encouraging nervous rider to ride

[No_Angel]

my mum has always been a nervous rider, but since i fell off her horse and broke my collar bone she has been really bad. wen i came off it was a mixture of things that happened and it couldnt really be helped, he didnt throw me off intentionally.
i made my mom ride last night, thinking that if she just got back on for a little ride shed be ok. well she did fine down the road, then on the way back up the others started neighing for him and he started to bob a bit, nothing major, and i told my mom how to deal with it. she always thinks hes going to bolt with her, as a few years ago she rode him out for a small hack on her own, he got to the end of the road and bolted, i think he did it twice with her, she just needs to learn to ride him thru it, once you tell him no when he thinks about it hes fine.
well she decided to get off him half way up the road, we ended up shouting at each other, but she did get back on and coped fine with the little bit of bobbing he did. as we were driving home she said about getting lessons together when my arm is better, and i suggested her getting some now so were at the same point when im fixed. last night she then said she didnt enjoy it anymore and didnt want to ride, although i know when she gets on with it and actually rides she enjoys herself.
if i make her ride she will, but other than that she wont. she keeps saying that she wants to loan or sell murphy, and i admit i have thought about it a few times, he is a mans horse and is very strong sometimes, but hes a sweet heart and a fantasic horse, and i know we wouldnt get another one like him.

so what would be the best way to encourage her? she been riding for about 10 yrs now, and also rode when she was a child, but stopped as a teenager. she was scared by my old pony, and now scared by murf, but she does enjoy riding our section a, although she feels stupid riding her. mum has also shown an interest in learning to drive which im quite happy with her pursuing.

[notpoodle]

hm ... being a bit of a nervous nelly myself (though i am improving greatly i think and am now doing things i didnt think were possible!), i find it helps not to be pressurised. i find im more likely to do 'crazy' (ok, to me a canter in the field is pretty crazy, so is jumping half a foot, hehe) in the spur of the moment ie very casually :D

[No_Angel]

bump :)

[cazrider]

Do you have anywhere your mum can ride which is not the road? I am also a bit of a nervous nellie, but am perfectly happy riding Sennie on the farm tracks and in the menage. However, you wouldn't find me anywhere near the road unless there's a hedge in between it and me. ;) It might give your mum some confidence if she realises if he does tank off he hasn't got anywhere to go.

Alternatively or as well, could someone ride with her while your arm is healing? Riding on your own can be a nerve wracking thing if you're nervous.

[No_Angel]

we have a private road by us, so at weekends and evenings we have it to ourselves. we do have a sectioned off piece of the field, but she is a bit nervous to ride in there as thats where i fell off.

on another note weve just come back from riding and mom was very good, making him halt and listen to her, i walked with susie and mom seemed alot better, she even trotted away from us and walked back.

[NoviceNic]

Im 34 and can be a super hero one minute and then a quivering wreck the next on my cob. But one thing I find is that if I ride every day things get easier. The "What If's" seem to dissappear. The emotions we feel when on a horse are absolutely natural. After all if they don't want to stop we don't have a hope in hell of stopping them. But I think if your Mum works on groundwork and improving her balance/deepness in the seat then she will feel more secure. On the other hand though if she really has stopped enjoying riding maybe it is time for her to enjoy watching you???

[Gill]

Maybe your mum might enjoy having fun with another rider of her age and abilities, rather than a fearless youngster, no offence meant? Then the day might come when she is ready to fly about with you.

Does she want to ride, or would she genuinely prefer to be doing something else? Why do you want her to ride so much? Have you got the right horse for her to be happy with? Perhaps she could come on NR and get some support from the more 'mature' sector?

[Peace]

Why does your mama feel stupid riding your section A? Good grief, it would scare me to death to ride the one at our yard because she's such a zippy little thing. And it's not just me - the big horses in her field are terrified of the little witch, with good reason!

John Lyons (I'm not a disciple, but this quote always made good sense to me) says "Ride where you can, not where you can't." Now for me at first "riding where I could" meant being led up and down the barn aisle, on a 22 yr old draft cross, for about a month. :o But that gave me confidence to be led outside the barn, and then let off the lead rein, and then before you know it I was ready for the wild blue yonder (ok it took a year and a half but who's counting).

My point being that it's really important for nervous riders to start wherever they feel comfortable and gradually extend those boundaries. If I were you, I'd encourage your mama to ride the section A, or drive, or whatever it is she feels comfortable doing, and then encourage her in small ways to push the envelope.

