Disheartened.....

[horsemad]

Are there any other novices out there who have felt like giving up riding sometimes?

I have just had one of those awful riding lessons where nothing went right - my position was all wrong and I couldn't get the horse to do what I wanted. So I ended up really annoyed at myself, upset and more nervous than ever because I felt I had no control over the horse. :(

Why do I bother at all, spending money on something that can be so frustrating?! I know that its because most of the time, I love riding and I know that on a good day, my riding lesson will leave me grinning from ear to ear.

But there are some times (like today) when I wonder if it really is worth it....am I on my own here, or has anyone else had similar feelings?

[Katie_85]

Let me assure you...it's worth it! I have had numerous bad lessons and sets of bad lessons and every time questioned my capabilities and if this was really something I wanted to do. You will have bad lessons. And you will hit plateaus where it will seem like you are literally, going in cirlces! (no pun inteneded :rolleyes: ) If it gets to where your instructor isn't taking you anywhere with your riding or if you feels that you would benefit more by going somewhere else, do so. But the bad lessons just make the good ones ten times better! Trust me, it will get better and remember you always have NewRider here if you need to have a good rant!:)


P.S. What helps me get through a bad spot is usually a good horse book. Like right now I'm reading Podhajsky's The Complete Training of the Horse and Rider. But it is advanced, especially for me so I have to look things up and ask questions to understand what I'm reading, but it's still good.:)

[StevieLake]

I second Katie_85. I'll try not to echo too much.:)

Believe me when I say we have ALL been there. Anything worth doing can and will be frustrating; riding is just one of those sports that have an even greater potential to be frustrating. Why? Well you're not just counting on your performance... you have a horse to account for as well!

Many of us are put through difficult decisions - ie. to buy/sell a horse, to move to a different stable, to put a horse down, to suffer riding injuries, etc. - and may want to give up horses altogether. But remember why you started riding! This is supposed to be fun! All for your enjoyment!:) As I've said, everyone's had their share of bad lessons... but those are what make the good ones so great!

Now you ask, why do you do it? Why do you spend time, energy, effort, and money into a sport that is a challenge? I could give you a million reasons... but I'll give you three.

1.You must love horses to have started riding.
2. To have FUN!
3. Because a little bit of a challenge is good for everyone.

Now, you said it yourself, you love riding! So please don't give up on it!

When you do have a bad day at the stable (who hasn't?!) I'd suggest a nice bubble bath, a good look at some horse magazines, or -better yet - a quiet trip to spend some time with a horse. If you can't get back out to the barn, come talk to us! There are about 2000 people here ready to remind you why you love horses!!

What do you think?

Good luck!
~Stevie

p.s. Sorry for rambling on. I just hope it wasn't useless. :)

[ros]

Hey, Stevie -

I just read your reply. I've been riding for 40 years, and I'm inspired. There are times when all of us feel disheartened, no matter how long we've been riding. You've hit the mail on the head! Thanks.

[ros]

Er - that was supposed to be nail!!!

[Wally]

This is horses!

They never act the same way twice.

I do feel that your instructor could have made you feel better about a bad day though.

Okay, lots went wrong, but there must have been bits that went right.

If certain things were not coming together the instructor should have picked up on this and given you something else to take you mind off the bad bits and given you some sort of encouragement in another direction.
Some days the horses will not co-operate, so this may make you think the fault is all yours. If this is the case the subject should be changed to one both horse and rider can, at least, meet in the middle.

It ain't you, honestly, nothing in life can be perfect, horses least of all!

[KarinUS]

I think sometimes we are actually more critical of ouselves than others would be.
I have made good progress over the last few months but lately it seems as if am actually forgetting things I already knew. Like I have to start over again. It is very frustrating!!!
I've never been very athletic and so I keep obsessing (sp?) about the fact, if I am the worst rider ever to take lessons at the stables.
It has nothing to do with my instructor. She is always encouraging.
She'll say :We had a lot more horse to work with today! after an exhausting session and I am thinking: I messed it up and can't control even a school horse.

Wish me luck. I have another lesson tomorrow. I wish I could just watch another beginner ride. Everybody else CAN ride there. I've never seen anybody struggle like I do.

Of course, I won't give up though. Even if I should have less talent for this than others, if I just stick with it long enough, it just HAS to sink in, don't you think?

