us feel or have felt the very same way...
Keep at it , it is the only way to win. :p

[SarahC]

Hi Tracy,

Sorry to hear about your confidence problems...its so easy to loose and so hard to get back.

Firstly, I really would recommend getting a good, understanding instructor. Its really helped me, not only in my riding ability, but also in how to overcome the irrational fears and feelings I get.

Just a quick one regarding calmers for you...have you tried Bach Flower's Rescue Remedy? I first tried it a couple of years ago and it did nothing for me, but I've given it another go and found its really helping this time round. I started taking again as I was suffering with anxiety. Its completely non-toxic, impossible to overdose on and you can take it along with any other medication. I take 4 drops on my tongue 1-2 hours before riding. It just seems to take the edge off.

S

[tracyward]

Thanks for that, it's comforting to know i'm not alone with my fears.

Can i ask, moving away for my problems, how do i get a moving logo into my aviator?

ta :)

[tracyward]

I have read about Bach Flower's Rescue Remedy in one of my horsey mags, but they failed to mention where they can be purchased, where do you get yours from?

Manys thanks. :)

[SarahC]

You can either get them on the internet or from any good health food shop (Holland & Barrett is one of the most well known I think?). Costs roughly £4 ish a bottle and it lasts ages!

S

[tracyward]

Know what i'm doing tomorrow, going straight to Holland and Barratt. Thanks for that Sarah. Will keep you informed on how i'm doing. :D

[SarahC]

Don't be surprised if it doesn't seem to work too well for the first few times...but please keep going with it...I gave up too early before...now I couldn't live without it!!

You can also give it to your horse on a bit of apple or carrot for the same effects!

And yes, please keep us posted!! :D

[Miriam]

I've recently been down that road with my mare who I have had for 5yrs. Its a horrid feeling not knowing. I came so close to selling her but afraid I would not be able to find anything I liked. With the support of many friends and lessons on confidence by one of them I have come to the decision to hang on in there for the time being

[Alle]

Confidence is so tenuous. I think getting regular lessons would be a great way to go towards rebuilding your confidence. Doing ground work and just hanging out with your horse helps too. Best of luck!

[tracyward]

:) I bought the bach flowers rescue remedy as recommended by a lot of you and as silly as this may sound about an hour or so after taking it did feel a little more confident to the point that I got her myself from the field. She had a bit of a skip when she saw the other horses but we just circled and carried on.

I think of lot of her reactions stem from the way i react to the silly little things she does, instead of staying calm and just ignoring her i panic. There is an instructor coming to our yard soon, so hopefully he will take me and my mare on. Fingers crossed for us guys and girls. :D

[Murphs]

well done Tracy - you sound a bit more positive already - everyday, slow but sure it will come back. I usually have a few drops of rescue remedy before i take my girls out in the trailer - i get so nervous about towing, afraid i'll get stuck in a narrow lane or won't be able to park when i get to where i'm going! Glad they may work for you too :)

[Cheko]

Sometimes, I get very unconfident. I take a liquid called 'Calm and Clear' which works for me. When I take that, I can do anything with Falcon. Most of the time, I dont need it - just sometimes. I dont like taking stuff like that tho. What does help (when I dont take the 'calming stuff') is to think of a ride I really enjoyed and had super fun on (it could have happened yesterday, last month, last year, even 20 years ago) and remember how I felt then (full of confidence) usually that works. However, tho Falcon's young, he has given me a lot more confidence now and tomorrow, I hope to be able to have the first canter on him in the school. So.....hopefully but we'll see. Hope the weather's good!

[tracyward]

:D Thanks to you all, just talking to people in the same boat has made me feel better. Will let you all know how i get on with everything, hope to have the instructor working with me in the next week or so :D

[tracyward]

:) I rode on Sunday while the yard was nice and quiet. I took my bach flower rescue remedy before riding. She was very good, i did what you said and just walked around for 10-15 minutes and even had a little trot, then got off her and we played follow the leader, she likes that, so i think her season has passed.

I hope to put her out with the other mares today or tomorrow, so fingers crossed she stays in with them. :)

Thanks again everyone, keep you informed :D

[Murphs]

that's great news and good luck :)

[Lora]

would like a beer , but I think it would work against my balance.. :p

one time (in the middle of a very very anxious time after an 'incident') I had a beer at a barbeque before going to the lesson. I was fine with the balance, but things that used to make my heart pound, I totally rolled with. I really think that one beer did well for me. I wouldn't do more than that though.

