Total loss of confidence

[Emarmite]

Hi,

For some reason I have totally lost my confidence, so much so that I am seriously thinking of giving up.

Not only do I feel sick before I ride I would not go in the stable and tack up a horse on Saturday. The lady at the stable looked at me in disgust and this has made me worse.

I have been riding for over two years and doing fairly well. I overcome my fear to ride and have been fairly confident tacking up for the last eight months. I actually dread going to the stables because I am frightened of which horse I will get and who they will ask me to tack up.

I have an idea where my confidence has gone regards to being in a stable, the owner asked me to tack up a new horse a few weeks ago knowing that it was skittish in the stable, and she knew I was nervous, I think I have lost my trust in her.

I do not know why my confidence has gone for the riding, and how do I get my confidence back. If I do not get over this soon I will not carry on, I cannot go to the stable feeling sick all the time.

Any advise would be appreciated.


Thank you


Beverley

[clip-clop-oops-crash]

this might sound drastic but mayb u could consider changing rding schools? find a reputable 1 in your area + explain your situation from the start, they will b able 2 make sure that u can build up your confidence again with the safer, quieter ponies + will know not 2 put u in the sort of position your current stables did. i lost my confidence completely in jumping once + a new instructor was able 2 get me jumping again in a matter of weeks + now i absolutely love 2 jump! the yard manager doesnt seem 2 b of much help either so sometimes a fresh start can make all the difference. good luck + please dont consider giving up, if i had i wouldnt b so lucky as share my life with the 28 beautiful animals i have now! :)

[Katie_85]

I think clip-clop has given excellent advice! I don't know why this lady would have had you tack up a skittish horse if she knew you were nervous. :confused: As far as I can tell, (and I've only been riding about 6 months so take this with a grain of salt) with riding, you have to be able to trust your instructor. If you can't, then you probably need to find a place where you do.:)

[fionahogg]

Yes, you really do need to find an instructor who you can trust and who treats you with a sympathetic manner. If the instructor doens't respect your feelings then s/he will make you doubt yourself even more and you'll end up even worse.

Fiona

[Wally]

As an instructor I think this person need some basic psychology lessons. Nervous rider + nervous horse = bad move. Why did they ask you to deal with a nervy animal when they knew you too were nervous?

You may need to find someone who understands your needs, try a different place but tell them how nervous you are and that you need to gain confidence.

The fact that you are nervous as to which horse you will get speaks volumes. You should not be put in this situation.

You are not alone, we want as safe a time as possible, if you are worrying that you will be put in a dangerous situation find another place and see how you go, but please thell them you are nervous.

[fiesty_filly]

i agree with what the others say, you need to be able to trust your coach. But this may not be possible. If it is not you have got to get back out there. We are all here cause we love riding and we love horses. You ahve to go and talk to your instructor and tell her how you feel. She will no doubt understand, if she doesn't then you have a much larger problem than you think and there will be no other possibility than to find a new place to ride.

GOOD LUCK

[Sarah]

hello!

I am sorry to hear things aren't going to well at them moment, Sue (who rides with Emarmite) has been telling me thta you have been doing really well lately at your lessons too.

I gather (again from Sue) that the yard owner is being a bit odd at the moment and that the yard you ride at is the best in the area (out of a bad bunch) so maybe changing school isn't the right answer.

Could you have a word with your usual Thursday night instructor (isn't she the nice one?) and say that you are not feeling too good about riding and being round horses and stuff at the mo. Maybe she coud then give you a couple of private lessons on teh lunge to help you if you want.

Would it be possible for you to go tot eh yard on a Tuesday with Sue to help out there? Having a buddy around could be good and spending time with the horses may help your confidence with tacking up etc.

When you are riding, try to think positively - don't think 'eek this corner is approaching too fast', try to think 'hmm thta corner is coming a bit fast but I have done lots of fast corners before so I know that if I relax my legs a bit, think about my seat and try a half halt the horse will slow down'. By riding while you are suffering a lack of confidence you are showing a lot of braveness and strength - after all you are volunteering to do something that worries you!

If in your lessons they are doing soemthing you don't want to, then just don't do it. Just say to your teacher that you don't want to. Likewise with tacking up, if you are given ahorse to tack up that you don't want to, then just say no. Remember you are the paying client anyway! If the yard owner replies that you are meant to be training for you r stage one then point out that not all the horses at the yard are stage one horses, many are for higher stages so you don't need to be able to handle them.

Sorry this has gone on so long!

bye!

[Gill]

Hello, so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this at the moment. If it is any comfort this loss of confidence can strike anyone, and does from time to time. I can feel myself at a much lower point than last year at this time, purely because of lack of riding out lately through F&M. I will soon get back to having a few lessons and start on the up again. My new pony is great and we will be fine, but she is only 6 so not like my old stager yet. I have ridden for over thirty years.
I think what we miss as adults is the play aspect of enjoying our horses. I know that when I ride with my girls, now grown up and away so rare now, I am much more relaxed and even reckless - 'come on mum, jump the pipe' and I do and love it! Would I do it on my own? Not likely! At present I have no one to 'play with' which makes me much more tense.
Can you find someone with horses in your area who would like a bit of help, even on the care side and not riding? Shame you are not near me as I have too many ponies to look after really and would love some help. Don't give up! When you love horses nothing else will do and you will be miserable.

[Peace]

Although my loss of confidence was my own silly fault - I took on a situation I absolutely wasn't ready for, and wound up with not butterflies but ravens in my stomach anytime I was around horses. As Gill says, though, when you love the beasts, nothing else will do but to be around them, so please don't give up!

