Ambivalent Mature Novice Rider

[aajobi]

Hello! I have been riding for @ 3 months. My husband gave me riding lessons for my 40th birthday. I ride once a week for one hour. We must tack our horse prior to each ride and sponge him down and groom him following the ride.

Yesterday, I was assigned to ride a horse that I have been dreading having to ride. I gathered all necessary items for tack and proceeded to his stall (he is not allowed in cross ties). Once in the stall, I attempted to get his working halter on, and he opened his mouth as wide as can be, and tried to bite me. I retried three times, with no success. I eventually sought the help of a working student. She held him the entire time. He was still a bit antsy, and gave me some trouble trying to walk him in to the ring.

This horse is a known trouble maker. He apparently does not like other horses, so all riders were warned not to get to close to me (another thing I do not like). He started out difficult. Refused to walk at a decent pace, or even walk at all at times. My instructor handed me a crop. He advised me to kick him twice and if he did not do what I was asking him to hit him with the crop. I felt uncomfortable hitting him with the crop. I felt if he was giving me a hard time without the crop, he would surely get angier if I used the crop.

The crop worked once. However, the horse still won, as he did not want to stop when I wanted him to. He cantored clear down to the end of the ring, then stopped. Getting him under control was a challenge, which I did not master. I was truly frightend while riding him, and I believe he knew it.

Midway through the lesson, the horse stopped to let another get closer to him. Once close enough, he danced around a bit and tried to kick. Getting him under control was a challenge for me once again, but I was somehow able to do so. Unfortunately, it did not end there, I was last to perform an exercise. I needed the horse to go on the right reign and he wanted to go on the left. I tried turning him around and he got antsy again, then swung himself around a few times and off I went. Was not a pleasant experience for me. When I first hit the ground I quickly glanced up and the horses foot was up in the air. I thought for sure I was going to get kicked and quickly rolled.

Another instructor came to see how I was. I was not injured physcially. My instructor got on the horse and gave him a firm riding. THe horse tired very hard to give him a hard time as well, but he was simply a better rider.

My dilemma is that my instructor wants me to ride the horse at my next lesson or the following. I am VERY ambivalent about that. Because I am only at the stables once a week for 2 hours (1 hour lesson and 30 minutes before and after for tacking), I do NOT feel I have the skills to control the horse. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I be at the stables more to acclimate myself to the horse (or any horse for that matter) or ride more frequently, I probably would try riding him again. However, given the infrequency of my riding, I am very anxious about it.

Any thoughts? Recommendations?

[Grace O'Malley]

I think I'd start by asking your instructor why he/she thinks you should ride this particular horse. It's not very fair to insist that you ride a horse which is knocking your confidence and putting you at risk. But it may be that you're readier for the challenge than you think. Sometimes the horses that test us the most turn out to have great qualities once a relationship is developed. I know I've ridden some school horses that I really had a time with at first, but eventually came to love. In other cases, LOL!, I never did like riding them (and I would have protested having to do so on a regular basis!).

At the very least, you deserve to be given a reason!

Good luck! :)
Grace

[Stella2]

You won't learn if you are on a horse that behaves like this and you shouldn't be expected to tack it up etc even if you can! Would you choose to own a horse who was consistently bad tempered? I certainly wouldn't! He may have his reasons. He may not be suited to the riding school environment or have poorly fitting tack etc, but you can't control that and you are paying for these lessons!! Its perfectly reasonable for you to expect to be in control enough to be able to learn and to be able to largely enjoy your time there!

My advice is put your foot down. State that you are not prepared to handle and ride this horse and if that won't work out, find somewhere else to ride!

Good luck :)

[virtuallyhorses]

Sometimes instructors put you on horses that you don't like because they see something in you that needs to be challenged. I know we often got put on horses we didn't like when we got too 'comfortable' - it was very frustrating because you constantly felt out of your depth, but when you did succeed it was very satisfying.