[Katie_85]

Karin I have been having that exact same conversation with myself at the end of every lesson! Luckily though it's been a one-sided conversation and I haven't answered myself so we don't get worried about my sanity.... just yet!:D It isn't exactly encouraging to see 7 or 8 year old kids cantering around the round oen with ease when I'm still working on sitting to the trot. But I agree, it has to sink inevenually!:)

[ros]

I'm sure half the reason we envy those 7-year olds is because they just get on and do it - as you get older you start THINKING about what you're doing, and you accumulate all these preconceived ideas which get in the way, and you worry more, and you expect more from yourself...

An old instructor of mine when I was 13 or 14 was Classically trained, and he'd taught some of his school horses some fairly advanced stuff. One lesson I had on Dandy - she was about 15 hands, I think, cobby little mare, very round - we were doing two-time flying changes across the school. Just pretend you're skipping, he said, and it worked, a slight shift in my weight had her skipping along like a dream. Another lesson I was doing levade! I couldn't do that now if you paid me. I can't even canter a circle properly.

[CheshireKate]

Horsemad - after coming back from my holidays I've just had two lessons (on different horses) just like the one you describe, and feel rubbish. Especially as I rode some really well-trained horses on holiday and it gave me real boost.
When I'm down I come back to Heather's book and read it again to remember where I'm trying to go. And I get a horsey magazine and read that. And if I'm really fed up I whinge to everyone one on New Rider - it works!
Kate

[StevieLake]

Hi, sorry for the late reply. Just wanted to say 'Thank you', Ros. That's a very nice compliment! :o

(CheshireKate - are you from the UK? J/w. I like that word "whinge"! I want to use it if it's okay with you! ;))

[Moonlightrider]

We've all had those lessons. Like my last one. They didn't think I was coming - I have to miss next week and they thought it was last week - so all the school horses were being used already except 2. One, who refuses to go faster then a walk inside - it was raining - and another who just got tired of camps and carting little kids around. He's more advanced then the campers.

So I ended up on a horse who's been ridden two other times in the last two years. We're starting to retrain her, the other two people rode her a few weeks ago already. So I got to put up with a horse who hates loping (she's been trained pretty well western at some point - she was doing stops and spins without having done them for over four years!), but thinks that a squeeze means it. To get a jog, actually, she listened to "please?" (I don't know why, but if I asked nicely without so much as touching her with my legs, she's go). Otherwise, she'd go into a bucking, head-tossing, darting all around lope. All I can say is, next time I'm using a western saddle!

Anyway, the point of my little story is that I spent most of my lessons walking, retraining her to neck rein, and talking to my instructor. I only jogged about 5 laps in all, not counting the few at the beginning of the lesson when I was trying to walk and she wouldn't, and about 20 laps of loping with me only half on the poor horse. It wasn't much of a lesson, but it's what happens.

And it doesn't seem like you get your money's worth, either. I've had lessons where I could barely get the horse to trot, or when I was riding in a group and the instructor wouldn't help me with something because she was busy with the other kids, who were about to run their horses into one another. Everything has a bd side. If it didn't, riding wouldn't be special. Those perfect gallops wouldn't be perfect, they'd be ordinary. And the first time you canter all the way around the ring wouldn't be rememberable if you always did it just right.

[KarinUS]

Had another lesson this morning and am feeling a lot better. Part of it surely was that it actually RAINED!!! Yeah!
Did I magically improve my riding? NOT! :D

I am employing this new technique:
* Find something good about your lesson (can be mental/ attitude; doesn't have to be an improvement in riding)
* Analyze what went wrong with the things you are not happy about

Lately I had to ride a lot of different horses and was kind of apprehensive about it. I had a clear favorite. This morning I rode another horse and I was just fine with it :)
I always feel so guilty about having the horse pay for my mistakes and have been very unwilling to keep the reins short.
Today I had light rein contact all the time and felt so much better. :)

One of my big gripes has been that all of a sudden by introducing new elements my cantering has gotten worse again. I was asked to put the leg further back and have really focused on this. I kept having trouble with falling forward all of a sudden and asked why. Turns out now I am pulling the leg too far back. At least I know where the problem lies now.

I am much more confident that next time I might be able to do something about my problems.

Maybe the good points/ bad points thing would help you, too?

[qwerty]

I gave up when I was younger and started up again a few months ago. I was about 3 and the horse reared up and then they tried to make me jump! Thet was the worst decision I ever made and i am so glad I have taken it up again. I am having loads of fun and progressing really well. Theteacher wants me to take some exams ( I have no idea what!). Keep going!

[Kerry's Partner!!]

I'm pleased things went better this time. Since I, like many others, have learned that those bad days recur I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. I find I have to force myself to remember that if things didn't "go wrong" - whether because I didn't ask the horse in the right way OR because the horse was being a bit less ameniable than usual - then I wouldn't have had a chance to begin to learn to deal with that type of situation. In other words these might be the times when we "advance". I find , 'though, that I really need lots of the other times when what happens makes me (us - horse and I) feel good too.