This was when I was nervous to get in a stall with them to tack. That's alot better now, except the ones that I know truly are kind of icky-headed.

[HunterSnaffle]

You are not alone...I have been in your shoes. It might help to find an instructor who can help you work through any issues you might be having...both in the saddle and on the ground. It takes time to build confidence and having someone to help you will make a HUGE difference.
Once you understand WHY your horse does some of the things he/she does and how to deal with each situation correctly I think some of your fears will subside. Over the years most of mine have...but not all. I still shiver every single time my horse whinnies for his friends. I know he's just talking but it still scares the HECK out of me EVERY TIME. ;)

Take things slow and don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. Don't forget that rising is suppossed to be fun. :)

[BackintheSaddle]

If working under saddle is fraying your nerves, maybe you can do some fun groundwork with your mare. Success and confidence on the ground may halp you re-estalish yourself with your mare, and help her remember that you're in charge, and that she can trust you when you're on her back as well as when you're on the ground. Start with something simple to make you feel good about yourself - progess is the best anti anxiety.

If you're still anxious in the saddle, I suggest singing a silly song. It will help get your mind off your nerves, and I think my pony really likes it when I sing (very perky ears and a better trot - seriously!). I can often be seen riding around our yard singing "You are my sunshine" before asking for Honey's inconsistent and sometimes frantic canter :)

[jUmPingIsLifE]

dont worry- I think that Tahoe and i in our two years have had more downs then ups! that is the way things tend to go with horses. our first summer and i had the worst bruises after falling 3 times in one lesson, i mean my mom thought my leg was broken! but i bought him anyway (that was before even buying him!) i brought him home and our second ride and he bucked me off! then spring rolled around and i came off twice (broke my cheek, concussion) even leading he draged me around and hurt my wrist and completly wrecked all my confedince. spring went and summer came and things got better till later that summer i again came off three times in one lesson, not to bad though. fall came around and i took a fall before our first horseshow together. But the good times we do have outweight (maybe not outnumber!) the bad, and the way he looks at me certainly erases all bad feelings!

singing is the very best, i sing all the time whenever i get nervous riding Tahoe!

[raddragn]

There is a book, "Fitness, Performance And The Female Equestrian" by Mary D. Midkeff that deals with the phenomenon of this loss of confidence in adult women. Apparently it's a fairly common problem arising initially in the thirties at the heighth of family responsibilities. The book deals with various aspects of the equestrian sport that are unique to women such as saddle fit for the rider, various physical problems unique to women as well as the emotional ones.
I ran into the same problem in my mid to late thirties when I had my own horses - only, in my case, I was fine on the ground. The fear reared it's ugly head the minute I got in the saddle and of course the horses knew it - not a good situation. At the time, I had four dependent children and I was the major family breadwinner. It would have been disaster for me to be laid up any length of time and while I didn't dwell on it, it was always there in the back of my mind. All of us fear something; it might help you to identify your specific fear so you can deal with it. It wasn't until my recent return that I have been able to successfully deal with it (that and the fact that I have no dependents and am retired with a secure income).
If you have problems with lessons, perhaps you need to check out another trainer. It helped me immensely to have a very patient trainer who let me proceed at a pace I was comfortable with.
Terry

[cathy51]

Finding a trainer who allows you to proceed at a rate you are comfortable with is THE best treat you can give yourself. I was never a nervous rider until after the hiatus, and this new nervousness stemmed from the fact that the while my mind knew how to react, my body was now slower to respond. Once I adjusted my rate of riding to something I was more comfortable with I am feeling alot better and am making progress. MAke sure that the expectations that you place on yourself are your expecttions, and not someone else's..which means that if gaining confidence again means spending more time on the groundwork and shorter riding periods, you aren't swayed by others pushing you for more.

cathy

[Cheko]

I was never a nervous rider until my 40s. I never gave up riding for any length of time as making the decision not to have children allowed me to carry on riding without a break. Although I did have a break of 6 years when rearing two foals from the age of 6 months(within 10 years of each other). My riding regarding style and efficiency has never been better than now. It's only in the last few weeks that I've really got to grips with Falcon and have started riding him the way I used to ride. When I first got him, it took me ages to make up my mind to even get on him. I was really p***** off with the situation and got a trainer to help me. After a few weeks, I made up my mind to got on him 'properly' and have done so ever :rolleyes: since with no problem. For the last couple of weeks, he's been slightly lame but is ok now so at the weekend, I'll start again. This time, I'm really looking forward to riding him, (in fact I cant wait to get on him) so hopefully the weather will be kind to us.