However, it sounds like this horse is just too much of a leap and you should talk to the instructor about it. Sometimes very competent horsepeople will forget how threatening horses can be - indeed the horse probably doesn't behave anything like as badly with your instructor so that may diminish the risk to you, in their minds. Be assertive - let the instructor know that you feel at physical risk when tacking up the horse and that your confidence is being knocked by being asked to ride the horse. If you let the instructor know how uncomfortable you feel he\she can either spend more time with you and this horse to teach you how to deal with him or put you on one more suitable.

[horseyrose]

3 months is no time at all and I think it's a little unfair to be made to ride a challenging horse this early on. Horses like this can be great teachers but you first need the experience to know how to deal with them. I think I would ask to go back to a more willing horse for a while so you can really establish the basics. Definitely talk to your instructor, good luck!

[LindaAd]

3 months is no time at all and I think it's a little unfair to be made to ride a challenging horse this early on. Horses like this can be great teachers but you first need the experience to know how to deal with them. I think I would ask to go back to a more willing horse for a while so you can really establish the basics. Definitely talk to your instructor, good luck!


I agree with what the others have said. I think you did fantastically well to control him at all after riding for such a short time - a lot of people with that little experience wouldn't have known where to start. He sounds totally unsuitable for a lesson horse - you have to learn to control your own body on a horse before you can start to control the horse, and that doesn't happen overnight.

Getting the chance to tack up and untack your horse is good, but isn't there somewhere else you can ride?

You must have a wonderful husband, by the way - it's a great present!

Linda

[cvb]

interesting use of the word "ambivalent". You don't come across as ambivalent at all, you come across as very clear that this is not something you want to do ;)

[momofsix]

This does certainly not sound like a horse for a beginner. After all, even though you are supposed to learn and progress in your lessons, you are also supposed to feel safe and in control. That's one of the reasons I like to take lessons, I feel safer trying new things with my trainer there. I would definitely have another talk with my instructor.

[laura jeanne]

aajobi,

Don't get on the horse again and tell the instructor you won't be riding that week if they won't give you another horse. That one is totally unsuitable and I'm just feeling very angry that people put students in that situation.

You are in control of who you ride since you can just refuse to ride. It would be one thing if you had a lot more experience or if the horse had not tried to bite you and gotten you off his back. That's just not acceptable for a beginner. You are not complaining because the horse was just being an unwilling schoolhorse, but because he was acting dangerously, at least towards you.

I mean, you can ask the instructor why he wants you to ride him if you want to know, but don't get on him again. You are paying to learn and you should be feeling safe and enjoying yourself. The instructor is working for you and shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable, scared and out of your depth.

Sorry for going on like that but somehow your story made me pretty mad.

Your husband sounds like a doll- what a very nice thing to do. Does he have any interest in riding too?

[Cheko]

Laura Jeanne was quite right, you were put in an awful position. As an inexperienced rider, you should never have been put on a horse like that. I've known plenty of riding instructors that have done that to people. I think they must be sadists. However, the hard fact is that YOU are the one that is paying to ride. So, you have your say, they put you on Mr Stroppy again and you wont be paying for the pleasure!!!!

[notpoodle]

oh dear :( if youre supposed to ride him again, theres nothing wrong with asking to swap on a different horse! yes, it may sound a bit embarrassing, but at the end of the day you are paying for this and you are supposed to learn, which is best done on a horse that doesnt frighten you :) i have made instruictors give me a different horse in the past becuase i got scared. it is okay, nobody can MAKE you ride a horse youre not sure about :)

julia

[Skib]

I seem to keep recommending this book by Michael W. Smith, Getting the Most From Riding Lessons. Storey Books, 2002.
Among other things he describes the horse used in each lesson, at each level. Quite early in the book, he describes a student being told to lead out a horse which is (clearly) unsuitable. And which the student should refuse to ride.
We are all sorry that it has happened to you and unanimous that you should refuse to ride this horse. But dont imagine you are the only person who has had this sort of fright, nor that it reflects badly on your riding skills. The author wouldn't describe the riding school offering an unsuitable horse if it did not happen.
No matter what our level of expertise, it is our responsibility as adults to assess the horse we are offered by any school and to refuse to ride any which we regard as an unacceptable risk or which we feel we are not capable of controlling. Whatever the teachers claim, you should be happy riding and enjoying yourself.

