Argh..nerves are eating away at me!

[Laura+Phantom]

I don't know what's happened to me lately, but i'm becoming more and more nervous when I ride. I've ridden for 12 years, always ridden naughty or sharp ponies, fallen off hundreds of times, and until recently, I was still confident, I would just get up and back on when I fell off, no big deal.

Now i'm older falling off hurts a lot more and the fear of falling off is really getting to me..tonight when I took Phantom for a hack I was too scared to canter him up the bridleway...something i've done plenty of times without problem. Admittedly he bucks sometimes, but all I could picture was him bucking me off, me getting hurt, and him running away.

I'm really nervous when I jump now too (I fell off last time, not from Phantom though, a really fast TB mare), although i'm fine in the school. I ride strange horses twice a week as I work at a livery yard for lessons on mondays and fridays, and I hacked out a new horse on monday, and felt nervous because I thought we were going to canter and I was convinced he'd buck or bolt. (Madness!)

All of these feelings are completely unfounded, if i'm honest, i've fallen off Phantom twice in 10 years, once he was naughty and I had a body protector on and couldn't move with his bucks and fell off, the other time I fell off him jumping because my position was crap.

I also have a huge fear of riding through open fields as well. Why??

I really need to get over this, as my goal is to take Phantom indoor jumping and maybe even hunting this winter, I know we can do it but i'm too scared!

Any suggestions? I hate feeling like this, it's holding me back so much :(

[hormonalmare]

It sounds like "woman of a certain age" syndrome, and you are not alone! I think the answer is to just soldier on through it, but if you find an answer there'll be loads of us ready to mob you for it!!
Hang in there. Don't give up. And try very, very hard to push yourself.

[Laura+Phantom]

Thanks, you're right I need to push myself through it but it's hard...I have however bought one of those 'Confident Rider' hypnotherapy cd's, I wouldn't usually but i'll give anything a go! If it helps, i'll let you all know!

[Sarah-B]

I feel exactly the same as you, although I know *why* I lost my confidence, my ex-horse had phases of being a right s*d and after falling off three times in a month (the last time ending up in hospital), I was a nervous wreck.

I am also much more worried about falling off since I had my kids. So now I always ride in a body protector.

I use Rescue Remedy, and have also bought the "Confident Rider" CD, although have so far only listened to it once.

I am also happy to accept my limitations, I know that I will NEVER be brave enough to hunt/event or even just jump, but it doesn't bother me, I enjoy just pottering around the countryside and spending time with my horse. That way I can enjoy horses and riding but stay within my comfort zone.

If it scares you too much and you feel so bad about it, you don't *have* to do it. There are other ways to enjoy horses....

[vimto92]

Always look for the good things.
On that Flora advert the man says "Do 1 thing every day that scares you"
By that I dont mean just go straight ahead, confidence doesn't matter! NoNO!
Just ride in your comfort zone and do a little bit more each time you ride and YOU decide when YOU think it is ready to do a little bit extra.

I'm not being harsh, trust me.

[iluvhorses28]

I agree! The older WE get the more we hesitate and think of the worse..This is clearly normal.
I myself hold back in enjoying my riding due to a million"What if's" fluttering in my mind.

I dont know if it will help to say this, but for me...I find that the more I become relaxed and focused in "enjoying" the ride the more confident I feel and that seems to flow through my horse.
BUT when I have days that I am more weary....my riding is less enjoyable.

Basically..TRY and relax...sing too if you must and it will slowly relax you.
My hubby always tells me I worry too darn much-- JUST ENJOY YOURSELF AND RIDE! :)

[julesandjoy]

Here's my 2 cents. :)

Didn't look to see how old you were but I'm 39 and I ride w/my 14yo daughter.

She keeps me sharp. I'm not a competitive soul but I find it hard to watch her do something and then not do it myself. I guess it's just pride but I dont' want her becoming a better rider than I am!!!!!

Maybe you could just ride out in 'youthfull' company on a steady mount, or one you're used to, and see what happens?

I have NO inclination to do something which will land me on the ground but, I also find that if left to my own devices I tend to ride way too conservetively for my own good. The other day my daughter and I tried our hand (or seats) at tandom, bareback log jumping!

It was fun!!!!! sylvia

[ruthb]

know just how you feel.
i was a pretty confident teenage rider, always wanted the sharpest ponies, loved jumping & galloping etc. but gradually got less and less bold. now i am a terribly worrier, although i do find that once i have got to know/trust a horse over a few rides i get more and more calm.
getting on a new horse for the first time almost gives me a heart attack though, and if they give me a scare i just don't want to ride them again although i force myself to do so.
But could you really consider giving up riding?
i say don't push yourself to do too much but just keep plugging on (does riding with friends not help?) Sometimes i listen to my ipod when i ride, esp when i school (not on the roads tho!) and find that the music gives me something else to think about rather than worrying about whether the horse is going to spook violently, bomb off, have mad bucking fit. and there is all sorts of research says that music actually settles yr heartbeat too.

[Laura+Phantom]

Well I tried the Confident Rider Cd, I have to say, I think it works! I use the' special word' to relax me and all the things she suggests, and the other day, I 'slipped' him into canter down the bridleway. Okay, so he bucked about 5 times, but I didn't move at all, so even though he was naughty, I was pleased because it didnt affect me, I still managed to get my leg on and keep him cantering so I got what I asked him for! He reared when I turned him back to shut the gate, but I told him off and remembered to breathe, and it was fine.

I also remembered why I wanted to do it so badly, and what my goals are, and that helped a lot. After listening to the cd, I don't feel the same sense of dread anymore when I think about jumping either, even about falling off, because I know that I can deal with the situation. I still feel nervous but I think I can manage it a bit better now. Having said that, I had a lesson on a 16.2hh horse the other day who was leaping and bucking with me, and that scared me, even though I was sitting his bucks and telling him off, I really couldn't cope with it, I carried on a couple of times, he kept doing it, so I refused to ride him anymore, and switched horses with the other girl in the lesson.

At the end of the day, i'm only going to push myself as far as I want to, i'm not going to let anyone push me into uncomfortable situations. My instructor says she has more faith in my riding ability than I do, which is probabably true!

I'm going to have Phantom's back checked, to see if he's bucking for a reason (I suspect he is), then i'm going to keep going for it!

Thanks for all the help and suggestions!
Vimto92 I think you hit the nail on the head, that's what i'm doing now :)

[Evol_or_revert]

im only 19 and have hit this problem already ahhh due to a bad horse. I have a fear of open spaces, going down hills, cantering and jumping lol all for no reason at all. every time I get all my confidence back something happens that I have to stop riding, when I get back to riding it's all gone again!!! I want to compete in a huge eventing trial very very soon, it's not going to happen I dont think.

Anyways my latest technique is... listening to my favourite music while riding. I brought an Ipod a little while ago, I've put all my fab songs on it + some calm relaxing music, Iv got an arm band for it that is perfect for riding. So each time I ride I set it on my playlist turn it up and im ready :D. so far it's working great, I just kept telling nicky to go forwards whereas before I would be listen to every little nosie that "may" scare him and freaking out myself. I have learnt to recognise when I get nervous and tune myself in the music even singing away (luckly it's on a farm with no one around lol!).

Good luck