[horsemad]

I just wanted to say thanks for all your words of encouragement. :)

Its good to know that I'm not alone in getting frustrated at my own (lack of!) riding ability.

Anyway, I'll just keep reminding myself of all the great rides I've had, and how much I usually enjoy my riding. Hopefully I'll have a more positive experience next time.

But thanks again for all your support - much appreciated.


:)

[CheshireKate]

Oops... haven't been here for a while!
StevieLake, yes I live in Cheshire, UK. Don't you whinge over there? What do you do instead?
(It's a fairly common word this side of the Atlantic - also whingeing (? not sure of spelling) and whinger, as in the one who whinges.) Feel free to use any of them - not my invention!
Kate

[SILENT-ONE200]

Over here in the US, we call it "whining". Would you like some cheese with that "whine'? ;-) Dogs whine. Cats ignore you. :-) DON'T EVER give up riding simply because some ignoramus trainer makes you miserable. You obviously enjoy it. Take heart in knowing that not all riders make good trainers. :-) I went to a riding stable with a friend of mine in Ireland and somehow got stuck in a riding class. This poor 8-year old girl was just about in tears and wanted to stop the lesson. I did my best to let her know that what she was doing was all right and not everyone picked up riding easily. She stayed on the horse. Then the trainer decided to zero in on me. (Guess she didn't like us "talking" in class?) BAD idea. After tolerating being screamed at, I put her in her place by telling her she was a lousy trainer and she had better just stick to riding. She'd never earn "brownie points" by ruining little girls who wanted to ride. No REAl trainer screams at his/ her pupils. After that, I just ignored her. Burned her to a crisp, but I didn't care. :-)

SILENT-ONE200

[qwerty]

My teacher shouts LOUD! I have moved to private lessons with her so I get all the shouting at me! :( It's not so bad though...the first lesson I was nearly in tears but I stuck it out and she is a good teacher, I have learned sooooo much. It can be horrible being shouted at, but prove them wrong when they say you are C**P and I get praised. :D

Good for you telling the yeacher what you think of them! Knowone would dare tell Nina that! She is known as The Old Trout!!!:p One of my friends hates her 'cos she told her to sit up straight but she didn't so Nina yelled at her to sit up straight! Another friend was put off her when she rang up to cancel a lesson as she was sick and Nina "frowned apon it" so to speak!
I just ignore her personality...I am there to learn to ride and be with the horses, not to be put down so I don't let her!;)

[CheshireKate]

SILENT-ONE200 - we whine here too. Whingeing is a bit different somehow, it's more keeping on and on complaining about something than whining.
Good for you telling that instructor where to go. If my instructress raises her voice at me but I can't understand what she wants me to do, I get 'assertive' with her to make her explain more clearly!
Kate

[SILENT-ONE200]

Whinge, that rhymes with hinge.:-) Good for you guys for being assertive with your trainers.Compromise will get the trainers much further with you. I just couldn't stand to be yelled at, though. Yelling gets one NOWHERE with me. ;-)Bear in mind that I've been riding for 27 years (I'm now 31) and I think that sometimes instructors get so caught up in doing things "right" that they forget about doing things "fun". Our horsey friends are as much an individual as we are. No one is going to have a "perfect" day every day.(Don't we all wish that we could?) As for those of who who take up riding at a more "mature" age, good for you!!! :-) We should all be able to indulge in our "horsey" passion and enjoy it for many years to come. :-)

SILENT-ONE200

[CheshireKate]

Horsemad, I had to say - the third lesson since my holiday was terrible too, but the fourth tonight was brilliant!

Well, ok it wasn't brilliant, because Bonnie makes you work really hard to get her going, but once she's there she's a lovely ride - and responds to directions, which is a novelty for me now!

But we did lots of new things for me - I tried out my new HM seatbone saver, which was really comfy, we started the lesson in the field, not the school, then we went inside and ended up riding bareback!! That was weird and felt unsafe, but having nearly fallen off the first time I tried, I finally trotted bareback for nearly an entire lap. I also managed to get Bonnie straight into a nice canter on both reins first time of asking (before we took the saddles off I hasten to add).

Keep at it - there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Kate

[hilite]

I've had the same feeling as you before, but if you perserve you'll have a really good lesson soon. Just try to remember how a really good ride felt, and how you wouldn't want to give that up- I felt really bad after I had a bad lesson, but if you just keep working at it, soon you'll have one that's so good you don't want to stop. :)