[aajobi]

Thank you all for the advice. Following my fall, my instructor walked the horse back to the stables, sponged him down and walked him back to the stall. During this walk back to the stables is where he advised me he wanted me to ride the horse again next week or the following. He noted that I needed to trust him as an instructor. While I know that is true, the sheer thought of riding the horse made my heart race.

My plan was to think about it for a few days, then make a decision. I was a gymnast and runner for many years, and also did some recreational mountain climbing. During each sport, I was asked to do things I was not crazy about doing. I did them and was better for it. However, I did not have ½-1 ton horse, with a mind and temperament of his own, working with me. It was just me. This is why I was “ambivalent.”

The other students in my class have been riding much longer than I have (1+ years). They all ride English and I ride Western with an English bridle (school requirement). I started cantoring my 9th week, and thought it was wonderful. The horse I was on was a “smooth “ ride. Since that time we have done bending and flexing exercises, a lot of 20 meter circles and diagonal training, and stride lengthening and shortening exercises (the latter was VERY challenging for me).

My current instructor works with each student in the group individually. He tells you what to correct while you are doing it - something I very much appreciate. However, he appears to have more confidence in my skills than I do. Given I am not the sole participant in my riding lessons, I feel I need to gain more confidence in myself, my abilities, and simply being around horses prior to riding this horse again.

Thank you all for your support and recommendations. BTW: my husband is indeed a sweetie and I just rented Mike Smith’s book from the library last night.

[notpoodle]

my sentiments exactly! it is supposed to be FUN and not a constant 'conquer your fears' exercise (there is a time and place for that, too, but not necessarily in novice riding lessons!!)! i find that once i feel uncomfortable on a certain horse, i am unable to get anything right because instead of thinking about what i should be doinbg (seat etc.), all i seem to be able to think of is 'will he bolt? will he buck? what if ....'. i cant ride to save my life, mind you :) but at least im having fun with my very safe, placid pony! nobody HAS to ride those wild steeds!!

julia
x

[mayS]

As a fellow adult, beginner rider I totally understand what you're going through. I also ride on a difficult school horse with some nasty bad habits, though she's not quite as outwardly mean as your horse.

My advice is to simply ask for a different horse to ride next time and don't take no for an answer. Just be sure to ask well before the lesson starts to give the instructor time to consider an alternate horse. You can stroke her ego but making it sound like it's *you* not her horse that's the problem. Just say "I'm not good enough yet to ride so-and-so". Or point out how riding different horses can give a person a wider sense of how horses in general are like and is it possible if you could try a different one?

Some instructors don't understand when a student hesitates or has an objection. Admittedly students do whine a little, but that doesn't give an instructor the right to totally ignore your concerns. If she makes you feel like poo for asking for a different horse, it might be a sign she isn't the right instructor for you.

If you're only riding once a week, you should make it count and you should *enjoy* the lesson! :-D

An instructor might try to insist you stick with a horse because "you'll improve" if given a difficult horse. If the horse is a small challenge, this is true. But if the horse has major issues, such as this one, you'll end up (1) hating your lesson times (2) starting to make excuses not to ride and (3) quit riding altogether since you'll feel like horses aren't for you. Or even worse you'll keep trying with the horse and you'll get seriously hurt!

I went back to riding this year after a decade away from horses. I spent a little over a month with my instructor, trying so hard to please her. When things went wrong, the outlook was that *I* wasn't doing such-and-such well enough and I just needed to try harder. On my 3rd lesson my "beginner" horse totally spooked at an object that's in the ring every single day. I was tossed off and luckily wasn't really hurt, but what it did hurt was my confidence. Next time I rode the instructor got all over me about why I wasn't doing X,Y, and Z well enough. Deep down I was still scared and thinking about how quickly I was tossed from the "safe beginner" horse. Falling from a horse is *always* hurtful for an adult novice rider since it'll shake our confidence and inspire fear where it wasn't before; it *is* a big deal.

