Can,t go on

[jennifer30]

Hi everyone sorry for a rambling post but I need some sound advice!
I,ve had Rosie now for 4 months and all is well. My confidence is completely shattered though. I won,t go and get her in on my own, shes really easy to catch etc comes straight to me, knows my kids aswell etc. The thought of riding her with nobody else about terrifies me, I won,t ride her through the day in case theres low flying jets about, just in case she spooks. I feel like giving up completely and selling her and it,s not her fault.
The other day I brought her in and one of her companions was behind her and when I was going across the car park she shied at some white plastic chairs and then fixed her gaze straight ahead and grew to 16hh and was just spooked about nothing! She did continue to keep walking though but every muscle was tense.
I,ve had a few lessons on her and they usually go ok but I,m even tense when I,m trotting her in case something bad happens.
I,ve just changed her bit to a straightforward snaffle as she was in a kimblewick! Got in touch with previous owner who said she was in a snaffle (dealer put her in a kimblewick as she had been a driver!) she is nice and responsive in this bit.
Please somebody give me some advice as I,m starting to wonder why I,ve still got her! I feel so pathetic

Jen

[jennifer30]

incidently I have been trying to get on her a couple of times a week for 10mins at a time to try and improve my confidence. But I feel this isn,t helping.

[Sarah-Jane]

How about spending more time on the ground with your horse. Building up confidence there. Having lessons and speaking to your instructor about how you feel should also help. If you feel that your instructor isn't sympathtic to your needs then consider looking for a new one.

Has your horse done anything to make you nervous of her?

[jennifer30]

My instructor is a friend and shes great in what she does. Rosie is fine she cantered off with me once when a jet came screaming over the top of us but my friend was there and she said Rosie didn,t do anything I got the biggest fright! so must have squeezed her when I flinched. I,ve done some groundwork with her and shes great I,ve just seriously lost the plot with riding her.

Jen

[Sarah-Jane]

Its obvious that you need to build your confidence with her. How about having some lunging lessons on her. That way you have someone on the ground with you to.

keep lessons short, in the school if poss and always end on a good note. If you get tense on the horse try some exercises i have always been taught like....singing nursery rhymes or counting to get regular breathing :D . Do some stretching exercises when you first get on eg bring your legs right up to your chest and hold for a few second then swing your legs back and grab your ankles. (make sure some one holds your horse).

Hope this is a help!!

[jennifer30]

Thanks for your tips they are gratefully received. Shes just so sweet I feel that I,m failing her somehow. If I ride her when hubbys there she pays more attention to him! Shes a typical family cob and she knows us all even the car! She always shouts to say hello and will do anything for a polo. I just can,t get negative thoughts out of my head.

Jen

[momofsix]

I just recently bought 2 mares (long story, but anyway). One of them I am completely comfortable with, even though she is the more spooky one. I think it is because she is calmer and very sweet on the ground. The other one is actually more bombproof but is an ex racehorse and can be pushy on the ground which intimidates me. I am always nervous riding her because I know she can be so fast. I have decided to start a program of natural horsemanship exercises with her, to establish a better relationship. Maybe you can try that? Do you have a round pen or small arena where you ride? I have found I am more confident when I lunge in the round pen first or even get on the horse in there because they can't really run away with you. Just like you, I am still very nervous every time I go alone, I prefer going with OH. Maybe for a while you just need to bring a friend. I think that is perfectly fine.

[madferret]

Hello!

I really felt for you when I read this post! You are not alone... There are hundreds of nervous riders! (do a search on nervous nellies!)
Anyhow, you are BRAVE- because you actually learnt to ride and you bought a horse despite your nerves.
There's an extremely confident lovely young rider down my stables and she admitted that when she first got her horse, she hated her, was too scared to ride her and wanted to sell her.
Then she fell down the stairs (the girl not the horse) and couldn't ride for 3 months. During that time she spent a lot of time getting to know her horse on the ground, learning to trust her and forming a bond. Then she was fine!
Rosie sounds lovely! Do you have an enclosed space in which to ride her? I always find i'm more confident when the sun is shining and its warm. Dont know why???

There's a book called riding with confidence which was Free with your horse last month I think, try and get a copy of it, it had lots of useful suggestions.
What are you scared of, falling off? Maybe you need a small fall to realise that its not that bad?
Can you arrange to ride with other people, or do you have to ride on your own all the time?

[ambatt]

Hi Jennifer - I have been exactly where you are now, with my very similar type of mare. I got frightened by exactly the same issues you are facing now and although I have most of my confidence back I have real concerns about hacking out alone or in company. Actually I can't face it.

