Need to get back in the saddle (long)

[ElvisFan]

I,ve been riding since I was 6 and I,m now 39.Had a long break from about 18 to 6 years ago when I bought my daughter a pony and then decided to get myself a horse with the intention that we could ride out together.I bought a beautiful Clydsdale,Duchess, (always loved them) whos now 11.The problem is I,ve probably only ridden her more than a handful of times.Since buying her I,ve developed a fear of riding, not something that ever happened in my youth,I,d ride anything.It wasnt much of a problem when we first got the horses as Remi (my daughters) was only 10 months old so she rode Duchess alot.Remi had a bad bout of Laminitis recently and we really need to step up his excersise hence the daughter is nagging me to ride out with her.I,ve watched lots of people ride Duch and I,m so envious as I,d love to have the confidence to just get on and ride whenever I feel like it.
I,ve tried to analyse my fears and the only thing I can come up with is that I,m scared of losing control,mainly of her tanking off with me.This is something she has never done to anyone that has ridden her in the 6 years we have had her.She is so laid back,can get a little bolshy but is never uncontrollable.But how would I cope if she got bolshy with me?Even when I do ride her I,m always worrying she is walking too fast...gonna break into a trot....gonna run away with me and I,m sure she picks up on this.I,m so relieved when we get back to the yard.
I really do want to overcome my fears and ride with confidence again.Has anyone had this problem and how did you deal with it.Sorry for the long post,this is the shortened version.If I wrote everything down I wanted to say I,d be here all night :o

[lisae]

Well, I would say book a lesson in the one-rein stop, which my instructor just did with me and made me feel much much better about riding again! And, i walk my mare over to the lesson barn, have the lesson in the indoor, and then ride home knowing the mare is a little tired and less likely to bother to tank off.

I'm 48 BTW, so age should be moot.... If you are nervous, perhaps a protective vest? I have a two year old Clydesdale Arab cross and unless I sell her beforehand, I fully intend to ride her into my fifties!

[mayS]

Your worries and fears are totally normal, and they're something all of us adults had to face at one time or another.

Worrying she'll run off without you is a reasonable worry. You can limit the danger by working only in an fenced-in arena or pasture for the time being. It'll give you a chance to get to know her better while at the same time giving you a way to convince yourself not to be worried.

I *highly*recommend you take lessons with an instructor you "click" with. The right instructor can do wonders! You can decide if you want to ride school horses at a lesson barn, or if you want a trainer to come out and work with both you and the horse.

[momofsix]

I think all of us go through these fears at some point. I know I did with both my lease horse and my own new two horses. I am still kind of nervous about one of my mares. Taking lessons with a wonderful instructor has really helped me get more confidence. Maybe you could find one that will come to your barn? I always feel a little safer with an instructor there. Maybe you could start riding her in a fenced in arena or even a roundpen? I let my younger kids ride in the round pen rather than the arena right now (not because I worry about the horse so much as my reckless 8 year old daughter). Or maybe you could have someone walk alongside for a little while ? Just do whatever makes you feel comfortable and work from there. And don't worry about what everyone else can do. I used to drive myself crazy watching all the teenagers around me and my beginner, super confident husband and kids. But you just got to keep telling yourself that you work at your own pace and do what makes you happy.

[cazrider]

Hi Elvisfan, welcome :)

I have had massive confidence problems with a previous horse. Like you, I never thought I would have them and they caught me completely by surprise.

Basically i'd say, start small. Don't give yourself big challenges, but break them down into little ones.

Don't let your daughter pressurise you into doing anything before you're ready. The great advantage you have is that you know your horse is OK, and the problem is within you. You will find that the more you do, the easier it will be. So, start small, just get on, sit for a while, with someone there, then if you feel like it walk around the arena for a bit. Get off. The next time, do a bit more, and so on. Its not a bad idea to make yourself ride on certain days, as I know only too well how easy it is to find all sorts of excuses not to ride. ;)

Rereading your post, you don't mention you have an arena. Seriously if you do, I'd certainly recommend working in there for a while before hacking out on the roads, or even a securely fenced in field, so that you can try things out without having the tanking off worry.