Several other people teach at that barn, so I was able to try out 3 other teachers without too much fuss. I found that #1 was *wonderful* and I'm now doing private lessons with her! She's the kind of person who'll keep you inspired to ride when fear creeps up on a rider. #2 was so-so. #3 was horrible, a totally unfit woman who couldn't possibly rider herself. #3 also left me and some kids alone riding in a ring to go inside and mess with some buckets -- without telling anyone. We just turned around and she was gone! Anyway, my point is that there is a HUGE spectrum of instructors, and it's so important to find one *you* connect with.

If all else fails, maybe it's time to change barns. I'm concerned that any of this was allowed to happen at all. I don't know if that horse's problems were due to a really bad temperament, lack of training, poor handling by the barn help, or all three things... but I don't agree with putting any beginner on such a horse. Maybe you'd be better served at least trying a few lessons elsewhere just for a point of comparison.

Best of luck to you! Hang in there. :-)

[larryt]

ignore this

[larryt]

I agree with the tenor of the other comments - this horse is too much too soon.

But take heart - 18 months or so ago I was put on a horse I couldn't control - he was big and bolshie and I could hardly get him to do anything. After a gap of a year(ish) they put me up on him again (fear and trembling - he must be about 18 hands, I am only 5'7" and getting on him requires major acrobatics), and I can (generally) get him to do roughly what I ask, and we are good pals. Its still a bit of a struggle, and every so often they put me on another horse, and (depending on the horse), its is like riding an armchair in comparison.

So your skills improve as you learn, and maybe you can get back on this horse in a year or so and tell him whats what!

And snap, my riding 'career' started off as a birthday present from my wife - 45th b/day, I think.

LarryT

[SupaTania]

Sometimes the most cahllenging horses are the ones who teach us the most. Although i agree, that 3 months is a bit too soon to be put on a horse that acts in that manner, See if you could ride another horse until your seat, balance, aids are stronger. Try to bargain with your instructor: If you allow me to ride several different horse for a period of say, 2 months, i promise to try and ride _______ again, with more confidence. Tell him you don't feel ready for him yet, but with practice you are sure you can once again progress to give him another shot.

Bomber, a grumpy horse at the barn, gave me the hardest time when i first rode him. He would back up, dance, change direction,buck, drag me all over the arena, etc. I gave up riding him for a while (actually i didn't even ask, the instructor always gives us different horses every lesson, and just my luck, i didn't ride bomber for about a month 1/2 after that) But was put on him again about a month ago and we just clicked. I ride him reasonably well now, and he barely gives me any trouble. I have learned to half halt, so its not as if he isn't expecting what I ask, and we now are more or less good buddies. He is still grumpy, but thats just his personality - he still tries to bite when tacking, but after a firm NO and a poke at his nose if he continues his attempts, he goes back to standing there. (although he does bite out at the air when doing up his girth.)

The horse you most dislike could turn into your favorite lesson horse with a bit of time and a break from them. - suggest it to your instructor.

A bit of a note - school horses can spook also. Sometimes when I ride Ebony, one of the quietest school horses at the barn, She happens to spook at something. But hardly ever with some of the other riders. Horses can sense your nervousness, thus making them nervous too. - Just relax, breath and smile :D (i should take my own advice)

[Pickles]

I'd ask for a more straightforward horse for now and think about riding this horse again when you feel you have improved (confidence and skill).

It's a great feeling to get on a horse that has challenged you in the past and find you have improved and can do more with it than you did last time.

Don't be afraid of telling your instructor the horse made you nervous and you need something sensible to get your confidence back, it may seem obvious to you that your legs have turned to jelly at the thought of riding this horse but unless you say so your instructor may not realise.

I find most instructors especially the younger ones don't have alot of personal experience of proper riding nerves, they may have been riding since they were tiny tots so always been fit etc. If you tell them outright that you are nervous they are much more understanding.