I had the option of giving up and selling my cob (even had people to see her!) or having one last chance at confronting my fears. I had a feeling that a 'conventional' instructor would not help me as my fear was so intense. I took the one last chance option, as I am nothing if not small and determined (and at that point petrified)

In the end (on the recommendation of someone) I had a course of coaching using NLP techniques - in fact I responded very well after one three hour session and then had 4 or 5 follow up sessions.

I had done all the groundwork with my cob and I was fine on the ground with her, it was just riding that was the issue.

If you want to PM me I would be more than happy to talk to you - I really have been there and not so very long ago either.

[cazrider]

You really have tried poor love, haven't you? :( You have a lovely horse, and your head's getting in the way.

Madferret is right, that booklet free in Your Horse was excellent, worth trying...but in your situation, when you know its not the horse, I'd try hypnosis. I've mentioned it before on here. I tried it with my last horse, when I lost all my confidence and found I was paying someone to ride her for me :eek: It does work! I found I could ride her, and take her tantrums. What I also found is I didn't want to have that battle when I rode. So, I sold her on and bought the lovely Sennie, who, I'm guessing you'll have read about on here.

The point is, I've gone from sick jelly person, who, as I say, was paying someone else to ride, to someone who has tried a ridden walk and trot showing class, regularly canters out hacking (as long as i'm in front, but working on it :o )

It would definitely be worth a go. It's not cheap, but as I say, does work :) I've been where you are, so loads of sympathy from me, as I know...it's HORRIBLE :( Best of all luck. :)

[jennifer30]

Thanks for all your replies. We have 2 outdoor schools and a big indoor one. I ride in all of them and it doesn,t make much difference really some days great and some days hell! Rosie is a gem on the ground also. It,s just riding her when I think whats she looking at then she looks where I,m looking! My friend keeps telling me off saying I,m making her nervous but she hasn,t got a bad bone in her body and wouldn,t willingly try and hurt you.
It,s just me.

Jen

[jennifer30]

Hypnosis is something I am looking into at the moment actually as I love Rosie with everybone I have. Shes totally spoilt. Has everything in pink! Is great with my kids etc. I had a big fright with my 1st horse who bolted then proceeded to rodeo till I came off. 3 rounds of that and needless to say he went back and we got Rosie.
I have heard from her previous owner (through passport details) and Rosie is 100% in everyway. Only thing not keen on is rattly trailers but if she can see them shes fine! So I,ve pretty much got a guarantee that shes fine! My hubby whos not a horseman at all hacked her out own his own twice! Met everything and she was fine.

Jen

Jen

[horsey1]

Jennifer I think I must have had the same experence as you thats what happened with me tanked and bucked of at full pelt its not nice :(
I also have the same fears as you although I have found this really nice instructor and she has helped a lot, I think if you gel with a good instructor it helps a lot I can now canter in the school when she is there to save me of course :D. I have had Kinley a year and its only now I feel a bit more confident with him so dont give up yet.
There is a lot of useful advice on here so you have came to the right place :D
Good Luck

[jennifer30]

I don,t even canter yet (well not without the help of the local raf) but I,ve been told not to let other people pressure me. It dosen,t help that I am on a 65+ horse yard! Too many people & busybodies at times that make you feel pressured.
Jen

[jennifer30]

Heres a little pic if it works!

[jennifer30]

try again

[Tootsie4U]

Find out what you can do and build on that little by little, day by day.

Would it be possible to take a lawnchair and long book along with you to the yard next time and just plan to sit watching your horse in her field or stall?

So many times our anticipation and expectations get in the way. The horse picks up on our misguided insecurities and then they themselves become insecure. If you're able to see her in her own environment acting and reacting as she naturally would, it might help you realize she's not baffled about half the things you think she is.

Case in point; we live on a road that is frequenly traveled by large logging trucks (old clanky things, very large and often lugging HUGE loads of tree wood) and I thought for sure my horse would FREAK when he first saw one when I brought him home a month ago. So, when the first one drove by, I watched how he reacted in his field and he didnt even look up from the grass he was eating. I was still apprehensive about it though and one day a truck drove by while I was bringing him in for the night. Immediately my nerves kicked in a bit and he knew it. A few days later he was out in his field again and another one went by and again he didnt even care.

So maybe watching how she reacts to things might soothe your nerves. Trust her and trust yourself.

[horsey1]

Jennifer what a lovely horse you have I think you should keep going and getting lessons :D
And dont listen to the so called experts at your yard they have nothing better to do but give their useless unwanted advice it just knocks you further back I know I was at a yard full of them :mad:
Good Luck at least your hubby supports you mines is not interested in horses at all

[ajhainey]

Take the pressure off and you might be suprised at how much it helps. 3 weeks off did wonders last year when I completely lost my nerve. Theres no rush. Horses don't desperately need to be ridden. If you are full livery could you stop going up for a couple of weeks, if DIY see if you can get someone to cover for you...I think you need to rediscover the fun! A break might remind you what it is about riding that you enjoy?