Re the bolshy thing. You will probably find that the worrying about it is far worse than the reality, which when it happens you will deal with fine.

If it really is still an issue, which it was for me, you could try hypnosis. I did and it really does work.

There are so many people on this forum who have confidence problems. You are really not alone :)

Best of luck :)

[ElvisFan]

Thanks for your replies.We do have an arena but its very small, 40m by 20m.Anymore than a walk and Duch struggles,tends to lean in alot.Also the arena is a ten minute ride from the yard.I,ve arranged to ride on Sunday and my daughter has agreed to walk by me.So hopefully I can build it from there.I know once I get over this hitch there will be no stopping me :D

[newnovice]

Like you I have STRUGGLED with confidence (there definitely is a phenomenon with loss of confidence in women of a certain age). Like cazrider, I have used hypnosis and found it to be the "cure" for me. I highly recommend it.

[Snowflake]

I too know exactly how you feel and I do still have the same issues although I am working on them. Having been tanked off with in the past I now have a horror/phobia of being tanked off with again.

I was tanked off with on two different horses which at the time I owned/loaned and both times it was my own fault, as out hacking I got "left behind" and the horse on each occasion galloped to catch up the one in front. Both times I fell off (( started riding late in life and don't "do" gallop, only a steady - very steady - canter!). That all happened several years ago and I stopped cantering on hacks. Hurt myself badly the last time I came off.

Now I have had my new mare for about 17 months. She is very steady and sensible and has never ever shown any signs of "bolting". She never puts a foot wrong, never bucks or spooks. In the arena when we canter I can bring her back to trot, no problem. I have never cantered her out on a hack in fact I still seldom hack out because of my fear, l llke you, of being tanked off with.

My instructor is now getting me out of the arena and I have cantered in one of the farm's fields- only because she insisted!!

But you know when I first started riding and knew nothing of being tanked off with etc, I would hack out quite happily.

If I knew an easy way to get over it I would tell you! I know the only thing holding me back from really enjoying my horse is me! The one upside of all this is that my general riding must surely have improved with all the lessons and schooling session I have had :p

Think you will just have to keep at it like I have and gradually build up your confidence. Good luck!

Snowflake

[Mary Poppins]

Step by step is the way - taking it very slowly and having a lot of courage to do it. A year ago I wouldn't hack out, I was terrified of being bolted with. Then I got myself a very quiet bombproof horse and started venturing out. It took me about 3 months until I actually started relaxing. She can be a little spooky sometimes, but I trust her 100%. I even did my first canter hack on my other pony last night - he went really fast and overtook the other horses but I managed to stop him and it didn't scare me. I don't think that there are any quick fix solutions - you just have to make yourself do it and try and believe in yourself. If you can muster up the courage to do a few hacks and nothing happens then your confidence will grow. You just need to force yourself to get on and do it. But believe me, I know how hard that is to do!

[Trewsers]

Take it slow, find a great teacher and above all, try to enjoy it :D I'm 35 and have gone from being both fearless and obsessed about horses in my early youth, to being grown up, worried about falling off etc - there is hope though!!! I've found a brilliant teacher, who has got me from being as stiff as a board and terrified in trot (both on and off the lunge rein :p ) and most certainly NOT wanting to canter!! - to being relaxed (dare I say more balanced than ever :D ) and actually ENJOYING my lessons and daring to canter ALONE!!! (this is something I wouldn't have done 5 months ago). So, my best advice is to find somebody you really gel with and take it from there. No rush, just enjoy the basics if it makes you feel better, just walking as a start. Let us know how you get on. :D Oh, and echo what somebody else on here said, don't feel pressured into doing anything - go at your own pace.