[Jenni]

At the end of the day you are riding form pleasure and paying for the lesson. If you do not want to ride the horse then say so. You should not feel like you have to.
You are at a very early stage in your riding to be out on a horse that isnt for a beginner. And at this early stage it is very easy for a novice to loose confidence.
Its alright people saying to get on it or you will never learn but i am a believer in there being a time and a place for pushing someones boundaries beyond the comfort zone!! And it should be done slowly and carefully.
Just you tell them you want to continue to build your confidence at a steady pace and at the moment you want to enjoy your riding and not be anxious about it.

[vince42]

I have been in exactly the position you were placed in and I probably did the wrong thing and stuck at it. I regret that because it probably set my proper learning back 3 months as I learned next to nothing in terms of technique in that time and she was so unpredictable and arrhythmic that what little technique I had barely got practised...

However the experience wasn't totally wasted - I like to go hacking and often end up riding a strange horse in a strange place and learning some of the unusual behaviour in a school where at least the ground is soft will help. It also cleared up some of my opinions on how I want to ride a horse, like you I don't want to just whip the horse forward - there will be a reason the horse doesn't want to go and as a beginner I'm the last person to be trying to sort that out!

If you're only a few months in on lessons this is not the time to be "challenged" concentrate on getting a solid technique on a steady horse that will teach you.

I'm back learning properly now, cantering on a lovely horse that really likes to go. Maybe I'll go back to her in a few months and try again with a better idea of what I'm doing...

[Nimbus65]

This horse is totally taking the **** b/c he knows you're scared of him but you have two different issues:

1) His terrible ground manners. As someone else said, he may be in pain, his tack may not fit properly, he may be bored and frustrated or he may simply not be suited to life in a riding school. In another environment he may be a different horse. But the issue is that he's dangerous to handle from the ground and I would be unwilling to go near him (especially if I had only been riding/handling horses for 3 months).

2) His challenging behaviour under saddle. Here your instructor may have a point and a reason for wanting you to ride him. There are two horses at my yard who I used to hate. They are both challenging rides (and both BIG). Some days I would cry when I arrived at the stables to find out I was riding one of them. My relationship with Stan was the worst. He's a Shire/T-bred cross. Big, beautiful blue and white boy. But man is he stroppy. He doesn't like being girthed up. He can be bossy in his stable if he senses a lack of confidence but under saddle he was a terror. He was horribly bored - he's young and very bright (would make a great event horse as he's brave and has a fabulous jump) but because he's so steady and laid back he was consistently used for beginners. Months of going round and round in the school took its toll. Also his owner lets him evade upwards transitions by jogging (rather than a nice forward walk or a crisp transition into trot). If he was pushed at all he bucked and kicked out. I absolutely hated riding him. Every lesson was a fight. I would push, he would work well for two strides and then collapse. I would push again, he would buck and I would back off. I would push again, he would buck and I would push back and he would put in a bigger buck. I was terrified of falling off (he's 17 hh) and I spent most of every lesson trying to get him to go forward rather than actually doing any exercises with him. The yard owner realized that he was acting out because he was bored (and 8 is too young to be bored). For a while he was only ridden by the more advanced riders and in jumping lessons. He went cross country. I switched to the other of the two challenging horses and changed instructors. She taught me to really appreciate Nimbus and helped me unlock her potential. Nimbus is a smart cookie - her wilyness makes me ask the "right" way (or I get NO result). For instance, if I don't keep my lower leg still in trot and end up inadvertently nagging her, she switches off to my leg aids - so I keep my leg still. If I don't ask for canter exactly right - if I tip forward, give away the contact, move my inside leg either back or forward - she won't canter. She has taught me alot. And now I'm back riding Stan - and guess what, I get far more out of him b/c of what Nimbus has taught me. I rode him in the cross country field the other day and he dropped onto the bit all by himself!

I agree with everyone here that this horse is unsuitable for you - but I think while your instructor is underestimating your discomfort he may have a reason for wanting you to ride him. Clearly you CAN ride him b/c you seem to have handled him very well for someone who has only been riding for three months. I had a horse tank off with me three months in and I spent the rest of the lesson in WALK b/c I was so scared. Perhaps the compromise you could make w/ the school is that you're happy to ride him but you don't want to handle him/tack him up. There's only one horse on our yard who's like that - Rocky's such a horror he even bites his owner regularly. I flatly refuse to handle him or even go near him. We pay good money for this and I know I accept some risk (like the odd fall), but I don't pay to get bitten - and neither should you. I suggest you talk to your instructor. If he isn't sympathetic or willing to listen to your concerns and you still aren't comfortable, then ask for another horse - if you get no joy, change yards.