I know it's not easy - my particular trauma ensued while I was in a field full of loose horses, and my hands still shake when I'm told to go and catch one for somebody's lesson. But I've learned the wisdom of Sarah's advice - I only go in the pasture with horses I trust, and if someone asks me to go get an unfamiliar horse, I've decided the world won't end if I politely refuse, or ask someone to go with me.

My fear carried over to my riding, too, although my fright occurred on the ground. I guess it's because we're just less confident when we don't have our two feet on terra firma. Hang in there, please!

[Emarmite]

Thank you all for your kind advice and support, what would I do without you all.

I had a word with my Wednesday instructor and explained that I had lost my confidence, although she did not say much at the time she was very good with me.

The good news that I had a great lesson on Wednesday, and rode a 5 year old horse I had not been on before and even jumped on her, I felt a lot better afterwards. She did praise me quite a lot (more than normal), and apparently Sue had the same instructor last night and was singing my praise no end, I nearly keeled over with shock. She told her how well I had ridden Poppu and jumped well with her as she is not easy to jump with, and how well I had ridden a fairly difficult horse the week before.

So hopefully I will carry on and I do feel a lot more positive,
thank you all for your help



Beverley

[Sarah]

hello!

Glad to hear all went well on Wednesday. If you are happily able to ride a 5yo that is meant to be not very easy then you really must have been feeling good about your riding. At least now you know that you can do it, and can do it very well as well!

Did you do the dressage competition yesterday too? If so, how did you do?

bye!

[Dizzy]

It's so good to read that you're feeling more positive, all the previous posts reflected my opinions, so I didn't want to repeat. Confidence is such a fragile thing, I think its in our sub-concious, which makes our fears/worries very hard to control, even when we tell ourself we're being paranoid there's nothing at all we can do to rid ourself of our insecurities.

I think talking to your instructor was the right thing to do, many times our instructors don't see the self doubt that we have, as we always do or try to do as we've been instructed, and most of the time we don't encounter a problem, so it boosts our confidence, unfortunately the odd time it shatters it, and instead of saying at the time we felt we were put in a situation we felt iffy about, we bottle it up and start to think about the what ifs and end up feeling inadequate and insecure. I know everyone thats been among horses has been there and Sarah is right, if you feel uncomfortable in a situation say no, and give your reasons, if they're worth their salt and their aim is to teach and build confidence they'll work you through it.

By the sound of it your instructor sees that you are capable of things that you don't give yourself credit for, well done for carrying on, I know its not easy when you're feeling so insecure, it takes a great deal of courage.

Best of luck in the future

Lesley

[Emarmite]

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your help and advice. No I did not do the dressage, but I went to watch Sue and got some good pictures.

Sue did very well and looked very smart in all her new gear, she got a good score and we were all very proud of her.


I think she is going to enter again in a couple of weeks.


Kind regards,


BEverley

[LesleyR]

Stick with it Bev - I know exactly how you feel.

There have been times when I've felt physically sick when i turn up at the yard but I often find that as soon as i'm on the horse I'm okay. I don't really know what the answer is (if I did I'd try it myself!) but i think the previous post about those of us who start riding as adults not having the same fun around ponies that kids do has a point. We get so hung up on doing things right and what can go wrong that we forget that we're supposed to be enjoying this!

In one of the horse magazines this month - I think Horse and Rider there was an article on horsey holidays and one place offers a 'Pony Club for Adults' holiday - where the emphasis is on fun and enjoying just being with horses. Maybe something like this could help?

I have found that my confidence has improved since getting Amigo - purely because I'm around doing things and handling him every day and that I have to get on a do it because he's relying on me. Also if I'm riding on my own I know I can do just as much as I'm comfortable with on that particular day and this actually makes me more confident to try a bit more. I know that's not much help because you're riding on lessons what I'm trying to say is that the more you get around horses the better it gets. If you could find someone that needs some help with their horses so you get chance to do things out of the watchful glare of the yard owner I think it would really help.

Best of luck - I totally sympathise

Lesley

[Hevz2001]

Hello! I was sorry to hear about your loss of confidence and I'm glad you're feeling better. I know it can't be easy, I haven't really lost my confidence before, but sometimes doubt crosses my mind and it makes riding so much harder! Perhaps, if you still feel nervous, you and a friend could groom one of the quieter ones? It wouldn't be the same as tacking up as the horses enjoy a good brush much more! It'd also be an opportunity to enjoy more quality time with your favourite horse/pony and you might enjoy lessons more! Also, remember that you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. It's up to you how far you want to 'push yourself' in lessons and don't be pressurized into anything!!!

Good Luck! :)

Heather

[Crazyhorse]

It' sgood to hear that I'm not the only one who is suffering from lack of confidence. Just before Christmas the horse I was riding sidestepped while we were in quite a quick trot which resulting in me being thrown on icy ground. Although I got back on straight away and was very sore I have seemed to lose all confidence. I feel very nervous before each lesson. It doesn't help that each lesson I am given a selection of very large head strong mares! I am so aware of falling off each lesson that I'm almost rigid on the horse which the horse can sense and makes the problem worse. It's so frustrating because I was a confident rider before and was never scared but it;s made me realise that I could get seriously hurt next time . Any advice?

Thanks

Vix:(

[corp]

You've been having a lot of very good advice.

Will it help you to know that my daughter is blind and does everything for our two horses? I sometimes feel ashamed because she's better than me.

The hardest thing to do is to admit your failings. I've become terrified of hacking out after owning horses for 37 years off and on. I've decided to start admitting it and asking people for help.

That's all I can suggest you do. Next time you ride, tell your instructor. If he/she won't listen and sympathise then they're not worth your well earned money. Your friends say the other schools in your area are not too good, but the staff may be far more sympathetic and more suitable for you. Start talking to them. A problem shared really is a problem halved.

Sue