Just talking with someone with the same problems would probably help, too? It's difficult to stay positive when you seem to be the only one with an issue. If you don't have support from people who have the same problems not only do you have the fear to contend with your self esteem takes a bashing as well ("everyone else can do it? Why can't I?! I must be useless. I should give up"). If no one else on the yard is suitable could you advertise for a nervous sharer??? Rosie sounds ideal for someone trying to get back their confidence and you would have a new friend to talk with!

Or how about a trekking break - even though the problem is not Rosie a change of scenery and horse might be just the thing?

Other than that I second Tootsies suggestion - just go up and sit with her - no point forcing yourself to ride if its not helping and you aren't enjoying it.

Just some random thoughts - hope it makes sense (been a long day at work!)

aj xx

[mayS]

Take the pressure off yourself. This isn't a race... you don't need to be cantering by a certain date or jumping 3' fences. Sometimes it's ok just to groom her and take her out for a walk in-hand. :) You'll get to know her better. You'll learn more about her body language, and you'll see what things scare, upset, or interest her.

I *highly* recommend finding a really good instructor, someone you like and really connect with. Part of their job is to build your confidence within a controlled environment (eg. fenced schooling ring) and with controlled exercises (eg. limiting your work to things that will challenge you but aren't high risk).

Hang in there! Be patient. You'll find your confidence.

[jinglejoys]

Bin there-done that!Lost my nerve completely when I was in my teens as I was full of "what if's" and decided I was ruining my pony.Actually I have since learnt it wasn't completely my fault but it didn't help.
I didn't go near an equine for over thirty years then I suddenly got into mules.I don't know why I just knew I'd be safe with them.It took me a year to pluck up courage and get on Sarah-lee but once I did I found it hard to get off :0) Now age problems are beginning to show in her and I have bought a young unbacked mule from Spain who looks to me for guidance--boy what a responsibility!
I am trying to forget the "what if's " and concentrate on "How can I help"
Monty Roberts has been a great godsend because now I can talk to my mule in a language he understands (Although talking "horse" does mean I'm doing it with a broken accent!)
I watched Mark Rashid the other day and boy do I wish I'd had an instructor like him,he doesn't seem to do much but he gives the rider the confidence to work through a problem and sometimes it isn't the problem the rider thought of but the cause of it.
I'm hoping Adam Goodfellow will give me the same confidence.
From listening to what Mark was saying at one point have you tried breathing? Don't think I'm nuts but teaching the student to concentrate on their breathing did help with the riding.Another thing that quite a few people seem to be explaining is that you don't have to be a weight lifter to control your horse,in fact almost the opposite.
I'm sure that others will explain it better but I would reccommend some of Marks books even if it is just for liesure :)
http://www.markrashid.com/ this is his website and I suggest you take a look at the Passive leadership page
And I also agree,work on the ground and don't neccessrally rush to get in the saddle--oh yes and whats' a canter? :D

[newnovice]

Hi Jennifer, we could be twins! I've had my mare for 4 months. She is wonderful. Only in the past three weeks have I realized how good I have it.

I have never been a brave rider (started lessons a year ago at the age of 42), so I took it slow for the first two months, but was getting to walking and trotting on my own in the arena outside of lessons when I came off of her in the end of May. That totally shattered my confidence and started a downward spiral. Like your mare, she didn't really "spook", I tensed up and probably caused it myself, didn't have a good seat, and I came off and went under her.

Three weeks ago I had my first session of hypnosis from a licensed practitioner who deals mostly with equestrians, it was a "last ditch effort". I can't even tell you how much things have changed. I had a second session with her yesterday and that's probably all I'll have. I'm a whole new rider.

I can hear my voice in a lot of the things you've said and I really do know the feeling. I highly recommend hypnosis if you can find the right person. I have no idea how or why it works and I don't think it matters - it works. I'm a huge advocate.

One thing I noticed you saying is that you feel like you are failing her and you fear she likes others better than you. I felt the same way. It really all came down to me not feeling "worthy" of having this great horse, but after hypnosis I feel totally different. I realize that my mare and I are totally clicking, that I do deserve her, and she's the perfect horse for me.

This morning I was short on time and the arena was very wet. My mare HATES water and walking in the wet sand but I tacked her up and rode her for a few minutes anyway - I would never have done that before hypnosis. I am much more calm and in control on the ground around her and it's obvious that she's much happier since I am.