[No_Angel]

thanks for the replies.
i want my mom to ride because we are on your own (not on a yard) and i have no one else to ride with, unless my friend hacks down to ours and thats a long hack.
murphy,her horse, is a absolute star, he will slow up and become a plod for my mom, and then off he goes jumping and showing with me, his first time out hunting he was as good as gold, just stood there when the hunt masters and hounds came towards him, where as me and my horse were in a tree somewhere :rolleyes:
sometimes i think we should sell him, or loan him out, as he would be better off as a mans horse, but i know we would never get another 1 as good as him, so he stays, if worse comes to worse ill ride him and mom could loan another 1. she does fancy driving and i think she might take that up.
susie is quite a sharp little pony, and although shes a saint and would be good for my mom, she might end up on the floor as her reactions arnt quick enough for when susie decides something is scary. susie is also 12hh, were 5'4 and 5'5, mums horse is 15.1 and mine are 16 and 16.3, so a small pony feels very odd, and even tho i do like riding her occasionally im not sure i could ride her all the time, and because my mom isnt very balanced im afraid she will unbalance susie.

[NoviceNic]

I am thinking there are 3 options here:

1. Your Mum gives up riding. :(

2. Your Mum continues to ride Murphy and tries some groundwork and back to basics to get her feeling more safe in the saddle. :)

3. Break your 12hh pony to drive???.

What you have to bear in mind is that it is your Mum's decision. I hope she doesn't choose option 1. Riding is the best thing I have ever done. It gives me a sense of acheivement and freedom. If you Mum sticks to option 2 or 3 then she will feel the same. :)

[No_Angel]

thanks :)
hopefully my mom wont give up riding. I got her out to ride in the school the other day in a different bridle ad they actually went quite nicely together, looked more of a pair, but Murphy spooked at something and did a few strides of un-controlled canter so I walked with them to cool off.
I think ill stick to walking out with them out on the road either on my own or walk one of the others out. Shes decided to have some lessons and box Murphy out to them, so when we find a suitable instuctor we will start.
We will eventually break Susie to drive and send mom off to learn, so that will be booked soon.
Tasha

[Pink's lady]

Unfotunatly someone you're close to is not the right person to push her. It'll just makes her defensive and less likely to push herself.

I'd seriously suggest getting in an instructor (or an older, patcient horsey friend your mum doesn't know). Learning to ride confidently is just as important (and probably harder) that learning jumping or whatever, and an instructor will help. An lesson doesn't need to be in the school, it could be on the lead-rein, going for a hack. There are some very good instructors out there who will do that.

Apart from that, as someone said, practise, practise, practise is the key. Get her riding everyday. Literaly 5mins will be enough, just getting on, walking in a circle, and getting off. The nerves don't start only once she's on, it's the tacking up etc that the 'dread' starts. Eventually start increasing the time on the horse and she'll eventually get there.

[arabianbaby]

i know this is a little unrelated but if anyone has advice for how to GET my mum to ride at all i'd love it. she used to be completely horse crazy (she actually named me after her horse) but since she hasn't ridden in about 40yrs and thinks she's fragile and will fall apart if she takes a spill she won't have any of it. i am quite sure if she got back on she would love it. my horse is a bit of a twit and can spook at anything but my daughter's horse is so wonderfully calm and i doubt she would have any trouble riding her. if anyone has suggestions or has been throught this i'd love to hear. i know i should maybe let it be but i think she's missing out on so much as she loved riding for so long til she had kids.

[Dizzy]

I think you must have a heart to heart with your Mum, she's clearly uncomfortable with the situation as it is. If she doesn't feel up to riding, then you must accept that.

But if she does still want ride, ask her what she feels would build her confidence. Maybe a few lessons on riding school horses might help.

[Jessey]

Here is a super long shot, how about booking her a western lesson?, I have often found that nervous people are alot more confident on a western saddle, just becaused there is more 'around' you than with english ;) and trying it in a lesson format might really help boost her confidence, I know my mum won't ride english, but western you have half a chance of getting her on, she just feels safer (even if its the same horse under the saddle :D ).

J x

[cazrider]

Or another super long shot, but how about taking your daughter's horse to a place with an indoor school, having a word with the instructor (assuming he/she is sympathetic) and booking her a private lesson there. She may feel much more confident indoors and would get used to the horse at the same time.

Or a variant could be to just book some time in an indoor school and just let your mum ride around in it. i.e. the above without the lesson. You could offer to use a lead rein if she'd feel more confident. I'll bet that even if you started that way, once she got going she'd be riding away round the school by herself without a problem.

[Jessey]

The other one I use is to just keep on about it, 'so-and-so needs to do this and I can't do it and its going to be so bad if it doesn't get done, Oh no what are we going to do?' and don't mention what you acctually want them to do, just drop the whole 'you need to ride' thing :p Normally gets the OH to do the Ironing anyway :D (which is something he really dreads)

J x

[No_Angel]

lol- one thing that usually gets her on the mounting block is 'well if you dont ride him i will, im not having him loose fitness after ive kept it up and schooled him for the last 2 yrs!' then she sees me gathering the reins up and she gives in, she really doesnt want me to ride with this broken collar bone :p

Just today ive been thinking about western saddles. ive been wanting one for the little one for ages, and mum used to be quite keen on learning to ride western. She always felt safe in my trekker, but its not the best to school in.
im trying to sell the little ones treeless saddle and all my other saddles to replace it with another saddle for the little one, but if i get a western treeless murf can have that and susie can use murfs Ansur.