N

[wanttobecowgirl]

Hello! I have been riding for @ 3 months. My husband gave me riding lessons for my 40th birthday. I ride once a week for one hour. We must tack our horse prior to each ride and sponge him down and groom him following the ride.

Yesterday, I was assigned to ride a horse that I have been dreading having to ride. I gathered all necessary items for tack and proceeded to his stall (he is not allowed in cross ties). Once in the stall, I attempted to get his working halter on, and he opened his mouth as wide as can be, and tried to bite me. I retried three times, with no success. I eventually sought the help of a working student. She held him the entire time. He was still a bit antsy, and gave me some trouble trying to walk him in to the ring.

This horse is a known trouble maker. He apparently does not like other horses, so all riders were warned not to get to close to me (another thing I do not like). He started out difficult. Refused to walk at a decent pace, or even walk at all at times. My instructor handed me a crop. He advised me to kick him twice and if he did not do what I was asking him to hit him with the crop. I felt uncomfortable hitting him with the crop. I felt if he was giving me a hard time without the crop, he would surely get angier if I used the crop.

The crop worked once. However, the horse still won, as he did not want to stop when I wanted him to. He cantored clear down to the end of the ring, then stopped. Getting him under control was a challenge, which I did not master. I was truly frightend while riding him, and I believe he knew it.

Midway through the lesson, the horse stopped to let another get closer to him. Once close enough, he danced around a bit and tried to kick. Getting him under control was a challenge for me once again, but I was somehow able to do so. Unfortunately, it did not end there, I was last to perform an exercise. I needed the horse to go on the right reign and he wanted to go on the left. I tried turning him around and he got antsy again, then swung himself around a few times and off I went. Was not a pleasant experience for me. When I first hit the ground I quickly glanced up and the horses foot was up in the air. I thought for sure I was going to get kicked and quickly rolled.

Another instructor came to see how I was. I was not injured physcially. My instructor got on the horse and gave him a firm riding. THe horse tired very hard to give him a hard time as well, but he was simply a better rider.

My dilemma is that my instructor wants me to ride the horse at my next lesson or the following. I am VERY ambivalent about that. Because I am only at the stables once a week for 2 hours (1 hour lesson and 30 minutes before and after for tacking), I do NOT feel I have the skills to control the horse. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I be at the stables more to acclimate myself to the horse (or any horse for that matter) or ride more frequently, I probably would try riding him again. However, given the infrequency of my riding, I am very anxious about it.

Any thoughts? Recommendations?
I have not been riding very long myself, My instructor is good but she has no fear so she thinks no one else should have any either. I had a problem with the stable horse 17+ and I asked to be put down to a pony(don't laugh! but this didn't go over very big) My instructor said I was stepping down in my lessons if I went to a pony. I didn't care!! I wanted to gain control and be confidant on what I was doing. I have a hugh problem with the canter, and on the big ones I lost my nerve. I bluntly told my instructor if you still want me to ride for my own mind :eek: I need to find another way. So now I alternate from the pony to the big guy. Yesterday at my lesson I was on the big one and cantered good enough for me to feel good about myself. For me if I had not gone to a smaller horse and got up enough of nerve to try and work things out I would of thrown in the towel. My instructer still asks why I feel I should ride the smaller horse but I know that is best for me to switch on and off.( this way every week it's not a awful lesson for me) We get to be good riders when WE feel confident enough to handle what ever may come our way, not when our instructor thinks we are ready. Yes, I think if you can hang out at the stable. I go 2 days a week to clean out stalls and do waters, it might not sound like fun but I have to remove the horses when I clean so I get a chance for them and me to know each other better. I found that this helped me. Good Luckl Girl :) :)